Surprise: The Final Chapter

This story is a sequel to Surprise

Twilight gets back at Rarity and Pinkie Pie for tickling her

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 11 )

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CassandraMyOCisBestpony

CassandraMyOCisBestpony #1 · Aug 16th, 2016 · · · In for It ·

.I'm going to pay back the favor for all the times you've tickled me

. That's not what I expected

Comment posted by TheEvilCookie deleted Aug 16th, 2016

TheEvilCookie

TheEvilCookie #3 · Aug 16th, 2016 · · · In for It ·

7485961 What do you mean?

CassandraMyOCisBestpony

CassandraMyOCisBestpony #4 · Aug 16th, 2016 · 1 · · In for It ·

7486030 usually when the ropes come out, sex happens.

TheEvilCookie

TheEvilCookie #5 · Aug 16th, 2016 · 1 · · In for It ·

7486185 Yes I can see why people would first suspect that do to it being an S&M element.
I'm sorry I truly wasn't going for that. Twilight had to tie her up to tickle her as she's not strong enough to hold her down.

Baritone

Baritone #6 · Aug 16th, 2016 · 1 · · In for It ·

Hi, I noticed a few things that might help your story! If you followed through using them in your future stories, your quality of writing will really improve.

Before I write anything else, I want to say I liked your story. It was original and you should be proud of it. I'm not trying to be mean, I just thought you might improve your quality of writing by doing the following things!

For a start, you made a few punctuation errors. The odd mistake is fine but trying to read three or four lines on a single breath is difficult. If you read your text in your head and need to pause, consider a comma! I don't think I noticed any apostrophes either. Here's a line from your story that needs an apostrophe!

Tears of laughter now coated Rarities face

Because you're talking about Rarity, you need to put in an apostrophe. Instead of Rarities face you should have written Rarity's face. Whenever you're talking about something a character owns, -Rarity's mirror, Rarity's boutique- you need a possessive apostrophe.

Finally, I think you should use an online spellchecker. I noticed a few spelling errors in the story that would have been spotted if you were spellchecking your work. Even if you used a proofreader, they will surely miss the odd mistake. If you google "free spellchecker" then I know you'll improve your quality of writing!

Thanks for your time and thank you for providing me with some reading!

Have a nice day!

TheEvilCookie

TheEvilCookie #7 · Aug 16th, 2016 · 1 · · In for It ·

7486408 Thanks for pointing that out I didn't notice it. I have spellcheck on my computer so I could use that for spellcheck for next time when I write another story. Im glad that you liked the story. Thank you for your feedback