• Member Since 14th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 35 minutes ago

fourths


Everybody thinks I'm a raincloud when I'm not looking.

T
Source

You told me that a young designer from out of town would be coming to stay with us for a few days while she discussed business plans with you. I told you that would be fine, that I wouldn't mind.

I lied.

Edited by the wonderful Nonchalant.
Preread by the terrific chryssi and the elusive _00500005_.
Critically acclaimed: rated Highly Recommended by Titanium Dragon and Recommended by PresentPerfect!
Featured by the Royal Canterlot Library and Equestria Daily!

Chapters (2)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 54 )

Woah... This was so deep and amazing. I really enjoyed it and would definitely read it again! I wonder what could happen in the next chapter's 638 words... You get a fave from me, my friend! :yay:

:pinkiesad2: A wonderful ending to an amazing story. Also, sorry for all the notifications from me adding this to my folders- you'll get used to it now that I'm following you.

“Ah, I see...” She fidgeted, eyes nervously looking from side to side.

My vision snapped back towards the mare. “Sorry? For what?”

Missing a line from Rarity?

7995042 Thank you, this has been corrected.

There are so many places this could go... and none of which it needs to to tell what it was supposed to tell. Very authentic and well-put together. This was definitely a nice read.

The pony in the picture is Fleur Dis Lee

Oh hey! This thing! I remember it.

Bang-up job as usual, fourthsies. This story has a numbing quality to it, and the narration is really cool that way. I was honored to comb through this before, and I am pleased to read it too.

EDIT: For some reason the first song that came to mind is Us and Them by Pink Floyd. Congrats for bringing such a thing to mind.

Well, damn.

This was powerful. I'm not even sure what else to say.

Wow. Just, wow. Never read a story on this site that had me speechless.

Fantastic, numbing tale.

Pretty much what Soaring said. This was beautifully done, and a quick reread for small details really made the impact a lot harder. Will definitely check out the rest of your stories, present and future, as well as reread this one in the future.

7995228
10 points to [insert house here]!

It can take remarkably few words to rip out a heart. This is a story of unfathomable tragedy, and it falls into a genre I wish was smaller but feels common. Good on you for such tragedy.

Hap

That sure was something. I didn't know what to expect, and I'm not sure I can say that I enjoyed it. But it was thoroughly engaging. Every moment, I was right there, in her head.

From the very first line, you wrapped the reader in those silky sheets and you never let go. Disconcerting is a great word to convey what you've done here. You perfectly described every sensation that Fleur experiences... then have her talk directly to the reader as Fancy. You've both drawn the reader in, and pushed the reader away. We feel all of Fleur's emotions, and the guilt and shame (and lust) of her husband. Your choice of narrative style (and skill at pulling it off so well!) have put the reader into not just one set of horseshoes, but two!

It'll take me a while (and a second reading) to process the theme here. I'm not sure what I'm feeling at the moment, but you very effectively made me feel it. I'm not sure Fleur knows what she's feeling, either.

:rainbowderp:... wow. That was just... I don't know how to describe it. I'm hoping for a follow up, but I'd be happy with just this.

Good job. That story...you can't put in enough words here to describe the ride of feels while reading this thing.

Have a like for it and keep up the good work!

That was fantastic. Just absolutely fantastic.

I honestly am not sure what to think of this story.

On the one hand, it's really really hard for me to imagine that Rarity would ever carry on an affair, even if she believed a divorce was imminent. It just doesn't feel right.

On the other, how much of that is simply how I read the character and how much isn't I can't really say.

Either way, poor Fluer. :fluttershysad:

This was a great read! I especially liked Fleur's completely passive and heartbroken attitude towards Fancy's cheating, and how she compares her [young] self to Rarity in the beginning, not holding any real malice towards her and just wishing things were different. Some more characterization [through dialogue] with Fancy would've been nice, but that's just me. Would it be wishful thinking to be hoping for a sequel from Fancy Pants' point of view?

Props for getting featured, by the way. In my opinion, for whatever that's worth, this 'fiction deserves it.

Well... that was depressing, and a tad bit eerie somehow...

Amazingly written, but I can't say it didn't leave a rather poor taste in my mouth. :fluttercry:

Honestly, I read this expecting a different ending. Despite the 'sad' tag I didn't think it would go that route, and when it did, it left a sour taste in my mouth. I gave it some thought about why I disliked the ending and I realized it was because my suspension of disbelief had been broken by the confirmation that everything was exactly what Fleur thought.

It's not that difficult of a premise to swallow, but the problem is that while this story is told from Fleur's perspective, we already know Rarity's character. It's difficult to believe that she would knowingly screw a married man in his own house regardless of whether he was 'planning' a divorce. And because we don't get to see inside of Rarity's head, to understand how she arrived at this decision that would seem to undermine what we know about her character, it leaves the story all the weaker for it.

Hmm. Very powerful stuff you've got here. I love the way Fluer talks to us (the reader) as if we're Fancy, pulling us deep into the thoughts and feelings of a spouse that just discovered an affair. I'm not the biggest Rarity fan here but I didn't really like the whole "but he said he was getting a divorce!" excuse very much as not only have I heard it in real life, it doesn't really sound like something Rarity would do. Either way, all this together and with that ending..I truly enjoyed the read. Thank you.

7995228 :rainbowhuh:
Uh, no shit, Sherlock? :ajbemused:

Well that was confusing and slightly depressing.

Well written, good job.

And then Fancy came home and Fleur wasn't there as she went to her mothers.

And he really made it seems like that’s what I would be doing.

*seem

This is heartbreaking, mainly because it doesn't seem like Fleur is all that upset by it all.

7998755
She might be in emotional shock about the entire thing. Alternatively, she might find it hard to be that upset when she is interested in Rarity as well?

7998755 Thank you, this has been corrected.

Rarity is an idiot.
Fancy Pants is an idiot.

Fleur is also an idiot.

I'd feel it some measure of karmic retribution if Fleur ran off with Rarity, as frankly, I hate this Fancy Pants whole-heartedly. As someone who values relationships as precious, I cannot fathom why he cheated, why he was tempted, why he lied. Even if I know this is just something people do everyday. Rarity might try to claim she isn't a bad pony, but she still jumped his bones on nothing but his word that they were getting a divorce, at least wait until the ink has dried for crying out loud! And Fleur, is an absolute wreck, though I wouldn't expect anyway to be alright after learning what she has learnt, but to fall for her? That certainly was unexpected. I am about to embark on the second chapter, but if Fancy Pants is rewarded for cheating?

Don't reward a man for cheating.

Fuck you, Rarity. Actually fuck you. A better you would not have left. A better you would try to fix this, even if it were impossible. There is no closure for Fleur here, you came into her life, wrecked her marriage, and left.

The ponies in this story are horrible people.

And... with this You made me hate Fancy Pants and Rarity... well done. Awsome story though.

Now that song is stuck in my head.

Good show, sir/madam.

This was... a beautiful tragedy. Im sitting here feeling heartbroken for having read it and yet regretting nothing.

Well done.

So I finally got around to reading this and... well... not what I usually read, but I'm still glad I did so. Sad, but beautiful in its own way.

7998250

but the problem is that while this story is told from Fleur's perspective, we already know Rarity's character. It's difficult to believe that she would knowingly screw a married man in his own house regardless of whether he was 'planning' a divorce.

Maybe not season 4-6 Rarity. But I think season 2 Rarity (especially after Grand Galloping Gala) can fall for that.( or at least not be so off character)

Sorry for not being so late to the party—I missed the notification for it and I terribly regret not checking your profile until now. :fluttershysad:

7995242 I remember it too!

I recall when I first read it, I particularly liked the use of second person, but what I noticed the most was that it tugged at the heartstrings in all the right ways. I still get that same feeling while re-reading it right now as I did back then. Took you long enough to publish it, fourhts. :rainbowwild:

Honestly, I don't much like fanfictions like this involving Fancy and Fleur, where either of them are shown as unfaithful though for different reasons. For Fancy, I see him as far to upstanding a stallion and gentlecolt to have been behavior so improperly. For Fleur, mainly because I want to believe there is a better mare as well. I find such behavior out of character, at least for Fancy as admittedly we know fair less officially about Fleur.

This fanfiction left me with disappointment, though I will offer I felt it well written so good on that.

There's a sense of poetry in the prose and I absolutely adore it. It's very powerful - right from the first paragraph you can feel the sense of hurt and betrayal that Fleur faces and the imagery of a cold, too-large home really emphasizes her loneliness and feelings of abandonment. I especially love the way it so suddenly turns visceral - eventually Fleur doesn't dance around the fact that Rarity is fucking her husband.

A part of me struggles to accept this story's unflattering rendition of Rarity and Fancy Pants, but a larger part understands that, for the purpose of this story, it doesn't matter.

Beautiful story.

Amazing story. Great work.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only person nerdy enough to use the language of flowers in my stories. :heart:

8911679
I blame AbsoluteAnonymous; The Games We Play was the story that got me to join the site, and its use of the language of flowers has definitely stuck with me. It's a fun easter egg to throw in there!

I reviewed this story as part of Read It Later Reviews #85.

My review can be found here.

Hmm. You definitely have a very strong voice for Fleur, and the emotional journey she goes through is an intense and well-crafted one. That said, I can't help but feel that this would've worked better as original fiction. Admittedly, this is largely my own biases at work, but knowing the characters before the story took something away from the torturous heartbreak. Still, excellently crafted.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

That was intense and unexpected. :)

Now I just want to jump in the story an hug Fleur. We can't make it better, but we can be there for her!

That kiss...

I'm still mulling it over, so this may change in the future, but I'd say Fleur doesn't actually want Rarity, per se. I get the impression it may be more two things, possibly a third:
One, Fleur is jealous in a sense. Fancy got the very personal attentions of a pretty young thing, and Fleur, in that moment, and being starved for that same kind of attention, really wants the appreciation.
Two, because she wants that attention, she wants to see in some small way what exactly it was that Fancy got from Rarity. How does it compare to her memories of Fancy's attenton, and how does Fleur herself stack up?
Three... Maybe. She might also want to trump Fancy in that moment, spoiling Rarity's memories of her interactions with Fancy.

It's a terribly dismaying and confusing set of theoretical emotions for a very dismaying and confusing reaction.

What will become of it? Nothing, I expect. I doubt any of the three will be willing or capable of making any kind of meaningful approach to any of the others at this point. Maybe if Fleur had been included in meeting Rarity before things went too far...

Well I can say that what intrigued me about this story is how it goes the "I know he's cheating but I'm not going to do anything about it", route. Moreso because you can be pretty much certain that Fleur isnt afraid of Fancypants so why does she not confront him.ITtwas a little enguaging to try and figure out what her reasoning was to not just start a scene. And then there were her thoughts on Rarity. At first I thought her mild obsession was rooted in Rarity being everything she isnt. I thought Fleur just wanted to be her, to be young and irresistible again. But then it turned out that she might just be bi and finds Rarity as attractive as her spouse. Whether she wanted to rekindle the passion her marriage lost or just wanted to use Rarity for revenge sex is up in the air. Either way I liked the read.

One question... what on earth is a nebustrata?

9130418
"Nebustrata" is a word I came up with while writing the fic, and it amuses me that it took this long for someone to bring it up. Think nebula (cloud) + strata (layer); it's a huge tumultuous sheet of amorphous clouds swirling overhead.

I can't relate to anypony in this story. That does not make it a bad story. It is quite well written, I just don't understand any of the characters.

Why wouldn't you confront your cheating spouse?
Why would you become attracted to his mistress?

This Fleur is utterly alien to me.

Really good, really sad! And I loved the angle of poor Fleur not confronting Fancy, indeed, not really sure what to do with herself. Wonderfully well-written, thanks for this!

Did you know that this page is the only place where the word "nebustrata" occurs on the entire Internet? At least according to Google Search and DuckDuckGo it is. Now you have an unique beacon in this text, and you can track as it spreads or how different search engines index it. Sneaky.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!