This is not helping

by EverlastingKnightmare

Necore, what the fuck are you doing?

Thanks to Tamara Bloodhoof, writer of Dancing Flame, Cooling Ember for working on this with me, please do read her story.

written in the 3rd person for reasons of making this easier.

Necore appeared in an alley, his new found mane and tail all ruffled. “Dammit, I hate hair.” He mumbled as he used his magic the straighten both his tail and mane. “Now then, what shit can I cause?” A grin slowly appeared on his face as he began to walk out of the alley. “Maybe I can turn a pony inside out? No, no, too much too soon, maybe I can make a cat bark endlessly for a while.” He kept searching through his head to think of things to do while ponies looked at him in curiosity and slight horror at the sight of his red coat. “Might need to fix that later...” He mumbled then shrugged. He continued down the street for a while before seeing a small unicorn child playing with a ball.

“Bingo.” Necore chuckled darkly and pointed his horn at the ball, one spell later the child was running away screaming from a pac-man ball with teeth. “HAH! Thats good! Glad to be back!” He quickly walked away from the scene so he wouldn’t be blamed for what he did. “Right, now where is a bakery?” He kept going until he found what looked like a doughnut shop. “Hmm, what to do here?” He questioned himself and pointed his horn at the window. He unleashed a spell towards it, then making the spell go through the window. When the spell his the counter full of doughnuts they grew wings and small stingers. They began to fly around, stinging random ponies currently in the shop. “Hope none of them are allergic to dough.” He chuckled darkly to himself and continued down the street. “This is getting boring.” He mumbled. “Maybe there’s a dog somewhere I can turn into a time bomb, or a bench I can super glue.....Hehehehe.” He had to calm down, his insane laughter was going to attract attention soon.

“Breath Necore, breath.” He took a deep breath and began to make his way to the castle. “Maybe I can steal Tia’s cake and blame it on someone else, I just need a guard pony uniform.”

That’s when he noticed two people walking down the street, one of them a dragoness, her arms crossed and her face grim, the other an Earth pony in full metal armor, covering her entire body, minus the helm, revealing a pale furred mare with dark pink hair.

“I still refuse to go Ritz.”

“Ember, I’ve lived here forever and I’ve never gone. At least give it a shot. Please?” Necore grins, a possible guard pony arguing with a dragon, maybe he could pull the old switch-a-roo on her.

“Hope it fits.” He mumbled as he began to make his way towards them when he stopped. “Will they be put off by my fur?” He wondered out loud before shrugging and beginning his walk to them again. “Wait, the fuck I’m doing?” He stopped again. “A dragon, and a female one at that, is in a city full of jumpy ponies, why not use that?” His grin widened at the thought of getting the dragoness to go on a mini rampage. “Now, to find a button to press...” He conjured up a bucket of water, a button, and some popcorn. He made the bucket float up above the dragon and then placed the button on the ground beside him. “Time for the easier button!” He smashed the button with his hoof and the bucket began to plummet towards the dragon. The bucket turned over in the air and poured the water on the dragon, then the bucket itself hit her. “Hole in one!” He paused. “Shit, too loud.”

The dragoness looked up slowly, the bucket falling off her head onto the ground, to see him. “Who the buck are you?” she asked, a scaly eyebrow cocked.

“Um....Friendly prankster?” He put his hooves up in a shrug. “Just saying, I might do it again, not going to lie.” He put on a innocent grin.

“Really, you’d do that again just to give it a try?” she asked, her eyebrow raising higher. “Dear lord, why do I get all the crazies.” to which the pony on the ground gave her head a resounding smack. “Okay okay, that’s your line.” the dragoness muttered, rubbing the back of her head.

“Sadly yes, and you don’t know how right you are!” He laughed and cracked his neck. “The names Necore, soon to be mad god at your serves.” He did a little bow. The pony child from before ran by screaming, still fleeing from the carnivorous pac-man ball. “...Hehehe.” He giggled.

The dragoness looked at the ball, then pointed her finger out and said, “Lacino.” causing the ball to suddenly stop in its tracks, lose it’s teeth, and become a regular ball again. She then looked up at the red unicorn, his mane similar to the color of her eyes. “Since you named yourself, I guess I should to. I’m Ember.” she said.

“Nice to meet ya.” He gazed at the ball with a sad look.” “Now that was funny, ah well.” He shrugged and looked at the earth pony. “Can I borrow that armor? I need it to make some carvings in the garden come to life, excluding Dissy.” He gave her the best sad kitten eyes he could muster.

“Ummmmmm, my name’s Ritz, and no, it’s survived over a centuries of battles, so it’s going to stick with me for now.” the metal clad pony said.

“There goes play A.” He mumbled. “Right-o! Time to set something on fire!” He began to turn when he tripped on his robe. The sudden connection with the ground and his horn dispelled his magic, making his flesh melt off showing nothing but his skeleton. “SONOVABITCH!” He got up and looked at his robe. “Aww I got blood on my robe!”

The two people looked at Necore for a second, then at eachother, then at the screaming ponies surrounding them.

“So then.” said Ritz.

“Yep.” Ember muttered.

“You seen worse.”

“Hell yeah.” Ember said, looking at Necore again. “So what’s your deal?”

“Broke my horn, blood magic fucked up, need new blood.” He explained. “Right, now who to pick...” He gazed around before grabbing a random screaming stallion and ripping his throat out with his teeth. The blood poured out but never hit the ground, instead it swirled around Necore for a few moment before molding to his bones and recreating his skin. “There we go.” He said as he dropped the now dying and twitching pony. “Excuse me one more moment.” A flash came from his horn and all the ponies currently watching (Not Ritz) fell over, unconscious. “Right, done now.” He chuckled lightly.

Ember turned over to the dying pony, tears in its eyes. “Sanas, dolor remissionis.” She muttered, and his neck patched itself up, his eyelids flapping shut in relief. As his breathing slowed it became evident that he had just fallen asleep. “One cured, many harmed.” Ember muttered

“Just a big softy ain’t ya?” Necore looked at Ember with a disappointed look. “I thought humans were use to seeing things like that happen, well seeing it in horror movies anyway.” He chuckled and looked around at the fallen ponies. “Guess some just have weak stomachs, not use to seeing the death of another being, or just have hearts made of fluff.” He chuckled again. “Hey! That would be a nice letter to Tia!”

she looked at the crazy creature before her. “Actually, I’ve gotten better about death, but healing is my speciality and I could save him. Besides that, how do you know I’m a human, wait, I just told you didn’t I?”

“Eeyup.” His horn flashed and his skin melted away again, this time the blood became a very tiny compressed ball. His bones began to snap apart and reassemble into the bone structure of a human skeleton. “Four legs are hard to walk on.” He mumbled and cracked his neck.

“A walking skeleton, scary.” Ritz mumbled dryly. “Seen so many of those by now that they really don’t seem frightening.”

“Honestly wasn't going for a spook, its just really fucking hard walking on four legs.” He cracked his back this time. “So......Hi.” He waved at them, honestly not knowing what to talk to them about now, but hey at least he found a human to mess around with, maybe he would take a peek inside her mind to see how messed up she was.

Ritz looked at the skeleton, then at Ember. “Is this really what we look like without our skin and muscles?”

The dragoness looked at the pony and stated, rather matter of factly, “You grew up on a battlefield, you should know.”

“Hey, I hacked the live one’s, not the dead.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that.”

While they were talking Necore took a long look into Ember’s head to see not one, but TWO people there, talking to each other in a wasteland like area.

“No Ember, he isn’t a complete psychopath who needs to shove out, he’s just a bit nuts.”

“Shut up Gemina, I’m talking to Ritz for now.”

“Oh boy! Even more new friends! And I’m not nuts, I’m fucking nuts, theres a difference.” He said to the purple one, this dragon had wings. “I take it you're this ‘Gemina’?”

The dragoness turned around and looked at the visitor. “Oh, there you are, was wondering who had entered here. Yeah, fucking nuts seems right, but she doesn’t appreciate it quite like I do. So then,” she said, a giant pouf armchair appearing Behind her. She sat down in the chair, crossed her legs, and asked, “Why are you here?”

Necore shrugged, making his own seat of choice appear, a throne made of bones. He took a seat in it and smile. “Just visiting, seeing how stuff works, what confuses me is how one body can house two souls...” He leaned forward a bit and place a hand on his chin while he studied her.

Gemina laughed. “Yep, one body two souls, and two different strands of D.N.A. to save the day.”

“Interesting.” He mumbled and shrugged. “Bah, too hyper to be smart right now.” He laughed and made a bouncy ball appear. “So, I take it you're more powerful then Ember is?” He asked as he began to bounce the ball around.

Gemina tapped her chin thoughtfully for a few seconds, then shook her head. “Not really. She has a strong will, I also have a strong will, but mine is usually short living. I guess you could qualify me as powerful rage, her as unending stubbornness.”

“I see, I am, as well, one of two halfs, the other is currently....Locked up, so to say.” Necore chuckled a bit. “Not as much of a good fighter apart though, we use to be a killing machine.” He sighed happily at the memories. “Then we got our asses kicked by a bast, a shame really.” He shrugged as the ball began to bounce away.

“Only twice have we both lost it at once. First time concluded with four concussions, three compound fractures, and everyone in the hospital. Oh, and even a broken swing set. Last time concluded with a town of D-dogs being murdered, most of the town being drowned in a literal bath of fire.”

“Must have been fun, it would have been for me.” He chuckled. “You two are fun, when I get my city up in running you should come and visit.” He said as his form began to fade from existence. “Later.”

Gemina put on a set of sunglasses from seemingly nowhere and said, her voice suddenly deep. “Hasta la vista.”

Necore’s train of thought returned to his physical body. “I'm back! What did I miss?”

“Huh?” came the simultaneous response from Ember and Ritz, their noses pressed up against one another, now both turned to look at him. “Miss what?”

“Hmm, nevermind.” He picked up his box of popcorn and began to munch on some. “Want some?” He held out the box.

“Why would I want popcorn?” Ember asked.

“Popcorn? I’ve always wanted to try some. Corn doesn’t exist under King Henry.” Ritz muttered, rubbing her chin with a hoof.

“From England are we? Here, have some.” Necore walked over to Ritz and crouched down in front of her, holding out the popcorn.

“Thank you I guess.” Ritz said, taking a kernel out and popping it into her mouth. “Not bad.” she hummed, chewing the little kernel in her mouth. “Thank you.

“No problem.” He said, taking a handful of popcorn and stuffing it in his mouth. “And you younger one?” He held the box out to Ember.

“Younger one?” she asked, pushing the box away.

“I’m older than the both of you, and she’s older than you.” He pointed out. “See the logic here? You're the youngest one here.”

“I guess I see the logic.” Ember said, looking at the skeleton. “But how old are you?

“About......2.5 million years old? I was imprisoned for 2.4 and free for 1 before that imprisonment.” He shrugged. “Never lost my sense of humor though, and I have my own cult built around me!” He said gleefully.

I looked at his visage. “What, the Elder God?” Ember asked, a smirk spreading across her lips.

“You could call me a elder, but I’m not one of those Elder Gods” He chuckled.

“If you’re the new god of madness you should be able to be a bit more scary than,” and here Ember started shouting, “HASTUR!”

Necore, being the idiot he is, conjured up some flying monkeys. “Oh shit, look what you did.” He grinned as the monkey's landed on Ember and grabbed her. “Bye bye.” He waved as they began to (Slowly) drag her into the sky.

“The hell!?” Ember screamed, cutting the monkey’s to pieces, falling back to Earth. “Ventus!” she shouted, an air bubble appearing on the ground and launching her to her feet.

“It was your own damn fault, I mean come on! You know what you said.” Necore crossed his arms and pouted.

“You meanie!” Ember shouted, pointing at Necore. “Wait, why is my finger so small. Why am I small. What happened?” Ember asked, her body roughly the size of a nine year old. “What the hell did you just do Necore!?”

“By the looks of it I think I turned you into a toddler.” To crouched down to inspect her. “Hmm.” He poked her belly lightly.

“What?” Ember said, looking at herself. “Oh heck no, incrementum!”

“I think you look adorable.” He said with a smile, one that promptly fell as the little Ember suddenly grew back to her old proportions.

“Don’t buck with those who know magic as well, eh?” she huffed.

“Well then,” He said as where he was looking distracted him. “That was....Unexpected....” He paused. “This is weird without skin...”

Sudden realization dawning on her face, she proceeded to knee his head as hard as possible, knocking the head spinning around and around.

“WEEEEEE!” He said as he fell backwards and stopped his head. “Trippy...” He then looked at Ember and grinned. “So...........Dinner sometime?”

Ember’s eyes suddenly turned purple. “Fuck you asshole. Fucking nuts is okay, this is just perversion in a disgusting way.” then her eyes changed back into their previous scarlet.

“You're the one who thought it was a wonderful idea to suddenly grow to full size with me right in front of you.” Necore grumbled.

“And you’re the one who decided it was funny to poke multiple jokes at this one point. Saying, after you backed up, ‘Hey, that was awkward.’ might’ve been okay, but you just made it disgusting.”

“Couldn’t help it.” He grinned. “Well, I feel accomplished.” He pushed himself up and dusted off his robe. “I’m one of those guys who's just evil to the bone and funny as hell, and very comfortable with killing innocents.” He opens his arms with a dark grin. “Hug for the evil one?”

Ember looked at you with a look of disinterest. “Hug for the perverted skeleton who randomly kills people for amusement? Maybe not...”

Ritz however walked forward and hugged Necore, laughing. “You can’t be that bad if you truly think like you do. However,” she said, her laughter dying away immediately, “If you hurt more innocent people, I do swear to hunt you down.”

“I’m shaking in my skin, oh wait.” He chuckled lightly. “I don’t have any! Meh.” He returned the hug. “Now, I must be off, things to see, people to do, that sorta thing.” He did a fancy bow and gave Ember a bouquet of roses. “A parting gift, farewell my dear, we shall meet again.” With that, he jumped over a building and out of sight.

“..............And here I thought you were weird......” Ritz sighed, shaking her head.

“And he’s not the craziest one I’ve met to date.” Ember responded, looking at the roses in amusement. “Still, goodnight Necore.”

Comments

[Qreak]

Awesome... Just awesome.

[EverlastingKnightmare]

1631251 Thank you, my friend.