Foreigner

by Salnax

Transition

It was terrible day for the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

It had started well enough. The three fillies, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle, had met at their clubhouse after breakfast to plan the day’s crusading. It was Apple Bloom’s turn to pick the next activity, so the trio became the Cutie Mark Crusader Barn Builders. After all, every farm in Equestria needed a barn. Best of all, this activity was both innocuous sounding enough for Sweetie Belle and potentially exciting enough for Scootaloo.

Barn Building went pretty well at first, and Apple Bloom turned out to be fairly good at designing a small barn, hammering boards together, and giving her friends the guidance necessary to put in their share of quality work. Unfortunately, it turned out that the barn already on Sweet Apple Acres was not the best source of raw materials, and an angry Applejack chased them through a hole in the side of the barn.

Next, it was Sweetie Belle’s turn to pick a Crusade. She proposed that they become the Cutie Mark Crusader Spa Ponies. Scootaloo protested, claiming that a Spa-related Cutie Mark would be a terrible thing to have on one’s flank, but the two eventually struck a deal: the spa would come first, anything Scootaloo wanted would come soon afterwards.

Nopony ever knew exactly what happened at the spa. Somehow, the Crusaders had been split up by the enthusiastic yet naïve sisters who ran the establishment, and wanted to show the three around. Within half an hour, the tubs were overflowing with soapy water, the floors were covered in mud, a few mares were left shrieking, and the Crusaders were covered in cucumbers.

For the record, they blamed Spike.

Despite the intensity of these crusades, it was still only early afternoon when it was Scootaloo’s turn to pick the next crusade.

She chose Monster Tracking.

“Is monster hunting even a real talent?” enquired Apple Bloom.

“It should be. With all the monsters in the Everfree Forest, there ought to be somebody who can keep track of them,” replied Scootaloo.

“But there are no Monster Trackers! The closest thing we have is Twilight when she’s doing research in the forest, and her talent is magic.”

“Then maybe our monster hunters don’t have it for a Cutie Mark. Some ponies don’t have obvious cutie marks for their jobs.”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo sat down, hooves on their chins, wondering to themselves who around Ponyville could be a monster tracker. Sweetie Belle, who had been staying out of the conversation, stared at the ceiling. After a few minutes, she lit up like a candle.

“I know who tracks down monsters around here!”

“Sweetie, we’ve told you, the doctor is not really a-”

“No, not him.”

Lyra Heartstrings was in what Rarity might have called “The Zone.” Artists like her often had trouble creating new work, but for once, she was inspired. The notes were just coming out of her mind, into her horn, and through the lyre. Note after note flowed through her soul, as she constructed a melody that she could play for years to come. Nothing could stop such majesty! Not a th-

Ding Dong!

And with that, Lyra had left The Zone and ended back in the kitchen, sitting with her rump on a stool while her forelegs supported her lyre on the table. It was good while it lasted.

“Bon Bon!” shouted Lyra. “Somebody’s at the door!”

Lyra’s marefriend came running down the stairs and to the door. Lyra smiled to herself. The two of them had an understanding. Lyra took care of business while Bon Bon was inventing new sweets, and Bon Bon took care of business when she was composing.

Lyra pulled herself together and tried to get back into the zone, but soon became aware that she was being watched. Behind her were Bon Bon and three smiling fillies, trying their very best to contain themselves from shouting something. Sighing to herself, Lyra turned around to face them.

“These are the Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle, remember Lyra?” asked Bon Bon

Scootaloo bumped in. “We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders and we’re on a quest to find out our talents and we thought that you could help us because you track monsters in your free time and we thought you could show us how so could you take us monster tracking please?”

For a moment, Lyra was silent. She pointed her head towards the floor. Bon Bon began to frown, and the Crusaders’ smiles faded somewhat. Then, Lyra began to speak.

“…did you say monster tracking? Young ladies, I don’t know who you’ve talked to about this, but I have no interest in tracking down monsters. That Ursa Major a while back terrified me, and I have no desire to find chimeras or manticores. So I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”

“Aw shoot,” said Sweetie Belle. “We were hoping you could go human tracking with us and-”

“DID YOU SAY HUMAN TRACKING??? Oh my Celestia, I LOVE HUMAN TRACKING!!!”

“Here we go” sighed Bon Bon.

Lyra opened a nearby drawer, and pulled out a map of the Ponyville area. It was covered with various markings and notes, decipherable only to insiders or the most determined of researchers.

“I have spent five years tracking down human activity in the area. They don’t like to be seen by ponies anymore, but I believe they still check in on us every so often. Now, according to my calculations, most of the humans tend to appear around here, in the library, here, in the Everfree region, and here, east of Sweet Apple Acres. Celestia wants to control our affairs with the humans, so she sent one of her agents to secure the most vulnerable spot in town, the library. HOWEVER, the area east of the Acres is mostly unguarded, meaning I’ve been able to track human activities in that area. And just last week, I believe I discovered a human footprint. But I need help covering the whole area. Do you three think you could help me look for signs of human activity?”

“YES! CUTIE MARK CRUSADER HUMAN TRACKERS ARE READY!”

“Great, then we can start sometime next weekend.”

…

“But Miss Lyra,” whined Apple Bloom, “we want our cutie marks now.”

“I know you do. But I have to prepare for my concert tomorrow, and I want to surprise a certain mare with a romantic night out.”

“And who would that be?” Bon Bon asked jokingly.

“Oh you know. A sweet lady friend of mine. Has trouble remembering her neighbors sometimes. Has a sweet flank.”

“I hope you two have a good time,” Bon Bon warmly replied.

Lyra gave a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Be sure not to tell her what I’m planning.”

“Oh don’t worry. She’ll be absolutely shocked”

The Crusaders watched the sickening display of affection with growing disgust. Lyra remembered her audience, and pulled herself away from her love for a moment.

“Uh right. Anyhow, meet me here 8:00 next Saturday, after you’re done with school for the week.”

Comments

[Salnax]

I hate dialogue, and I'm not a huge fan of this chapter. But it serves a purpose, and I'm not sure how I could have done it better. This is where YOU come in. Criticize me so I can write more goodly!

[greymobgone]

Oh Lyra, where would we be if you didn't take up your famous sitting position.

[Astrochelonian]

very interesting so far. I want to see what exactly this is a crossover with. (When I read the first chapter, I was initially guessing that Pinkie Pie was from Krypton, but I see you're going in a different direction here.)

[Salnax]

100299 A Superman crossover? Why didn't I think of that.

As for what I'm crossing over with... that's part of the mystery. Sorry.

[Princess Snufflebuns]

Hmmm...

To figure what this is a crossover with, let's use fancy mathematics to muddle the issue.

1. Creature is from another world.
2. It is pony sized
3. Parts of it's body are always moving
4. It is strong
5. It is intelligent
6. It was able to shape shift after coming in contact with the corpse of a pony
7. Last year (2011) A movie was made as a sequel of a remake of an old movie.

Conclusion: I'm not directly giving it away, but it's The Thingamadoodle from that movie.

Just an educated guess.

[Farmer Lars]

Doctor Whooves references FOR THE WIN! *highfives*

Ah, I mean, critiques! Hm...

1.) “But miss Lyra,” whined Apple Bloom, “we want our cutie marks now.”
I'd capitalize the 'Miss' simply because it's a title, like 'Mrs.' or 'Mr.'

2.) “Sweetie, we’ve told you, the doctor is not really a-”
“No, not him”
This one is actually before my first nit-pick, I'd tack a punctuation of some sorts on the back.

3.) Overall thoughts.... brilliant! Don't be too afraid of the word 'said'- it's okay to use it once in a while. Loved the dialogue, the characters seemed highly realistic, blah blah blah, bravo! And remember that dialogue provides an excellent opportunity to describe body language. Some ponies talk with their hooves, some waggle their eyebrows, and others have nervous habits. Don't be afraid to sprinkle some in your writing! If your dialogue serves the purpose of forwarding the plot or deepening your characters, you'll be provided with extra opportunity for both if you take advantage of the way your characters talk and move and interact while in conversations!

[GuyFace]

I'm cool with this. Really, I am. But come on. As to be expected, I assume. They're lesbians. All the time. *sigh*

[Mr Khan]

Cutie Mark Crusaders, Monster Hunters!

Holy crap it's Alatreon!