• Member Since 7th Aug, 2016
  • offline last seen Feb 2nd, 2018

Emerald_Night


Sequels1

T

It had been 2 years since Twilight moved to Ponyville, 2 years since Princess Luna's first Nightmare Night, 2 years since the seeds of Twilight's love for Luna was set in the soil.

Will Twilight be able to confess her love to the Princess of the Night? How will she respond? How bright could their future get?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 9 )

This story was lovely and very sweet. I liked seeing the believable reactions of Twilight and Luna after Twilight confesses her love to Luna, though I would like to see perhaps a bit from Luna of why she feels for Twilight in return. We see a little bit of this, but it would be nice to see more.

Also, there were numerous spelling errors and grammatical mistakes that I saw, so having an editor go over this would really help. There were also a few places where the rule of "show, don't tell" could come into play, such as with the kiss. Don't tell us that it's intimate, show us how. Show us how Twilight feels about it through her actions. We see this before the kiss, so show us during it as well.

I really liked this story, and I think it needs a bit more polish for it to truly shine. But what you have is really something. :twilightsmile:

7464610 Thanks for the reply, as you know, this is the first story I've had the chance to work on so to me, any feedback is good feedback to me. I do agree when you said "show don't tell", I never really been good at following the rule, though i will only get better with practice as do all of us.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback, it really does mean a lot to mean when someone says that they enjoy something that I created.

Thanks you.

7464687
You are very welcome. :twilightsmile: And yeah, "show, don't tell" is definitely something that gets picked up over time. I'm sure that, with each story you create, you'll get even better at it. You just have to keep practicing. And who knows? Maybe someday you'll look back on this story and see how far you've come as a writer.

Cheers!

I'll read this one over lunch. More TwiLuna is never a bad thing! Also, I added this to a few groups for you. Groups (like this one) are a great way to get more exposure and views for a story.

huzza the kisses have been doubled, grammar could use some work and an editor if you have one fire him he isnt doing his job

TwiLuna Rules. Great story

I can only say it is way too short. because it is good it is too short. Good story!

7483019 yep but sadly i found an error

Their futures looked unbelievable bright.

Their futures looked unbelievably bright.

great story. this one does deserve a sequel to continue with twilights and lunas relationship

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