• Published 28th Sep 2016
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Achieving Divinity: Dragon's Deception - The Joeker



After finally settling in to his surroundings in Equestria, our hero,Tyrath Kyelinth is sent through time by Erlking, the traitorous Goblin! When the 'reunion' goes horribly wrong can he reclaim his memories and past life? Hell, does he even want to?

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Chapter 5: When A Prank Goes Wrong...

As we teleported to the train station I collapsed to my knees, breathing as my ribs cracked again.

"Ah, dickless douchewaffle bottom fuckers." I cursed in pain.

"Are you OK?" Asked Princess Celestia, using a wing on my left to help me up, Princess Luna did the same on my right.

"Yeah, thanks." I said and brushed them off as I stood up, using my greatsword in place of their wings to help me stand. Creature came to my side.

"Master, are you OK?" He asked.

"Fine." I assured him.

I saw a massive contraption pull into the station, it wasn't as surprising to me as I'd have thought... Have I seen one of these before?

We saw Twilight and her friends exit the train. The pink one was limping and Rainbow had bandages around her head and body.

"Twilight! My most faithful student!" Exclaimed Princess Celestia. Hugging her student.

"Princess! You'll never believe- Hey, it's him! The one who saved us earlier!" Exclaimed Twilight.

"Yep. That's me." I groaned.

"What happened?" Asked Twilight, Princess Celestia couldn't look her in the eyes.

"I take it telling you I walked into a door wouldn't suffice?" I shrugged.

"No. It wouldn't." Said Twilight seriously.

"Ask Princess Sunny Side Up." I said, pointing at her, she looked away in shame.

"Princess what? No offense Your Majesty, but that's hilarious!" Laughed Rainbow.

"Princess? What happened?" Asked Twilight.

"I... It was a mistake... I didn't have all the facts..." She said... Twilight was about to ask what when they heard my ribs go, crack! they looked over and saw me hunched over, clutching my stomach

"Princess you... Tried to crush him?" Asked Twilight, horrified by what her mentor did.

"Yep, she did. Almost turned me into kibble. Princess Blue Butt over there didn't help by threatening to obliterate my face with magic. She was bluffing, but between the bright spell being charged and the guards waving their spears in my face, I couldn't tell. And I wasn't taking chances."

"Wait, is that a bruise Princess?" Asked Twilight. Noticing the bruise on the Princess's face.

"Yes. In response to me almost killing him, when I did drop him he hit me. I don't blame him." She said, touching the bruise.

"But you could heal it no problem!" Exclaimed Twilight.

"I want it to heal naturally as a reminder that I shouldn't jump to conclusions. Especially in not so dire situations. I've ruled long enough that I should know this by now." Said the Princess.

"So- Mom!? Mom!" Exclaimed Twilight and ran up to Velvet, hugging her. Velvet swung her daughter around in her hooves.

"I'm fine Twily. Thanks to Ego I'm OK." She smiled.

"Ego? That's your name?" Asked Twilight.

"Yep." I said.

"Oops! I just remembered! I left your poor father on his own in the Castle waiting for me! Gotta go!" She exclaimed and ran off...

I saw the pink pony from earlier walk up to me, but she had a flat mane... Suddenly she stood on her hind legs and wrapped me in a hug around my legs, crying into my lower stomach with a squeal of... Sadness? Pain?

"She hasn't said anything since you saved her. That's the first time she's done anything except follow us." Said the yellow Pegasus.

"Shh, shh, hey, hey, it's OK." I said, cupping her cheek, raising her head and kissing her forehead. Seeing her big, sad eyes looking up at me. "You're safe now. They can't and won't hurt you anymore." I soothed. I don't know where this came from... Since when was I good at consolation?

"Ok..." She said and pulled away, standing on her own hooves, looking happier than before.

"Well gee pardner... I gotta thank ya for helpin' Pinkie Pie like that. She can be difficult at times." Said Applejack, rubbing a hoof on the back of her head-

Wait, Applejack? Guess that's her name...

"No problem." I shrugged.

"Ok Twilight. We have an important matter on our hooves. Ego here wishes for himself and eleven of his servants to become citizens of Equestria." Said Princess Celestia.

"The rest of them are ponies and one of them is an Alicorn, the Prince of Music I think." I said.

"Really? With an Alicorn vouching for them, they can be allowed into Equestria as citizens so long as they are ponies... But you still need to have 3 more ponies vouch for you as even with us vouching for you as you are not a pony." Concluded Princess Celestia.

"I will." Said Twilight.

"So will ah." Said Applejack.

"Me too darling." Nodded Rarity.

"So will I." Came the voice of... Pinkie Pie! That's it!

"And me." Came a small voice, from the yellow Pegasus.

"Count me in." Said Rainbow.

"Well, you have three more votes than you need." Stated Princess Celestia.

"Yep."

"You do need a house..." Started Princess Celestia, tapping a hoof on her chin in thought.

"I know, I was thinking Ponyville, it is my kind of place. Quiet. Out of the way, not too far from the capital." I told them.

"Very well, I am sure you and your friends can accommodate?" Asked the Princess.

"Of course!" Exclaimed Twilight.

"Plus, the forest nearby will provide for all my hunting and dietary requirements." I decided.

"Dietary requirements? The forest... So you-" Started Princess Celestia.

"He is a meat eater! Guard the Princesses and the mares!" Exclaimed a guard nearby who was watching, suddenly a platoon came out of a nearby barracks and surrounded me with spears.

"Really? You've only just now figured that out? Dumbasses." I shook my head. "You want to fight?" I asked, Creature drew his blades and I activated fire in my palms and I clenched my fists.

"Stay thy hoof guards!" Exclaimed Princess Luna.

"Your Highness, he could be out to harm you, he is an unknown quantity. We cannot take the risk." Said a guard.

"I will defend myself." I said.

"And I shall as well." Resolved Creature as we were back-to-back.

"Don't hurt them Creature, just render them unconscious." I mumbled to him.

"As you wish Master." He said and teleported in two battle hammers instead.

"Guards! I gave you an order!" Yelled Princess Luna. Suddenly the guards panicked and one thrust forward, I gripped the spear before it hit me and pulled, bringing the guard forward and I punched, knocking him out.

He fell backwards, hitting one of his squadmates, pinning him. Creature smacked two guards in the face with his hammers. Knocking them cold. One ran at me and I chokeslammed him, taking him out of the fight. My hand was on his neck on the ground. As I was crouched, two guards ran at me from opposite sides, trying to take me by surprise. I leapt high and they ran into each other, knocking themselves out.

"GUARDS! WE. GAVE. THEE. AN. ORDER!!!" Yelled Princess Luna. The guards instantly stopped and stood at attention. The ones that were awake that is. Creature and myself also stopped. "Stop this petty squabble instantly!" Ordered Princess Luna.

"Yes Your Highness. We apologise Your Highness." Said a guard and they all bowed.

"Dismissed." Said Princess Luna and they all hung their heads, picking up their unconscious friends and marching sullenly to the barracks.

"Aw, Lunaaaa... I was enjoying the show." Said Princess Celestia, causing us all to laugh.

"No offense Your Majesties, but next to Ego and Creature, your guards seem pathetic." Laughed Rainbow.

"Indeed. So with that, I welcome you, Ego Draconis, citizen of Equestria." Said Princess Celestia with a laugh, holding out her hoof to... Shake, I think. Instead I mistook it and kissed her hoof and Princess Luna's after. They both widened their eyes and shook their heads in... Disbelief?

"Pinkie, Fluttershy, Applejack and myself need to get back to Ponyville, we have things to do. Good luck Mr. Draconis." Smiled the white pony as she, Applejack, the yellow Pegasus who I now know is Fluttershy and Pinkie got back on the train and sped off.

"Ahem, come on then, let's go." Smiled Princess Celestia.

"Yes, lets. I wish to see Canterlot without Flying Fortresses blocking out the sun." I chuckled.

"Indeed." Said Princess Luna and we started walking through Canterlot.

Suddenly I bumped into a pony.

"Oh sorry." I said, beginning to walk away. Even if these ponies do have sticks jammed so far up their asses that you can see them at the back of their throats, I was still going to be amicable.

"How dare... Wha..." Started the noble prick I bumped into before his pupils became pinpricks. "...A MONSTER, AHHH! MONSTER!" He yelled.

"BOO!" I yelled, leading him to scream bloody murder and run away.

"Come on Ego, that's just mean." Said Rainbow, somehow her expression told me she meant otherwise. Suddenly another platoon of guards ran out and Creature and myself readied ourselves...

"Princesses..." Said Twilight worriedly. Urging them to defuse the situation.

"Guards, it is OK, there is no monster. Meet the newest members of our kingdom." Said Princess Celestia, gesturing to me and Creature, we both waved with smiles. The guards looked at each other uneasily before going back to the barracks.

We began walking again and I began to think deeply about my current situation... And my mission... I heard the Princesses talking behind me, to me? I don't know, their voices were muffled as I sank into thought.

'I hope Damien isn't in Rivellon right now, even if he is, from what I can gather a majority of his forces are here, which means I can deal yet another severe blow to him...' I thought.

'I agree Master, we can give Lucien an opening to defeat Damien!' Agreed Creature fervently, sometimes if we are thinking on the same subject, our minds synch up because it was my magic that gave him a thinking brain, so we are connected in more ways than Creature and Master.

Somehow as we walked I had taken the lead, suddenly I heard snickering behind me...

"What’s so- Umph!" I exclaimed as I stood on a rake, it's wooden part shot up, hitting me in the face and making my nose bleed, out of nowhere a string appeared behind me as I stumbled backwards. I tripped up and fell on my back, my head hit a catapult and a bucket of black paint was shot in the air, drenching me.

"HAAHA!" The two sisters burst out laughing, I stood up. I even saw the nobles sniggering... I took a calming breath as I got up.

"Sure laugh it up..." I said their laughing continued but my expression was NOT amused.

"We are!" Laughed Princess Luna.

"Where am I staying?" I asked, gritting my teeth, even Creature was seething. I had my hand in front of him to stop him from going to town on them.

"In- The... The, room... next my sister's and mine." Said Princess Luna and they continued laughing.

"You know what? Take your citizenship and shove it." I said as I used Hide in Shadows and Creature joined me.

;Princess Celestia's POV;

As Luna and I saw his expression as he disappeared, it made us laugh more.

We didn't see anything, but something was bumping nobles out of the way down the street leading to the castle...

"He told me he is a comedian, yet he cannot take a practical joke?" Laughed Luna, wiping a tear.

"Good on you Your Majesties! Show that thing that no matter what, it is not welcome here, among us highborn." Said a noble who sniggered and bowed to us before walking away. Suddenly we stopped laughing... Looks of realisation dawning on our faces...

"Lulu... Did we do something bad?" I asked just above a whisper.

"I... Think we did, dear sister." Replied Luna

"Princesses, that was like, so not cool." Said Rainbow Dash, flying in front of us to talk. "He's just arrived, he's tryna fit in! To show these nobles he ain't some pushover who they can treat like dirt. What you did just told them that they can treat him however they want. They now think that you both think he's nothing more than an alien." She said, sometimes she doesn't realise how smart she really is...

"We have hurt his feelings... It seems we are mean to him whenever the chance arises, despite the fact he has been as nice as he can given the circumstances... I feel as though our little prank did not lift his or our spirits as planned..." Said Luna, she started tearing up...

"Agreed sister... I think we need to apologise yet again..." I said, also getting sad and worried...

;Tyrath's POV;

I walked, no, marched toward the Castle angrily. I deactivated Hide in Shadows and was in full sight. The nobles were moving out of my way eagerly.

"Fuck them." I grunted angrily. Anger is one hell of a painkiller, my ribs weren't even hurting anymore.

"You should have set me on them Master." Growled Creature.

"Maybe." I said, summoning a glass of my strongest whiskey. I downed it in one. I could have made an impression, showed these nobles I'm not just some alien, that the Princesses have welcomed me to their kingdom. Instead, what do I get? A face full of fucking paint. Fuck 'em.

I... Hated them. Yeah, I did. I really fucking did. There are very few beings in the world I can say I hate. Even Damien is not one of them, he has his reasons for doing what he does, although I'll still kill him when I have the chance. Dragon Slayers are one such group I hate. I can't even think of anyone else...

"There is no maybe about it Master." Grumbled Creature, I liked it when he spoke his mind. It's what separates him from a Necromancer's Pet. We entered the castle and the guards turned to me, but slowly returned to their duties, trying(and failing) To subtly keep an eye on me.

"Excuse me guard, is there a gym here?" I asked.

"Yes sir. There is. Down this corridor, take the staircase down." He said. Moving out of my way.

I opened the doors, going down the corridor, it was opposite the door I used to enter the Throne Room to retrieve my sword. Down the corridor, there were windows on the left and doors on the right, presumably leading to party rooms similar to the one I used to escape the guards.

I reached the staircase and went down, at the bottom of the stairs was a door, I opened it and before me was a massive gym. I saw Princess Cadance and Shining Armor on the weights, the Princess was lifting them and Armor acting as her watcher.

I walked over to the punching bag and started hitting it lightly, lest I break it. But eventually the events that had just transpired trickled back into my conscious mind and I started hitting harder and harder, when I finally shook myself out of it, I saw I had been punching the wall for the best part of 5 minutes, leaving the wall cracked and broken. Hell, I almost broke through to another room I think...

I turned with a breath, Creature was unfazed by this, continuing practicing with his swords on a dummy as he knew my powers. But the Princess and Shining Armor were staring.

"Sorry." I breathed and they went back to doing their own thing.

"Oh my..." Came a voice. I looked and saw none other than Twilight Velvet.

"Err, sorry." I chuckled.

"No, no it's fine. Where are the Princesses? They didn't enter with you?" Asked Velvet.

"Nope." I said, suppressing my anger.

"Why not? Many nobles would die for a chance to have so much attention from the Princesses. In fact some of them feud, quarrel, dispute and even duel over it." She said.

"Can't imagine why..." I mumbled.

"Hmm?" She asked.

"So, how is your husband?" I asked, changing subject.

"Oh, Night Light is fine, he was just glad me and Twily were OK." She smiled.

"Good." I nodded. I saw she had a guitar case in her magic. "Hey! You play guitar?" I asked.

"Yes, I was on my way to my lesson until I saw you going to the gym, I thought I'd see how you are." She smiled.

"Thanks. I learned how to play guitar." I smiled.

"Really?" She asked.

"Yeah, back when I training to be a Dr- Well, we'll just say Slayer. A friend of mine taught me. Took me 3 bloody months to figure out which chords were which and another month find find out how I like my guitar tuned. Good job as well, because one of our assignments was to learn a discipline in an instrument during class time, which took away valuable time used for training in our spare time, while I had already learned how to play the guitar fairly well and so my time was freed to be used for training. Then another few years to pick it back up and learn a song or two." I said. After the assignment I never picked the guitar pack up again for a year or two.

"Would you like to play me a song?" She asked, opening the case and passing me the acoustic guitar.

"Sure... There is a song I know off by heart. Creature, you up for it?" I asked.

"Of course Master." He said, walking over and summoning his acousticmagic guitar (acousticelectric), magic is used to enhance the sound in it. We both sat down and strummed a few chords to get a feel for it again, Creature and I used to play together after we sent Damien's armada away from Aleroth. I coughed a few times, testing the vocal acoustics of the gym it was quite bare so I echoed well enough. Didn't need magic to enhance my voice volume...

As we began, Princess Cadance used her magic to broadcast my voice all over Canterlot... Either she thought we were good or she was trying to embarrass me and prank us. I'd prefer to think it was the former.

(Just so you know, my character can't cater to everypony's tastes, he isn't the god of guitar players. Some ponies in Canterlot will love his voice, some will think it's Ok. Some will dislike it, some will hate it. But I love this band so... Yeah. Just play your favorite acoustic/bass song on YouTube instead if you don't like this song, but remember, that's the point.)

(in the song, for my character, the word plane means zeppelin, as they exist in Rivellon.)


;Princess Celestia's POV;

As Luna and I almost reached the Castle, we saw a pink bubble begin to float above Canterlot, the sign of Cadance's magic...

"Sister, what is our niece doing?" Asked Luna.

"Who knows?" I asked, when out of seemingly nowhere, an instrument started playing... A guitar? Suddenly, a voice came out of the bubble as well as the instrument...

"When the time comes..."(insert the first words from your song of choice there if you have one.)

Everypony stopped what they were doing to listen, some just scoffed and moved on, some didn't like it but didn't show interest either way, others stayed and watched the bubble with interest.

Luna and I were looking at it, not moving.

Then, others still started humming along, some hummed and carried on with what they were doing... It was true music. It didn't reach everypony, but no music ever does... As we felt our little pony's toleration increasing toward whomever was playing and singing, Cadance allowed everypony to see who was playing... Ego and Creature... Some ponies suddenly decided they didn't like the music. While some didn't care and still enjoyed the music, either while they worked or just listened...

"Lulu..." I started, looking at her.

"Beautiful..." She said, nodding. Not looking at me but at the bubble...

"If a plane were to fall..." Sang Ego, he knew everypony could see him and smiled as he played and sang. (Insert first part of chorus of your music there [if applicable.])

Suddenly the ponies who disliked it began to like it, strange huh? Once we show our appreciation all the nobles seem to enjoy it...

Luna and I were smiling as we listened to him.

"Oh come on now..." He sang. Creature's instrument really picked up here... (insert the meaningful part of your music there.)

Luna and I closed our eyes and crossed horns, memories flooded our minds of when we were children... Playing, with nary a care in the world... All our journeys... Everything came flooding back... We began to cry tears of joy at the memories...

"How big a hole would it make, in the surface of the earth...The surface of the earth. The surface of the eeeeeaaaarrrrrthhhh..." As they finished we stepped away from each other, wiping our tears with our wings. I wrapped my hooves around Luna.

"I love you little sister." I said, she looked shocked at first but then reciprocated the hug.

"I love you too." She smiled.

Some of the nobles began crying... Some fake, others truthful. All the ones who truly enjoyed it began clapping their hooves on the ground, resulting in a thunderous applause throughout Canterlot...
(Think about how big Canterlot is... If at least 20% of ponies living there enjoyed it, and applauded, it would still be incredibly loud.)

As we let go of each other Luna and I began clapping as well. As we did, all those who weren't clapping started up... What are they? Sheep?

After we had recovered and everypony started to head home, quite a few with smiles on their faces, we went down to the gym. We saw the remains of the punching bag in the background of Cadance's observation spell.

As we headed down we passed Cadance and Shining Armor, they gave us a glance and Cadance passed along a sad smile while Armor was scowling. We went down onto the gym floor and saw Ego was sitting with his legs crossed, the amount of raw power and magic emanating from him was simply amazing... It was clear the music had calmed him...

;Tyrath's POV;

As Creature and I finished, I saw Velvet smiling, Princess Cadance was wiping a tear away...

"That was amazing." Said Velvet as she took the guitar back. "The lyrics were deep, they meant something..." She said.

"I know. Not a song I wrote myself, no, a piece of music I found the complete sheet music and lyrics for at training camp... I found out later it was Kirill, the Prince of Music who accidentally dropped it when passing through. He told me to do it justice." I said.

"Well, I think you did." Smiled Princess Cadance.

"Thank you Your Highness." I said as she nodded and walked out of the gym with her husband.

"Well, I best get to my lesson. Thank you!" Exclaimed Velvet and ran out.

"Master... We were awesome." Smiled Creature as he sent his guitar back to the Tower.

"I agree. That was what I needed to cheer me up." I smiled. Creature went back to training and I meditated to think on events...

;5 minutes later;

"May we just say, Sir Draconis, that was simply-" Came the voice of Princess Blue Butt.

"How dare you speak to Master after what you did! Stay your tongue whorse, or I shall cut it out!" Came the voice of Creature as he leapt in front of me. I slowly opened my eyes.

"It's OK Creature... So, the fuck do you want?" I asked. My face was not mirroring the smiles they had on theirs. I got up.

"So... You haven't forgiven us..." Said Princess Blue Butt as I walked up to the Throne Room, they followed me.

"I know we did you wrong, but if we can just justify-" Started Sunny Side up sadly as they struggled to keep up with me.

"Justify? Fucking justify? You want to justify? Haha! You want to justify that, that is how you treat a new citizen to your country? By humiliating them in full view of everypony who was already looking for a reason to treat them like shit?! You and the Blue Butt slut there can shove it. It's a joke. This rule is a joke. In fact you're both a fucking joke!" I said.

"W-" Started Blue Butt. But I wasn't done. Far from it.

"I've had many adventures, and along the way I've dealt with my fair share of just complete fuckers. But you two... Oh, you two just take the fucking cake, don't you?" I asked.

"You tell them Master." Whispered Creature.

"I have saved my world more than once, I am hailed as a Hero where I am from. Maybe I am, maybe I am not. But one thing I really am not is your fucking personal toy for entertainment whenever the fucking mood takes you, got it? Sunny Side up, you're a fucking two muzzled whorse! Blue Butt Slut, you can go fuck yourself. I've been around the bend and back again, so I don't have time to bend over and kiss your ass like the rest of these sheep that seem to like you so much!" I yelled.

"Holy..." Started Rainbow Dash, but shut up when she realised I hadn't finished.

"The reason they vie for your attention is completely fucking unknown to me. Now then. Take that citizenship of yours, position it behind you. And... FUCKING SHOVE IT UP YOUR FAT ARSES. YOU DUMB FUCKING WHORES!!" I yelled, causing the Castle to shake. All the guards in the room just stood stock still. Twilight, Rainbow and Velvet were in the Throne Room as well, Velvet was in the middle of her guitar lesson with the Princesses musician. They all just stood staring at my outburst. Wondering if my physical wrath was going to rain upon their Princesses as well as my verbal wrath.

"Well done Master, tell them we are not just pushovers." Nodded Creature.

"You know what Creature? I don't think I want to stay on the same world as them, let alone the same building. Come, we're leaving. We're hopping on the next train to Ponyville... In fact, no. We're taking the express. I do not wish to be disturbed during the journey." I said, going to the exit.

"Which one?" Asked Creature.

"The one that leaves time for thought." I said as I pushed the doors to outside open... Leaving two melancholic Princesses in my wake, who were on the verge of tears. I went outside and let my change take place. Creature put a hoof on my shoulder to hold on, I turned into my Dragon Form. Sitting on top of the balcony with steps leading down either side, preparing to fly. I spread my wings and shook them a little.

"W-wait...!" Said Princess Celestia, sniffing, on the verge of tears. She ran out. Without turning my body I quickly craned my neck behind me to look at her and I roared, scaring her, causing her to recoil. I then flew off with Creature on my back toward Ponyville...