The Broken Bond

by TheApexSovereign

III.V - The Eye of the Storm

"Starlight!"

The word raked chills across her back. What did I do? What did I do? What do you want now?!

She'd made Twilight mad before, she's disappointed her. But she was still Twilight Sparkle: kindly, manic, and a bit of a dweeb.

‘You won’t even look at me when I’m talking to you!’

Starlight had never heard her sound so hateful, so angry—so unlike the friend she loved. And I'm the reason she's like this.

Starlight touched her chin to her shoulder, eyeing the lavender fluff matted and streaked from Twilight's steady flow of tears throughout their conversation. The sight was pain-inducing. She'd scared Twilight and wasted her time when far more important matters required the Princess of Friendship. Acknowledging Twilight's heartache for herself was the least Starlight could do at this point.

Yet, Twilight just stood there with parted lips. Did she still see Starlight's fear? Her evasive gaze?

Twilight was rigid, a statue carved from amethyst. She stood silent, though it was obvious that there were a million things she wanted to get off her chest. Obvious she was going to yell some more. Obvious that rage was coursing through her veins akin to the alicorn-magic of her body.

"No matter what happens today,” Twilight's voice was soft as silk, “no matter what we say or don't say... remember that I love you, Starlight. More than you could ever know. Don't you ever doubt that, alright?"

Twilight knew her too well. She knew Starlight would be obsessing over their back and forth. How could she not? Starlight had infuriated her today. Had broken her heart. And worst of all, she fought it with denial every step of the way.

Her teacher's patience had reached its limits. Starlight has now seen first-hoof what happened when it extended beyond that marker. Not a pretty sight.

"I won't." She bobbed her head once, then slipped upstairs as fast as she could without looking desperate. Twilight didn’t shout after her again, probably grumbling about how difficult her friend was now.

Starlight crawled into bed, cocooning herself. This whole, horrible day was thankfully, finally behind her. As her head hit her pillow, awaiting the blessed release of consciousness, she pushed aside all thoughts of Twilight or her friends.

The brief encounter she'd had on the way to her bedroom still haunted her.

---

Crystalline walls towered beyond Starlight's line of sight. Strings of gemstones, luminescent with pinks, blues and yellows draped from crystal columns. Windows of emerald interspersed them, now black, signifying the close to a long, wasted day.

The thought must have been appalling to a busybody like Twilight. Her dismay cut deep at the time, in spite of being totally justified. Who in their right mind would waste an entire day just laying around, not being productive?

Starlight's hoofsteps upon the carpet enhanced the silence pounding in her ears. What's taking so long? Starlight whined to herself.

If only she could teleport. Then, in a flash of light, a jolt would shudder through Starlight, breaking her apart into the very magic saturating Equestria's atmosphere within the blink of an eye. To go from standing in one place, then appear on the other side of Equestria with but a thought—she was so gifted. Had been so gifted. So much so it made the corridor tilt aside, as few ponies who didn’t have both wings and a horn could do what she once could.

But that was okay, of course. Starlight was ready to lose it all again! The witches could appear right before her with the same deal, and instead of taking the deal immediately, Imaginary Starlight looked inside herself, dug deep, and found no conflict about the idea of doing it for Twilight.

She continued to stare a thousand yards into the rug passing beneath her, the last five minutes contaminating her every thought. Soon, her eyes itched and watered like it was last Spring all over again. In the middle of the hall, Starlight Glimmer stopped.

Then she sat, rubbing a foreleg across her eyes after no tissue came forth.

Starlight still heard herself, screaming like the insecure, crazy pony from Our Town. The cackling of a madmare echoed in her memory: 'If you say so!' she'd sneered, watching as this self-righteous, life-ruining upstart scrambled to preserve her precious little friendships.

How was Starlight any different from that pony now? She was still emotional. She was still unreasonable. She was still violent, and hurt ponies she cared about. Unintentionally, yes, but she hurt them all the same.

Oh, Twilight... Disgust rotted her insides green. It was so idiotic. She was so idiotic. What compelled her to say such awful things?

'Then what, Twilight!? Why are you so mad at me?!'

What kind of a stupid question was that? Why are you so mad at me, indeed. Why wouldn't she be? Who wouldn't be? It's a miracle nopony got sick of the games and just got Discord to snap her to the castle. And there was loads Starlight could have done! She could have seen Trixie, or Twi... No, not Twilight. What would they even do? Stare at a spell tome she no longer had any use for?

The summary of this mess was just hilarious: Starlight, wishing not to bother her friends, instead went and scared them senseless all day. Brilliant! And she'd annoyed Twilight, avoided any help so generously given, ticked off Maud...

I've been terrible, and I apologized with even more nonsense. The things Twilight had to deal with because of her. Today was another added to the list. Starlight could see the parchment rolling down the crystal tunnel before her, into the yawning murkiness ahead.

Her withers prickled at the unseen depths ahead. Starlight felt urged to trot, thankful for the castle's gemstones awakening as she neared them. Friendliest place in Equestria or no, the Friendship Castle was just creepy sometimes, and possibly hazardous in the dead of night if not for this one precaution. What if the gemstones didn't illuminate one night, leaving Starlight stranded in a shadowy maze?

And Hydia ready to jump out at me...

Starlight shook her head. "You're being a foal," she muttered. It was Flutter Valley that had her scared, not her own home!

At Sweet Apple Acres, Starlight had a grand view of the entire orchard as she stewed in thought. Stewed over Flutter Valley, and its existence at the same time as her lazying about; likely in the midst of ruining another life. Sweet Apple Acres wasn't anything like that place. Starlight saw the ocean of green, red, and earthy-rich brown. The one she rested against was chilled her to the touch, alive. Not burnt with dark magic, mangled by another's will, and serving a nefarious purpose as some glorified, horrifying scarecrow-wall.

Starlight gagged, choking as she gasped, and she coughed it all out in a spittle-spraying mess. Twilight actually wanted to go in this horrible place, she doesn't even know what it... Her insides twisted sharply. She was willing to go in anyway, to give up something special, just for my sake...

And to make Starlight's sacrifice and suffering completely pointless.

Just the thought of it made her want to scream. How dare she? How dare Twilight act as if it's no big deal? Does she not realize what it would feel like—to be the reason for losing something important?

Starlight huffed. This was really funny! It was so ironic. It's not like she was deserving of the same consideration Twilight wasn’t given. 'You knew I wouldn't want you to,' the princess had said, accusingly. But that wasn’t true at all! Starlight didn't even think about what Twilight would want. She was selfishly considering... Twilight.

What’ve you been teaching me this whole time? If that wasn’t what she was supposed to do, then was everything Starlight thought she understood about friendship a lie?

A surge pelted against Starlight's breast, twisting, writhing. Not a lie. She slammed a hoof down and roared in frustration. You're just a foal.

Her rage rang down the corridor and back, haggard, and colder than winter's touch.

Did that really just come out of her?

'A foal,' echoed a nasty voice in her head. 'A foal who so presumptuously assured that all would be well after Twilight was better.'

Things were, though. To Starlight, at least. The rest of the world, too, for having kept its grand savior through what seemed to be a miracle.

But Starlight's world took issue with this, and on Starlight's behalf no less.

And I don't care, argued a voice similar to the nasty one. I was willing to give anything to save Twilight. That’s what friendship is all about...

'So it is.'

So I don't care if she's angry with me, Starlight thought.

'...' The voice in her head was unusually silent.

Twilight's alive, that's all that matters, she told herself.

'...'

She could hate me all she wants, I’m just happy she’s around to do it!

"Seen a lot in my travels, but never a depressed little pony.”

Starlight whirled around, hearing not the words, nor the voice - the sheer randomness of another speaking up behind her flashed images of a huge, pock-marked claw lashing at her.

But it was not Hydia coming to finish the job, but a raspberry-colored unicorn standing in a doorway. "And I should know, I," one foreleg crossed over the other, "...paraded Princess Twilight through the capital, myself. Miserable, yes, but she wasn't defeated so much as she was upset."

A mussy mohawk and sunken eyes signified a recent awakening—M-my scream, Starlight realized, the black wall swallowing this ex-Commander like a looming horror confirming this. "Lovely story." Starlight evaded her piercing judgement to gaze down a familiar hallway. "I'm sure you saw all kinds of miserable ponies that day," Starlight coolly replied. "Not sure why mine is so interesting to you."

An amused grunt beside her. "Perceptive little one," Tempest teased, her voice scraping softly down the back of Starlight's neck. "You sense common ground between us, though. No use denying it. You also know what it feels like to finally get what you want."

Starlight glanced to where Tempest, apparently, got what she wanted. But she didn't, that monstrous claw reaching out from her forehead was monument to that fact.

"And seeing everypony's smile gone because of me just felt... great. Like I was finally getting payback for their shunning me."

A feeling so painfully familiar struck Starlight in the chest, her village flashing before her as proof to society that cutie marks weren't needed for ponies to thrive. What a fool she was. Evil ponies always are shortsighted. Starlight turned, gazing Fizzlepop dead in the eye. "I know how that feels." A wry smile. "It's like being hyped up on five cups of coffee."

"An apt description," chuckled the ex-Commander. "Princess Twilight vowed you would understand. Still though, I can't believe she was right."

"She is unbelievable." Starlight made a hoof with her mind and stamped down on any further thoughts of what just happened downstairs. "Do you... normally think about this sort of stuff?" Starlight decided. On second thought, she realized she'd certainly done so often.

"You just don't forget about a huge chunk of your life. Especially when it all amounted to that." Tempest's snout crinkled as if catching something offensive. "It wasn’t until recently that I realized why I felt so... good. Because it wasn’t the revenge exacted that I kept going back too. It was always their fear of me. How you ponies looked at me."

"And how does that make you feel?"

Starlight knew the answer before Fizzlepop looked in mild surprise. "Evil," she answered simply. "Later? Ashamed. For what I'd done, for the freedom that wasn't just.”

Starlight hardly knew a thing about this intense, older pony before her, except that she'd almost lost her life saving Twilight's. The first thing she'd done with her freedom wasn't to enjoy Equestria, but distance herself from it.

They'd lived such different lives, had different wants and morals. Everything in Starlight was screaming for her not to rush to conclusions, and yet, she felt like they'd been friends for years. “Tempest—”

“Never thought I’d care about my soul like that until Twilight.” Tempest's gaze turned up. “I still can’t believe this pony I’d hunted and terrorized saved me, let alone her reasons for doing it…”

Fizzlepop inhaled deeply, recomposing herself.

“Every night since, I’ve wondered to myself ‘Why?'" Her eyes revealed themselves staring at the ground. "'What did I do to deserve this, with no punishment, despite all the horrible things I’d done to ponies like her?’ You see, I realized that I wasn't happy to see them afraid of me, Starlight Glimmer... Deep down... I'd reveled in having dragged them down to my level: miserable, lost, because I'd taken away their happiness and took pleasure in doing so." Fizzlepop Berrytwist dipped her head slightly, brows knitted, a vein in her neck puling. "I hate myself every day for it. You must understand this feeling, don't you?"

Her countenance spoke volumes: hope that Starlight understood, fear that she wouldn't, a slight dampness catching the twinkling colors above within her, until now, chilly and apathetic... facade, apparently.

"I," Starlight approached, hoof outstretched, "know exactly what that's like—”

“No, don’t!” Tempest yanked back, as did Starlight, suddenly as if some invisible force stopped them from getting close. "Ah," Tempest backed into the shadows a step, "apologies. But don't get so comfortable around me. I know your story, Starlight, I know you relate to what I’m feeling. So because of that, I hope you can understand: I don’t feel comfortable receiving pity, so don’t give any.”

"O-Of course!" Once upon a time, Starlight felt the same as Fizzlepop did now. She denies it now, to herself and others, but Fizzlepop was just another hurt pony who made bad choices, regretted them, and wouldn't forgive herself.

Deep down where the soul resides, Tempest Shadow was no different from the Mayor of Our Town.

“That’s fine, really. I get it,” Starlight spoke with a confidence she'd been lacking for days. “But you’re not gonna stop me from feeling bad for you.” Fizzlepop's slight smile was worth beaming at - anything to make her feel more comfortable. “But if you ever wanna talk about it, I’d happily listen!”

Fizzlepop looked away, glanced back. Her gaze fell, her smile the very picture of a humble thanks. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Starlight's foreleg itched. “I don’t suppose this just came out of the blue," she wondered, scratching. "Do you always think about it, or is this one of those days?”

“Neither. It’s a day, or rather… the day. The big one. You know what I mean: that fork-in-the-road, Crossroads of Destiny-type malarkey you hear about in Cutie Marks 101.” It just occurred to Starlight that she never saw Fizzlepop’s. She’d been sitting at breakfast, and now her hindquarters were enshrouded. “You... know what I mean, right?”

“More than you know, sister!” Starlight flickered to where a pink spiral was replaced with painfully empty space. "I," she coughed, "I mean, I've been through this rodeo plenty times. It was easy for me, but that's because," Because I thoughtlessly gave up my horn, the thing you lost by accident and have worked your whole life to regain, "because," Starlight faltered, and her face caught on fire, "because it was either that or watch my friend leave. It was so easy I'd do it again."

Fizzlepop's eyes narrowed, but there was nothing more. So was so unlike Maud, a mare physically incapable of expressing intense emotion—this older, harder pony hid everything beneath a mask of one who truly did not care. She clearly thought nothing of Starlight's sacrifice, good or ill.

Sweat beaded upon her forehead. Seconds had passed and Fizzlepop's stare was like iron, unbending until it broke. Ex-Commander Tempest Shadow did not appear to be the "breaking" type.

And so she stared, and Starlight shot it right back, holding her ground.

Then Fizzle shut her eyes, inhaling deep, and didn't stop until her muscled breast was swelled and looking even more like a maroon balloon than before. “Listen,” she sighed, chest taut and jutting. “Twilight’s asked me to be...” Everything came blowing out in a groan. "To be her sworn...” Again, she paused, choking on the words. “Her sworn shield."

It was like she tried sounding stiff and emotionless, but quivered anyway.

Genuine emotion alone was enough to catch Starlight off guard. “Wow that’s… big!” she lamely reacted.

Fizzlepop’s eyes sprang open, “She’s asked me to be her bodyguard," her wild gaze flashing icily as it stared above Starlight’s head, "as if anypony in this nonsensical country will trust Traitor Shadow to be near their precious Princess, let alone protecting her every waking minute!”

Her broad chest rose and fell staggeringly. Unexpectedly.

Starlight gulped her nerves. There were a million things she could say, should say, anything for Tempest to latch onto… but she couldn’t. Nothing felt right.

This was monumental to the mare towering above her, looking down on her, for... was this asking for advice? A cursory glance into something they, too, might share in mutuality?

"Uh," Starlight started eloquently. Redemption, she thought, the word on her lips alone. A gift handed to Fizzlepop on a silver platter by Twilight. Forgiveness she didn’t feel was earned; a new life she didn’t deserve.

Starlight's chest panged to the oh-so-familiar song.

She tried to form a picture in her mind, but failed. To see Tempest lobstered in lavender, a menacing shadow looming behind Equestria’s patron poster-pony of friendship? It was kind of laughable, and not because of the appearance, but because Twilight was on a level beyond any mere fighter.

She had no use for such ponies, whom she complained would only "distort the image" of her fame for being an approachable pony. Armed, stern guardsponies only hurt that idea. And Twilight'd disclosed many times of this foalish assertion that she wouldn't want ponies “serving her."

So, why the change of heart? Was this a charity? Did she really think Fizzlepop would want such a thing, even without guilt weighing her down?

“I… can see this's been on your mind,” Starlight offered gently. "A lot of stuff, actually."

She shrank back as Fizzle got in her face with wide, wild eyes. “Why would anypony want me around, much less her?" Her melting, quivering coolness rocked something in Starlight's gut. “I’ve no idea what her game is, Starlight Glimmer, but there’s something more to this than a spur-of-the-moment job, I can tell. Does she pity me? Does she want to keep an eye on me? Is all of this an elaborate scheme to get me to take care of you? And what’s with the room?" She gestured round the doorway. "I don’t know why! ...I don’t know. Anything,” she panted, "any-anymore."

Starlight hoped to Celestia she wasn't gawking. From what she’d seen and heard of Commander Tempest Shadow, this pony was the last she’d imagine having a Twilight-grade freakout.

Those were a lot of questions that needed answering. Starlight should have been equipped to answer them, to assuage all of Fizzlepop's fears. “W-well, do you wanna do it? The job?” That was decidedly most important.

“I suppose I do, but—”

“Then talk to her."

Fizzlepop stammered, blinked, and shook her head.

“Talk to her,” Starlight stressed. “It’s as simple as that. All of these questions in your head? They’re just that! In your head. If you want answers, then go talk to Twilight. Don’t shut her out, or you’ll.... only hurt each other.”

“I haven’t been shutting her out,” Fizzle insisted, familiarly. Her giant eyes screamed otherwise.

Starlight laughed at the absurdity of these coincidences, the similarities. “Well, that’s the impression you’ve been giving her!”

Fizzle, instead of getting in her face again, dropped her own with a quiet sigh. Starlight was relieved she didn't trigger the ex-commander. A sickness gripped her by the gut seconds later; who was she to get mad at Fizzlepop for reacting understandably within these circumstances?

"Look." Starlight took a step forward, catching her eye. “I know what it's like to feel responsible for bad communication. It sucks. But Fizzlepop, I bet Twilight is downstairs right now, upset because she thinks she’s insulted you." And me... Oh, Celestia, I just went and yelled at her when she was only trying to help! "I bet she feels like the job came off as some kinda cover for an ulterior motive." Tempest gazed aside, lips set in a line. "I'd give up what's left of my horn if she really plotted such a thing," joked Starlight.

“I’ll… admit, the thought crossed my mind once or twice,” Fizzle confessed, ears wilted.

Starlight smiled reassuringly - she hoped. “Don’t think that. Twilight’s only crime here is feeling before thinking. She just wants to help you.” Fizzle gazed aside, her brows creased so hard her scar wrinkled. “Look, if she really were planning something like you think, I can guarantee it wasn’t anything bad! At most, Twilight thought this would help a few of her closest friends.”

Either the crystal wall behind Starlight was incredibly suspicious, or a war raged inside Fizzlepop's heart as she clenched her jaw, again and again and again. Clearly she'd never bared herself like this before, never had anypony to do so with, or felt comfortable enough to do so.

Abruptly she stiffened, turning to eyeball Starlight. “How can you be so sure?”

Starlight grinned wide. She had no idea. “I just do, or, am. I just am… sure, that is.” Her cheeks ached, and it wasn’t from the tautness of her smile. “Listen, believe me when I tell you that Twilight doesn’t plot stuff. Honestly? I don’t think she’s capable of doing anything sneaky.”

“There’s something illogical about that belief. How can you tell she's not an unparalleled liar?"

“Ignoring the fact that one of a princess’s defining traits is ‘integrity,’ and the fact that Honesty is an Element of Friendship…” Starlight had to stick her tongue out between her toothy grin; she didn’t think Fizzlepop was capable of feeling embarrassed, or showing it, “...the one time Twilight tried, she made it really obvious. Though Spike’s to blame for that one.” Starlight never cared for the deception after figuring it out. Not when the mirror was still one of her favorite gifts ever.

Fizzlepop offered a brief, amused smile. “I still don’t know,” she mumbled to the side. “And don't ask me why, because I don't know why."

"Wasn't gonna."

"Yet I can’t bring myself to say I don’t trust Princess Twilight, because that’s definitely not true, strange as that may sound…”

Starlight snorted. “That's why I don’t blame you! I mean, you’ve lived solely trusting your own instinct. Twilight's thrown that out of wack. It’s natural you’re not gung-ho about trusting others. Believe me,” she laughed, “I know what it’s like to see the world in only one color! It’s hard to reinvent yourself like that.”

The unicorn gave a short, flat huff. “I suppose,” she said, smiling faintly.

Nodding, Fizzlepop Berrytwist emerged from the shadows, hoofbeats feather-light upon the carpet. "I suppose I've been ridiculous today." She kept her head low, at eye-level with Starlight but not meeting her.

"We all have those days, especially in Ponyville."

"So I've been warned." Fizzle turned as the shadows uncloaked her, flashing a flank emblazoned with a pair of fireworks—one rainbow-colored, the other magenta and shielded partially behind it. “I confess, though Princess Twilight said you would understand, I did not expect you to be a sharp one, too.”

Starlight’s cheeks burned softly. “Oh, its nothing special.”

“Oh, take the compliment!” Tempest snapped, then instantly reeled back as though regretting the outburst “I-I’m…” she gulped, uttering flatly, “my apologies."

Starlight nodded. “T-thank you, I like the praise. Didn’t think I’d ever hear any again!”

Fizzle cocked her head, split brow raised. “Praise?” Starlight nodded; it was so obvious! But Fizzle just stared down her muzzle, blinking in disbelief. “Twilight talks my ear off about all your accomplishments. What do you mean you’ll never hear praise again?”

Starlight lifted a hoof. “Well, I was only special because of my horn. My cutie mark relates to magic and my mastery over it. Unlike you, you can still do firework stuff with yours! Really impressive by the way,” she tittered.

The elder mare began to answer, but Starlight didn’t care to pursue the topic of horns and once-gifted abilities. “Anyway, yeah! Just talk to Twilight,” she said aloud, “be honest, and I promise the next time we see each other, you’ll be in full plate with a purple starburst on your flank!”

“No!” Fizzlepop snapped. “I… still don’t know. There’s more to it than this,” she elaborated. “More than just…” Her hoof patted her muscled chest. “...this bad feeling right here. But, you are right: first thing I’ll do tomorrow is see Princess Twilight.”

“Take your time, I promise you there's no rush from anypony. The last thing Twilight would want is one of her friends barreling into a stupid decision for her sake." Again. The larger pony winced, then acquiesced to the gesture. “But don’t take too long talking to her, at least. As we speak, she’s feeling like a worse friend than the Storm King.” In no thanks to me...

Fizzlepop snorting pulled Starlight's attention, and heart. “Silly little pony, that one,” she muttered. “The old me would be a better friend than the Storm King.”

“I think anypony would be a better friend than the Storm King.” Starlight didn’t even know the guy, let alone what he looked like in person.

She did see him though, once.

A shiver rippled down her spine—though a slave-mongering warlord to be sure, to have a life cut short upon the stones of their perfect capital?

It’d been a year, and she’d yet to hear a single pony talk about it. All of Equestria knew the story of course; there’s not a soul who didn’t. But with anypony else, the king’s name would be uttered meekly, rife with fear. Was it taboo to speak of his demise? Starlight wasn't ever going to test that.

But she’d never thought about it for this long before.

Fizzlepop pulled her out of the darkness with the sound of laughter: warm, low, stifled behind her hoof. “Like a rock?” she chuckled. “Would a cold, dead pebble actually provide better friendship than the old goat?”

There was a beat.

A joke. That was supposed to be a joke.

Fizzlepop was joking with her! Thank Celestia Maud wasn't around to take offense.

Starlight giggled hard, and she didn’t know why. It wasn’t even funny. Nothing about this was. “Hey, don’t insult the rocks!” she tittered, light in the head. “They’re far more complex than that silver-haired clown.”

Fizzle’s laughter cut short, choked upon. Starlight found her cringing: eyes squeezed shut, muzzle dug into the crook of her foreleg.

Starlight's heart stopped. Was she insulted? Did she and the Storm King maybe have some secret history, or—

Fizzlepop Berrytwist threw her head back and roared, hard, heaving laughter up into the vastness of the Friendship Castle’s maze-like corridors. Starlight barely heard it over her own.

“I’m sorry!” Fizzle grinned, despite herself. Her cheeks glowed a shade brighter than her coat. “I sounded ridiculous, yes, but I’ve never laughed like that in my life. I think his soul felt that all the way in Tartarus.”

Starlight giggled out of politeness. That remark was, actually, funny. It's sad Fizzlepop felt her laugh was embarrassed by her laugh, though. It was really nice, something resembling Celestia’s, or AJ’s. “That guy must’ve been a real joy,” she remarked. It was the understatement of the century, she knew, but it was the best insult in her arsenal.

Fizzlepop, after several moments of thought, grunted in agreement, face placid as a lazy lake. “He was a goof and a tool. I hated his personality," she growled.

“Twilight called him psychotic. Was he?” The question hung in air, unanswered. Starlight peered closer and realized Tempest’s brows subtly push together. “Hey,” she cooed, “is… something the matter?”

“I’ve spent most of my life believing you could only depend on yourself.” Fizzle’s voice was stiff and flat, as though speaking pained her.

But saying the words were not the issue, and Starlight sensed it. “And now?”

“Now? I believe I’m afraid, and happy, and I don’t know why.”

She’s never had to open herself like this before, Starlight thought. She doesn’t even know how. “Explain your feelings to me,” she said, scarcely believing what she was saying. What was she doing!? Starlight’s instincts screamed at her, but her heart writhed in protest as Fizzle wrenched away, ashamed for even feeling conflicted over this.

She started pacing. “Part of me wants nothing more than to accept Princess Twilight’s offer,” she confessed. “To serve as her right shield, her constant companion, her—” her voice failed her, and she gulped promptly, “—her friend.” Fizzle blinked, stunned by the very idea of such a thing. “Why can’t I just be happy with what she’s giving me? Why am I so afraid, Starlight?”

It was easy sympathizing over such a painfully familiar story. “I can’t blame you for being wary of Twilight’s kindness.” She wished to smile, but somehow, Starlight's subconscious beat her to the buck some time ago. “Especially when you don’t feel like you deserve it.”

Fizzle made an interesting sound: a gasping laugh. “You must be a mind-reader. Tell me, how could anypony put words to this feeling I don’t even understand?”

“I thought you said you knew my story.” Starlight winked.

Fizzlepop looked away, her cheeks bright-pink, mouth set in a line. “I don’t know what to think anymore. Well, save for one thing…”

“And what’s that?”

The mare raised her head tall to gaze upon the wall between her bedroom and the narrow-doored closet further down. Following her eyes, Starlight found a massive tribute to the sigil of the castle’s proprietor.

“I can believe in her friendship,” Fizzle explained as she approached it. “Least I know that that’s chiseled in stone.” Coming up beside her, Starlight’s eyes boggled at the display. “I saw this earlier, and I thought to myself, ‘There’s no way a pony this egotistical could be so genuine.’” Fizzle shook her head, smirking; the familiarity of her words gave Starlight one too. “I’m starting to think she might've been telling the truth.”

Starlight nodded faintly, half-hearing her words. She understood something about interpreting this piece of art as an ego-trip. Without context, the thing just felt out-of-place for being so deep in the castle.

But Twilight didn’t create this, nor would she ever commission something so vain without dying of embarrassment. This was the work of Harmony’s chief patron, or whatever made the castle: jigsaw puzzle comprised of amethyst, where every piece—large or small, thin, fat, round or jagged—joined to create the six-pointed starburst. It was probably beautiful when the castle interior brightened by day.

“I can’t believe I’ve missed this for two and a half years. How'd I manage that?” she wondered. “Oh! Oh, wait… I'd always teleported. That’s why.” Starlight still chuckled despite her clenching insides. Teleporting was such a nice convenience, always being able to ping from one room to the next, and great fun during magic lessons, popping over to every corner of Equestria until Twilight usually became the one following her lead.

“Equestria doesn’t know how lucky it is to have her.” Starlight's heart skipped a beat: Fizzle, gazing upon the starburst, her throat bobbing once as she was crushed by the weight of it all. “Does it?”

Memories of the Friendship Journal surged forth - a “Greatest Hits” album of the worst kind - and paradoxically, the huge party celebrating her what was originally her definite demise. “It really doesn’t,” Starlight agreed. “But Twilight once told me her life’s mission was to ensure every pony had a place in another’s life, even the ignorant.”

“Wait, she wants to ensure that every-pony has friendship in their lives?” Fizzlepop's voice, typically low and set to one emotion - stoic - could very well be either amazed or simply disbelieving.

“M’yeah! Basically!”

“‘Every pony?’”

"Ok, so it does sound like a bit of a pipe dream to an outsider."

“Princess or no, it's a tall order,” Fizzle remarked, her scarred, divided brow almost kissing her broken—

Starlight swung a foreleg, dismissing it. “Aw, Twilight can do it! At the very least, it keeps her busy between dealing with the Map and her ‘Open Door Policy.’”

Fizzlepop dropped her face, considering. “So, you truly believe she can do it?”

“Of course I do! Twilight’s the Princess of Friendship for a reason. She was literally made to do this!”

Fizzle’s eyes slowly widened until they practically popped out of her head.

She huffed.

Then she started chuckling.

Starlight gulped, but kept her smile going. “Is, uh, is something wrong?”

“Strange little pony,” the taller mare purred once more. She went back to regarding the stained-glass mural.

Starlight would have taken offense to that summation, but Fizzle wasn’t wrong from an outsider's perspective. Twilight truly was one of a kind.

“You get used to it. But take it from somepony who once felt like you: it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.”

“I wasn’t talking about Princess Twilight.” Fizzle peered from the corner of her eye. “I was talking about you. You're strange, Starlight Glimmer." Her stomach knotted up all over again as if the last few minutes hadn't happened at all. “Your appraisal of her exemplifies this—singing praises of the princess as if nothing’s wrong. It sounds as if you admire her more than anypony, yet from what I heard, you don’t trust her enough to help you with this.” She nodded at a space above Starlight's head.

“Allow me to analyze what exactly I’ve heard," Fizzle continued, circling around, "you give me this wisdom on friendship, acting like you’re best friends with Princess Twilight. Yet, I heard you two screaming all the way up here. Keeping secrets from her? Lying to her? Avoiding her?” Fizzlepop was Tempest Shadow once again, prowling sleek and quiet as a black panther. “Are you actually friends, or is she your abusive mother? It sounds to me like you don’t want her close to you. I would like to believe you, Starlight—especially with what you’ve said about Her Highness. But really, how can I? It’s almost as if you actually hate—”

“Shut up.”

Fizzlepop froze, head shooting upright with surprise.

Starlight glared up at her, panting deeply. This broken unicorn dared to assume such nonsense? That’s fine, it was in her right. But she also had the right to know she was crossing a line into sensitive territory.

“I’m… sorry,” Fizzlepop stammered, blinking so many times she must have been in some sort of trance. “I’ve… not much experience conversing with normal ponies. There's some days I wake up still considering myself ‘Commander Tempest.’ I avoided confronting Twilight because I knew it’d get ugly, fast.” She looked aside, not really ashamed but more placid, in deep thought. “I’m sorry for bringing that upon you.”

A sigh cleansed any fear from her heart. “Take it from somepony with serious anger management issues, it just comes out sometimes." Starlight winced in shock seconds later, having never acknowledged this problem aloud, not even to her mentor.

Fizzlepop just looked baffled. “You’re not upset with me?” She lifted a foreleg, holding it close. “I thought I frightened you, you looked ready to book it down the hall.”

“Did I?” Starlight had no idea what this pony saw this very moment; she felt absolutely no different now from how she'd been since, well, for sometime now. “Honestly, I care more that you’re not actually mad at me. I get that you’re trying to be better, Fizzlepop - I struggled too. And Twilight gave me an overabundance of chances to better myself until I have! ...Or had,” she muttered.

“See, this is what I mean: ‘an overabundance,’” Fizzle quoted. “The Twilight you’re toting seems like she’d give you infinite chances to fix your mistake. Yet, there’s this harder princess you aren’t telling me about. You've feared confronting her since your horn was lost. If it isn't judgement or punishment, then what? Was this her trigger, her limit? I don't know. It’s like there’s two different Twilight's.”

One heartbeat later, something clicked in Starlight’s brain. “Oh, I think I get it. Well, you can definitely take my word for it: I don’t hate Twilight.”

“I know, I didn’t mean to imply you actually hated—”

“But do we really need to talk about this now?”

Fizzlepop closed her mouth, impassive once more. “Won’t force you." She shrugged. "But if we don’t strike while the iron’s hot, then we’ll be stuck with a misshapen lump of steel.”

Starlight only knew kites; smithing was a whole other world fit for ponies with defined muscles and greater patience than herself. But the metaphor was not lost on her, even if it didn’t make sense in its application.“And do you know swordsmithing well?” she wondered vaguely, since there was clearly a point to this.

“Not exactly. But I know a heart of steel when I see it, and yours is glowing hot right now. It's ripe to be shaped, but you're not letting anypony touch it. Take it from someone who knows that weight in your breast well,” she added, scarred eye giving a wink.

Starlight’s heart skipped once more. What a strange character you are. She really liked her all of a sudden.

“Fizzlepop...” Starlight breathed deep, powering through the nerves spitting fire along her spine, down her legs, up her throat. “Why are you helping me?” Her muzzle wobbled open, but first she needed to understand that this wasn’t weird. “E-even if that isn’t your intention, helping me that is—”

“It is,” Fizzle cut her off. Thank Celestia, Starlight thought a moment later, as the mare began prowling back to her room, beaming her a soft smile. “It’s because Twilight was more than right. I see myself in you, Starlight Glimmer. As you know what I feel, I'm positive I understand you just as well.”

"Uh, w-wow!" she gasped, smiling broadly, her heart swelling and swelling. Starlight didn't know why, but the feeling reminded her of Trixie, Maud, Thorax and Sunburst: weird to a fault, except, not really. She understood who they were, connected to what they felt. Starlight didn’t know why, they just clicked with her, and the reverse was equally as true.

Maybe the ex-Tempest Shadow would “get her” just as well as her other friends did?

Fizzlepop glanced back, across her swinging hindquarters, smirking still. “Don’t be too proud of yourself, now. We only just met.”

“I know, I’m not! I’m just… happy, to have met you I guess.” Starlight smiled sheepishly, but she just knew that her words hit their mark. Fizzlepop’s stunned, soft eyes, were as wide as the ocean, just as blue, and equally as wet.

“I,” she squeaked, then cleared her throat harshly and spoke loud and sternly while marching to the other side of her doorway, “I also know that you aren’t mad at Twilight, and that you don’t hate her. But… that is all I know,” her voice lowered, alongside her embarrassment, “...and I’m confused because of this. I want to understand.”

“What? About me or Twilight?”

“I don’t know. Both? Or just friendship in general. Something to stop me from feeling like a complete foreigner in this strange land called 'home.'” Starlight gawked, having never considered how Equestria looked, culturally, to one of their own who knew little to none about it. “Would you like to have this conversation, or not? I have tea on the kettle if you want.”

Things were moving fast—just hopping from one emotion to the other without time for a breather. Fizzlepop was a train without any breaks. It’ll be hard landing onboard every single time. Starlight foresaw this easily, and smiled with anticipation, spiting the terror in her soul.

A rumbling ahead, off to the side, scrapped a fingernail down the back of her neck. The abyss down the hall had grown larger, more-encompassing, until it was a black wall before her very eyes. Something, suddenly, was not right; Starlight only wanted to accept her potential friend's offer.

The darkness upon the wall deeped, oozing down the walls toward Fizzlepop. The starburst of gemstones was half-submerged in shadow.

Starlight didn’t want to talk about anything, though. Fizzlepop would understand. She knew her better than anypony at this moment, despite having held a single conversation with her.

But Starlight just couldn’t inflict herself upon Fizzlepop. She was in no position to have an amicable discussion over tea with somepony far more collected this moment than she. The distraction was nice, but if Starlight was forced to talking about what just transpired in the foyer, she might just about lose it.

How, though, was what terrified her most, but nowhere near than the unknown of Fizzlepop's true feelings toward Starlight after. “I’d be happy to talk,” her heart insisted. “And tea sounds amazing right about now, thank you.”

Something within Starlight craved this anyway. Was she crazy?

...Probably. But Fizzlepop "Tempest Shadow" Berrytwist seemed equally as bad.

A cool smirk returned to Fizzlepop’s muzzle as she lifted a hoof, and it was then that Starlight first noticed how it was tied with a black string, tugged taut like a bowstring by something lurking above, obscured in shadow. Starlight trotted through the threshold, and only made it three steps before slowing to a stop.

It was just an abyss—depthless and soundless. A fold-out table stood out against it with an silver finish, so white it must have been made from the material. Somehow, the crystal thrones of Twilight and another pony sat on either side.

This was Fizzle’s room? Why would the Tree of Harmony create such an awful place?

“So, w’uh, where, uh, where’d those come from?” Starlight gestured.

Fizzlepop stomped past as quietly as her old namesake, hoofsteps booming like an eager judge's gavel. “My ‘master’ gave them to me.” She approached Twilight’s throne. Strange, Starlight thought, how the strings tethered to each of her hooves yanked them one at a time, only visible by their six-colored shine, almost like lines made of rainbow.

“Take a seat,” Fizzle said, the strings yanking her hooves into a gesture toward the mysterious pony’s throne across from her’s.

She almost threw herself on it, only faintly registering her own cutie mark emblazoned on its crown from the corner of her eye before Fizzlepop's voice yanked her back. “Now please, explain to me what the deal is. Between the two of you.”

Oh, Celestia. Fizzlepop had bigger things to worry about than Starlight’s ridiculous drama. “Look, Twilight and I just had a little argument. Nothing more than that. It's a common thing between friends!"

“A ‘little’ argument?” Fizzle scoffed, disbelief shining in her marginally-widened eyes. “The two of you screamed like… like something I’d never heard before. Is that how friends usually argue?"

Starlight rolled her eyes, steeling herself. “I seriously doubt that. No offense, Fizzlepop, but you do know that ponies yell for things unrelated to terror, right?”

A stomp on the table, and Fizzlepop was towering over her as spindly, rainbow tendrils of magic flashed from her horn. “Do not presume me to be an idiot!”

“I wasn't. But how about you talk to me like a normal pony instead of dancing around the point and being willfully abstract? Like you have been this entire time.”Starlight blinked, and shook her head. Where the heck did that brazen courage come from, and why didn’t it show up when they were talking in the hall?

Tempest pulled back slowly, glaring, huffing, but did nothing more. Because she knew Starlight hit the nail on the head. "Do you know what it sounds like, when a city is under attack? Its people scream, Starlight. They scream for their lives, as it all burns to ash before their very eyes. They scream in terror, as they watch their families torn apart and slapped in irons. Screams for mercy were made to me personally, as I enforced the Storm King's law upon rulebreakers. I've heard screams all my life, Starlight Glimmer…”

“So, do not... insult me,” she hissed, "when I am trying to understand something I’ve never heard before in my life!” She fell silent, save for the whisper of her panting.

Starlight didn’t think. She just scoffed, rolling her eyes. "I really doubt we were as bad as any of those."

"I didn't say you were," Fizzlepop countered, suddenly ever so cool. "I said I'd never heard something like that. The two of you sounded betrayed, like a pair of lovers who’d wronged one another.” Her lips frowned. “All I hear is two ponies who wanna rip one another to pieces. Not ‘one of the greatest ponies’ Twilight’s ever known.”

The statement made her snort—the princess really could be overdramatic with her praise.

And generous.

“Well, we definitely don’t wanna destroy each other, if that’s what you think.”

“I know. So why does it sound like that?”

“What’s there to talk about? Things’re a bit tense right now, that’s all.” Starlight only needed to be her charismatic self. The same one who fooled Twilight, Fluttershy, and Maud Pie so well...

'Confidence is key,' Starlight always told herself. Believing it as fact yourself went a long way.

Fizzlepop snorted with amusement, folding her forelegs as she leaned back. “Is that what Equestrians say when they don’t want to admit they’re angry with each other? That things are ‘tense?’” The strings framed her face, driving attention to those piercingly blue eyes. “Starlight, I know what you’ve lost. I know what you’re feeling, and that you don’t want any of it. I know you’d love nothing more than pretend everything’s fine. And there’s no shame admitting that you’re upset about it.”

“But I’m not!”

“Not what?”

“Upset!”

“Upset about what?”

Starlight didn’t even know, and Fizzle knew it—her mouth opened and closed like she was some stupid fish. A sad, knowing smile stretched across Fizzlepop’s muzzle.

What was she even upset about, anyway? Twilight, or her horn? She couldn’t stop thinking about Maud, Fluttershy, or Trixie, either, and Starlight hadn't even seen the last pony all day! Of course, she hated that they demonized her for her mistakes, but that was justified for the heartache she’d caused them all for this stupid decision. The Flutter Valley witches stole her horn, and Starlight hated them too.

Part of her hated Princess Celestia for failing Twilight. How could the greatest pony who’d ever lived not been able to save someone she so loved, someone that was practically her daughter?! The other part of Starlight hated her friends. How dare they, how dare they!? What gave them the right to condemn Starlight for her choices!? Nopony else stepped up to save Twilight! Nopony else was willing to give up everything for their friend!

Only Starlight, and she was the hero, dang it! She made a selfless choice, yet everypony hated her for it! Maud, Twilight, Trixie and, and even Fluttershy and Spike acted like what she did was wrong! How could they do that!? Didn’t they know how much it hurt, to see those disapproving eyes? To look into them and see nothing but pity or disappointment?

How painful were the looks of everypony in Ponyville! They all knew—Twilight had to have told them the truth, and now everypony judged her for it, too. They knew she hurt her friends, and they knew that even after realizing it, she kept acting like she didn’t care at all—!

"What are you upset about, Starlight? I'm waiting."

hooves, bodyweight, everything swarming like angry bees in Starlight's soul crashed upon the steel table with a bellowing cry of, “EVERYTHING!” Her voice squeaked pitifully, face smoldering.

Fizzle watched with wide, inscrutable eyes. Not even a reaction!? Did she not care!?

Starlight’s eyes burned so bad she squeezed them shut. Wetness tickled the length of her jawline. “I don’t know why I’m mad,” she whispered with a slow shake of the head. “I only know that I’m the reason all of this is happening.”

Nothing twinged in reaction to what she’d said. No writhe in protest or a pang of guilt. Just tranquility. The void embracing them pricked Starlight’s neck, made her hairs stand and a shiver to claw down her spine, to the base of her tail.

Fizzlepop’s deep voice shocked the air around her. “You hate yourself for it. You feel guilty. I know how you feel.”

“No, stop! This isn’t about you, this s'totally different!”

“I know, Starlight.”

Her eyes sprang open, flashing wetly. “No! You don’t! You don’t know how I feel, nopony does! I shouldn’t feel guilty anymore, okay? I already did my time.”

Fizzle cocked her head, like a stupid dog.

Starlight's head rocked as she prayed her burning cheeks spoke of how embarrassing that whole ordeal was. Just a bumbling, anxious mess until I defeated Chrysalis. I wasn’t any fun to be around.

“Your friends told you that?” Fizzle asked. "You know it as fact?"

Starlight didn’t even stop to wonder how she’d read her thoughts. “I don't have to. Nopony likes being around a killjoy.”

There was an amused huff. “And what about me?”

Starlight barked humorlessly—Fizzle missed the point. Everypony missed the point. “With how much you’ve been through, I’m surprised you even invited me in for tea." Starlight massaged a slowly-twisting tightness in her chest. "I must look like a joke to you.”

“I doubt that,” Fizzle retorted. Starlight didn’t look, didn’t dare to. If she did, she would see Fizzle's disappointment, and then she would only see Twilight’s. “Starlight, why would you assume something so horrible of me?”

“Because it’s true,” Starlight croaked. “All ponies see in me is a time bomb waiting to blow, to mess up. Every time I think I’ve peaked, that I achieved my greatest accomplishment, it always ends up hurting the ponies I care about.” Our Town took confused ponies and ruined them until they were on Starlight’s level. Her magic, honed from years of training in isolation, nearly destroyed Equestria in several timelines, as well as her friends' minds. This thoughtless, stupid decision to seek the Ladies of Flutter Valley should have been her finest act; they’d even promised her as much by saying that everypony would love her for it.

But they hated her anyway, and rightfully so. By her own hoof, not the Witches', the ponies she loved were hurt by her thoughtlessness.

No wonder Twilight was so furious.

“Whenever I failed, the best I could possibly offer was ‘sorry.’ Every time. And I can’t now,” she said as she buried her face in both hooves, thrashing it side to side, “I can not regret this, Tempest. No regret, no guilt—nothing, I can't look back with regret.”

“So you just don't let yourself feel what you want to feel?” Fizzle scoffed. “Stupid little pony, even I was never so insane. And I’d have done unspeakable things just to get a smidgen of the support you’ve got here. And you’re throwing it all away—”

“Just let this pass, please.” Starlight didn’t even know who she was asking. “I don’t want anypony feeling like they’re obligated to help me.”

Her words cut deep—scarring her for all time. It was so true. Starlight could barely recall how many times she’d run away. Even when she felt welcomed, like with Fluttershy, she was still a trespasser on somepony else's time. And now Fizzle definitely judged her because she was so incompetent. Starlight couldn’t even do friendship correctly—the Princess of the stuff was mad at her for it!

“I know how you feel.”

“No, you don’t!” she shot back, finally confronting Fizzlepop’s passive gaze. “Everything’s fine! I don’t know why everypony insists that it’s not!”

“‘Fine?’ Sheesh, you even sound like I did,” Fizzle snorted. Starlight reeled back, as if a hot, sharp knife was cleaving her in two. “How often have you used that line, Starlight?”

Like a cat, she slinked over from her chair, the strings pulling her hooves glimmering like shiny, rainbow raindrops. Her blue eyes glowed extra brightly as they pierced the utter blackness swallowing her. Starlight wrenched away, hugging her forelegs to her chest, squeezing herself tight. Her body trembled, and Starlight squeezed tighter. Her shakes worsened no matter how hard she tried to comfort herself. Tempest Shadow awaited her by the throne's arm all the while, and that fact twisted Starlight's heart until snapping from the tension, and she whimpered. "Just leave me alone."

Tempest's scarred scowl deepened, becoming intentional.

It was as if she could read Starlight, like the obvious foal's storybook that she is.

“I want you to answer me honestly, Starlight.” Fizzle’s gentle, mature voice shook the tranquility around them, and Starlight's very soul. “But not just for me, for yourself, too. No dancing around it, no hiding. I don’t want you to be afraid of me, because… I know that everything you’re feeling, I have as well. I understand, and I vow not to judge you for it. So I will ask again, and again, for as many times as I need to until you answer me truthfully: how often have you told somepony that everything's—”

“All the time,” Starlight croaked, something heavy snapping from existence on the spot. “Every time. Whenever somepony asks me, I shut them down. I don't know why... except, I do. I don't want my friends to feel like they're required to help me." It felt like she was finally breaking free of a filly-sized corset, string by string with every truth spoken. "I know it'd be hopeless. I know there's no way they'd understand what I've lost. They'll just make it, me, worse."

Her heart froze mid-pump: she'd actually said all of that. What was Starlight thinking!? What was she feeling!? None of that was true!

What if Fizzlepop ran to Twilight and told her about this!? "I-I mean—!" Starlight choked, then sighed past it. She'd have better luck fooling AJ. "Look, I had a very emotional day. You shouldn't worry about this. Honestly, I’m just a little stressed over what I'd been thr—”

Fizzlepop’s hoof thundered against the crystal beside her. “Excuse me?” the mare hooted in disbelief—somehow, actually getting in Starlight’s face, and throne, with very Pinkie-esque quickness. “I don’t mean to lose it here, but, ‘stress?’" She lurched closer with her crowing. "You’re one of the few ponies in Equestria’s HISTORY to lose their horn, and you’re only feeling a little STRESSED!?”

“I-I don’t have to answer to this! Let me leave! I wanna leave!” Starlight shrilled, Tempest’s puppeted hoof barely pulling back before booming against her throne.

She ground her muzzle hard against Starlight’s, eyes furious with bloodlust. “Why?” she growled. “So you could run away again? You just spilled your guts out to me, you’ve got nothing left to hide that isn’t already so painfully obvious. So tell me what you’re trying to flee from now, Starlight! Tell me the truth!” she shouted, again smashing her hoof against the crystal.

Starlight's chest heaved frantically; she felt desperate for air. Or coffee. Or tea. Or casting magic. Anything to calm her nerves. Fizzlepop’s just trying to dig deep—her own way, she assured herself. That's just who she is, Starlight understood. It was just like in the hall!

Just like... She was annoying her again: Fizzlepop's frustrations, borne from true feelings Starlight'd wrought, was Just like here. She’s angry at me because I’m just avoiding her like Twilight! Why's this so hard to answer? She’s not actually mad at you, Starlight! She’s passionate, like you!

“WELL?!” Tempest roared, shattering her train of thought.

Starlight massaged her temples, trying to calm the mess that her mind had become. “What do you want me to say?” she groaned.

“I want you to tell me how you really feel, Starlight! You feel alone, don’t you?! More alone than you ever have your entire life!”

Starlight’s eyes widened to their limits.

Sunburst…

Her heart bumped… and then thumped.

Our Town…

She was always just a foal lashing out in anger, wasn't she? In fear?

Starlight released her temples, and then slammed them hard into Tempest Shadow’s chest with every emotion burning in her own.

The taller mare staggered to the side of the throne, pushed back further still as Starlight’s snout crashed into her's. “Yes, I feel alone,” she seethed in a cold, dead, shaking voice. She stole a breath. “Yes, I’m sad about my horn. Obviously. So, what, do I have to sit on the ground, crying my eyes out in order to prove that I miss it?!” She wasn’t even mad at Fizzlepop. There was only anger, and a blaze in her bosom screaming to be let out.

“That’s not what I was referring—”

She means your horn. “Well, of course I miss it! I miss everything about it!”

Starlight dove back, into her throne as well as memories: a teal cyclone swirling around her...

“I’ll definitely miss being able to cast any spell! Or throwing a couple together and creating something new, just for the fun of it!" Nostalgia gave way to a gruesome weight within her.

...her mane tugged by its incessant will...

"I'll miss being able to rearrange matter into literally anything, or lifting things ten times my size like the world's made of feathers."

...magenta bleeding into it, creating a beautiful, bubblegum-blueberry swirl of magic...

"And no matter how little I sweat, I'd always do something to make Twilight proud.” Something burned inside.

...sharing a glance and grin with Twilight Sparkle.

“I also learned to teleport on a whim, and make myself fly and—”

Warmth tickled her cheeks as years of practicing alone, with a princess, and then nothing at all blurred her vision.

“—and I did it all alone!” she gasped harshly, her gut walloped by something strong. “I'd done it with nopony around but myself, and my horn. So yes, of course I feel alone! I'd lost my best friend because I gave it up by accident, just like the STUPID, SENSELESS PONY THAT I AM!"

The abyss smothered any echo she could have made as her throat burned.

Starlight's muzzle waved side to side. “It’s gone,” she whimpered. “It’s gone and I’ll get over it someday. I know I can. But… But why’ve I felt so horrible anyway!?” Better question: why did Starlight continue to be aloof, despite having answered her question already?

The chasm in her chest widened: deep, all-consuming and all-encompassing. It’s bottomless belly has been all she felt since realizing what was lost.

“Starlight,” Fizzlepop said from her left, “do you truly know what it is you’ve lost?” She was prepared to nod until a hoof came under her chin, bringing her to Fizzle’s rigid seriousness. “I don’t mean spells, your studies, or your abilities.You know what I mean, don't you? You know it in your heart if there’s anything left to piece together.”

What was in her heart, besides emptiness? Fizzlepop listed everything that had to do with what she loved about magic: her ability, the learning, the thrill of it all!

All gone. Forever. It was like a piece of herself was missing, in more than a literal sense.

But to answer was a hopeless effort. “I don’t know,” Starlight muttered. “The whole world just feels like there’s this wall between me and everything else. In Ponyville, I saw all the bright colors and townsponies I’ve come to know doing their thing and I just… wasn’t into it. Everything felt wrong. Like I could reach in,” she demonstrated with the table, “touch something, know that it feels exactly as I’ve anticipated and yet, something about it felt… distant. Dimmer, I guess? Not as special? ...I dunno,” she sighed.

A moment passed. “Go on. Please,” Tempest prompted.

Nothing circled Starlight’s mind upon hearing this. Nothing, save for Twilight’s whispered utterance of, ‘You should be starving, Starlight…’

She grimaced from the potent reminder. “I… even stole some apples from AJ, when I slept at Sweet Apple Acres.” Fear suddenly filled Starlight, as she realized what she’d said. “Oh, please don’t tell her I did that! I-I’ll pay her back! But I hadn’t eaten and I was too afraid to ask her like that.”

“She won’t hear it from me,” Fizzle vowed, hoof pulled up to cover her chest. “Now go on, please.”

Starlight flushed, having been caught rambling. “Right. So, I picked three off the ground. Red and shiny as they ever were—totally ripe. I bet they were delicious!” She shot a smirk at Fizzlepop.

“You didn’t want to eat them?” she asked.

“Nah, I did. But... But only for one, little bite,” Starlight mumbled. “I don’t know what was wrong with me. I chewed and chewed until it was mealy mush in my mouth, but I couldn't swallow it. Like the very act was the hardest thing I’d ever done! I had to force it down my throat along with the rest and the other two, and it never got any easier.”

The recounting left her gut ravaged with black rot, aching for something that wasn’t quite hunger. She squashed the feeling desperately, embracing her round little belly but never alleviating the potent ache.

Glancing, she could barely make out the raspberry blob of Tempest Shadow beside her. Everything hurt too much.

“Why’s this happening to me?” she asked. “I hope you can relate and understand, Fizzlepop, because I’m hopeless here.”

“Starlight—”

“Oh, what if I can never eat again?!”

“Starlight, look at me. Look at what you’re doing to yourself.” With a gulp and great hesitation she did so out of curiosity, not because she felt she must heed this mare’s stiff commands. In truth she didn’t want to see what Fizzle did.

What she saw made Starlight shriek sharply in horror, clamping both hooves upon her muzzle.

Fizzlepop Berrytwist was a made of wood. Her fur, smooth and solid, streaked with a coating of raspberry-colored paint. Her mane was stiff as a board, while every joint in her legs, neck and head came together to comprise a mare of several separate pieces, held in place by shiny rainbow strings.

She was patient enough to give Starlight time to absorb the sight until she finally met those piercing eyes.

They were painted on, a tranquil blue. Yet they shone with compassion, and blinked like they were supposed to. But her artist only painted an open eye and a closed one, and it blinked back and forth between the images when she did so.

Starlight gaped, trying to make sense of everything raging inside of her. “I don’t understand,” she managed, then in a tearful croak, “why… do I feel like this?” Starlight snuffled. “How can I accept being hornless, but still feel like something's legitimately wrong with me?”

Fizzle’s jaw clacked woodenly as she spoke. “As I’ve said, deep down you know the answer already.”

Starlight wracked her brain but nothing came forth. The hollow feeling within was distracting—the only thing that was simple enough to understand, it seemed.

“I’ve just felt… disconnected. Like, here’s the world,” she put one hoof in front of her, “here’s everypony else,” her other stacked on top of it, “and then there’s me,” her first hoof reached as high as she could manage.

She barely did it justice, but hopefully that got the message across to Fizzlepop.

Fizzlepuppet was more like it; a string from her horn-stump lifted her head high, staring into the void beyond Starlight’s throne. “The three races are deeply connected to Equestria’s soul. This extends beyond the common thread of cutie marks, and into the nature of the three races’ inherent magic,” she explained, using words which sounded startlingly official and pre-written.

A subtle smirk curved her rigidly vacant muzzle. Starlight gawked and rubbed her eyes. When she looked again, Fizzlepop’s wooden expression was blank once more. “Your eyes are playing tricks on you,” Fizzle said, her jaw clapping with every word.

Starlight shook her head. “R-right,” she agreed, grooming her mane with both hooves, considering this pony's little monologue. It was disturbingly familiar...

Fizzle watched her motions, her eyes boring into her. It was impossible to tell what this pony was thinking. Starlight combed herself until her mane was gathered over one shoulder, the proceeded to stroke its violet tendrils obsessively. She didn’t know why; it was like her hooves had their own agenda.

“Do you recognize those words?”

“Huh!?” Starlight shot her head up.

“I said, do you recognize those words?”

“Obviously,” Starlight snapped. “Basics of Magic: The Definitive Grimoire.” She didn’t even realize she recognized them. “That’s the prologue, and the only part Twilight actually forced me to read... Don't tell her I said that.”

The string from Fizzle’s horn slacked, her head tilting aside. “And do you know what it means?"

“Uh, yeah. I practically got it memorized after two weeks of living here.” Twilight had made her read it enough to quote the prologue by heart and loathe every word of it.

“Why do you think she did?” Fizzle’s hoof was pulled, upturning from the table. “Why would Twilight make you want to know it?”

Starlight stopped combing her mane to throw up her hooves. “Why do you care?!”

“Because it will explain why you’re so upset.” Fizzle’s hoof rapped loudly against the table with every word.

Every word, every sound, bucked Starlight in the heart. “I’d like to know that,” she declared, her voice faint. “Do you know?”

Fizzle’s head turned left, then right, looking into either side of the void. “I do,” she said. “But only if you think back to The Grimoire.”

"Why, though? How?" Starlight threw herself back into her throne, massaging a headache with both hooves. “Nothing about it reminds me of my horn!”

“It does. You just refuse to remember it.”

She slammed her hooves upon the table. “Well, why don’t you tell me if you know so much!?” Fizzlepop merely folded both forelegs in front of her, not saying a word. Starlight slowly withdrew herself, trembling. Her eyes bounced up and down between Fizzle and her dents in the table. “I-I’m sorry,” she muttered, sinking back. “I’m sorry, I… know you're just trying to help, I just—”

Fizzle lifted a hoof then dropped it, lazily. “It’s fine,” she said. “But I want you to understand that it’s all on you, Starlight. This is your conclusion to make.”

“But why Basics of Magic? Why the reminder that I knew less than a second grader in magic school before coming here?” It’s been two years and Starlight still blushed at the reality. That she was a foal with matches. “Why not the other thousands of books Twilight’s made me read?” she quietly asked.

“Because this is the one whose information you’ve been wilfully ignoring.” Fizzle stared into her eyes as she conjured a familiar grimoire from beneath the table and pushed it toward her. “It will explain why you’re feeling so grey inside, as I have, every single day.”

“I doubt it,” Starlight scoffed, scooting closer to the textbook that was now before her. It was exactly as she remembered, bound in seafoam-green felt with a spine of real silver bands. The cover was stitched red with silhouettes of a unicorn, earth pony, and pegasus reared up beneath the unfurled wings of a mane-less alicorn. The title crowned them all in printing as silver as the spine. A copper stain stretched on its bottom pages ruined the copy’s mint condition thanks to her, after spilling tea during a late-night reread Twilight had assigned.

“I’ve never read past the introduction,” Starlight said, opening the cover. She smiled faintly at the words, ‘Property of T. Sparkle!’ having been scrawled inside. “Twilight wanted to make sure I understood ‘the basics of magic,’ before starting me on Friendship Lessons.”

“I thought you were one of the most powerful unicorns of our generation.”

“I am!” Starlight shot up. “I mean, I-I was. But Twilight wanted me to understand why cutie marks were important, and how destructive my philosophy really was.”

Fizzlepop, somehow upon the throne once more, dove beneath the table. “So much so you got yourself this?” She returned with a framed picture she slid across the table.

Starlight only glanced at it once before burning hot. “Um, yes. I-I needed a constant reminder,” she defended.

Fizzle snorted. “What? That cutie marks were good?”

Her smile died, as did calm between them. “No,” Starlight said, dropping to the cutie mark of equality concealed behind a jet-black prohibition sign. “That I was wrong…” Her chin nearly brushed her chest. “That I was bad. That I ripped away something very special from ponies I considered my friends. That I turned them into husks of their former selves without even realizing it.”

Starlight sank back with a sigh. “I thought that cutie marks were just a symbol for your talent, but they’re not. They’re so much more.” She closed Basics of Magic shut. “They’re representative of a pony’s entire being, of who they are. Their soul, their personality, their passions, future, everything! All of that is tied to Destiny,” she recited, her hoof making circular motions to demonstrate. “It’s all linked, Fizzlepop, you know? Equestria’s magic is that connection.”

“Goodness,” Fizzle clapped her hooves upon her muzzle, “I never realized it was so complex. I’ve been wrong all along!”

Starlight blinked, her grin slowly breaking apart. “You mean about cutie marks?”

“No. That much is obvious. Everypony knows this, even foals.”

Starlight shrank back, hugging her belly as it ached anew with Fizzle’s brutal honesty.

Across from her, the mare’s forelegs stretched before her, hooves banging upon the table. “It's just that, all my life, I thought a horn was just... the thing you used to fire off spells. Watch...” Her head tilted slightly, and Starlight followed, holding her breath. She exhaled, amazement on her breath as a streamer of yellow and red, gold, and pink paper fluttered from Fizzle’s broken horn.

They both watched until the “bolt” of magic melted into the murkiness above, vanishing from sight. “But I can still do that, despite it being lost. And now, I know why. I'd never realized it was rooted so deeply with Equestria until now,” Fizzle remarked. “It's as if we’re connecting to its soul whenever we use magic.”

“That’s actually the gist of it!” Starlight tittered. “And we’re not the only ones who do that. So does everypony else.”

“Except it’s a little hard for them to initiate direct contact, since they lack even a stump of a horn,” Fizzle teased, pointing to her own.

Starlight smiled, feeling the pride that Twilight'd felt when teaching her from The Definitive Grimoire. “Even without a horn, their connection is just as strong," she remembered. "It’s all in here, you see.” She patted her chest, feeling a warmth gently pulsing beneath it. “It’s what allows pegasi flight in spite of their bone density, or why earth ponies are so strong. Their own magic allows better control of their respective elements.”

Fizzle lifted her head and spoke, loud and clear: “‘As one race works Equestria’s land, and the other her sky, unicorns’ inherent magic yields command over both.’” Her vacant expression dropped alongside Starlight jaw, her lips parting slightly. “Twilight let me read it today,” she explained.

Starlight tilted her head. Fizzle nodded to Basics of Magic, still sitting before her, and she recovered with a sheepish grin. “Uh, i-it’s pretty cool, isn't it? Like, earth ponies can have the land, and pegasi the air, while we get to control the magic in both!”

"Except for us."

Starlight’s grin receded into a coy one again. “Um, yeah. I guess we can’t anymore, huh?”

Fizzlepop stared straight through her. “I never quite knew what that felt like, wasn’t old enough to appreciate it. I’ve felt nothing within the land the way you'd previously described. Not since losing my horn, I suppose. Now I know why.”

Starlight frowned. Even though she hadn’t seen what Twilight had of this mare, everypony at the Friendship Festival saw those amazing fireworks. “But you’ve got so much raw power, Tempest.” Envy stewed within. “You’ve still got something at least. The connection’s still there, inside of you.”

“I’ve got nothing, Starlight,” said Fizzlepop. “Not since the accident. ‘Raw power’ doesn’t connect to Equestria, it plunges into her and rips the magic out by force.”

A serpent of some kind coiled around her belly. “But… But the grimoire says we, that our magic syncs with Equestria’s whenever we use our horns…”

“And without them,” Fizzle leaned closer, “we’re all alone. That connection is severed for all time." The darkness churned soundlessly around them. “I’m sorry, Starlight. You were a very powerful unicorn from what I heard.”

She heard a faint thundering quicken, which Starlight Glimmer recognized as her own heartbeat. She gazed up from the textbook, across the table, into the ivory depths of Twilight’s throne above her interrogator. Memories faded in and out of them, every one tickling Starlight’s insides. Faint echoes of the bliss she’d always felt when igniting her horn, casting magic, connecting with Equestria.

She was casting magic before she could even walk. Embarrassing baby albums Dad made were proof of that. Starlight had never been alone, then. Not really. Even without Sunburst, she’d had that warmth inside, that bond she never realized was there. But now?

“I can’t use my magic anymore,” she said in a flat, lifeless tone. “So I can never connect with Equestria again.” That’s why the world feels so… empty. Lifeless.

“Ex-actly,” said Fizzlepop, beating the table with a tug of her hoof. “Your connection with the land is gone. You’ve known this, felt it this entire time. Well, congratulations, Starlight Glimmer. You’re the second pony in history to have lost that special bond forever."

The pit expanded beyond the limits of her bosom. It was all around her, the very abyss they were in was swallowing her whole. Starlight trembled. Everything was shaking. Her hoof massaged the sore spot out of pure muscle memory, a reaction, without the desire moving her. But the feeling was unerasable.

“No…”.

“Accept it, Glimmer.” My talent was magic… This was my fate… "That bond is broken. You just gave it up, without a second of consideration.”

“I-it was an accident!”

“Yes.” Fizzlepuppet’s head drooped, then lolled left. “And you broke that special, precious bond ‘by accident.’ Stupid little pony...”

“Precious” echoed across Starlight’s memory, where several friendly faces surfaced with faint warmth resonating within.

But those she loved melted to the darkness all around, and the Witches of Flutter Valley echoed from its depths as one: “EvEn ThAt WhIcH iS mOsT pReCiOuS tO yOu?”

N-no… it's... n-not my magic...

“Yes, it is. Deep down, you loved what it made you feel,” said Fizzlepop, a mindreader once more.

“No, my friends-"

“You loved everything about it. Even the feeling of casting a spell prickled your senses and made the world’s essence really pop. You may love your friends, yes, but you’ve always felt alive when casting spells!”

"No, no, NO, NO!” Starlight screamed while bringing both hooves down, smashing the table in two. “SHUT UP! Just stop talking to me!” She did a little hop, like a foal throwing a tantrum.

Fizzlepop emphasized as much: “You sacrificed it for Twilight. You should be happy.”

Starlight should be.

But she didn’t care.

Something wet tickled her cheeks. Starlight snarled at the feeling and wiped herself furiously, but more tears took the place of those she wiped away.

She was sick of failure.

Starlight threw herself back into her chair, both hooves upon her face, and screamed. A ragged wail echoed within that was hardly satisfying; she still burned ablaze, inside and out.

“I had, this special, magical connection with Equestria! And I threw it, all, away!” Starlight sobbed. “And for what? For what!? Ponies who can never understand what I’ve lost, and look down on me for it anyway?!”

Starlight’s foreleg, sitting on the arm of her throne, propped her face. She wept, her body gently throbbing with shallow sobs.

“The world once made sense to you,” surmised Starlight Glimmer, or a voice in the darkness that sounded exactly like her own. “Now, nothing about it does. Without your magic, everything becomes simply that: things, lacking. You’re disconnected from Equestria, and now, you’re more alone than you’ve ever been.

“But it’s worth it! Because you did it to save Princess. Twilight. Sparkle. She is so thankful of your sacrifice!”

Her heart hammered. Her body shook. Her chest heaved.

“Starlight,” her voice said, “use your brain for once and heed the advice you gave me: talk to T—”

“QUIET!” Starlight whipped in the direction of her other self, only to find Fizzlepop’s marionette clicking its jaw together without an audible clack. No words came.

Painted blue eyes stared through her.

Starlight shook her head. “N-no… no, nah, I’m-I’m not gonna sit back and accept this! You're lying to me, aren't you?!"

“You’re pathetic,” Tempest sneered in Starlight’s voice. “Deny it all you want, but you miss it. You never deserved that power, Starlight. You don’t deserve this life Princess Twilight just gave to you on a silver platter.”

Starlight shot up from her throne, growling at the puppet’s blank face, “You’re trying to manipulate me!” It stared at her, corpselike. “Yeah! Y-you’re trying to make me feel sad, to justify all the prodding from Twilight and her friends so I could feel even worse! A-ha! I know your game!”

“Listen to yourself,” Fizzle cried, head lolling back. It was torture hearing her own voice come out of this thing’s wooden mouth. A foreleg jostled left, across from her. “Look at what your words do. You disgust the princess!”

From the shadows before her, Starlight’s breath hitched as another figure floated in on stiff, slow wingbeats. “Twilight?” she breathed. Their feathers did not move—Starlight gasped realizing they were carved, and that Princess Twilight was wood and paint instead of fur and flesh. Cold instead of warm.

“Look at what you do to yourself, Starlight!” clacked the princess's jaw, except Twilight’s girlish snarl did not come out, but her own—acidic with rage, and utterly deranged. “You think what you did was a good thing? That is not what friendship is about!”

“I-I know!” she lied, because she wasn't sure what it was about if not this.

"You don't!" Twilight's muzzle smacked upon Starlight’s, filling her world with brain-dead eyes. “You still don’t, you never have! If you knew the first thing about friendship, you wouldn’t be afraid of me! I mean, look!” She threw her forelegs out, swinging like a pendulum on seven strings. “Look, my student! Look at what you do to yourself!”

Whimpering Starlight obeyed. The last thing she wanted was to upset Twilight.

Her gaze dropped and terror tore through her. Starlight shrieked at her pink, wooden bosom. A hoof rapping against it yielded naught, even pain, save for a wooden clack.

“What?" Starlight breathed, lifting her forehooves—two trembling blocks of wood, stopping to kiss longer pieces which connected to her torso. All were held in place with string similar to that which tied around her hooves, ascending to the darkness above with a mocking rainbow shimmer. A glance to her hind hooves revealed the same. Starlight's torso was in two, with a space in her midsection allowing Starlight to bend and take in the curved piece of wood her tail had been whittled out of, painted violet. It had been days since she saw her teal stripe so defined. Even on a good day it wasn’t so flawless.

“What… is this?” she breathed. She ogled her hooves, undoubtedly with eyes painted on her face.

“This is what you do to yourself,” said Fizzlepuppet, or was it Starlight? Her ears pricked to the familiar, chipper voice crying, “Just look up for once!”

Starlight craned her head, though not by her own will because she didn’t want to.

Her eyes slid, up and up. Then her neck bent. Darkness was all. Just as her neck bent at a ninety-degree angle, a giant's face slid into view, peering through the abyss below her, fixing the three puppets stumbling about with wide, blank eyes. Starlight would have described them as emotionless if she didn’t know who it was.

By her robotic stare and stiff movements, the giant Starlight Glimmer was clearly going through motions she had practiced a thousand times before. Grasped in teal magic, this Starlight spun, turned, and tilted three wooden controllers, willing Starlight, Twilight, and the false Tempest Shadow to dance to whatever narrative she imagined.

And with a great, heaving gasp, Starlight tore away from the midnight-black box on her lap.

The world was a blur, her heart racing. Starlight was soaked in something, sweat maybe, panting loud and raggedly as she gazed all around. Clarifying, the walls became a deep, sorcery-blue. In the moonlight shining through, they glittered like crystal. The butterfly poster beside the window and her beloved kite beneath it were instantly familiar.

Everything came flowing back; every word, every feeling. Every moment in Fizzlepop’s room felt so real except… it wasn’t. What happened to her? Had she been dreaming?

Starlight peered inside the box again, even though she didn’t want to. Sure enough, the marionettes truly did resemble herself, Twilight and Fizzlepop. But who made them? Why?

A hum of magic startled her. Three wooden crosses floated on either side, held within her telekinetic grasp, and tangled with countless strings weaving into the box. Something within sank deep as Starlight. This wasn't real. Starlight didn’t feel the magic she's seemingly using now; the world wasn't rippling with the stuff, despite saturating its every corner and facet.

To her, these crosses were just things floating nearby.

Starlight flung them into the box so hard it flew off her lap. She hugged herself tight, breathing faintly still. Her shivering worsened.

“What’s happening to me?” she whispered.

And a booming, melodious voice answered from her left side: “Yourself, Starlight Glimmer.“

Outside her window, in the voice’s direction, was a full moon bright as fresh snow. It somehow got brighter, glowing more brilliantly with every second until the whole world became engulfed in its light.

And then it vanished.

Starlight peeked one eye open, then the other. Her foreleg let go of everything, dropping like a dead weight as did her heart, jaw, and any ability to think beyond a surge of relief.

Princess Luna stood before her window, hooves pushed together, wings spread. Her muzzle was raised high, but bearing a small, sympathetic smile.

“Greetings,” she started, but it was all she could manage before Starlight tackled, wrapping herself around the princess’s forelegs. A nightmare, she realized. It was all just a nightmare.

Somehow, this made it worse. Starlight conveyed this feeling into a terrified, shrilling cry. She didn't care what Luna thought as she stroked the back of her head, shushing assurances to a pony far too old to be bawling her eyes out.

Starlight wept anyway, her innards alive with equal parts relief and terror storming all at once.

The princess stomached it all for her. “It is over, Starlight. Everything's fine. But I implore you not to push me out again," Luna hushed. "It’s clear to me that you’re in desperate need of a friend.”

Comments

[EclipseSight]

“I was only special because of my horn! Fizzle, you can still do firework stuff with your horn!Reallyimpressive by the way, m’heh.”

.Just talk to her, be honest, and I promise the next time we see each other, you’ll be in full plate with a purple starburst on your flank.”

I'll give you a full-blown critique once I've read the chapter again but I want to address this first. Is a bit missing here? The disconnect seems far too sharp for it to be a narrative choice. Just checking.

[TheApexSovereign]

8748298
That was me fucking up in style. God, there's nothing more embarrassing than thinking something is good to go, only to see such a stupid, glaring error like that - I had the connecting tissue between these dialogues written, but when I decided to piecemeal this I left it out. It was only Fizzlepop about to object, but Starlight spoke over her to change the subject.

But I gotta say,

full-blown critique

makes me think, 'Oh god was this bad?' I await to hear what you have to say! It's my first time ever writing something like "this," so I'm intrigued to hear what you have to say

[EclipseSight]

8748506
Oh, no don't worry it's nothing bad. It's just me giving it my all. I liked the chapter, so don't sit there worrying about it. I just have some pointers and thoughts that will inevitably become a full-blown ramble. Seriously, it's fine.

Hehehe, and yeah, I've done that as well. It happens to the best of people from time to time. I'll give the chapter another read and get my full comment to you as soon as possible.

[TheApexSovereign]

8748519
That's good to hear. I eagerly await what you have to say then, without any dread!

And thanks for the follow by the way! I must've done something right

[EclipseSight]

Owchie owchie owch. This chapter was certainly intense. The consequences of Starlight's actions are just spreading into a tangled web that's getting more and more difficult to unravel. I like how everything is not quite as clear-cut as Starlight just losing her horn. It goes a lot deeper in that. She's lost a lot more than her horn and even she is not quite sure how far down the rabbit hole she is. It's sort of unclear how much of the chapter Starlight was actually awake for, which was also an interesting twist. Given how messed up Starlight's head is, then it could happen just about anywhere. Good job on keeping the beginning subtle, then blowing us away with it when we were already so deep in we were essentially stuck. Seriously, really good job on that. Honestly, it started off so subtle I was unsure it was a dream at first. Then again, I am batshit bonkers.

The scene with the starburst was interesting. Starlight is going to be noticing as much as she is missing, if not more. Everything is going to be a lot slower. Given her problems with impulsiveness, that may not be a bad thing. I'm eager to see you explore that further.

Starlight and Fizzle mirror each other a lot in some ways, though not so much in others. I like how you had Starlight try to grasp at similarities only for Fizzle to accept some and slam others back in her face. These are two ponies who have had no previous interaction. Personally, I think the movie dropped the ball on that but it had to be focused on the mane 6 so whatever. Fizzlepop brings up a point that I think is one of Starlight's greatest flaws. She does not trust anyone. At all. Even, to a certain degree, herself. She doesn't trust anyone to forgive her, doesn't trust anyone to be able to help her. She'll pull them together like in "To Where and Back Again," but immediately was unable to trust Trixie to be able to handle her anger. Her lack of trust is what causes a lot of her problems, right down to refusing to let anyone get close to her after Sunburst left. I assume this fic is going to be exploring that as well. *excited squee*

Starlight and Twilight actually being angry with each other is something I never quite considered. They were stressed as well but angry is a new one. I'm not sure if angry is the correct word either, but considering it came from Fizzle I can see how she came to that conclusion. I'm eagerly awaiting how you'll resolve all this. I just don't think it's going to be happening anytime soon.

I almost get the feeling that Starlight dreamt the whole scene with Fizzle, but if that was the case then she would not know about Twilight's attempted hiring. Ugh. This is really confusing. I'm assuming for the moment that Starlight's break in connection to Equestria is not quite so sharp that she would actually imagine Fizzlepop with strings. If anything that would be a heightening of connection, being able to see that which others cannot, the fate behind the ponies. I'll have to think about that while I read through your next updates.

One thing I noticed is that it is sometimes a little difficult to tell who is talking. With two females in the scene and a lot of very short sentences in a dialogue-heavy scene, I found myself a little lost at times. Not terribly, it isn't an overtly glaring flaw but it does crop up occasionally. Essentially, you use she a little too often. New speaker new line works in a lot of cases, but it is not going to work in every case. Just something to keep in mind.

Back to the positives. I really like your use of imagery. Very rarely do you ever actually use a word that blatantly describes a feeling. You always describe it as something else, like a black rot etc. It's cool, though I would be careful not to overdo it. Everything becomes far less poignant when used in excess. Except for fire...that just becomes a complete disaster. Sometimes being explicit is more powerful than being implicit basically.

Your characterisation of Starlight is something that I need to bring up. I like it. You've turned all of her best qualities against her. She's put Twilight on something of a pedestal, and views their relationship as more...or maybe less actually, than it is. I'm not sure what to call it right now. Everyone is sort of blaming themselves while Starlight pushes them all away. She's becoming the outcast I think she was always afraid she was. She made herself into that time bomb by not allowing other ponies in. We saw it literally in All Bottled Up. In essence, she was not talking to Fizzlepop, she was having a conversation with her own fear. That Fizzlepop was the vessel, makes me believe that the chapter was not entirely all a dream.

Sorry if this is nothing but an unintelligible ramble. I can't really comment on your writing style until I've digested a few chapters of it. I enjoyed your more subtle use of imagery, not lingering on one thing for too long. Some things felt a little too fast paced, particularly the dialogue. The different characters connected far better, it felt more like dialogue. I see big improvements, I just think some lines sound a little out of place for the characters. I can still chalk that down to stress, I just worry that perhaps all of the characters are going to need some breathing room soon. Hopefully, Luna can provide that. By the way, when she's done...do you mind sending her my way? This chapter gave me so much to think about that I think I'm going to explode. That's a good thing by the way, but my head is not a nice place at the best of times. Hehehe. Overall, I liked the chapter and see improvements. Good luck with future chapters, don't stress too much and most importantly, Have a nice day.

[TheApexSovereign]

8750525

It's sort of unclear how much of the chapter Starlight was actually awake for, which was also an interesting twist. Given how messed up Starlight's head is, then it could happen just about anywhere. Good job on keeping the beginning subtle, then blowing us away with it when we were already so deep in we were essentially stuck. Seriously, really good job on that. Honestly, it started off so subtle I was unsure it was a dream at first. Then again, I am batshit bonkers.

Thanks for the praise. Next chapter with Luna will clarify what was a dream and what wasn't.

The scene with the starburst was interesting. Starlight is going to be noticing as much as she is missing, if not more. Everything is going to be a lot slower. Given her problems with impulsiveness, that may not be a bad thing. I'm eager to see you explore that further.

Starlight's magic may not have been a cause for her impulsiveness, but it definitely enabled it because of how much of her confidence stemmed from her ability.

Your tangled web remark is right on the money: Starlight's wack. I love her, but she is a very broken pony. Even before losing her horn she had all of these strands of "webbing" comprising her personality: guilt, cockiness, passion, brashness, anxiety. These traits conflict with each other all the time, leading to the crux of conflict in every one of her episodes. Her broken horn just shot up into this web and twisted it around, tangling everything at once and rendering Starlight a shattered vase held together with Elmer's glue.

Fizzlepop brings up a point that I think is one of Starlight's greatest flaws. She does not trust anyone. At all. Even, to a certain degree, herself. She doesn't trust anyone to forgive her, doesn't trust anyone to be able to help her. She'll pull them together like in "To Where and Back Again," but immediately was unable to trust Trixie to be able to handle her anger. Her lack of trust is what causes a lot of her problems, right down to refusing to let anyone get close to her after Sunburst left. I assume this fic is going to be exploring that as well. *excited squee*

Yep, you voice that excited squee! Not to spoil anything, but this story is basically a psychoanalysis of Starlight Glimmer in disguise. Part of this story's mission is to actually get people who don't get her to understand her, because the way I interpret her character (as do you) is what I draw from the show alone.

I wouldn't say Starlight is distrustful. Rather, she gets so caught up in her own anxieties and gut-reactions that she loses sight of what's real. It happens to people with intense anxiety. I'm not as bad as her, but, even though I can rationally trust my own friends, sometimes my gut is telling me that I'm being ghosted if I don't get a text reply after a while.

Look at how Starlight reacted to Twilight's "betrayal" in Shadow Play: "It's a good thing your idol wasn't there when you offered to be my friend. I might have been sent to Limbo too." If Starlight were watching this exchange from the outside, she'd know there's no way in Hell that Twilight would have done that to her, even if Starswirl was there telling her to (and Twi's actions speak for themselves when she just dives right into the Pony of Shadows). But in the moment, when she's upset and overwhelmed, Starlight is wounded by how Twilight is approaching this conflict.

That's another thing about Starlight: when she isn't a part of the conflict, when her heart and soul doesn't have an emotional stake in something, she can be an extremely wise pony. It's because of her empathy, her ability to understand and relate to others. A Royal Problem shows both sides of this, when she knew exactly what Luna and Celestia needed to empathize with each other, while later we see how overwhelmed she is with guilt and fear - so much so she's envisioning the worst possible scenario to come of her choices.

In truth, none of this relates to a mistrust of others. Starlight simply mistrusts herself - her perception of how others see her, the weight of her actions, nopony criticizes her more so than herself. Starlight is her own worst enemy.

Starlight and Twilight actually being angry with each other is something I never quite considered. They were stressed as well but angry is a new one. I'm not sure if angry is the correct word either, but considering it came from Fizzle I can see how she came to that conclusion. I'm eagerly awaiting how you'll resolve all this. I just don't think it's going to be happening anytime soon.

You'd be right. Though I will tell you now - Twilight isn't actually angry with Starlight (remember this is her and Fizzle's skewed perspectives we're getting). At the very most, Twilight is wracked with guilt over being the reason that her student and friend is clearly suffering over.

Your characterisation of Starlight is something that I need to bring up. I like it. You've turned all of her best qualities against her. She's put Twilight on something of a pedestal, and views their relationship as more...or maybe less actually, than it is. I'm not sure what to call it right now.

It's messy as fuck right now. It seems a little exaggerated from how it would be in the show, doesn't it?

I won't spoil anything, but I'll tell you this: remember how skewed Starlight's perspective gets in extreme circumstances?

Well, be Starlight Glimmer for a moment: you have Twilight Sparkle, your close, kind friend; the pony who offered you redemption when you, to this day, still feels it was unwarranted at the time. Yet, you know in your heart that you'll always have a place in her's. You've been through so much with her, and because of her, and your new, wonderful life full of friendship and love is, in essence, all thanks to her.

And then one morning, she coughs up blood at breakfast.

Doctors don't know what's wrong with her. But that's okay, the best healers and apothecaries in Equestria will come to the Princess of Friendship's aid! But no spells or medicines changes her condition, and now she can barely speak. That's fine though, because Princess Celestia is the most powerful pony alive! She'll stop at nothing to ensure that Twilight gets better. Honestly, what were you even worried about? It's not like something's gonna happen to Twilight - she's too important for her story to just END here! She's the Princess of Friendship. She's got a destiny to fulfill!

And then Princess Celestia says that Twilight can't be saved. She's going to die. You just have to accept that.

Everyone is sort of blaming themselves while Starlight pushes them all away. She's becoming the outcast I think she was always afraid she was. She made herself into that time bomb by not allowing other ponies in. We saw it literally in All Bottled Up. In essence, she was not talking to Fizzlepop, she was having a conversation with her own fear. That Fizzlepop was the vessel, makes me believe that the chapter was not entirely all a dream.

Right on the money.

Thanks for all your kind words and praise. I'm glad you are enjoying this story as much as you are, and that it's gonna give you a lot to think about.

Don't hate me, but I promise that it will destroy you later, and for reasons you've no way of anticipating. Just trust me on this.

[EclipseSight]

8751089
Oh don't worry, I won't hate you if your story ends up destroying me. That just means The Secret of Motherhood won't be finished. Then I won't have to deal with the angry mob because I'll be in little pieces all over my bedroom wall. Hehehe. In all seriousness, bring it on. It's nice to see someone characterise Starlight so interestingly. If anything, you've given me a couple of ideas.

Distrustful was the wrong word I agree. She trusts her friends with just about every meaning of the word. It's more of a case that she expects too much of herself around them. I think she's just been alone so long that she sometimes forgets she has others to rely on when the apple hits the tree. I dunno. I have a very clear picture in my head, it's just staying locked up in there for the moment, Stupid head...

Yeah, I can't imagine she'd react much differently than what she did in this fic. A quote from Doctor Who's "The Doctor Dances" comes to mind. "There isn't a little boy born who wouldn't tear the world apart to save his mummy. And this little boy can." Obviously Twilight isn't Starlight's mother but the essence of the quote remains. If you feel you owe someone enough or love someone enough, then you WOULD do anything to help them. It gets scarier...when you realise that you CAN do anything to save them.

I'll hold you to the challenge that I won't anticipate what's coming. Not that I'm some sort of master reader or anything, I'm just a massive pessimist with a flair for the tragically dramatic. My head also moves at a million miles an hour. In essence, we'll see. Muahahaha *ebil laugh of doom.*

I kid I kid. One thing I forgot to mention is that I like how connected your story is. Even if I can't see what the plan is, I can feel its foundations in just about every paragraph. Kudos to you for that because I am completely green with envy about it

[TheApexSovereign]

8751198

Distrustful was the wrong word I agree. She trusts her friends with just about every meaning of the word. It's more of a case that she expects too much of herself around them. I think she's just been alone so long that she sometimes forgets she has others to rely on when the apple hits the tree. I dunno. I have a very clear picture in my head, it's just staying locked up in there for the moment, Stupid head...

This is exactly right, my friend. You see this in my characterization of her as well, though it isn't as blatant as some of her other qualities I emphasize. Part of the reason why Starlight rejects the idea of help is because, deep down, she doesn't want to "burden" them with "her nonsense." Even though they would all move mountains to help her feel better here, that's exactly what will make her want to push them away even harder. Starlight wouldn't be this bad on a normal day, but these are extreme circumstances and she feels like, because this was her mistake, yet also a willful sacrifice to save Twilight.

And because of that, in her heart Starlight feels as if feeling bad over losing her horn, even a little, would mean she regrets saving Twilight. And that is terrible and selfish of her.

This hasn't been explored yet because Starlight herself hasn't even dwelt on the fact that her horn is gone until this chapter. But in previous chapters, every time she comes close she convinces herself that "it's fine" because she saved Twilight.

Poor Starlight. I'm really torturing her, aren't I? It's not my fault the writers made her this way though.

I kid I kid. One thing I forgot to mention is that I like how connected your story is. Even if I can't see what the plan is, I can feel its foundations in just about every paragraph. Kudos to you for that because I am completely green with envy about it

Hehe, thank you! I'm glad someone's noticed the amount of "stuff" I lay down in this story. Even little things, like the way Starlight switches from using "Tempest" or "Fizzlepop" or even "Fizzle" holds some kind of meaning to it.

[EclipseSight]

8751299
I don't think we can blame the writers for everything. I think some of it really is just us pushing characters to the limits and beyond. Funny... if you'll allow me to wax a bit about this. You are writing a story about Starlight losing something. I'm writing a story about how Starlight gained something. You frame it as a negative, which it is. She lost a vital part of herself. I...no matter how much I try, can't quite get to proper positivity with my fic. Every time I do, it breaks. In a sense, Starlight herself breaks and the story spirals down a pit. Then she climbs out, only to fall back in again. There's a massive weight on her shoulders that I feel the show has done nothing to alleviate yet. It's different from the one she forged herself by forming her cult or taking revenge on Twilight. It isn't guilt. I don't really know what it is. This story and "Rebuilding" by your editor come close but I think they'll both need to run their course before I can puzzle everything together.

Sorry I keep going on. This is just probably the best discussion I've been able to have about Starlight as a character in well... forever. Just tell me to shut my mouth if it gets irritating. Or stop my fingers as it would be by technicality. Also. I need to look at your story very closely if you plan on going into such detail.

[TheApexSovereign]

8751324
I would never turn down a discussion about Starlight. The feeling is mutual my friend - I've not had a conversation with someone who gets her character as well as I do ever.

[EclipseSight]

8751345
Well, how about I make a promise. You keep writing this interesting fic, and I'll stick around. Partially out of morbid curiosity to see where you take this but mostly because of how fun these talks are. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.

[TheApexSovereign]

8751348
Sounds like a deal my dude.

I should advise you to withhold your morbid curiosity. Despite how dark and depressing this story is, well... Destiny and shit, man. Everything's happening for a reason.

This story will have a bittersweet ending - emphasis on the bitter. That's all I'm sayin'.

[EclipseSight]

8751358
I can withhold the morbid part, but I take my curiosity to the grave. It's basically my whole being. Hehe. I await with bated breath. I'm sure it'll be awesome. *Tips invisible hat* Adios.

[Starlight Glimmer1]

So I take it the whole conversation could be seen as being between her and her subconscious?

[TheApexSovereign]

8752124
Basically, yeah!

[Starlight Glimmer1]

8752179
Thought so.

[sonicandmario826]

Fizzlepop being Twilight's bodyguard makes sense.

"She definitely didn’t need it."

Uh, considering she refuses to have proper security in her castle, you breaking in the castle, and her getting kidnapped I think her having a body guard is a good idea.

I will admit when we hit the marionette scene I was kind of lost. I get by the end of it it was Starlight realizing she herself was causing her own problems, but still.

So did any of the conversation between Starlight and Fizzlepop happen, or was it still a dream?

Good to see Luna show up to help and it looks like Starlight is actually going to accept it this time.

[mishun]

“Because it’s true,” Starlight croaked. “All ponies see in me is a time bomb waiting to blow, to mess up. Every time I think I’ve peaked, that I achieved my greatest accomplishment, it always ends up hurting the ponies I care about.” Our Town took confused ponies and ruined them until they were on Starlight’s level. Her magic, honed from years of training in isolation, nearly destroyed Equestria in several timelines, as well as her friends' minds. This thoughtless, stupid decision to seek the Ladies of Flutter Valley should have been her finest act, they even promised her as much by saying that everypony would love her for it.

Hmm, in the light of this her epic fail with "I brought you friendship! I brought you equality! I created harmony!" speech makes surprisingly a lot of sense.

[TheApexSovereign]

8753271
Starlight's a little blinded by idolization at the moment, but it's not a matter of safety she's really referring to. Twilight not needing a bodyguard is because, despite these mishaps, they've always worked out in the end.

Twilight was never meant to have a castle guard. She has her own reasons for not wanting a bodyguard.

[FanficReader920]

Finally, some progress... I think. This chapter was confusing a little bit. I do like how Tempest and Starlight are getting along though.

[zimmerwald1915]

8753577

Twilight was never meant to have a castle guard. She has her own reasons for not wanting a bodyguard.

Including not being valuable enough to require one. Really, it would be no great tragedy if she vanished off the face of the Earth. Which is something Starlight really needs to appreciate - she keeps rationalizing her sacrifice in utilitarian terms, but even by those terms, it wasn't worth it.

[TheApexSovereign]

8758873

Wrong. Twilight IS valuable. She IS important. If you don't know why, I recommend re-reading the first chapter. Or re-watch the show.

Regardless, you're looking at this from the wrong perspective. Starlight hardly cares about the utilitarian services Twilight's existence offers.

[zimmerwald1915]

8758946
No one is irreplaceable. Particularly not someone who brings nothing to the table herself, and yet manages to get credited with the deeds of her friends.

[TheApexSovereign]

8758960
I don't think you've watched the show.

[zimmerwald1915]

8758992
Every episode. And the Movie. And the EqG movies. And most of the EqG shorts. Watch MLP enough, and you eventually spot the massive disconnect between what it tells the viewer is going on, and what actually is.

[TheApexSovereign]

8759003
Then enlighten me. Please.

[zimmerwald1915]

8759006
The term "failing upward" aptly describes Twilight's life, from her entrance exam on. The examiners knew she didn't merit admittance, but a freak accident and the princess's say-so handed her a spot. She worked herself to the bone to be worthy of the unearned honor, developing all sorts of neuroses along the way as well as her most defining character traits: her need to fit in somewhere and her eagerness to please. The tension between these desires (to belong and to make others proud) complements her other major character trait, a childlike wonder at the new vistas that keep being opened up in front of her.

Not that she opens those herself. Always someone pushes her. The last bit of initiative she showed in the show was in the first episode, when she discovered the prophecy of Nightmare Moon and decided to tell Celestia about it. After being hived off to Ponyville, she learns - you will not just merely have a place, but know your place, and do as you are meant to do. So she accepts it when she is handed the Elements of Harmony and her position as a princess by destiny (the latter aided by her own foolishness and Celestia's mind games). But she's still the tiniest bit self-aware. She knows that without her friends she isn't worthwhile at all. She knows that her stable façade depends on the approval of others, and that without constant emotional support, she crumbles into an utterly wretched state. She knows that without her friends, "she" would not have been able to save Equestria even once - another way to say that is that she brings no value-added. But she's not honest enough to disclaim her accolades, or to abdicate.

She's surrounded by actual self-made ponies who make differences in the world by their own wills and actions, some of whom have deluded themselves into looking up to her. Starlight is among them, despite having taught herself everything she knows and having chosen freely (that is to say, of her own will and without outside influence) to back down from destroying Equestria. Others, like the other Mane Six, think they need her, but they don't. They were perfectly happy without her in their lives before she moved to Ponyville.

It's a pathetic (meaning pitiable) characterization, really. It's also a manipulative bait and switch, because the show presents her story as being about, among other things, growth into your fullest life when it's really about an imposter pretending to do that.

[TheApexSovereign]

8759048

She knows that without her friends she isn't worthwhile at all. She knows that her stable façade depends on the approval of others, and that without constant emotional support, she crumbles into an utterly wretched state. She knows that without her friends, "she" would not have been able to save Equestria even once - another way to say that is that she brings no value-added. But she's not honest enough to disclaim her accolades, or to abdicate.

You're applying real-world cynicism into a show where friendship is an actual force of nature - a magic in its own right. Twilight is the bearer of this, the representative of it. Of course she wouldn't be anywhere without her friends, because then Princess of Friendship would be a meaningless title.

You say Twilight has earned nothing, yet everything she's done has been a result of her own choices and work put into teaching others friendship based upon her own experiences.

Also you seem to be confusing Twilight with Pinkie Pie. Although she thrives on approval, Twilight doesn't start to cry if she's denied it.

Starlight is among them, despite having taught herself everything she knows and having chosen freely (that is to say, of her own will and without outside influence) to back down from destroying Equestria.

No she trucking wasn't.

You can't actually believe this.

[zimmerwald1915]

8759114

Of course she wouldn't be anywhere without her friends, because then Princess of Friendship would be a meaningless title.

You say Twilight has earned nothing, yet everything she's done has been a result of her own choices and work put into teaching others friendship based upon her own experiences.

Also you seem to be confusing Twilight with Pinkie Pie. Although she thrives on approval, Twilight doesn't start to cry if she's denied it.

"Princess" has come to mean something like "exemplar and evangelist." It is a present- and future-oriented job description, not a medal for past deeds. As far as demonstrating what its bearer did in the past, it is a meaningless title. But what does it mean to say she wouldn't be anywhere without her friends? Surely it means that she did not direct her own life, and that instead her friends directed it for her? The statement could maybe be saved by saying it's reciprocal, that friends improve each others' lives, but that's just what's shown. Twilight takes; only in others' deluded minds does she give.

Throughout Twilight's life she has never made a meaningful choice. Her entire life was mapped out for her, everything she has she was given as a gift. She rightfully views what she has as precious. It is wrong to view it as earned.

And Twilight absolutely cries if denied approval. See A Canterlot Wedding. Or The Movie. Or Lesson Zero.

No she trucking wasn't.

You can't actually believe this.

That's what's in the episode. Twilight did not force Starlight to stop what she was doing, nor did she convince her. She had the time travel spell take Starlight to the present and had her see for herself what she had wrought. Starlight then, believing her own eyes and exercising reason, backed down and ended it.

I have argued in the past that Twilight did in fact open Starlight up to the possibility that she could be doing wrong, based on the fact that that would ordinarily be how drama works. But it was a hollow argument. Nor was it of a piece with every other episode, where Twilight rarely has any wisdom to offer, and where Starlight can barely be bothered to listen to anyone else.

[TheApexSovereign]

8759144

Twilight takes, she does not give.

When

Throughout Twilight's life she has never made a meaningful choice. Her entire life was mapped out for her, everything she has she was given as a gift.

This isn't true either, though with you it's impossible to say what a "meaningful choice" is here. With guidance by Celestia and destiny, Twilight's taken the initiative to do everything she can to better Equestria the way her title asks of her.

And Twilight absolutely cries if denied approval. See A Canterlot Wedding. Or The Movie.

I can't believe you miss the point like that.

Being denied approval was NEVER Twilight's problem in either instance. In the Wedding, Twilight was upset that no one believed her when she said Cadance (someone she should know VERY well, and would obviously be acting out of character given with how we know her now) was evil. Then she was crying when she thought she was wrong and made a huge mistake. Perfectly reasonable reaction.

Same goes for The Movie. Twilight had a lapse in judgement because fear ruled her decisions. She was getting fed up with her friends and this was the boiling point: the beach argument. Twilight, once again, thought she ruined everything because she couldn't withhold her vows as the Princess of Friendship.

That's what's in the episode. Twilight did not force Starlight to stop what she was doing, nor did she convince her. She had the time travel spell take Starlight to the present and had her see for herself what she had wrought. Starlight then, believing her own eyes and exercising reason, backed down and ended it.

You're just outright denying what was in the actual episode. Starlight was still in denial when she saw that. It took Twilight appealing to the hurt filly inside of Starlight to get her to stop.

[zimmerwald1915]

8759170

This isn't true either, though with you it's impossible to say what a "meaningful choice" is here. With guidance by Celestia and destiny, Twilight's taken the initiative to do everything she can to better Equestria the way her title asks of her.

It's easy to define a meaningful choice: to make a choice is to exercise free will.

Being denied approval was NEVER Twilight's problem in either instance. In the Wedding, Twilight was upset that no one believed her when she said Cadance (someone she should know VERY well, and would obviously be acting out of character given with how we know her now) was evil. Then she was crying when she thought she was wrong and made a huge mistake. Perfectly reasonable reaction.

Same goes for The Movie. Twilight had a lapse in judgement because fear ruled her decisions. She was getting fed up with her friends and this was the boiling point: the beach argument. Twilight, once again, thought she ruined everything because she couldn't withhold (sic.) her vows as the Princess of Friendship.

And she was correct in her self-assessment, wasn't she? Both times? And she had to get bailed out by someone else, didn't she? Both times?

But let's take what you said and run with it. What is believing in someone but approving of their judgment? And what is disapproving of a judgment other than seeing that you should not believe in someone?

You're just outright denying what was in the actual episode. Starlight was still in denial when she saw that. It took Twilight appealing to the hurt filly inside of Starlight to get her to stop.

Starlight showed Twilight her past as a way of exposing her own thought process as it worked itself out. There was no appeal made until it had worked itself out. By that point, Starlight had already made up her own mind, and Twilight's appeal was a mere formality.

[TheApexSovereign]

8759213

And she was correct in her self-assessment, wasn't she? Both times? And she had to get bailed out by someone else, didn't she? Both times?

But let's take what you said and run with it. What is believing in someone but approving of their judgment? And what is disapproving of a judgment other than seeing that you should not believe in someone?

This isn't related to what we were discussing. You just said that Twilight cries if denied approval. I proved you wrong. So now you're changing the subject out of the blue.

Starlight showed Twilight her past as a way of exposing her own thought process as it worked itself out. There was no appeal made until ithadworked itself out. By that point, Starlight had already made up her own mind, and Twilight's appeal was a mere formality.

This is just nonsense to me. Not only do you not explain what any of this means, but it goes against WHAT WE ARE ACTUALLY SHOWN IN THE EPISODE.

You don't know Starlight's character. She was totally willing to rip up that spell because she was just that desperate to be right. If Twilight didn't appeal to her, she wouldn't have talked down to Starlight. Not that that was the point, Twilight's words served a dual purpose in getting Starlight to understand what TRUE friendship is all about.

That's what was in the episode. That's what it was about. There's no two ways about it.

[zimmerwald1915]

8759228

This isn't related to what we were discussing. You just said that Twilight cries if denied approval. I proved you wrong. So now you're changing the subject out of the blue.

The examples you provided were of Twilight being denied approval by another name. She was denied validation, she was seen to be wrong.

You don't know Starlight's character. She was totally willing to rip up that spell because she was just that desperate to be right. If Twilight didn't appeal to her, she wouldn't have talked down to Starlight. Not that that was the point, Twilight's words served a dual purpose in getting Starlight to understand what TRUE friendship is all about.

Something to keep in mind when discussing Starlight's character: Starlight is always in the right, has the correct perspective and is the one enlightening others. All events must be interpreted in light of, and in order to preserve, that assumption. It must therefore be that where she appears to change her mind, she does so as a pure expression of her own will.

If it were any other character, then there might have been a point to having Twilight say words to her. They might have reached her on an emotional level and drama might have happened as Starlight's heart was opened to possibilities other than the ones she had hitherto seen. But that cannot be what happened. The possibility is excluded.

[TheApexSovereign]

8759265
i.imgur.com/nqFqXtZ.gif
I'm done.

This is the definition of insanity.

[Starlight Glimmer1]

8759282
It’s not worth paying attention to that guy because he has no idea what he’s talking about and there’s no way to get him to understand that he’s wrong. Somehow he’s even come to the conclusion that Twilight and Starlight aren’t friends.

[mishun]

8759228

She was totally willing to rip up that spell because she was just that desperate to be right.

And she was ripping it sooo slooooowly because that was one pretty darn tough scroll (probably weaved from boron nitride nanotubes)

[TheApexSovereign]

8765079

In seriousness, I think she was doing it slowly because part of Starlight was just that desperate to be right, while simultaneously she knew she was wrong and fear stayed her "hand."

[mishun]

8765341
To be right about what? She had perfect tool to make everything, that she thinks is right, to happen on hoof.

[TheApexSovereign]

8766206
Starlight wanted to be justified in hating Twilight, her friends, and believing that cutie marks were bad.

[mishun]

8766610
Hmm, I honestly don't think that she cared about any justifications at the time of her revenge (she would "justify" her idea with cutie marks by making it work, and she doesn't need to hate Twilight and co at all --- just to remove them in the most efficient way if they're obstacle). I think her problem there is being pinched hard between very acute understanding that her cutie mark thing fucks other ponies up (thanks, Twilight) and inability to come up with any better alternative for her miserable existence. So, without her illusions and unable to close her eyes to the point 1, she rages at person closest to "being responsible". And then it turns out that she can't properly fuck up Darn Lucky Happy Condescending Purple Bitch (even it it's the last thing she would do in her life) because that will destroy the world. Unfaaair!

[TheApexSovereign]

8767073
That's a great way of looking at Starlight, but I hate that I can't fully agree with it. Honestly, I do! It's a cool angle. But her dialogue really hammers home that she genuinely believed she was right until Twilight actually talked to her. Starlight's entire motive for getting revenge is to make Twilight lose what she herself lost - except as we know, she didn't have "true" friendship like Twilight and her friends.

[mishun]

8769442

Starlight's entire motive for getting revenge is to make Twilight lose what she herself lost - except as we know, she didn't have "true" friendship like Twilight and her friends.

You mean Starlight lost "Our Town"? That's easily fixable: she needs to travel back in time and tell her past self to paint her butt with water insoluble paint (or just take her place). Starlight is happy, Twilight is enjoying her time in propaganda hut She could even fix loosing Sunburst, if she wanted.
Although, "Starlight wanted to inflict the same pain on Twilight that she feels" part looks very much true: in other case her revenge plan makes no sense even in comparison to just capturing mane 6 end slowly torturing them to death: at the very best case she would psychologically break Twilight, but more likely Twilight would eventually kill her (Starlight has to give Twilight chance after chance after chance by design). As a corollary: Starlight was pretty much okay with tradeoff like "her life for a certain amount of Twilight's pain".

Of course we have to trust show writers to know what they were doing if we want to make correct indirect derivations, but dialogue analysis is always very vague and we have actual strong evidence: opportunity costs. I.e. if our hypothesis is that Starlight pursued goal G and what she's actually done immediately introduces enormous opportunity costs on G, then her actual goal wasn't G Ideally, correct hypothesis about G should allow us to predict her actions in advance (yay, science! ). (I mean "goal" here in a wide sense: criteria for plan, estimates for desirability of outcomes, emotional state, ...)
So, my best guess for her now: lonely, lots of pain, lost of despair, no constructive idea what to do, lots of anger and envy/jealosity towards Twilight, not evil enough to hurt innocent bystanders. If you add facts that she can time-travel, fly and fight to the mix, suddenly what happened starts to make sense.

[TheApexSovereign]

8770935

So, my best guess for her now: lonely, lots of pain, lost of despair, no constructive idea what to do, lots of anger and envy/jealosity towards Twilight, not evil enough to hurt innocent bystanders. If you add facts that she can time-travel, fly and fight to the mix, suddenly what happened starts to make sense.

Basically, yeah.

Your way of having Starlight easily fix what she lost at Our Town just emphasizes her biggest flaw - she was so caught up in revenge she wasn't even thinking about how to get back her old life.

That's how I've been characterizing her in this story. She's always been like that: when Starlight gets caught in a mindset, the obvious has to be explained to her because she loses sight of it as she pursues a singular train of thought.

[mishun]

8770943

She's always been like that: when Starlight gets caught in a mindset, the obvious has to be explained to her because she loses sight of it as she pursues a singular train of thought.

I think that it's not very useful claim because it's always true: if she messed up at task T, then she "got caught in a mindset", if she succeeded, then she didn't "got caught in a mindset". We can not predict her behaviour with a statement like this. More generally, claims like "person P does bad thing X because he/she is irrational" are bad because we may as well make such claim for any other X. We need something that points specifically at X, like "... because P acts on incomplete information I" or "... because P has different (from our) goal G". Even known classified cases where people actually predictably acts irrationally are very specific.

Your way of having Starlight easily fix what she lost at Our Town just emphasizes her biggest flaw - she was so caught up in revenge she wasn't even thinking about how to get back her old life.

It's reasonable to expect from Starlight to mess up some interpersonal relations thing that is obvious for roughly everyone else because of her skewed previous experience in the field. It's not reasonable to expect from her not to realize (for months probably) that if she goes back in time and crushes her enemies, then her enemies, well, be crushed. She didn't want her old life back.

[TheApexSovereign]

8771136

I think that it's not very useful claim because it's always true: if she messed up at task T, then she "got caught in a mindset", if she succeeded, then she didn't "got caught in a mindset".

You're looking at it too generally.

The "mindset" isn't some vague parameter. Starlight's behavior patterns show a very consistent line of thinking throughout MLP. You see, Starlight's greatest strength is her ability to "empathize." This in of itself is quite general given what she achieves because of this, but there's still consistency. Due to her upbringing, Starlight is the kind of pony who has great compassion for others. As a result, this allows her to understand them beyond a surface level. This is why she was able to figure out how to get Pharynx to be accepted, understand the Changelings' weakness, the truth about Stygian, amend Celestia and Luna's bond, and connect with ponies like Trixie, Maud, and, if given the chance, I believe Tempest Shadow.

But it can backfire. When Starlight messes up, it's always always because she got stuck in a "mindset" where there's one, sensitive detail that she's most concerned about. Even if it's completely illogical. These happen if Starlight has a personal, emotional stake in something, and her concern about that reflects in her sometimes-poor approach to looking at things.

It's not reasonable to expect from her not to realize (for months probably) that if she goes back in time and crushes her enemies, then her enemies, well, be crushed. She didn't want her old life back.

You're forgetting that this is the same pony who wrote off her treasured friendship as dead because Sunburst never wrote to her, and he just left out of the blue. Deep down she didn't think he cared, though it's clear now that we know more about him that Sunburst himself can be oblivious and self-conscious. He had a hoof in it too.

Starlight would have wanted that back more than anything, but her heartache didn't allow her to seek possible alternatives. She instead focused on the "why" of it, and that led her to hating cutie marks.

It's clear that Starlight's actions were fueled by the loss of her old life. But Starlight was clearly stuck in a "mindset" where she wanted to destroy the one who destroyed her life. It's perfectly in line with her downfall regarding Sunburst.

[Jidealise]

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I agree that wasn't her intent. And after Twilight showed Starlight the barren wasteland future, Starlight could have thought of it as an illusion or trick. But after the event, and becoming Twilight's student, surely the guilt she felt over the dooming the world times over is worse than a single time. But then again, intent does play a large role in guilt, so I do see your point.

[TheApexSovereign]

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Keep in mind that this is Starlight's perspective and Tempest has been wilfully been making people suffer for years.

[EclipseSight]

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Think about it this way. Tempest knew what she was doing wasn't exactly good, but she was a soldier with a very jaded view of Equestria. She was going to do whatever it took to get her horn back. She felt that the ends justified the means. Equestria had wronged her, so buck it for all she cared. She had no attachment to her old home when she invaded it.

Starlight was just trying to have her utopia. By the time she was actually doing anything immoral, she was already deep in it. Remember, before the mane 6 ponies gave up their marks willingly. Starlight was deluded into thinking that what she was doing was good. I think she really did believe in what she was trying to do. So when Twilight comes along and stomps all over it, she snaps and messes with time. Starlight retaliates only to find out she had been wrong all along. Not only that but she had essentially destroyed 7 Equestria's without even meaning to. She had been too blind to see the consequences so they all just piled on her at once. Unlike Tempest, Starlight did feel at home in Equestria, so to have accidentally mangled seven of them would have been awful.

I also don't think it helps that Starlight was probably less emotionally stable than Tempest, to begin with, Tempest just up and left, She was like buck you all I'm going. Starlight freaked out and closed herself off while trying to wage war on a magical inanimate thing. She's a bit crackers but I love her for it.

That's just my two cents, take from them what you will.

[Starlight Glimmer1]

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Glad to hear it. Especially considering how many people would just try disprove what I said.

[zimmerwald1915]

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Well really, how could they be? Friendship requires at least a rough parity - and Starlight's understanding and accomplishments put her head and shoulders above Twilight. She's outgrown her, and in a very short span of time.