The Mane 6 Talk Politics

by CategoricalGrant

Pinkie Pie- The Trotskyist

Author's Note:

The best part about vocalizing Leon Trotsky's philosophy is that the horse puns write themselves.

Next, I arrived at the Gingerbread structure that dominates Ponyville’s central square: the bakery known as Sugar Cube Corner. Upon entering, I was almost immediately assaulted by the pink blur I came to know as Pinkie Pie, who was ‘super-duper-looper excited’ to meet me. After a few strange but pleasurable minutes of hugs, ramblings, and her preparing a veritable smorgasbord of treats for me to sample as we spoke.

Finally, we sat down at a booth near the door. Unlike most interviews, she spoke first.

“So watcha wanna interview me about? My friends? My pet alligator, gummy? Oooh!!! I bet you’re here to interview me because I’m the best party planner in Equestria!”

“Er…no, actually, I wanted to-“

“If you must know, the secret to throwing the best party is to know everything about the pony it’s honoring! I have an entire room full of records in the basement.”

“That’s great, but-“

“BUUUUTTTT, never ever ever use their favorite color if it’s dark. Only use pastels! Pink streamers will liven up any party, even if the pony is a depressed, nihilistic weirdo-pants!”

“Politics! I want to ask you about politics!”

“Oooohhh…don’t even get me started on party politics! Do you know how many party stores have run smear campaigns against me, just because I take their business by doing better work for free!? By the way, if you hear a rumor that I bake ponies into my cupcakes, it’s totally wrong!”

“Government politics! The election!”

“OOOOoooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Pinkie Pie’s sigh lasted long enough that I was able to catch my breath and regain a position of journalistic integrity.

“Well, I love seeing ponies smile! It makes my day! And the best way to do that is to remove the bourgeoisie from their position of oligarchs of political authority and install a dictatorship of the proletariat in which those who produce goods are in control of both the means of production and the state apparatus! I mean, I’m a baker, so I know what it feels like to have the lazy bourgeoisie literally grow fat off of my labor!”

I had never seen such an orthodox leftist political position touted by somepony so young, happy, and…unacademic.

“You…You’re a socialist?”

Pinkie Pie laughed heartily for half a minute, snorting every several seconds.

“Oh, silly willy Breaking Scoop! Of course not! Socialism is an intermediary state which has to collapse and reform into a pure form of communism in which soviet councils control capital and output! Trotsky understood this! So did ‘Your Marks’! ‘Lemon’… not so much. He tried though!”

“Wait wait wait… I remember reading up on you and your friends. You ran into a communitarian project led by one ‘Starlight Glimmer’, and you were the biggest critic of it amongst all your friends!”

“…Well, duh! She was setting up socialism in one country…Not even! Socialism in one TOWN! And there was too much central bureaucracy; the working ponies didn’t have a single soviet in which to voice their criticisms! It was much more Stallionist than Trotskyist! Not to mention there wasn’t a vanguard party OR a vanguard party party.”

“…What’s a vanguard party party?”

“It’s the weekly party that I’ll throw for the members of the vanguard party! I’m thinking about doing different themes…Cuddle Party, Cake Party, Redistribution Party, The Five-Year Party, The Little Red Party, The Iron Rice Bowl Party, The Standing Committee Party, The Hundred Flowers Party…”

As Pinkie Pie continued to ramble off innovative but potentially politically repressive party themes, I took the time to check my watch.

“Oh! I’m so sorry Pinkie, but I’m going to be late for my last interview of the day! Could you direct me to Carousel Boutique?”

“You must be going to see Rarity! She’s a capitalist swine, but also a reaaaaaallllyyy pretty capitalist swine. She makes me jealous sometimes. She’s super generous, too, so I bet that she won’t even be declared a kulak when the revolution comes!”

Pinkie Pie walked me to the door of the building and gave me a brief set of directions to Rarity’s Boutique. She then embraced me in a crushing hug and nuzzled me a little before whispering in my ear.

“We’ll have a place for you in the common media apparatus when the time comes. The people need their news.”

And with that, she bounced away, leaving me to continue on.

Say what you will about repressive regimes, but the sheer amount of propaganda they make means ponies like me have great job security.

Comments

[Waterpear]

Best chapter. Partly because pinko Pinkie is absolutely wonderful, and partly because slight Raripie.

[The Cynical Brony]

Liberty Prime has choice words for ponies like you, Ms. Pie.

[Profesionalac]

Lol as I read that last line a Donald trump ad popped up and that was hilarious!

[Misty Horse]

7509837

I got a truth.com ad. Still works, and still funny.

[mycutiemarkisagun]

Jesus fucking christ you already had me before this chapter

[MARSOC]

Oh my god Pinkie... Why communism why!!!!

[hamcon]

Oh my god, it is Mentally Advanced Pinkie.

[TerribleSpeller]

Right, Pinkie's communist.
Trotsky communist.
I kind of understand her going wanting to spread happiness everywhere but no by sociali-I mean Trotsky Communism

[Geeknerd]

Communist Pinkie is such a common stereotype of her lol

[Skyfall360]

“You must be going to see Rarity! She’s a capitalist swine, but also a reaaaaaallllyyy pretty capitalist swine.”

Wow, Pinkie. Just... wow.

[Godiswithus3]

Say what you will about repressive regimes, but the sheer amount of propaganda they make means ponies like me have great job security.

Soooooo true.

[PixelatedPerson]

OH MY GOD ITS BASED PINKIE!