• Published 28th Sep 2016
  • 3,047 Views, 158 Comments

Achieving Divinity: Dragon's Deception - The Joeker

After finally settling in to his surroundings in Equestria, our hero,Tyrath Kyelinth is sent through time by Erlking, the traitorous Goblin! When the 'reunion' goes horribly wrong can he reclaim his memories and past life? Hell, does he even want to?

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Chapter 3: I Was Framed I Tell Ya!

"Err... Oh... Ah shit! Not again!" I exclaimed. I shook my head to wake up. Was I...? No... They wouldn't... They aren't that cowardly... Right? "Ah, really?! Who fucking sucker punched me?!" I yelled as I came to, I was in a different place! No wait... I was in the same place, but I was in prison?

'Cock welding nerf trailer twonks...' I thought as I shook my head some more.

"Oh bollocks... What'd I do?" I asked... "Oh fuck, did I get drunk and set fire to a tree because I thought it was telling me evil secrets again?" I asked myself. I was sitting against the wall looking at my cell door... I got up and stretched, feeling my back crack and I groaned in pleasure.

'Better. Not perfect. But better.' I thought as I smiled. I felt the back of my head and felt dried blood... Fantastic.

I remember smashing into a wall... I think I had slight concussion...

"Halt creature! Stay where you are! Away from the door!" Came a voice... I saw the large blue pony from before open my cell door with a platoon of 4 guards pointing spears at me.

"Hey! Visitors! I was wondering when visiting hours were! It would be nice, but I'm afraid I don't know you." I chuckled as she entered.

"This is funny to you?" She asked. Something told me she meant business... But that never stopped me before!

"Incredibly. Not the first time I've been thanked for saving someone with being imprisoned. But it is the first time I saved a kingdom and got arrested for it." I said with a smile.

"SAVE? THOU THINKST THOU SAVED US? DO NOT DELUDE THYSELF! AND DO NOT SPEAK UNLESS WE TELL THOU TO, VILE MONSTER! WE HATH A CIVILISED SOCIETY HERE AND WE DO NOT NEED THOU KINDST OF HELP! IF THOU THINK FORCING THYSELF ON A MARE IS HELPING... THEN THOU ART SORELY MISTAKEN." She said in a loud, angry voice. As she shouted my face was blown as if in a strong wind and i had one eye closed when she stopped. I put my pinkie in my ear and twisted it around, a squeaking sound emerged from it. I even saw the guards flinching when she spoke.

"I have no idea what you mean... Let's start over. So..." I started...

"I-" She started.

"Hi, my name is Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvim John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Zeus." I said.

"WELL-" She started again.

"And my last name is..." I took a breath.
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I introduced.

Suddenly I was picked up by magic and thrown into the wall of the cell. My Indomitable Will must be buggered because of my concussion. I need full concentration for it to work

"SO, THOU IS A JOKER HMM?" Yes, I am Princess.

"I like to think I'm a comedian, but sure, I'll take joker." I smiled. "Ow..." I said as she slammed me into the wall again.


"What, leave? No, that is not a joke, I would very much like to go." I said, trying to squirm out of her magic.

"WE DO NOT THINK SO." She said, dropping me on my ass that was hurting for some reason, it felt like I'd sat on a sword...

"And why not? If I could just..." I said, trying to squeeze past her only for her to move on front of me. "Come on... I'll just..." I said, trying it again to get the same result.


"I admit it, I killed him. That is, about 10 Black Ring and this traitor of yours. Who was also a Black Ring I should add. By this logic, since the Black Ring are foreign invaders and are also my enemies, then, by joining them, your Captain did in fact relinquish his status as both a citizen of Equestria and therefore also as Captain of your sister's guard." I stated, shrugging. She looked pissed. Oops.

"... DO NOTST TRY TO OUTSMART ME KNAVE! OPEN THY SMARTASS MOUTH AGAIN AND I SHALL BRING THE WRATH OF THE VERY STARS THEMSELVES DOWN UPON THEE!" She said and charged a spell. The light at the end of her horn did look threatening enough I suppose. I could also smell the familiar scent of ozone... The same smell that my study smells of because of the constant spell casting in there... Which means she must possess powerful magic.

"Just so you know, I shall defend myself. You will be in here afterwards. And I will be out there." I warned.

"HA! WE WOULD'ST LOVE TO SEE THIS HAPPEN!" Shouted the Princess and she prepared to fire... I took a breath.

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time." I said, closing my eyes as I said it, I saw her still waiting...

"Princess..." Said a guard, sounding worried?

"BRING IT THEN! DEATH AWAITS THOSE WHO RELISH IN IT!" I exclaimed, spreading eagle my arms. Luna blasted her spell at me and the cell filled with a white hot light, even the guards looked away! I rolled out of the way quickly and the light subsided... I called her bluff.

"Very well monster... Thou shalt live... For now."


;1 day later(Dragons have excellent internal clocks);

I heard a tapping on my cell door...

"Hey. Dinner." Said the Sergeant... Same routine every 4 hours. It's time.

"Tell me Sergeant, got a wife? Kids?" I asked as he used magic to hoofcuff me to the side of the cell as I sat down. My hands behind me. Using magically shrunken hoofcuffs for my hands.

"Yeah actually. Why?" He asked, opening the door and entering. Locking it behind him.

"No reason." I answered.

"Ok..." He said. He walked over to me, putting my food down, I surged forward slightly so my face was next to his, he recoiled a little.

"What if they died? Were brutally murdered?" I asked quickly, right next to his muzzle.

"No... Impossible!" He exclaimed quietly. His friend took interest and was looking over.

"Well, if you don't let me out, that’s what will happen." I said, I was using a special mind attack, I managed to penetrate the deflection shield put up and destroyed it from the inside out. He was stood still, rooted to the spot.

"Hey, sarge... You good?" Asked his friend, unlocking the door and walking in. Leaving it open. I had observed the Corporal. He was a little clumsy. Just enough to leave my cell door open... He went next to his friend...

"I wonder what is wrong with him?" I asked, feigning innocence on both my face and in my body language..

"Soldiers, what is taking so long?" Asked Blue Princess, coming into the dungeon going in between the two guards... Meanwhile I had tore one of my nails off and used it to pick the hoofcuffs...

"Time for me to leave." I asked.

"I do not think so." Answered Blue Princess

"Wrong answer." I said, bringing the two guards heads together with my knees, with Blue Princess's head in between.

The two guards were out of it but Blue Princess stumbled backwards, still awake.

"Ah! Guar-" She cut off as I surged forwards and grabbed her head and threw it sideways, smashing it once on the jail bar, with enough force to knock her out, but not seriously injure her.

Suddenly another few guards rushed into the cell... Just in time...

I used Hide in Shadows and vanished. I had ducked the guards and rolled to the side. I crawled out of the cell as they looked at where I was but moments ago.

"Are you OK Your Majesty?" Asked a guard. The Princess got up.

"Fine." She nodded before falling back unconscious.

I was now behind the guards and they looked around the cell. I kicked one in the ass and he fell forward, taking his platoon with him as they all fell inside the cell. I slammed the door shut, locked it and welded it shut with fire magic. As predicted the Princesses two guards who were unicorns attempted a spell each, only for it fizz out because of their own deflection spell.

"Ah, the irony! I did tell you! And now I must bid thee, adieu." I bowed deeply with a grin on my face and backed away to the staircase out.

"LET US OUT OF HERE MONSTER!" Yelled the Captain.

"Monster? Hmm, Let me contemplate that..." I said, putting my hand on my chin and stroking my beard, I raised my finger and took a breath, looking as I was about to say something before shaking my head and replacing my hand on my chin...

"I don't think he'll let us out of here." Said a guard grimly.

"Now, now... Not precisely..." I said, still thoughtfully stroking my beard.

"Well, will you?" Asked the guard I kicked. My was he naïve...

"Ah! I have it! No. Later!" I answered and ran up the stairs that led out of the jail area.

Near the exit was a desk where the warden should be and ahead was a door...

'Yes! Outside!' I thought. I ran and opened it, I was outside! I looked around and breathed free air. I was about to leave before remembering my sword in the Throne Room...

"Bollocks!" I cursed. Also my head was hurting from expending energy bringing down the deflection shield from the inside to mess with the guard's mind! This damn concussion!

I drank a potion of minor healing... It would subside the pain for at least 5 minutes... I headed in the door opposite the one I just exited and saw I was in some kind of empty room... Used for parties likely.

"Stop that thing!" Came a voice, I turned to see some guards running inside the room from outside where I just came from...

"Shit, think fast, think fast..." I mumbled, I decided to fuck it and run. I exited the room going inside the castle proper, and I saw the corridor I used to enter and exit the Throne Room! The two Black Ring guards were still dead outside!

There were also two unicorn guards marvelling at the dead bodies, they didn't clean them up? I sprinted toward them as more guards ran down the stairs behind me and the ones I acquired before ran through the party room exit door... The two Unicorns suddenly turned and grabbed their spears, pointing them.

"S-s-stop right there!" Yelled one.

"Ok." I said and stopped, the guards chasing me skidded but couldn't stop fast enough. They crashed into me and caused a pile up behind me. I started sprinting again. "Dumbasses." I breathed.

"Oh no, he's still coming!" Yelled the other guards' friend, they both shut their eyes tight, holding their spears out as I approached them at high speed, but I simply leapt over them and smashed through the Throne Room doors, literally. I broke right through, leaving a hole in the marble doors about 4 foot high...

I landed in a roll on my feet.

"Whew!" I exclaimed, wiping a bead of sweat from my brow.

"And so Captain Starr, you are to return to duties- " Suddenly I saw the White Princess staring at me, surprised. With another Pony in golden armor talking to her...

"Erm... Knock knock?" I asked with a shrug before being picked up by her gold magic aura... "Oh crap-headed sphincter jackers." I mumbled as she brought me close.

'Come on Indomitable Will! Where you at bro!?' I thought frantically...

"You dare to enter my Throne Room unannounced?!" She asked.

"Well... Get a fucking doorbell!" I replied.

"ANSWER ME!" She yelled.

"Jeez! What is with me and things trying to kill me? Or more... SPECIFICALLY!" I groaned loudly after she started to apply pressure to me. "Alicorns. Blue ones, white ones, is it the entire fucking colour spectrum?" I asked as the platoon chasing me burst in, but calmed after seeing the Princess had a handle on the situation. Namely me.

"BLUE!? WHAT IN TARTARUS HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LITTLE SISTER?! WHERE IS LUNA?!" She yelled, the entire castle shook... I could see tears in her eyes... She must seriously think I've hurt her...

"Nothing! She's just a little blue right now. Haha- Ouch!" I yelled as she began to crush me. Couldn't resist that...

"GUARDS! CHECK ON MY SISTER IN THE DUNGEON! IMMEDIATELY!" She exclaimed. The guards took off at the speed of light the moment she made the request. "If she is hurt... You will pay. I will make you wish you were dead." Growled the Princess.

"Sure, what's the price of a life?" I chuckled.

"IF YOU-" She started.

"Calm... your fucking big sunny ass sister! She's fine!" I exclaimed. I could swear I saw some colour come to her cheeks... Suddenly, more pressure was applied and I think a rib broke... And some blood was in my mouth. Looks like she doesn't like hearing that she has a big ass... Or maybe she does and is covering the fact...

"You best hope so... Well? Do you even bleed, creature?" She asked.

"Sure. Let me show you." I said and spat my blood in her face. She looked taken by surprise by that.

"So, you bleed?" She asked and applied more pressure, I felt more ribs breaking. I kept a stone face. "How are you not in pain?!" She asked.

"I've suffered far worse than you can imagine." I said, but the oxygen was squeezed out of my lungs. I saw her begin to grin. I returned it.

"Why are you grinning?" She asked, frustrated.

"Oh... Haha, I love death. It's one of the reasons I am a warrior. You think I fear it? No, no, no. Death fears me." I laughed.

"We’ll see." She growled.

"Oh yeah. Death once had a near me experience." I chuckled.

"I am growing tired of your japes and jives." She warned.

"Aw! Is miss whitey Princess throwing a fit?" I asked in a child voice.

"You will regret angering me." She said.

"Sure..." I yawned.

"I am going to crush you. Slowly." She said.

"Oh, so you enjoy causing pain Princess?" I coughed, more blood coming out.

"No. I enjoy causing pain to monsters who try overtake my kingdom. And violate my subjects." She growled. "So why did you turn on them? A coup? Trying to take the kingdom for yourself? Or you just wanted to rape the mares yourself?" She asked.

"Wait, you MEAN to tell mE that this is abOUT the mare in the TOWER?!" I asked, straining a few words and parts of words as pressure was applied.

"Yes. My student, Twilight Sparkle's mother, Twilight Velvet was in that tower. And you and that other one tried to violate her innocence before he tried to take her first and you KILLED him." She said in a low voice.

"Hahaha..." I began to laugh.

"What is so funny? You are about to suffer greatly." Said the Princess. I continued laughing, louder. I was going to die by white pony Princess... Never saw that coming!

"My mother!?" Came a voice, the Princess ceased adding more pressure. She turned, still keeping me suspended. And I ceased laughing slowly. "What happened to my mother?!" Asked a white stallion, entering with a Pink Alicorn.

"Shining Ar-" The white Princess cut off as he ran out to... Wherever. The Pink Alicorn just stood there, staring at the White Princess.

"Hey, want to join the fun?" I asked the Pink Princess with a laugh. Spitting more blood on the floor. "I've had blue one attempt to annihilate me, and now miss whitey here is having a good go of it. Why not add pink to the mix?" I asked, grinning.

"Yes! Why not niece? We're playing: 'Who gets crushed into a thousand bits first?' Winner gets to die." Said the White Princess, looking back at me with a pleasured smile, adding a little more pressure.

"Yeah, my favoRITE!" I strained the last bit of favorite with a chuckle.

"Aunty... What are you doing!?" Asked the Pink Princess. She seemed horrified. "Stop! You're hurting this being!" She exclaimed.

"I am defending the kingdom Cadance! Do not question me!" She shouted.

The Pink Princess seemingly took off after her white stallion friend in tears. Meanwhile my hand had moved along my belt enough to touch my Crystal Skull. Unfortunately, my Dragon Stone was on the back of my belt, while the Skull is on the side of my belt and easier to access.

My Creature appeared silently and jumped at the Princess as she stared where her niece had left a minute ago. She turned quickly and blasted Creature, dropping me. Creature was injured and sent back to the Tower to recover, I landed on my knees and could barely get up because of my broken ribs, I used the pillar to support me...

The Princess turned to me just in time for me to uppercut her, sending her across the Throne Room to the other side of pillars. I picked her up in my own magic and brought her forward, pinning her to the middle pillar.

I approached her and I raised a fist to her and gripped her throat.

;Princess Celestia's POV;

I blasted the pony that just attacked me out of the air, suddenly I realised I dropped the biped! I turned but he punched me and I went flying across the Throne Room...

He grabbed me in a magic aura and pinned me against the pillar... I saw pure hatred in his eyes...

"Please... Don't... Don't rape me..." I begged in a strained voice because he was throttling me... I begged him not to rape me, his expression turned... Shocked?

;Tyrath's POV;

"Please..." She pleaded. Tears in her eyes. She thought I was going to rape her? Fuck her.

"You know what?" I asked.

"W-w- What?" She whimpered. I put my face close to hers. She looked away and shut her eyes...

"Next time you want your life saving, do it... yourfuckingself." I said, suddenly I felt something, I let her go. I don't know why, I just don't. I should have crushed her throat but I never... She jeopardised her own kingdom's and Rivellon's safety. If she had killed me, there would be no one to fight Damien. She would have doomed herself. I just couldn't bring myself to seriously harm her.

I raised my fist to a woman... A woman! I agree that they are our equals in almost all aspects and vice versa and I have no quarrel whatsoever with defending myself and killing them in self defense just as I do with men. But, they are more delicate in some ways, just as men are in others. But I always treat women with respect. I've never killed a woman in cold blood or provoked them to violence. Even as Drace. But I just raised my hand to one... And yes, in defense but she was helpless... Or so it seemed but... I had mixed feelings.

My duty required me to kill her, but my heart, ever fibre of my being screamed at me to let her go, to forgive her. Let her go, yes. Forgive her? Not so quickly.

"I..." She whimpered.

"Fuck off. Go jump off a balcony." I said and started to leave.

Suddenly I saw another Black Ring hiding behind the pillar she was just pinned to. She dropped to the floor and he approached her with a machete-like sword and she backed off, she was worn out from almost crushing me...

"Let me dish out this revenge for you General. Then we can fight for the blue one." He laughed evilly and he struck at her...

;Princess Celestia's POV;

I was surprised as he let me go... He had my very life in his hands, but instead of harming me as I did him, he began to walk away...

This is the same stallion who attempted to violate a mare? He leaves me who tried to kill him alive but tries to take the innocence of a pony who was done nothing to him? He was... Strange... I suddenly felt horrible for hurting him... Like I did something evil... I am not evil... Am I? did he violate that mare? I didn't even make sure... Oh Tartarus, what did I do...?

I tried to explain with a whimper...

"Fuck off. Go jump off a balcony." He growled and started to walk away... I felt like crying... I wanted to tell him I am sorry, that I want to ensure he did what he may or may not have done.

Suddenly another one like him walked up to me with a blade... My magic was worn out... I was so rusty at fighting that a simple aggressive spell wore me out... I backed away, afraid. He spoke to the one who dropped me... Telling him to let him kill me before they fight... And to take Luna's innocence! No... They couldn't... Thinking about them touching my sister angered me...

"N-n- No..." I stuttered, afraid. I had tears in my eyes... Was I crying and afraid about Luna? My subjects? My own life? I don't know...

I looked around for something, anything, before my eyes settled on the other biped looking back at me, standing there, with an expression that seemed to say 'Sorry, but... Revenge.' I looked away as the human in front of me stabbed at me... Nothing...

I opened my eyes and saw the thing I tried to crush in front of me. Suddenly Cadance and Shining Armor burst into the room...

;Tyrath's POV;

I watched him approach her and thought about just walking away... I looked into her eyes and saw fear. Not for herself, but for all those who depended on her. For her sister who this sadistic prick thought I was going to help him rape...

Fuck it! This isn't me. I can't let someone die, no matter what. That isn't our decision to make. Who am I, Drace Reynfaire? A selfish prick with a superiority complex? Only in it for the reward? Acting out of petty vengeance and grievances? No. I can't let her die. I won't. It goes against everything I am. I'll prove to these fucking ponies that I'm not the monster they think I am, even if it kills me. I'd rather die a hero than a villain.

I moved in front of the sword and it's tip pierced my stomach. I heard the doors burst open...

"Aunty! Stop what you're- What the..." Said the pink Princess from before as she saw us. Maybe they figured out the truth? One can hope...

I put my left hand on the Black Ring's forearm and pulled the sword further inside me, brining Ass McAsshole closer to me.

"No, impossible!" He said. Looking afraid. "D-Dragon?!" He exclaimed, realising I was not a General.

"I know, it's really unfair." I said and punched my free arm through his stomach. "Fuck you, you disgusting rapist. Checkmate bitch." I said as I pulled my arm out of him, he fell backwards, his blade still inside me.

'This is a problem...' I thought as I groaned.

I shakily and slowly pulled it out me...

When it came out, I let it clatter to the floor. I took a single step backwards with one foot before falling to one of my knees. I coughed more blood and fell down to the floor, about to fall unconscious again...

"Dangling dick rag jackers..." I groaned as I passed out...

Ah Ffck, I was probably going to wake up in jail again, if I woke up at all...