Worst plan ever

“This is… rather odd.”

Ahuizotl stood in the entrance of the Daring Do convention, flanked by two of his minions. All three wore sunglasses and large trenchcoats, a poor attempt at trying to hide their true identity. Ahuizotl had heard Daring Do would be present to sign books, something he found quite strange.

“Yeah. I mean, why are they dressed like us?” asked Spade, one of his minions. “We’re not even in the jungle!” Spade and his compatriot, Arrow, nodded in unison.

Ahuizotl looked around. He hadn’t expected all this fuss when he’d heard that Daring Do would be present for some kind of event.

At least, nothing like this.

Posters, figurines, buttons, t-shirts, hats, and even body pillows with pictures of Daring Do overflowed from booths spread around the large room. It was a living hell for him.

“Let’s just find a spot to hide and wait for her to show up,” growled Ahuizotl. “Then, we will kidnap her and take her back to the jungle, where I’ll finally get rid of her and conquer Equestria!” He threw his head back and cackled, earning a few stares from the ponies around him. After an uncomfortably quiet moment, he coughed and turned to his henchponies. “Until then, be quiet. Just act… as normal as you can.”

But Arrow was already looking at the books displayed on a nearby stand. One of them caught his eye. He turned to Ahuizotl and showed him the cover. “Boss, look! You’re famous!” he shouted.

Ahuizotl’s eyes widened as he grabbed the book. “Daring Do and the Eternal Flower?” he read aloud. Still confused, he opened it and read a few lines.

“And then the formidable Ahuizotl shrank down to the size of a mouse. ‘NOOOOOoooo!’ he called out in defeat, the richness of his voice shrinking along with him until it was nothing more than…” He stuck his face into the book, shouting the last words. “...A TINY SQUEAK!!”

Ahuizotl pulled his face from the book. “WHAT IS THIS? How could this… “ He flipped the book closed and looked at the cover again. “How does this… A.K Yearling know about this? I look ridiculous!”

He grabbed several more books with his face on the cover, frantically reading them. “WHO WROTE THIS SH–“

He was stopped by a magical aura, which snapped the book closed. The unicorn that owned the stand, dressed up as Daring Do with fake wings, gave him a stern look. “Sorry, buddy, but this isn’t a public library. You pay or you move on,” she said coldly.

Ahuizotl’s blood boiled. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHO I AM?!” he barked. Many eyes turned towards him. His trenchcoat fell off his body, revealing his full form to the crowd.

The unicorn widened her eyes. “Don’t know your name, fella, but… whoa, awesome cosplay!”

All the other ponies around nodded in agreement and stepped closer to the beast. They were all stunned by him, closely checking all the details of his body: his tail-hand, his scales, his fur…

Suddenly feeling exposed, Ahuizotl started to panic. Some security ponies gathered around with questioning stares. Ahuizotl knew he was powerful, but even with two strong minions, he couldn’t handle all these ponies at once.

“Nice cosplay! Did you made it by yourself?”

“You even got the tail-hand right!”

“Oh my gosh, it looks so real! It’s like Ahuizotl is right in front of me!”

The ponies seemed stunned by his… cosplay, as they called it. Ahuizotl didn’t know what a cosplay was, but these ponies seemed to like it. Even the security ponies were smiling and whistling in admiration. It was quite nice, he thought.

Then a pony poked him in the ribs, and everything started to go wrong.

“What kind of fabric is this?” the pony asked him.

“How did you get his head right?”

“His color’s all wrong! His hands should be sky blue, not azure!”

“He’s as ugly as I thought!”

“I think he’s quite handsome,” a Daring Do cosplayer said. “I have a thing for guys in costumes.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Wanna do some exploring with me, cutie?”

Ahuizotl cringed. “What’s… what’s wrong with you?” he shrieked.

“That’s not a no," she added, approaching him lasciviously.

Ahuizotl tried to use his tail-hand to push her off, but a pony had already grabbed it and was rubbing it against his cheek. “It’s so soft!” he said.

Then another stallion disguised as his archenemy wrapped a hoof around his shoulder and took a selfie with his camera. “Show me your war face!” he requested, trying to get a better picture.

That was too much.

“I AM AHUIZOTL, LORD OF TENOCHTITLAN! YOU SHOULD ALL BOW TO ME, YOU FOOLS!!” he roared, showing his fangs.

An awkward silence followed.

“Oh my Celestia, even his voice is exactly like I imagined it!” somepony said. More cheering followed.

Spade and Arrow were confused. The other ponies finally noticed them and praised their disguise. “You even got your henchponies! That is so cool! You’re totally gonna win the cosplay contest!”

“The cosplay contest?” Ahuizotl asked. “BUT I’M NOT–“

“Yeah dude! There’s no way you could lose!” said another cosplayer.

“BUT I’M THE REAL AHUIZOTL!!” he shouted louder.

“Great acting too! But save it for the show," a fake Daring Do said. “Can I take a picture with you? Just pretend I just knocked you out. Please?”

Ahuizotl was having trouble keeping his cool. “Just… how… you…” His frustration got the best of him, and he let out a roar that shook the walls of the whole floor.

“Dang it, dude, you even got the sounds right! The look, the acting… How do you do that?” a fake Dr Caballeron said.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” he roared again. “YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU–“

He was stopped by a voice coming out of the sound system.

“Mares and gentlecolts, the cosplay contest will begin in five minutes. Come to the main stage to see all our cosplayers and cheer for your favorites! A.K Yearling will be there to give the first prize to the winner!”

Ahuizotl stopped and quickly put the pieces of the puzzle together. A.K Yearling was here? The one that wrote the Daring Do stories? She seemed to know the adventurer very well, as if they were the same person…

Ahuizotl smiled with a mischievous grin.

An evil plan had formed. He turned to Spade and Arrow.

“Boss, what do we do now? I feel overdressed," Arrow said when he saw a couple of ponies disguised like him.

“They all think I’m some kind of… cosplayer. Just roll with it. Take off your coats and pretend you’re wearing a disguise. That A.K Yearling pony seems to be a good friend of Daring Do. If I kidnap her when she gives me the first prize, then I’ll have a valuable hostage. Knowing Daring Do, she will do anything to help her and will be forced to follow me back to the jungle!!!” He ended his speech with an evil laugh.

He received some applause from the ponies around him.

“The whole ‘bad guy saying his plan loudly cliché!’ Man, you’re the best Ahuizotl I’ve ever seen. Believe me, I’ve been doing this con for five years," a pony said. “Come on, follow me to the Main Stage. I’ll take you there, since you seem to be new.”

Ahuizotl followed the pony, unable to hide a toothy grin. This wasn’t what he’d planned, but everything was turning out to be easier than he could have hoped for.

When he arrived at the Mane Stage, still flanked by his henchponies, Ahuizotl couldn’t suppress a laugh when he saw some of the poorly-made costumes. Some of the Daring Dos’ mane dye was already fading, and some Dr Caballerons were wearing mustaches. Somepony even wore a cardboard box for Caballeron’s mask! It was going to be a cinch to win and kidnap A.K Yearling!

“Everypony’s here? Welcome to all of you, cosplayers!” a pony on stage announced. “For the first time in the history of the convention, A.K Yearling will be here to award prizes to the winners of our contest!”

The crowd exploded in cheers when the face of the writer appeared on a screen.

“She’s a little busy right now, but she promised to be here for the award ceremony," clarified the stage pony. “Let’s not wait any longer, Daring Doers, right? Please welcome our first cosplayer!”

The first pony, cosplayed as (of course) Daring Do, climbed on stage, turning around to show his costume and answering the questions posed to him by the stage pony.

After a while, it was finally time for Ahuizotl to be in the spotlight. Before being called, one of his henchponies asked, “Boss, what are we supposed to do? I’m getting stage fright.”

Ahuizotl sighed. “Let me handle this. You just do what you do the best: shut up and obey. Don’t forget we’re still on a mission.”

“And now… Please welcome Ahuizotl!” the stage pony announced.

He climbed on stage with his minions, who stood awkwardly on each side. The crowd was as stunned as the ponies in the room with the merchandise had been. A roar of applause filled the room, and Ahuizotl struck a majestic pose.

“Beautiful, beautiful!” the stage pony said. “So, where are you from?”

“…”

Shoot. This wasn’t part of his plan. He put a hand to his chin.

Think quick, think quick, think quick…

“The… jungle?” he tried.

The crowd laughed. “If you say so, Ahuizotl," the stage pony rolled with it too. “And why Ahuizotl?”

The beast smirked. “Because I’m the best, the smartest, the most handsome, the–“

“Whoa dude, slow down, don’t forget you’re the villain here. Great acting, though. He’s really into the character, am I right guys?” asked the host. The crowd cheered in agreement. “And what’s your favorite book?”

“…”

Why were these ponies were making everything so hard?

“The one where I win?” he shrugged.

The crowd laughed again. “I said your favorite book, not fan-fiction," giggled the stage pony. “And you, guys?” he asked the henchponies.

Spade did his best to answer despite his stage fright. “What… whatever the boss said," he mumbled, his eyes darting everywhere.

“Same," Arrow answered quickly. The host didn’t go further, feeling their embarrassment.

“Okay, guys, another round of applause for this awesome cosplay!” Ahuizotl saluted one last time and left, as did his minions. “And now… Ahuizotl again!”

Two ponies dressed as Ahuizotl crossed the real Ahuizotl’s path. He observed the disguises–which were made from cardboard boxes painted in his colors–and raised an eyebrow. “Feh!” he scoffed. “As if I looked anything like that.”

A few minutes later, it was time for the award ceremony. Ahuizotl warned his henchponies, “Get ready to grab A.K Yearling as soon as I get my prize!” The henchponies nodded and did their best to look focused on their task, ready for the battle.

Ahuizotl’s heart beat faster as the ceremony dragged on. Then it was finally time to give the award for best cosplay. It was just him, a filly disguised as Daring Do, another that looked like Caballeron’s twin brother, and then… him again, but made of cardboard. There was no way he could lose.

“And here it is, the moment we’ve all been waiting for! I have to say, it was tough for the jury to pick one winner. You all did a great job!” the stage pony said. Another round of applause erupted from the crowd. Ahuizotl started to get impatient.

Just give me the prize so I can finally get that writer and Daring Do! he thought.

“Jury… may I have your decision?” The stage pony turned to the three ponies that seemed to be part of the jury. One of them took the microphone and spoke:

“For the first time in the history of this convention, we don’t have a winner…” The crowd held their breath, and so did Ahuizotl. “We have two winners! Ahuizotl and lil’ Daring Do!”

The crowd roared with cheers. Ahuizotl was a little disappointed to share the prize, but he had won, so the plan had worked, right? The little filly next to him couldn’t hold back her joy and bounced everywhere around the stage, squeaking . The crowd let out an “Aw.”.

In this atmosphere full of joy, only a few ponies noticed that somepony had climbed onto stage to whisper to the host of the contest. He looked concerned, and soon, the stage pony wore the same dour look.

Finally, the stage pony spoke to the crowd. “Guys, I…” He was trying his best to keep a neutral face. “I regret to tell you that A.K Yearling won’t be here to award the prizes to our winners. She… had to take care of some kind of emergency. Sorry.”

Everyone in the crowd let out cries of sadness and disappointment. But the most disappointed pony was on stage. And he wasn’t even a pony. Another staff pony gave Ahuizotl and the filly a blue ribbon for the first prize. Ahuizotl looked at it and throw it on the ground.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHERE IS SHE?” he roared. “WHERE IS THAT A.K YEARLING?!”

The stage pony shrunk back against the loud voice. “I… we don’t know. She’s just… not here. I’m just as dumbstruck as you," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

Ahuizotl’s anger overtook him. “I’m Ahuizotl, and I demand to see her right now!” he barked, smashing his tail-hand against the ground.

“Whoa dude, cool down! There’s nothing I can do about it!” the host said, trying to defend himself.

“I’M AHUIZOTL, AND I DON’T TAKE ORDERS FROM PONIES! ESPECIALLY THE FANS OF THAT BLOODY DARING DO!!!” he roared again.

“Where do you think you are? We’re not in a book, man. This is real life!” another cosplayer said. “Take off your costume and chill!”

Ahuizotl smashed his tail-hand again. “THIS IS NOT A COSTUME!! I’M THE REAL AHUIZOTL, FOOLS!!!”

The cosplayer snorted. “Yeah, right. Then can’t you see I’m really Celestia? Shh, don’t tell anypony. I’m undercover.”

The Daring Do mare cosplayer from earlier spoke again. “You seem to like role-play, cutie. Wanna keep the game going? Room 419 tonight at 7, baby. Bring your henchponies. The more, the merrier. There’s plenty to explore. Best way to cure PCD.” She winked at him and wiggled her hips.

“I’M REAL! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?” he shouted again.

“As real as Daring Do, sure," somepony hissed. The crowd laughed again, but this time, it was full of mockery.

Ahuizotl stood on stage, speechless. “I… I…” He lowered his head and let out a long frustrated groan. “That’s it, I’m out! Spade, Arrow, follow me. We’re leaving.” He started to climb down the stairs that led off the stage, but a staff pony blocked him.

“Wait a minute, fella. Go back on stage, we have an announcement to make.”

Surprised, Ahuizotl obeyed and followed the pony. Perhaps A.K Yearling was finally here?

He came back on the main scene, waiting for the pony to speak, hoping for the best and that he could finally make his move on that author.

“I have an announcement to make, guys," the pony started. A glimpse of hope was shining into the crowd’s eyes. “No, A.K Yearling isn’t there, sorry. It’s about the cosplay contest.” He turned to the contesters. “One of the winners didn’t sign up for the contest, and we’ll have to disqualify him.” He approached Ahuizotl and pointed a hoof at him. “Sorry, sir, but you’re out. Rules are rules.”

The crowd was confused. Some booed at him while some others just applauded the little filly, who was nestled against her mom after Ahuizotl’s tantrum.

“I’M NOT ONE OF YOUR STUPID COSPLAYERS! I’M AHUIZOTL! I’M AS REAL AS YOU! FEAR ME, PONIES!!” he roared again. It was getting tedious.

“Sir, if you don’t stop, I’ll have to call security," one of the staff ponies said, as sternly as he could.

“You won’t have to, because I’m leaving! Spade, Arrow, let’s leave this place before I show them some REAL terror.” He snapped his tail-hand, and his henchponies left the stage with him, leaving the crowd confused.

They started to walk away, until he came back to the microphone one last time.

“CURSE YOU ALL, DARING DO FANS!!!”

“I hope you’ll stay in character tonight, cutie," said the Daring Do mare cosplayer from before.

“No way, sicko!” Ahuizotl answered before leaving, for real this time.

The mare followed him with her eyes before turning to the other Ahuizotl on stage. “You know… I have a thing for bad guys, sweetie,” she whispered to the ponies under the disguise, who slowly inched away.

When he was finally outside, Ahuizotl sat down on a bench, resting his head in his hands. “This was the worst plan ever…” he sighed, sinking against the backrest.

Spade patted him on the shoulder. “It’s okay boss. Deep breaths, deep breaths, think of the jungle…”

Ahuizotl did as his henchpony said and finally cooled down, removed from his living hell. He raised his head and saw his other minion, his hooves full of Daring Do merchandise. Ahuizotl’s eyes widened. “What’s your problem, Arrow?” he asked, frowning.

“Err… research material for our archenemy?” he tried.

Ahuizotl frowned even more. “And why this… weird-looking pillow?”

Arrow gave the object–a body pillow with a picture of a tied-up Daring Do–to his boss. “It’s… it’s for you, boss.”

Ahuizotl’s eyes widened again, looking confused. He was touched by this gift. He grabbed the pillow and scanned it, running his hand on the fabric. A blush crept on his cheeks.

“Th… thanks, Arrow.”

The henchpony shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

“No problem, boss. After all, AhuiDo is my OTP.”

Author's Note:

Once in a year, i got inspiration right after watching a new pony episode. Last year, it was thanks to Slice of Life. This year, Stranger than Fan Fiction, a great episode! If you've ever been to pony cons, it's pretty accurate.

Now, can someone make these body pillows real?

1,016 views