14 - Arriving in Johto
{Rarity’s taken a few hits before we got here}
Rarity gasped breathlessly as she was shoved back several metres as the tickling flames faded away. The crowd watching the match murmured in shock and fear. Across from Aengus and Rarity hovered a large white and grey moth with six red wings. Behind it stood an older man with long, unnaturally red hair, wearing a yellowish off-white poncho with red and orange edging along the arm holes, charcoal grey collar and front stripe, flanked by orange. He had pants of the same colour ripped off below the knee, and black sandals. Around his neck was a chain of full-sized Pokéballs. He stood with a neutral expression as Rarity took a series of deep breaths. She looked up at Aengus and muttered, “That smarts...Aengus, we’re in trouble here.”
“I noticed,” Aengus said. “He’s a master, and has been a master for decades; that much is clear.”
“Do you think we can still win?” Rarity asked.
Aengus shook his head. “Not likely. You’re hurting too much, and he still has one more Pokémon we haven’t seen. Of course, we’re gonna try anyway. And he revealed what this one’s secondary type is. Use Power Gem!”
“Volcarona, Fiery Dance again!”
The moth covered itself in spiraling flames, still airborne. Pulses of fire trickled along the ground at Rarity. As they approached, she leapt to her right, narrowly avoiding the burst where she stood. A grin passed over her lips. She stood up straight with her horn glowing. Gemstones erupted from the floor in an incredible number, hammering away at the moth from below with no way to escape.
Aengus and his opponent both stared at Rarity as the crowd fell silent. The moth fainted. The old man’s mouth fell open as he blinked. Eyebrows raised on either side of the battlefield. Aengus scratched his head and said, “I haven’t seen her do it like that before.”
“I was about to ask,” began his opponent, “is this a regional variant or something? It’s clearly not a Z-move. Heck, it looked normal the first time she used Power Gem.”
“As I said, it’s new to me, too. She’s been full of surprises from the beginning. But, I thought Z-moves were an Alolan thing only,” Aengus said.
His opponent answered, “Well, to my knowledge, that’s where they first found those crystals, but rumour has it they’re starting to be unearthed elsewhere.”
Rarity walked over to Aengus and huffed, “Since we’re taking a break and all....”
“Hey!” Aengus protested as Rarity unzipped his satchel and began rooting around in it. He forcibly removed her forehoof from his bag with an annoyed frown, and zipped it back closed. Aengus then shifted the satchel from her reach.
Rarity grumbled, “What? Is it unreasonable to be peckish in the early morning, or after some physical activity in the early morning, or battling on an empty stomach, in the early morning?”
“Sorry that the galley’s closed when we’re this close to docking,” Aengus said with overt irritation.
“Darling, I’m famished! We Pokémon love battling, naturally, but a roaring belly cuts into the pleasure! Surely you’ve felt this before, yes? And I dare say that...what’s wrong?” Rarity said with a change in tone from objecting to concerned.
Aengus’s right hand had drifted up to his face and stayed there upon the word “Pokémon” leaving Rarity’s mouth, exactly the same as it had for the last three and a half days from such stimuli. Today was day five of the voyage, maybe a half-hour before sunrise, and not much longer than that until they were due to dock in Olivine City. Aengus’s patience with Rarity calling herself a Pokémon during that time was wearing dangerously thin. He sighed, “Still not a Pokémon...wondering how much I can take of you thinking that....”
“Escavalier, let’s win this!” shouted the other trainer.
Emerging from the Pokéball was a levitating blue beetle of some kind wearing armour. It had an armet helmet with the visor up and an oversized red crest, bulky pauldrons, striped lances in both of its “hands,” and an armoured rolled-up sleeping bag around its abdomen, or at least, that’s what it looked like to Rarity. Dangling near its face was what sort of looked like a berry, but nothing like any with which she was familiar: it was a rosy red, and had the parallel linear indents like a ripe pumpkin.
Rarity snorted and slapped dust back from under her front hooves. Aengus shouted, “I recognise this guy! Use Flame Charge!”
The other yelled, “Smart Strike, Escavalier!”
Rarity called fire to surround her. She started to run as Escavalier chomped down on its berry. At a full canter, Rarity trampled over Escavalier. She returned to Aengus’s side as Escavalier staggered, and reeled, and shook its head. It blinked hard, breathing heavily, while the crowd oohed in surprise with a hint of disappointment. Red crosshairs shone in front of Rarity, followed by a bright point of light between the tips of Escavalier’s lances. The bug then shot forward at an alarmingly fast rate...too fast for Rarity to react. Escavalier’s attack landed true. Rarity staggered backwards wincing. Gasping, her forelimbs slowly buckled, and she tottered onto the ground. A second later she disappeared in a flow of green sparks.
The crowd let out a disappointed “aww.” Aengus’s shoulders slumped as he stared vacantly at some point on the floor, not terribly far in front of him. His opponent walked up with a congratulatory smile. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, son. Very few trainers have mastered an all-out assault style like you have; most prefer taking a few moments to set up a favourable field of play. Ending it quickly before such momentum can be established? I respect that approach. And if I may be so honest, no one has pressed me that hard since a girl with a high ponytail wearing a ball cap came and proved herself Unova’s new champion over me...name was Hilda, if I remember right. The champion’s throne has changed hands several times since.”
Aengus’s gaze and eyebrows raised. “You were the Unova champion? Who are you? I never got your name, sir.”
“I am Alder, and yes, I was the Unova Region Champion for many years,” Alder answered. “After some time wandering, I returned to the League, now as one of the World Elite Four. And you nearly beat me.”
Aengus opened his satchel and pulled out a yellow octahedron. As he pressed it to the Safari Ball on his belt, he said, “Are you serious? How close was I?”
Alder fiddled with one of his Pokéballs as Rarity emerged from her own, holding her head. She muttered, “Ow, what a headache...what happened?”
“We lost,” Aengus lamented. Rarity sighed and pouted some, pawing at the ground as she looked down. She rubbed her temples again, but Aengus handed her a carrot and a candy bar in a green wrapper. As she tucked into the food, he continued, “Turns out this is Alder of the World Elite Four. He says we almost beat him.”
The crowd was dissipating. Alder held a ball in front of Aengus. He said, “This is how close you were, young man.”
Aengus’s eyes bugged out of his head for a second, then he stomped in frustration as he stood up straight with lips pulled taut. He grumbled, “Aahh! Dammit! That close!? That’s worse than not knowing!”
Rarity tried rearing up to look at the ball in Alder’s hand, but he was putting it away. She asked, “Wait, how close were we? You can’t just tease a lady like that, darling! Do tell!”
“Escavalier held on by the skin of his teeth, thanks to the Occa Berry,” Alder said with a suppressed grin. “If you don’t mind my suggesting it, maybe she should hold something like a Muscle Band, Wise Glasses, or in particular here, an Expert Belt.”
Aengus nodded as he said, “She’s currently holding a Lucky Egg.”
Alder looked at Aengus in a mild shock. “She’s still in training??”
“Yeah. Never have I seen such potential,” Aengus said with a nod.
“I see that. Nor have I ever heard of one Pokémon knowing so many moves,” said Alder.
A boatswain’s whistle called across the P.A. system for all hands. Silence fell over the battle room. Then a man spoke over the loudspeaker, “Good morning! This is Commander Tanaka. We will be pulling into port in thirty minutes. We ask all passengers to return to their cabins at this time, gather up all personal belongings, and prepare to debark. It has been our pleasure to serve each and every one of you on Blue Horizons Voyage 84 from Snowpoint City in Sinnoh to Olivine City in Johto. We look forward to serving you again during your next voyage, and thank you once again for choosing Blue Horizons!”
Folks shuffled from the room at a quicker pace. Aengus said, “Sir, I ask the favour of a rematch sometime!”
“Yes indeed; I’m looking forward to it, young man!” Alder answered. “See you around!”
Alder headed for the exit on the other side of the room as the one Aengus and Rarity chose. Five more minutes had passed before they had returned to the suite, where Paddy was already fully packed and ready to go.
{A hop, skip, and jump from home}
The sun had barely crested the eastern horizon as the SS Sakura’s tie lines were thrown from the deck to the stone wharf. Within five minutes passengers shuffled down the gangplank, with Aengus and Paddy toward the back of the pack. As they started down, Paddy said, “Gosh, it’s been awhile. Nice to finally be home!”
“So different from the lad who wanted nothing but to get away when we first set out,” Aengus teased.
“Close to eight months away from home will do that to a fella,” Paddy said. He unzipped a side pocket on his satchel and pulled out some electronic device that had a wrist strap. It was blue and white, and bigger than the average chalkboard eraser. As he put it on, he said, “May as well get the Pokégear out. I’ll have to get used to wearing one again.”
Aengus grunted in approval as he dug out his own. Powering on the device, he strapped it to his wrist as they walked down the gangplank. They reached the bottom. Aengus sighed happily, taking a step onto the wharf. A second step, and his Pokégear buzzed, just as Rarity was inhaling to speak. He hit a few buttons and it slid open. Aengus raised the device to beside his face and ear as he said, “Hello?”
Paddy and Rarity watched him as very quickly his expression and posture changed from surprise and confusion, to a mix of irritation, shock, defeat, and disbelief. He grumbled, “Hi Joey.”
Paddy facepalmed while a few debarking passengers in earshot sympathetically winced. Paddy muttered, “For pity’s sake...that didn’t take long....”
Aengus forced a fake smile as he said, “Yes, Joey, you have a spectacular Rattata. None like it.”
“Who’s Joey?” Rarity asked.
“Not somebody you ever want to know. He will never shut up about his stupid Rattata, nor leave you alone,” Paddy urged.
Aengus said, “Look, we literally just got off the boat after being gone for the better part of the year. I’d like to see my mother before the day’s over.”
Rarity frowned. “It can’t be that bad.”
Paddy petted her on the top of her head while grimacing. “It really is that bad. Setting out to Kalos, we joked about how great it’d be to not hear from him for awhile. Looks like it wasn’t a joke in the end.”
“Okay, Joey, I can’t promise we’ll make it, but I’ll be sure to oblige if we’re in the area. I gotta go. Bye,” said Aengus. He stared at the lapping waters for a moment and groaned in frustration. Shaking his head, he bleated, “Gimme three steps. Three steps to get off the damn boat and let any remaining homesickness melt away, but nooo-o-o, that’s too much....”
Another old man coming off the gangplank shot the trio a funny look, especially at Aengus’s vacant glare at the seawater. Paddy looked him in the eye and said, “Joey.”
The old man nodded sadly and patted Aengus on the shoulder before going on his way. Other passengers passed by them mournfully as whispers of “Joey” trickled back up the gangplank. Rarity shook her head as this unfolded, muttering, “You were serious...this is folie....”
“Do you always default to French when you want to emphasise something?” Paddy asked.
“You mean ‘Prench,’ and yes,” Rarity answered. She saw the blank, disbelieving look from Paddy. She continued, “Named for the elegant country of Prance? The very masters of the fine arts of cuisine, fashion, painting, dance, and music?”
Paddy blinked twice, but his expression did not change. He said, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to that.”
Rarity looked back and said, “We’re impeding others from getting off the ship.”
They started away. Aengus whispered in Rarity’s ear, “Joey’s usually on Route 30. We’ll have to go through there on the way to the League. If he’s there...this is not something I’ll say for a battle with any other trainer...if Joey wants a rematch, I want you to hit for distance.”
Rarity blinked, though one eye was markedly wider than the other. As they made their way down the wharf, Paddy said, “If the ‘Prench’ Pokémon of your world are like the French people of this one, then I’ll say no one’s foolish enough to argue the point about cuisine or high fashion. But painting’s too diverse to claim the best all falls in one country, and the French, while good, certainly aren’t ‘the very masters’ of song and dance.”
Rarity gave him a disapproving look. “Is that so? If not the Prench, then who?”
“The Irish,” said both brothers in unison.
Rarity looked between the two as her expression asked for elaboration. Aengus said, “If mom’s up to it, we’ll show you when we get home.”
“Brother, we haven’t touched our instruments since we set out,” Paddy said with a light of air of disappointment.
Aengus stopped in his tracks. Paddy and Rarity both took two more steps before noticing. They looked back and saw Aengus stood looking very worried. Feebly he murmured, “Mom’s gonna kill us....”
“Maybe you should’ve listened when I said we should pack them, before we left?” Paddy said, with enough I-told-you-so dripping from his words and face that Rarity easily could have taken a knife and spread it on toast for her and all of her friends, both close and casual.
Aengus looked around after they passed through a boathouse on the pier, across the buildings. “Where’s a music store when you need one?”
“One, it’s too late to practice and expect it to make a difference, Mr. Tin Whistle. And two, what about me? It’s not like the music stores around Johto have many fiddles,” Paddy griped.
Aengus sighed. Looking around the town, he said, “I suppose there’s nothing for it now. Not using Fly. I’d like to take her through Ecruteak.”
“Meh.”
Rarity beheld the town. Olivine City seemed much like other port towns near rough shoals. There was a lighthouse, square flags hanging on lines between two poles, a marketplace, and a number of craft coming, going, loading, and unloading, while every vessel avoided the choppier waters east of the wharfs. Children ran playing, some with their parents running after them. The key difference was that, again, all the entry doors were on the south-facing side of the buildings, except the one on the pier, which had doors on both ends; there was also the pointless meandering on the part of random people.
Shortly after a quick healing and party swap stop at the Pokémon Centre, Rarity watched four larger teenage boys cornering a boy of about ten. Paddy started their way as Pokémon were sent out and the younger kid started crying. The younger kid had a Pidgey; the first two older boys deployed a Poliwhirl and a Flaaffy. When they taunted about how he was weak and unprepared, and they were going to mangle him in a double battle, Paddy threw one of his balls and yelled, “It’s not a double battle unless it starts two-on-two! Come on, little man, I’ll be your partner!”
Espeon emerged from the ball. Aengus shouted, “Paddy, no! Sending her in against opponents that much weaker than you is no different than what they were about to do to him!”
“Whatever, man! You don’t know what you’re talking about! He doesn’t stand a chance against me! I beat the Gym!” mouthed off the first bully. He whipped open his trainer case, which had a single badge: an iron octagon. He continued, “Yeah! What’re you gonna do, buddy! What’re you gonna do! I got your number!”
Paddy reached for his own as he said, “That’s pretty impressive, that you got the Mineral Badge.” He flipped it open and continued, “But you have a ways to go to catch up with me.”
“Sixteen!?” the bully shouted.
“Yes,” Paddy answered. “Eight from Johto, eight from Kanto. You and your chums together are no threat.”
The little boy laughed with a whoop. He cheered, “Wow! Thanks for helping me, mister!”
“Sure thing, little man,” Paddy said with a smile. His face hardened as he turned to the bullies. “I’ll give you this one chance to withdraw. Leave him be, and give me no cause to return and track you lot down.”
The bullies looked between each other for a moment or two, called back their Pokémon, and ambled off. Paddy and the kid exchanged Pokégear numbers, should the bullies come again. The trio departed north out of the city.
{What’s a squabble between siblings on their way home worth, really?}
Passing under the last banner of square flags, Rarity said, “I’m surprised, Paddy, about those hooligans and how you dealt with them.”
Paddy snapped, “Surprised I would help a bullied kid? Why don’t you take your thinly-veiled accusations and shove ‘em up your arse?”
Rarity was taken aback. She gingerly said, “I did not mean any accusation at all, darling! I apologise I came across as such.”
Paddy sighed sharply through his nose. With a scowl he said, “Want to know what that was about? Ask your trainer about him and his friend Yoshinori from when we were kids, and why I’d want to keep it from happening to anybody else.”
Aengus grumbled, “Yoshi...wow. Dredging up dirt from so long ago? I haven’t seen or heard from him in a good fifteen years. I had forgotten about him until just now. I can’t believe you remember those days, let alone still holding bitterness.”
“What did you do?” Rarity said with a harsh frown.
“Stupid things. Things I’m not proud of, but certain he’ll embellish,” said Aengus, shaking his head. “As I said, I haven’t thought about those things in years. I was...what, six years old at the time? And doing the sort of thing older brothers do.”
Scoffing, Paddy interjected, “Bollocks! You two took things way too far! Both mom and his mom had to stop you two more than once!”
Rarity began tuning out the bickering; she felt no need to learn yet another iteration of how older brothers harangue the younger ones. Unlike Sinnoh, trainers along this wilderness trail did not approach for battle. She observed the look of recognition from most of them, and definitely some fear. The lack of battles and the weather made the morning jaunt enjoyable. The air was temperate with a gentle wind, the sort of warmth expected of a summer winding down and autumn drawing near; this sort of day would have been perfect for a stroll with Sweetie Belle back home, not one for a catalogue of wrongs a decade and a half old. One complaint that drew Rarity’s attention was Paddy’s claiming they knocked an active hornet nest out of a tree near him, to which Aengus apologised profusely. Rarity tuned this out for a different reason as a shudder twitched its way down her back. A couple hours had passed, and Rarity trudged on in a stupor, growing tired of a seemingly endless list of grievances Paddy had about Aengus and this “Yoshinori” kid from way back when. They were passing a dairy farm when the road turned eastward; it was not until then that frustrations had finally slowed and whittled down. Rarity silently wondered why boys were so terrible to each other in early childhood, and in adolescence the girls took over that disreputable spot, uncertain why humans and “Pokémon like her” just couldn’t be decent to each other. Just the same, Paddy had not been this long-winded before. She thought of how useful it might be to Chatter endlessly in the face of a patient threat. A little while later, they came to one of the city gate buildings.
Upon passing through, Rarity gasped in awe. In every direction was picturesque architecture, completely foreign to anything she had ever seen before. The late Muromachi-period roofs, wall designs, and apparel caught her in a wide-eyed stare with a smile curling her lips. She murmured, “This is gorgeous....”
They walked forward, and found an open area, where Rarity continued looking at anything and everything around her. Aengus chuckled while Paddy smiled and shook his head. Geishas walked past in elaborate red brocade kimonos, to Rarity’s impassioned gaze. Men in an intense debate went by in their black montsukis, neutral-coloured hakamas, and tabi footwear. Aengus knelt down and rummaged through his satchel. Paddy said, “You had Ecruteak in mind from the beginning when she said she designed fashion, didn’t you?”
“Absolutely,” Aengus answered, pulling out a sketch pad and a set of coloured pencils. He offered them to Rarity with a smile and said, “I see it on your face, the gears turning in your head about how to apply this to Equestrian fashion. Go on. Sketch what you see, make it happen. This is who you are, Rarity: the brilliant and generous fashionista, not a Pokémon.”
Paddy sighed, “Still running from the truth....”
Rarity took the materials in her telekinetics and immediately began the outline of a mare lightly, and then the basic shape of a formal robe. Childlike wonder remained plastered across her face as she rapidly sketched away. Aengus looked back at his brother and said, “I’m still unconvinced. Pokémon genetics is peculiar to say the least, and the way she is...it’s nothing like the Pokémon we’ve raised until now. And there’s still the lingering question of her number of moves, and that she picks them up at random moments and stimuli. You know she used a strange but potent variation on Power Gem this morning?”
Paddy shrugged, “I heard such a rumour.”
“And there’s that she’s known over three dozen moves for two days. Heck, she just picked up her thirty-eighth on the way here,” Aengus said.
Paddy cocked his head to the left. “We didn’t have a single battle on Routes 39 or 38, nor did you reach into your bag for anything once.”
“I know,” Aengus said.
“What else has she picked up since our double battle on the ship?” asked Paddy.
“Covet, Sweet Kiss, and now Chatter,” Aengus said. “She’s rapidly approaching ten times as many moves as a Pokémon with no sign of stopping. Not a single instance of any Pokémon knowing five, and look at her.”
Paddy scolded, “Facing a disheartening truth is never as harmful as believing a comforting lie.”
“I really wish you’d listen to your own advice,” Aengus said. “You’d think by now it’d—”
{You got somebody’s attention....}
A scream overhead made all three look up. People around began to shout in surprise, some delightedly, some fearfully. Circling and descending was a large avian Pokémon. It was mostly red, with black feet, a large bill, golden tail feathers, white underbelly, a green ring around its red neck, and a green and white stripe along the tips of its flight feathers. As it neared the ground, it tilted its head, showing a tall golden crest, and black patches around its red eyes. Rarity looked at Aengus as he started to reach into his bag, stop, shake his head, and withdraw his hand.
The large bird Pokémon hovered a few feet above the paved plaza as what seemed like the entire populace of Ecruteak City had gathered. Photograph cameras with zoom lenses, Pokégear sets, smartphones, and a few old camcorders were out, pointed at the Pokémon bird. Paddy searched his bag, the sound of which tugged at Rarity’s attention. As he pulled out a purple Pokéball with two large pink spots and a white M just above the button, Aengus grabbed him by the wrist. Paddy scrunched his eyebrows at his brother. Aengus slowly and firmly shook his head; Paddy frowned and nodded in response, putting the Pokéball back in his bag.
Muttering through the crowd repeated the name “Ho-Oh.” Rarity looked around at the people saying this name, then back at the red bird. Ho-Oh flapped quickly and landed, folding its wings back. Exclamations resounded among those gathered, along with innumerable shutters clicking, some physical, and some digital. Rarity stopped examining the crowd when Ho-Oh started her way, waddling in a starling-like gait. Intrigue etched Rarity’s face. Murmurs in the crowd resumed when Ho-Oh halted in front of Rarity, easily in hooves’ reach. Their gazes met.
With a courtly bow, Aengus stepped forward. He walked up and stood with his head beside Ho-Oh’s. He whispered, but not soft enough for Rarity not to hear, “Please help her.”
Aengus backed up. Ho-Oh looked at him and gave a slight nod. Aengus bowed again as before, and backed up to stand beside his brother. Ho-Oh returned its eyes to Rarity, who raised an eyebrow. Tentatively she said, “Um, good morning?”
Ho-Oh cocked its head to the left. Rarity’s eyes flicked to the crowd, and then back to Ho-Oh. Anticipation lay heavy in the air, enough to burden Rarity’s psyche, along with the many pairs of eyes upon her. Another unduly long moment passed. Then Ho-Oh answered in a parrot-like voice, but words of plain human speech, to the gasp of the gathered. “Good morning...but who, and what, are you, miss?”
3 HP. That's what Escavalier had left. 
Face-to-face with one of the big boys, and it wants answers. 
It'll have a few of its own to give as well. But...why did Ho-Oh show up so quickly, in response to Rarity's presence? And what sort of "help" does it intend for her?
Oh, brotherly squabbles...had a number of those growing up. Just one the sibling, and I am the younger, smarter, and better-looking of the two of us. 
Friggin' Joey, man.... 
Secondary classic rock reference this time is courtesy of Lynyrd Skynyrd.
We'll pick up right where this leaves off in a week; seems like the place to leave it for the end of the year. Glad 2016's over; it's been garbage with few bright spots. 
Hopefully 2017'll suck less...hopefully. Anyways, hope you guys had a happy holiday, and everybody stay safe on New Year's. Suppose we can leave this with a U2 song:
Take care, one and all, and thanks for reading. 
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Dammit, Joey. Shut the fuck up!
Stop rattling on about your rattata Joey!
2016 wasn't all that bad. At least I don't think so, I joined this site and met some amazing author's like you.
Since we have now arrived in Johto, a personal favorite region of mine, I cannot help but leave this here:
Oh-ho! So Ho-Oh can communicate with humans a lá Lugia in the second movie. That's bound to come in handy next chapter, maybe even get it through Paddy's thick head that Rarity is, in fact, not at all a Pokémon.
If the reference doesn't come from the following piece of dialogue, I'd be at a complete and total loss:
Watch your narrative, and here's some typos:
And if I may be so honest,
Paddy face palmed while a few passing debarking passengers in earshot sympathetically winced.
- passing or disembarking, not both.
...if Joey wants a rematch,
They looked back and saw Aengus stood very worriedly. (or) stood still worriedly.
“I did not mean any accusation at all, darling! I apologize I came across as such.”
Also, epic cliffhanger is epic.
7826351 wtf, since when did matpat started singing?
7826149
All my yes.
7826345
Glad I could bring some light into the darkness.
I thank you.
7826351
The other secondary references are as follows:
Hooray, somebody picked up on one of the references!
Question, then, is if you've found the primary classic rock reference? Still dropping a line from or an allusion to its title once a chapter.
7826670
Typos and missing words will be the death of me.
Funny thing, "facepalm" was added to the OED five years ago, spelled as one word. Seems absurd that it's in there.
And...I don't know what you mean by "watch [the] narrative."
If Ho-Oh can't convince Paddy that Rarity (and Trixie) aren't Pokemon, then I don't know what will.
Well, maybe a huge scolding from Arceus which I don't mind seeing.
7827276
I don't think Ho'oh will. Paddy has demonstrated on multiple occasions that he simply ignores blantant evidence presented to him, misconstruing it to fit his warped sense of reality.
7827188
I've noticed that your narration tends to wander a bit near the end of some chapters.
Also, thanks for that bit of about face palming. Now I gest need to get my systems' auto correct updated.
7828790
I was unaware of wandering. Coulja' be specific, so that I know for what to look?
7828909
It could just be my imagination, but it sometimes feels as though there should be periotic breaks or transition markers between certain segments; primarily when the focus is shifted between protagonists.
It's more of a nit-pick than anything else, probably spawned from my classes.