Just some random person on the internet that writes stories about a show with ponies. I try not to suck at writing. Am I good at it? I don't know. I just do it for fun.
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Concern about not being with others her own age, Princess Celestia sends her chosen pupil Twilight Sparkle to find the magic and wonder of friendship at high school. Join Twilight as she goes on her quest to find out the magic of friendship and possibly even more.
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And so it returns to its rightful owner.
Wow. Only the first chapter and you have me completely intrigued! I shall be tracking this.
Principal Mayor General Doctor Duke President King is a very important person you know.
"Just Big Mac over here doesn't know his own strength" flows better. Also, missed the word 'know'
"During the entire school period, Twilight felt Rainbows deadly glare on her." the second 'the entire' is redundant.
"Twilight felt Rainbows deadly glare on her for the rest of the school day" also flows better as a sentence.
7496282
Thanks for the feedback
7497291 Happy to help.
Why did you make Octavia Melody a sister of Pinkie Pie?
The lunch menu told her when the next algebra test was.
Either one works, just not together.
strangest already implies it's the most.
Arms. They don't share an arm.
Now she had two groups?
The wall of the classroom were covered in newspaper.
went by in
hear
Asked. Offered would be if Twilight suggested it to Rainbow.
7501619
Because of the time of writting this story, I had the headcannon of Octavia and Pinkie being sistersaid. I had no idea that her name is Octavia Melody until recently.
7501643
Thank you so much for all the helpful feedback
A few things.
1: I absolutely love Lyra in this.
2: Why does Spike, a dog in this universe, breathe fire?
3: It was so original for Rainbow to have a crush on Soarin. (That was sarcasm.) Why couldn't you have been more creative? Well, as lazy as SoarinDash is (seriously, it's like a shipping short cut), I can't blame you for having bad taste in ships. It's your story, not mine (if it was, Soarin would have a crush on Rainbow and she would either be completely oblivious of the crush and constantly friendzone him, or just reject him entirely).
You can guess my opinion on SoarinDash pretty well from that.
But I do hope there's more of Lyra coming.
7501862
Maybe there is a reason for Spike to still be able to breathe fire..... Also, Rainbow might have feelings for Soarin but maybe Soarin doesn't?
Well, if Lyra was a smash shit then I shouldn't deny the people more of the wacky Bio teacher.
Is a pretty interesting read. The only thing that stuck out like a sore thumb was just spike still breathing fire despite being in the human world, which he hasn't shown to do in canon. But otherwise, it's good enough
7506741
Thanks for the comment and I hope you will continue to read more in the future!
That song is very original.
7507434
Call it a Shout-Out of one of my favorite Disney songs, if you will.
You know, I can't help but picture the Mane 6 as fifth graders. I don't know why though.
waitwaitwait, Discords a voice in her head? and also from what he said, does that mean something happen in pony equestrian and he took her and Celestia to human equestrian, but they don't have their memories?
I don't mean to state the obvious, but Lyra is awesome in this! It would be hilarious to see her predictions actually come true, wouldn't it? I'd like to see that happen, but it likely won't in this story.
7521550
Maybe I'll write a spin off story about her survival guide during the Equine Rebellion.
7521556
Yay!
And the intrigue continues... !
Oh my gosh, I forgot to comment about Tom Riddle's diary the last time it appeared. It's not very subtle, I must say, but it is a clever reference. I also love the idea of Cutie Marks in this universe being merit badges. I'm gonna have to use that idea, but I'll make sure to mark the name of the badges more creative. (Seriously, "Cutie Mark Badges"? It sounds forced. Why not simply "Merit Badges", or if you want a compromise "Cutie Badges"?)
7527235
I didn't think about doing something like that lol.
Thanks
7527491 The diary or the merit badges?
7527506
The merit badges, I was just writing the CMC as they would be like as humans. When I was first writing this chapter I had no idea I was referencing Tom Riddle's diary. Good eye
7527522 Well, as I said it's not very subtle. Anyone who has seen "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" would be able to notice it. All your missing is for the book to give Twilight a vision of the past by sucking her into it, and you have Tom "Voldemort" Riddle's diary.
7527552
True lol. I hope your enjoying the story so far.
7539928
More is coming, don't worry
7618985
It would be kinda weird for Berry Punch to attend a party hosted by a teenager. Then again, it is being hosted by Pinkie Pie.
7628522
As you can tell, I had a lot of fun writing Lyra.
first chapter want to smack rainbow dash so hard
7501896 yeah magical magufins.... you just couldnt think of a way for her to send letters quickly
7661985
There is a reason why things to be odd. Also, why do you want to smack Rainbow Dash?
7661985 would you rather him type it on his little doggie laptop lol seriously the author already stated there's magic what's so hard to believe spike can still breathe fire lol keep it up I'm liking this story so far
Seriously?
So, you're going with the old head cannon of one of her sisters was Octavia before we found out her name was 'Marble'?
Couldn't resist, could you?
Oh please enlighten us on what said difference is?
I don't think Berry Punch is going to have a job much longer. Well, Lyra believes in humans in Equestria, why not talking ponies on 'Earth'?
WTF?!
Don't tell me that Lyra may actually be right?
Why did Trixie have to be a bitch? Now, what is this mission that Twilight is on? Is Lyra not so crazy after all?
7702119
Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!
Okay. So, Lyra WAS right. Now, where is Celestia if Mayor is the principal?
Wait. I looked back and a teacher was actually giving a history lesson on Equestria. Now this voice in her head is saying that Twilight and Celestia were tricked out of Equestria. Does Equestria still exist?
7703424
It's an alternate take on the first episode. So, it's an alternate Equestria. So, Ponyville is where the high school is. Sorry, if it confused you.
Princess Celestia sends Twilight on a mission that involves her going to high school.
Discord supposedly sent both Twilight and Celestia to the 'human' world.
Twilight finds the book 'The Elements of Harmony', which is totally blank unless Twilight receives a message from Luna;
Who visits Twilight's dream and confuses her even more.
What the heck is going on here?
I tried to like this story, I really did.. But the inconsistencies and the over descriptive structure have really put me off.
I only made it to chapter 6 before it became too much for me, which is a shame because I was genuinely interested in the mystery you had set in motion.
Having to read paragraphs where you describe the same thing multiple times threw me off completely.
Take for example a 2 sentence paragraph where the first sentence states the kids start to chatter & the 2nd sentence says the room began to fill with chatter..
I'm not going to dislike this story as there are some elements that I liked, however, sadly I will not be able to read the rest of it.
I'm still waiting to find out what was the mission Twilight was sent to accomplish? As a matter of fact, where IS Celestia?
Looks like Discord knew what was going to happen with Luna. And until the Elements of Harmony can be used again, Discord has free reign in Equestria. He may also be trying to spread his influence here.
So, which will happen first?
Twilight has a complete breakdown?
Twilight gathers all her friends together and spill the beans?
or
Discord makes his presence known to all?
So, is Discord going to 'discord' the girls in their nightmares? That way, even if they wake up, they still can't use the Elements.
For some reason, I thought the nightmares were going to be longer. Oh well.
So, Twilight needs to save her friends in Equestria. Something tells me that the only way to do that is for her and their human counterparts to use the Elements of Harmony.