Chapter 3: Ed's Trip to the Market
“I’m a dude.
He’s a dude.
She’s a dude.
‘Cause we’re all dudes, HEY!”
Outside was warm and sunny and not a cloud in sight. Ed was walking down the pathway as he was singing his song with a huge smile on his face. Since Spike took a nap after Ed gave him a Good Punch, Ed figured he’ll help out by going to the market and picked up the food for the young drake. Sure, he never been to Ponyville and he doesn’t know where the market is, but hey, it’s fun to go on an adventure to new area, even if he’s just going to the market.
As he continued to walk down the path, he noticed a body of a grey pony with wings stuck into a tree. Ed walked up to the struggling pony.
“Hi there,” Ed greeted.
The grey pony stopped struggling. “Oh hi there!”
“Why is your head inside of a tree?” Ed asked curiously.
“Oh I was doing my delivery duty when a wind caught me by surprise and I landed into a tree. Unfortunately, my head is stuck and I'm trapped here since,” she said in her cheerful attitude despite her situation.
“Oh. Are you hurt?” Ed asked.
“Naw, I’m fine. Stuff like this happens all the time!” she said. “Anyway, think you can get me out?”
“Sure thing,” Ed said as he approached behind her.
Ed grabbed both of the pony’s hind legs and began to pull her. He pulled for a while but he stopped when heard her cried out in pain.
“Ow…this isn’t working! My head doesn’t even budge!”
“Okay hang on, I have an idea!” said Ed.
Ed dug into his pants pocket and took out a couple of small package of mustard. He tore them open and began to put some mustard on the neck of the pony.
“Um…what are you doing?” The stuck pony asked in confusion.
“I’m putting mustard on you,” he answered.
“Why are you putting mustard on my neck?” she asked.
“To loosen your neck up a bit,” Ed replied. “Now let’s see if this works…”
Ed walked to the back of the pony and began to pull her hind legs again. This time, her head was able to move a bit so Ed kept on pulling. He was pulling for a full minute before finally, the mare’s head finally popped out of the hole of the tree.
“I’m out!” The grey mare screamed in delight. She reveled to have a long blonde mane and yellow crossed eyes. The grey mare turned to Ed. “Thank you so much mister…”
She froze in her tracks when her eyes met with Ed for the first time. This creature stood on two legs with dark skin, weird garments, and long dreadlocks. She met many other creatures like the yaks, Minotaurs, even dragons during her delivery service, but not never a creature like Ed. Her first instant was to fly away, but what stopped her was his genuine smile he was giving her as he raised his hand out to her.
“You’re welcome! Name’s Ed,” he said. “What’s you’re name?”
“Um…I’m Derpy,” she replied softly as Ed grabbed her hoof and shook it in greeting.
“Really? My mom’s name is Derpy!”
“Really?”
“…no.”
Ed released her hoof. “Anyway, do you know which way I should go to the market?”
“You mean in Ponyville?” Derpy asked before pointing her hoof towards the path. “Just keep going down this path and you should reach the market at the central part of our town within a minute. You can’t miss it.”
“Great! Thanks for the help!” said Ed before making his way towards Ponyville.
“Wait!”
Ed stopped walking and turned his head towards a Derpy with her confused look.
“Why’d you help me?” she asked.
Ed smiled. “I just want to help to get you free. ‘Sides, I can’t just leave a cute pony trapped in that tree. Haha.”
“Y-you think I’m cute?” Derpy squeaked with a blush on her cheeks. “W-what’s so cute about me?”
Ed titled his head. “Um…your eyes?”
“R-really?” Derpy asked softly.
Ed nodded. “Sure! They’re just so pretty to look at. Haha.”
Derpy’s cheeks blushed a deeper shade of red.
Ed chucked and waved at Derpy. “Anyway, I gotta go. It’s nice meeting you Derpy!”
Ed turned his head back towards the road and he walked down the path leading to Ponyville.
Derpy haven’t moved at all and kept starring at Ed in awe as he departed away from her. Only a few ponies in her life have ever come to her aid after her clumsy performance, but no pony or creature for that matter, had ever called her ‘cute’ before. Especially about her eyes! She knew everypony she came across had made fun of her eyes, even when they were trying not to laugh as they were talking to her. It was also because of her eyes that ponies assumed that she was dumb, even though she’s actually a real smart pony. While that always hurt her, she could only smile and pretend that they don’t affect her at all. But this strange guy came out of nowhere and helped her without anything in return and said that she looked very cute because of her eyes. She felt warm feelings growing from inside of her chest as her heart kept pounding like a drum. Derpy slowly grew into a small gentle smile.
“Cute…” Derpy whispered as her smile grew as big as Pinkie’s. Derpy leaped up into the air with a happy glee. “He thinks I’m so cuteeeeeeeeeee-OOF!”
Unfortunately, she was so caught up with her happy feelings, she didn’t paid attention to the tree branch that was above her and she slammed her head into it and then she fell down to the ground out cold.
Near the entrance to Ponyvile, a lone pale yellow coat mare with raspberry mane was struggling with her cart full of roses. No matter how hard she pulled, her cart wouldn’t move an inch.
“Darnit!” She shouted in frustration. “My cart’s stuck in a pot hole!”
“Here, let me help!”
She felt her cart lifted up due to the mysterious stranger’s strength. The cart was then placed back on the ground, which was now on an even surface. The mare pulled the cart a bit and the cart was able to move much more easily.
“Hey, I can move now!” she said happily before facing the stranger behind her. “Thank you so much for your-”
Her words stopped abruptly and her pupils changed to the size of pin-needles when she saw her ‘savior.’ There stood in front of her was Ed, giving her his huge goofy smile that sent chills to her spine.
“Oh you’re welcome!” he laughed before he extended his arm out towards her. “I’m Ed. Haha!”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! MONSTER!” she screamed as she quickly detached herself off of her cart and galloped away towards Ponyville.
Ed stood there with a confused look. “Monster? Where?” Ed looked around him to see if he had missed the ‘monster.’
“So Spoiled Rich took a bite of my daisy, spat it out and said that it tasted like manure!” the magenta mare with lime green mane vented in anger. “Then she walked away without paying that flower she just ate!”
“Ugh! The nerve of her!” the raspberry mare with a lily in her amber mane grunted in anger. “Snob ponies like her had no idea how hard we grow plants like that!”
“I know right? I swear the next time I see her I’ll-”
“GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSS!”
Both mares turned towards the scream that belong to their pale yellow and raspberry mane friend who was galloping towards them with a terrified look.
“What? What is it Roseluck!” Lily said with her urgent voice.
“M-M-M-M-M-M-Monster!” Roseluck quivered in fear. “There’s a monster coming this way!”
The magenta mare, known as Daisy, rolled her eyes with a groan. “Again? That’s the third time this week! Can’t we just have a normal day without any monster attacks in this town for once?”
“Relax Rose,” Lily soothed. “I’m sure Princess Twilight and her friends can take care of this monster like they did with the others.”
“You don’t understand!” Roseluck exclaimed as she violently shook her head. “This monster is worse than those wood-eating Parasprites! Worse than that three-headed dog! Even worse than the Bugbear!”
Lily and Daisy looked at each other nervously before Daisy cautiously stepped towards Rose.
“Okay…look Rose. Clearly you’re over exaggerated. We’ve seen a lot of scary creatures coming into our town before. What could be scarier than them?”
“Hey excuse me, pony with a rose tattoo?”
The three mares turned towards the voice and then froze in fear when they spotted Ed standing in front of them with Rose’s cart behind him.
“You forgot your cart so I’m bringing it to you. Haha!”
The flower trio screamed.
“MONSTER!”
“RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”
“THE HORROR! THE HORROR!”
The flower trio turned and ran as fast as their legs can carry them. Ed just stared at the retreating ponies in confusion.
“Jeeze…what’s their problem?”
In the center of Ponyville, the market place was booming with ponies, buying food or other products from different stalls. Some of the vendor ponies were busy selling their goods to their customers, other were either standing around waiting for a customers or having conversations with other vendors, including the brown stallion pegasus who sells cherries and a cream mare who sells tomatoes. Their conversation was abrupt to a complete halt when they heard the flower trio screaming as they ran by past them.
“RUN, EVERYPONY RUN, MONSTER!”
“HE'S COMING THIS WAY!”
“THE HORROR! THE HORROR!”
The cherry vendor stallion grunted at the fleeing mares in annoyance. “Them again? Those three are always over exaggerate things about everything! Don’t they have something better to do than to make a big deal like their stupid flowers?”
He turned back to the other vendor, expecting a reply, only to see an empty stall. He also noticed that all the ponies that were around the area including all the stalls where the vendors were had vanished without a trace.
“Hey? Where did everypony go?” he shouted with a hint of nervousness in his voice.
“Um excuse me?”
The cherry vendor stallion turned towards the source of the voice and his face was quickly chanced to a look of terror when he sees Ed standing in front of him.
“I would like at have some cherries if you please.” Ed said with a huge smile o his face.
The cherry vendor stallion screamed like a little filly and dived behind the counter. He quickly came back up with a buckets full of cherries and slammed them on the counter in front of Ed.
“Here, take 'em! TAKE 'EM ALL! JUST DON’T HURT ME!”
The stallion than turned and ran out through wall and out on the streets, crying out for his mama.
Ed blinked in confusion. “Um…I don’t think I want that many.”
Ed shrugged and then picked up only one bucket of cherries before he continued on his way. As he was walking, he noticed all the other ponies were screaming as they were running or flying away from him. Most of them were fleeing towards the Town Hall while some headed to their own homes for their own safety.
“Huh. I guess today must be an annual screaming fest day. Haha!”
Ed decided to head over to the next stall to buy another food for Spike.
Inside of one of homes of Ponyvile, Lyra Heartstrings was sitting on the couch, reading Equestria Daily. She has a mint green coat with a white and cyan mane and tail and she has a lyre as her cutiemark. She was only reading the paper because she was bored and have nothing to do. Unfortunately, none of news had caught her interest except a scandal story about Prince Blueblood. He almost allowed the demolition to tear down the park just to build a large golden statue of him in it's place without his aunt's knowledge. After Princess Celestia heard the outcries from all the citizens of Canterlot, she immediately put a stop to the demolish crew and gave Blueblood an earful in front of all the bystanders, much to the Prince's humiliation. As much as this amused Lyra about the prude Prince, it wasn't enough to bring her out of boredom.
Suddenly, she heard the front door slammed open. Lyra tuned to see her very best friend, Bon Bon, entered the house. She has a beige coat with blue and pink mane and tail and has three wrapped candy as her cutiemark. Bon Bon looked like she had just ran a marathon, but her features had a look of fright as if she had seen a ghost.
“Lyra, we got to get to the Town Hall!” Bon Bon yelled.
“Why, what’s going on Bon Bon?” Lyra asked as she tossed the paper to the side.
Bon Bon pointed her hoof towards outside. “There’s a monster attack in our town!”
Lyra groaned as she rolled her eyes. “Again? That’s the third time this week! So what kind of monster is it this time?" Lyra then gave her friend her suspicious look. "It’s not the Bugbear again is it?”
“No, it’s not the Bugbear or any other monsters that relates to my former agency." Bon Bon reassured. "So you don’t have to worry about me running off again.”
Lyra sighed in relief. “Oh good! Glad that didn’t happen again." Lyra trotted close to her friend with her curious look. "So tell me, what kind monster is it?”
Bon Bon rubbed her chin with a puzzled look. “I’m…actually not sure. I don’t think I ever seen or heard of this kind of creature before, even from my old agency records. But by the looks of it, this creature appeared to be a fleshy bipedal creature that stands on two legs and it also have these strange hooves with five digits on each one.”
Lyra eyes widen and she went up to Bon Bon's face. “Did you say…bipedal creature?”
Bon Bon was taken back by her friend's sudden change of tone. “Um…yes?”
“And it stands on two legs?”
“Yes.”
“And it has those two things on it’s arms with five digits on each one?”
“…yes.”
All was quiet for a moment before Lyra let out her loud girlish sequel. “OH MY GOSH! Bon Bon, do you have any idea what that is?”
Bon Bon had a perplexed look on her face. “Uh...No, I don't. Do you know what that creature is?”
Lyra nodded with a huge grin on her face. “Yes. That creature you are describing me, is a HUMAN!”
Bon Bon blinked.
And blinked again.
And blinked for the third time.
“…what?”
Caught in her own excitement, Lyra grabbed both of Bon Bon's shoulders and shook her rabidly, much to Bon Bon's discomfort.
“Don’t you see Bon Bon? The creature is bipedal and it stands on two legs! But most importantly, those strange anatomies in place of hooves are actually HANDS! And those five digits on each one are FINGERS! There's no doubt in my mind that the creature you saw is a human!”
Bon Bon gave Lyra her skeptical look as soon as Lyra stopped shaking her around. She took a cautious step back away from her best friend.
“You can’t be serious!" said Bon Bon. "Lyra, you’ve been making these ridiculous theories about humans being real for years! These humans you're so obsessed over are nothing more than myths.”
“You’re wrong Bon Bon." Lyra argued, as she pointed her hoof at her best friend. "They are real! I read many books as a foal that there were signs of human life before we exist! There are theories that it’s possible that humans either died off or escaped to alternative dimensions without a trace.”
“But those weren’t scientifically proven Lyra!" Bon Bon rebuttaled. "Even if the humans turned out to be real, your theory about them vanished to another dimension sounds ridiculous!”
Lyra gave Bon Bon her flat look. “Um…hello? We live in a magical world full of magic? I say it’s a strong possibility there is another world full of humans. In fact, I suspected that Twilight knew there is a human world this whole time.”
Bon Bon blinked. “The Princess? What makes you so sure that the Princess knew there is a human world?”
Lyra cleared her throat in a awkward manner while her cheeks turned to a tiniest shade of red. “I…may have overheard her and Spike about how excited she was to visit her counterpart version of her best friends again one time.”
Bon Bon frowned and narrowed her eyes accusingly. “Lyra…did you spy on Princess Twilight by hiding in the bush near her bedroom window again?”
"N-No!" Lyra denied. "But nevermind about that! If I could catch this human, I can interview him-or her-about their lifestyles and I’ll finally have proof that the humans really does exist! All those jerks in Canterlot, especially him will realize that they are wrong about my-"
Lyra stopped speaking and made a frown when an unpleasant memories flashed into her mind. But almost instantly, her frown disappeared and shook off her memories.
“That’s not important right now! I must find this human!”
Lyra made a beeline to the front door but Bon Bon stepped in front of her.
“No way Lyra!" she exclaimed. "You will not run off and do anything stupid! Human or not, that creature could be dangerous!”
“I’ll take my chances!” said Lyra with a determined look on her face.
Bon Bon glared back at Lyra. “You’re not going and that’s final! Besides, the Mayor already contacted Flash Sentry to take care of him. Now we should towards the-”
“Twilight’s guard?" Lyra shouted in her panicky tone. "Oh no! If he gets to him first, he’ll take him away…or WORSE! And I won’t be able to find out the truth! I must stop him!”
Lyra pushed past her friend and galloped out the door to the town, away from the Town Hall.
“Lyra!" Bon Bon screamed as she ran out on the porch. "You get back here! LYRA!”
“I’m a dude.
He’s a dude.
She’s a dude.
‘Cause we’re all dudes, HEY!”
Ed continued to stroll down through Ponyvile looking for any other markets that are open while carrying buckets of food from previous stalls. For the past ten minutes, he spotted several vendors in their stalls, only for them to either ran out quickly as soon as they saw him or dumped their food in front of him, begging not to hurt them and than fled before Ed could say anything. Ed made a mental note to tell Twilight and Spike that they owed the market ponies money for the food that they gave him. While he was confused about the whole thing, he did enjoy this quaint little town and he could see why it's so peaceful around here.
...minus all the screaming ponies.
Just as he was heading to a different part of town, he heard someone calling out to him.
“NOT SO FAST CREATURE!”
“Okay,” said Ed as he continued to walk but changed to a speed of a tortoise.
“Just stop and turn around!” the voice shouted impatiently.
Ed stopped walking and turned to a orange stallion pegasus with blue eyes, mane and tail while wearing his golden armor.
Ed smiled. “Oh hey dude! I’m Ed. Haha.”
“Don’t move!" Flash spat while pointed his spear at him threateningly. "Now I want you to place your hooves on your head!”
“But I don’t have any hooves,” Ed replied.
Flash blinked. “Oh," he said awkwardly. "Um…what do you have?”
“I have hands.”
“Okay…than place your…hands on your head.”
"I can't!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm holding all the food."
Flash facehoof. "Oh for crying out- just put the food down and then place your hands on your head!"
"Okay," said Ed as he placed the food on the ground. He then placed both his hands on his head.
“Now get on you’re knees,” Flash ordered.
As Ed knelt down to the ground, Flash took out his hoofcuffs.
“In the name of Princess Twilight, I, Flash Sentry, placing you under arrest for attacking and terrorizing the citizens of Ponyvile!”
“...Is it because I’m black?” Ed asked.
“STOP!”
They both turned to see a mint green mare with white and cyan mane galloping towards them. Lyra could've gone further, but Flash stood in the way.
“Let the human go!” Lyra cried as she was trying to get around him.
“Stay back Miss!" Flash ordered while doing his best to block her. "You’ll only get yourself hurt!”
“No! If I don’t, you’ll end up hurting him!” Lyra shouted.
“Miss, I have everything under control!" Flash stated firmly. "I won’t hurt him unless I have to. Now back-OW!”
Lyra levitated one of Ed's bucket full of food with her magic and then hit Flash from the back of his head. While Flash was stunned, Lyra quickly stood in front of Ed as she levitated more buckets around her.
“Run human!” Lyra yelled.
Ed looked around him before he pointed to himself. “Me?”
“Yes you!" Lyra shouted. "Now run while you still can!"
"Ooh! Are we playing tag?" Ed asked with glee.
"Why would you thin- You know what fine, yes you're it! Now go! I'll hold him off!” Lyra said urgently.
“Okay,” said Ed before he got up and ran into the alley between the two houses.
“HALT!” Flash cried, preparing to give chase, only to get hit by one of the buckets again by Lyra.
Ed ran as fast as he could, while turning around at every corner and jumped over fences. He ran for about three blocks until he spotted a large cylinder building in the center of town. Thinking that's the best place to hide, Ed ran up to the building and up the stairs to the main doors. Ed tried to opened them, but they're lock tight. Thinking quickly, he ran up to one of the support beams and climbed up to the upper floor. When he reached the top floor, he looked around the area until he spotted a door that was right in front of him. Seeing this opportunity, Ed ran up towards the door and opened it.
Inside of the Town Hall, the building is full of almost every pony in town. Everypony were in a panic as they talked anxiously about the 'monster' that was roaming around in their town. A few ponies were either crying or yelling out of fear that the monster will try to break into the building they're in now and was begging to get out and leave this town. Mayor Mare came up to the main balcony to get the whole situation under control.
“Everypony calm down!" Mayor Mare cried loudly, to get the crowd's attention. Once everypony in the building calmed down, the Mayor began speaking again. "Our town hall is very secured! We survived countless other attacks before this one. I'm sure that the monster won’t be able to come in to this building!”
Suddenly, Ed came out through the curtains and stood behind the Mayor on the main balcony.
“Oh hey everyone! I hope you don’t mind if I come in here. The back door is open. Haha!”
The whole crowd gasped as the Mayor turned and her eyes shrinked in fear.
“EVERYPONY RUN!” The Mayor screamed as she jumped over the balcony and was caught by her assistant.
Everypony in the building were screaming as they ran out the main doors towards outside, away from Ed. Some jumped out of the windows for a quicker way out when they couldn't make their way out the doors. Ed, oblivious to all the chaos, laughed at the sight.
“Oh! You all playing tag too? Look out, I’m coming to get you! Haha!”
Ed jumped and grabbed one of the curtains like a rope and slides down to the ground. Once he reached the ground he ran across the room and headed outside through the main doors. Once he's outside, he dashed towards one of the ponies with a playful laugh. The yellow pony with a orange mane shrieked in fear and ran the opposite direction away from Ed. However, she didn't paid attention to what's in front of her and as a result, she bumped into the side of the tent and the support beam of the tent began to tipped over.
A purple filly with blonde mane was frantically looking everywhere for her mommy, scared of the creature coming to get her. She was so busy looking through the crowd she didn't noticed the big tent starting to fall over to where she was standing. As the tent getting dangerously closer to the ground, the little filly finally noticed the big shadow covering over her. She looked up and her eyes shrinked as the tent was about to land on top of her. Just when the filly thought she was about to be crushed, she felt somepony scooped her up and rolled over alongside with the stranger just at the nick of time. She was snapped out of her frozen state as she heard a loud crash a few feet away from her. Her heart was still beating at the thought of how close she was of getting smashed by that large tent before she could reunited with her mommy. She noticed she was wrapped up what appeared to be arms by a different creature. She looked up and was shocked to see who her 'savior' is.
The one who saved her life, turned out to be the 'monster' that everyone was so afraid of today, was Ed.
Ed smiled warmly at the stunned little filly as he gently put her down. “You okay there little girl? It won’t be fun if you got hurt. Heh.”
Just when the little filly was about to utter a single word, Ed felt someone tackled him to the ground and on his back. Ed looked up to see an angry Flash Sentry standing over him while holing his spear close to Ed's face.
“This is the end monster!” he snarled as he raised his spear over his head.
”EVERYPONY FREEZE!”
Suddenly, all the citizens including Flash and Ed were frozen in place and floated in the air by a purple aura. They all turned to see none other than Twilight and the rest of the gang standing by the bridge.
“Princess Twilight!” someone cried in relief as Twilight calmly headed towards Ed and Sentry.
Flash for his part could only blinked in confusion. “Princess? Why’d you freeze us? Is it to help catch this creature? There’s no need for that! He is about to be dealt with!”
Twilight stopped in front of them and glared at Flash. “That’s precisely why I’m doing this! I don’t want you to hurt him!”
If it weren't for Twilight's spell, he would've made a look of disbelief. “What do you mean? He is terrorizing the town! This monster-”
“HE’S NOT A MONSTER!” Twilight screamed.
The whole town was in an uneasy silence for a moment before Twilight spoke again in a much more calming voice.
“This is all a big misunderstanding! Ed wasn’t trying to hurt anypony! He only came here to shop!” Twilight gave everypony including Flash her stern look. “Now, I’m about to release all of you now. And when I do, will you all promise not to run or attack Ed while we explained everything?”
Everypony in the area nodded feverishly while Flash was still hesitated. He was about to protest but a sudden glare from Twilight told him there are no room for argument. With no other choice, Flash sighed and nodded reluctantly.
Satisfied with everypony keeping their word, she gently lowered them back to the ground and released them from her magic. As soon as they were released, Ed let out a huge cheer while accidentally threw Flash off in the process.
“Whee! That was fun! Let’s do it again!”
Before anypony said a word, Pinkie zoomed over to Ed as the loud noisemaker went off and the confetti exploded out of thin air.
“Hi there!~ You must be Ed! My name is Pinkie Pie! I just want to say welcome to Ponyville! Sorry about all of this. You see, we never see a human like you before, well except for Twilight ‘cause she met the humans before, so everypony was really really frighten of you. But you’re clearly a nice human cause I can tell you saved a couple of ponies and you really wanted to play with us. I hope you can forgive all of us so we can start over and give you a proper welcome this time and then we can be best friends! What do ya say?”
After Pinkie finished with her non-stop, all in one breath rant, Ed gave Pinkie his goofy smile.
“I have no idea of what you just said, but sure!”
“Yay, new bestie!” Pinkie cheered as she hugged Ed who end up hugging her back.
Twilight smiled at the sight of them. She was glad that she and her friends caught up with Ed on time, before it was too late. While he may look intimidating, she knew the moment she met him that Ed is a nice person. She just need her friends to help guide Ed so that misunderstandings like this won't happen again. She just need to convince the entire town that Ed is not their enemy, he is actually their friend from another world.
“Um...Princess Twilight?"
Twilight turned to see a confused yet stern looking Mayor approaching her. "Will you please explain to us just what’s going on and who is that creature?”
Twilight sighed. This is gonna be a long day!
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Poor Twilight, she doesn't know what will happen next. Hehehe
Still no burgers.
I'll have a Good Shake and Double Good Burger.
this story just get better and better
Calling it now, Flash is going to be stuck Ed-sitting.
yes!! yess!! more please!! and you earn a watch from me! ^^
7499927 Thank you!
And more is on the way!
nothing wrong with that, but it wouldn't be a problem either to let Bon Bon be Bon Bon and not agent Bon Bon.
If I'm honest the show itself didn't looked so funny from what I saw, but I haven't understood everything. However the story is good.