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Flash Notion


BEHOLD MY SUPERIOR INTELLIGENCE AND MASTERY OF WRITING! MWAH HA HA HA HA- (ack) (cough) (cough)- urgh, I think I pulled something...

T
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Twilight Sparkle, Equestria's newest alicorn princess, is an intelligent mare, and the most powerful mage alive. Thanks to her and her friends, the magical world of ponies is at peace. But in that peace, her entire life has changed, and Twilight is no longer certain of her place in the world. How unfortunate, then, that a past she's never known is about to come calling.

After a mysterious stranger attempts to steal Twilight's magic crown, she must travel to another universe to confront the thief. There, she finds a world where magic and friendship simply do not work, and a school full of powerful adversaries who stand between her and her crown. If Twilight cannot retrieve it, her failure could mean the destruction of two worlds...

A fusion fic with Kill la Kill.

Rated teen for violence, more violence, some blood, explosions, ponified cursing, and more explosions and violence.

A note: it's not just about who stole the crown. It's also about why.

Cover art by... me.


Character replacement list:
Ryuko Matoi ----- Princess Twilight Sparkle
Satsuki Kiryuin ----- Princess Mi Amore Cadenza
Ragyo Kiryuin ----- (hasn't been revealed in story yet)
Junketsu ----- Tantabus
Senketsu ----- Cell (Celestia {possibly} in armor form)
Ira Gamagoori ----- Shining Armor
Uzu Sanageyama ----- Rainbow Dash
Houka Inumuta ----- Fluttershy
Nonon Jakuzure ----- Pinkamena Diane Pie
Shirou Iori ----- Rarity
Mitsuzou Soroi ----- Spike
Takaharu Fukuroda ----- Bulk Biceps
Omiko Hakodate ----- Lightning Dust
Maiko Ogure ----- Trixie Lulamoon
Barazou Mankanshoku ----- Bic Mac
Sukuyo Mankanshoku ----- Cheerilee
Mako Mankanshoku ----- Derpy Whooves
Mataro Mankanshoku ----- Dinky Do
Guts ----- Berry Punch
Aikurou Mikisugi ----- Zecora
Tsumugu Kinagase ----- Gilda
Kaneo Takarada ----- (hasn't appeared yet)
Nui Harime ----- (hasn't appeared yet)
Rei Hououmaru ----- (hasn't appeared yet)

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 32 )

It's interesting how all these small changes make this chapter look completely different despite being exactly the same as the original chapter... I mean that in a good way:derpytongue2:

7882458 that was kind of the whole idea :pinkiehappy: I'll be doing a blog post tonight outlining some of the larger changes :trixieshiftright:

Blog entry for this episode: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/712569/revised-episode-2-completed
Holy crap I just realized that this has 4000 more words than the original.

Glad to see you could still do something with this fight:twilightsmile:

7952757 well, it wasn't much. But it is technically the first fight not based directly on another. It's mostly original, which makes me quite happy :yay:

He pressed his hoof against the wall next to the door, and a bar of light passed underneath it. “Scan accepted,”

From this point on everything is in italics:ajsmug:

8035190 :facehoof:
should be fixed now.

I type this story in a word document, so I have to put in formatting stuff like '[ / i ]' manually. I'm surprised this is the first time I screwed up this bad.

8035190 on a different note, anything about the chapter stand out? always looking for feedback :pinkiecrazy:

8035468
Nothing that stood out to me that much. Though I'm not sure if I paid that much attention. As you said there weren't that many changes, plus I had a long day.:twilightsheepish:

I look forward to reading this even though I know everyone dies... and then I realize this isn't akame ga kill and my desire is somewhat deflated. I kind of wanted to see Cadence as Esdeath for some reason.

8051317 :facehoof: I really hope you didn't just spoil an anime for me. I was planning to react to that one on youtube.

8051326
Trust me it's nothing like spoiling Aeris on FF7, or even spoiling Kekkaishi, or Nobody's boy Remi. You need the uncanny emotional strength of the main character from Re: Zero to watch it all the way through. Old Yeller might be a good primer.

Um... you can spoil the last five or six episodes of FIM season six, and the latest Equestria Girls movie. I haven't seen any of those...


The Akame ga Kill abridged series has a poor fellow learning about prostitution from a cat girl who survives to the final episode...kinda. And when I took a personality test it said I was kind of like Dr. Stylish, who is a necromancer... in fact, Akame's sister is also necromancer as well, so the dead totally get better in this series.

8051500 uh... The story image is a pointy pony version of what it becomes in episode 3.

Heres the blog post I wrote about it: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/722470/twilight-and-cell

Just checked out one spoiler before I read it. When you mean Cell is it as in DBZ Cell? Or A short version of Celestia's name? just for clarifictation.

8150177 Short for Celestia, but not the Celestia you know...

8150926 thank you, hope you enjoy the story

:facehoof:Of course Ragyo is literally the only character I haven't thought of...:facehoof:And it was so obvious...
Also, did I spot a reference to Change?

8267764
A popular fanfic where Twilight is a changeling princess and Chrysalis' daughter. I thought the EUP came from there...

8267845 no, the EUP is part of the established show canon, and it's basically shorthand for equestria's military. NOT the royal guard. It comes from testing testing 123, though I don't remember of that has been its only mention; the wonderbolts were originally a part of the Pegasus branch before becoming their own elite squadron.

8268039
To be honest I was like Rainbow Dash in that episode and didn't really pay attention to anything Twilight said:rainbowderp: So the EUP is actually canon... You learn something new every day

Hello! This is a response to your review of my story for the Authors Helping Authors group. I did as you suggested I read the first chapter.
Name of Story: Pony la Pony
Grammar score out of 10: 9. I didn't spot any mistakes but I'm not the best person to judge grammar.
Pros:
It's a unique concept and plot
Somewhat different than the source material on the MLP side since you created a divergence point that lead to a Kill-la-Kill-like world in the MLP-verse.
It's comedy scenes are funny.
Cons:
Characterization of the MLP based on the Kill-la-Kill characters
Too similar to the source material on the Kill-la-Kill side, which affects pacing and makes it slow, however, the pacing itself is not a problem since the first episode starts slowly on purpose.
The style of storytelling of Kill-la-Kill is ill-suited for fanfictions, at least when you are trying to create a novelization or reenactment of the show.
Notes:
It's a very interesting premise for a story but it doesn't interest me that much because I find the characterization of the MLP cast conflicting with the mental image I have of them, maybe if I read the chapter a few more times I might get used to this, however, as a first impression I find it to be a little off-putting. The differences are inevitable since you have to account for the MLP and Kill-la-Kill vastly diverging settings, but in my opinion, that's the problem because the setting and plot, as far as I noticed, are mostly from Kill-la-Kill. What I mean is that to me Kill-la-Kill world better as a visual form of storytelling, the reason I like Kill-la-Kill is that there many things about that anime that works just by seeing and the experience only gets better with analysis and multiple viewings because you notice things you didn't notice before, reason why I don't particularly like fanfics of that particular anime. Combining that with the "clashing" characterization of the cast I'm not particularly a fan of the story at first, that, however, can change as I read further, on a side note, I'm usually not a fan of fusion fics either, at least not the type were the cast is reworked into the roles of the universe they are fusing with.

If you are wondering about what I meant by the storytelling style of Kill-la-Kill, I recommend a few videos made by Digibro about the subject, there are mentions and scenes of Gurren Lagann and Space Dandy:

8748127
Well at least you read it, that's something! Seriously that makes me far happier than you can imagine :twilightsheepish:

I'm surprised about the humor, I'm not much of a comedy writer. Maybe it's residual from KLK.

My main takeaway from this is two-fold:
Firstly, I screwed up the first episode more than I thought :facehoof: I've known for a while I stuck too close to the original but I couldn't figure out why specifically that was a problem. However, I've already re-written the first 5 episodes and I don't want to go down that rabbit hole again.
The problem, I think, and which I can hopefully fix in future episodes, is the visual nature of KLK's story. I only watched the one video about the scene in the first episode (I'll check out the others later when I'm not about to eat dinner), but since that's the episode we're talking about, I think I understand. The closer I stick to the plot of KLK, the more that visual storytelling will be expected and even necessary. I can change the plot to lessen this, and I plan to, but I don't know if that'll be enough.

I do know that you've given me some ideas on how to change the plot. Specifically, by bringing the action back into Equestria Prime, Twilight's universe. Not sure if I'll do it, but I have to consider it.

If you read more, would it be too much to ask for a short comment comparing episode 2 to episode 1? Like, a smiley face if it's better, frowney if worse, or meh if the same? Or, you know, whatever you feel like.

8748368

I'm surprised about the humor, I'm not much of a comedy writer. Maybe it's residual from KLK.

I think the humor comes mostly from me picturing the scenes with the visual style of the anime and whatever wackiness seemed to fit the background, which in Kill-la-Kill can be almost anything.

If you read more, would it be too much to ask for a short comment comparing episode 2 to episode 1? Like, a smiley face if it's better, frowney if worse, or meh if the same? Or, you know, whatever you feel like.

Ok, I might be able to do it either tomorrow or the day after.

Hi, it's me again. Chapter two had similar issues as the first but the pacing and flow of the story were better than the first, the progression was smoother, all in all, an improvement over the previous chapter, however, you have to take into account that the second episode itself was less jarring than the first one, especially because the first one was made to appear a mess —when it comes to pacing— on purpose. Also, you were less descriptive on the visuals, so it didn't feel like you were trying to put the episode on paper... text, unfortunately, that linda makes the story lose the "flare" that Kill-la-Kill is known for. On a side note, I missed the Mikisugi Aikurō —I really dislike inverting Japanese names since unless it's absolutely necessary, so sorry it sounds wierd— were he strips, that was another "flare" of the show, especially because it was in this episode that this quirk was introduced and it actually becomes a plot point later, but that dichotomy isn't the goal of your story, so take the last part as a nitpick.

8750672
My idea was that, instead of the stripping, zecora would do her "scary images in green mist" thing from Luna Eclipsed. I... might've forgotten about that in episode 3. And 6. Poop.

As for the description, I guess law of conservation of detail is starting to become enforced. If it doesn't impact the course of a scene, its better to leave it out. Though, judging by those videos, a few details added for feeling will be allowed in future episodes. And of course, foreshadowing.

Anyway, thank you! Today has been a pretty good day for this story, progress wise.

Okay you have my full attention I ended up liking this story a lot.

And now I have to ask where's AJ?

9223271
AJ will appear, but...

:rainbowderp:

I just can't answer that question more specifically. It has an answer though! Everything is planned out.

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