• Published 6th Feb 2017
  • 12,481 Views, 439 Comments

Double Vision - EveningShadows



A human of low character dies and gets sucked into Equestria as a copy of Twilight. The new mare then proceeds to cause chaos for the ponies, but she tries to help... and, more importantly, make some money

  • ...
68
 439
 12,481

Hello Ground! Goodbye Earth!

A shining, shimmering star of pure magical energy in the shape of Twilight's cutie mark floated down from the heavens. All the ponies in Ponyville gazed up in awe at the falling star coming to a slow stop at the center of town. A great light flashed, revealing none other than Twilight Sparkle herself. She spread out her wings and basked in heavenly glory. Her friends were surprised, but very, very proud. They congratulated her, hugged her. Celestia even did some quick exposition while she was gloating about her student's success. It was a special moment, even considering the trial that it took to get to this point.

After a time the ponies began to walk away from the spot of the new alicorn's ascension.* Then the weird stuff started happening. A great white flash again engulfed the town and all eyes widened upon seeing a second giant cutie mark appear in the sky.

"Uh, Twilight?" Applejack asked, "Ah don't know how all this is supposed to work, but Ah'm pretty sure turnin' into an alicorn is only supposed to happen once."

"Pah- Princess Celestia," the new alicorn asked, "what's happening?"

Gobsmacked, the princess took a few tries before she could say anything, "I have no idea, Twilight."

All the ponies in Ponyville stared at the aberration in dumbfounded confusion. For a moment, just a moment, everything was silent and that was all that happened. Then the star began to scream.


*It wouldn't be long until a pony by the name of Tourist Trapper would create a thriving tourism boom in the little town, centered on this exact spot, focusing on cheap plastic stars and foal's fireworks which would shoot Twilight's cutie mark and be a continual annoyance to the residents. This would be Mr. Trapper's first successful venture, though not his most famous. That honor would go to the Giant Marewaukee Cheeseball, spanning a prodigious 30 feet in height until it started melting. It had stunk so badly that residents started fleeing the city. Any tourism it had had before the Cheeseball Incident dried up completely. He'd been forced to pay for the clean up and went bankrupt. The Marewaukee City Counsel had been so angry they'd brought back debtor's prison just for Mr. Trapper, a punishment that'd been banned two hundred years ago. In a cruel twist of fate for Mr. Trapper the prison wasn't far from the Cheeseball, which stunk long after the clean up. Worse, all the prisoners knew who he was, the guards made sure of it.


A few minutes ago, about 15,000 feet above the Earth

"Are you ready?!" the skydiving instructor shouted to a first timer over the rushing wind. He was having a hard time mustering the courage to jump out of the plane. Plenty of newbies did, it was nothing to be ashamed of.

"I am absolutely not ready!" he yelled back.

The instructor rolled his eyes. "You remember the lesson?" he questioned loudly.

"Yeah, I got it! I even took notes!"

He held back a chuckle, "Then you'll do fine," he yelled with a smile before he pushed his new student into the open sky. It was standard procedure in these cases, really. At least it was ever since they started getting sued by students who'd refused to jump and had been refused a refund.

The newbie let out a terrified scream which quickly became elated laughter as euphoria washed over him. "This is the best decision I've ever made!" he shouted to himself, not that he could actually hear himself over the rushing wind.

He counted the seconds, savored every single one, until finally it was time to pull the rip-cord. . . . He pulled it again harder. . . . Again. Panic blossomed in his chest. For a moment his terror was absolute, only for a moment though. He quickly regained control of himself. He pulled the rip-cord one last time, as hard as he was able. . . Nothing. He grabbed a hold of the release for the emergency parachute and pulled as hard as he could. He tried again and again until the ground seemed too close for a parachute to matter. "This is worst decision I've ever made," he mumbled to himself.

As the ground came rushing up to him he wondered why his life wasn't flashing before his eyes. There were some really great moments he wanted to relive. Instead he was treated to that one scene from 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' movie.* You know, that one with the whale and the bowl of petunias, called into existence far above an alien planet. The innocent whale tried in vain to make sense of itself and its new reality only to snuffed out by a cold world, literally. A short, useless life, kind of like the man's actually.

*He would have preferred to relive the scene from the book. He was a snob.

His last thought before he died was of the naive whale's foolish cheer, I wonder if it'll be friends with me. Hello, ground!

Back in the Equestrian present

Twilight's giant cutie mark hung in the sky, screaming bloody murder.

The town's bewilderment ratcheted up to new, unforeseen levels. The silence was broken and panic set in.

"The end is nigh!" Daisy screamed.

About half the town charged off in random directions, a few ran in circles. The rest maintained their frozen, shocked state. Many of these ponies were bowled over by the other half of the town.

A more rational observer might have taken note that a pony's instinct to stampede may have evolved not to avoid the danger of whatever was threatening the herd, but to avoid the danger of getting trampled by the herd itself.

"The horror! The horror!" Lily shrieked.

The star seemed to take a deep breath before continuing to scream.

"A mere mortal has sought glory above her station! The gods have seen her arrogance! They are displeased with her! They are displeased with us! Faust forgive us, for she knows not what she has done!" Roseluck, who'd recently attended a poetry class, shouted in pseudo-intellectual terror. A few ponies stopped their spastic fleeing to gape at her. Many were quickly toppled by those who hadn't heard her.

A panicked mare slammed into Applejack but bounced off the sturdy farmer and crashed into the ground, "Err- you alright?" The mare mumbled something that sounded like it was in the affirmative.

Pinkie Pie giggled, "Stonewall Applejack," she said to herself.

The orange mare, hearing what may have been an insult, raised an eyebrow at Pinkie. "Ya wanna run that by me again?"

"Uhh... Princess Celestia? Should we do something?" Twilight asked, looking around at the panicked town for the first time.

"I'm sure they'll be fine," the princess said without taking her eyes off the screaming, breathing star.

"Err.. Right."

The star continued to scream and scream and scream until it finally made its way to the ground. Another flash of white light engulfed the town and the screaming stopped, only to be replaced by sobbing.

The pandemonium finally died down as everypony left in town square gaped at the sight of unicorn Twilight hugging the ground as tears streamed down her face. "Oh, ground! I love you! I'll never leave you again!" Rainbow Dash seemed to bristle at that comment, not that anypony noticed. "I missed you so much!" The mare began rubbing the side of her face into the dirt, in a distorted representation of a nuzzle. "And I know you missed me too~" she baby-talked at the earth, "cuz you were comin' at me so~ so~ quickly! I thought I was gonna die!" the mare gave the dirt a few big, loud smooches. *Mwuah!* *Mwuah!* *Mwuah!* The mare froze, lips puckered, face half an inch away from the no doubt germ infested ground. "Actually, how am I not dead?"

The unicorn lifted her head to stare at her surroundings. And stare she did, with wide, horrified eyes. She scanned the plaza seeing every pair of eyes locked onto her. She brought her hooves up to her face, looked at them in fearful wonderment for a moment. Then she craned her neck to look at her cutie mark. After a solid three seconds she brought her gaze to the other Twilight. More long seconds passed as the almost identical mares stared at each other. The unicorn Twilight saw the last few seconds of that one Hitchhiker's scene play in her head. 'Curiously, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was 'Oh, no. Not again.''

"No," she whispered. It was quiet but in the still silence everypony could hear her clearly. "I'm not the whale, I'm the bowl of petunias..." The mare took her time to soak in this new revelation. Once she'd finally contemplated her fate she let out a long, horrified wail. It lasted about fifteen seconds before the volume began to die down as the mare started running out of air. This time she didn't take another breath. She just continued the same scream. Eventually she was finally out of oxygen, her mouth agape, a few seconds of breathless croaking left her throat. Her face turned blue. Then she passed out.

The entire town slowly turned their head from the passed out Twilight to the still standing alicorn Twilight. Said mare kept staring at her double.

It was Applejack that finally spoke, "That was the creepiest thing Ah've ever seen."

The present, on solid Earth, in a solid bar, in fact.

A former skydiving instructor looked down at a glass of hard whiskey. He'd quit his job after a tragic accident. Everyone had told him it wasn't his fault but he just couldn't stop thinking about what he could have done. I should have been better. I should have checked his parachute... Or let him stay on the damn plane. He picked up the glass and swirled around the liquid inside. It didn't matter now. He was staying on the ground from now on. It would be a safety requirement of his new life path anyway. He'd decided to take on a new, fulfilling career as an alcoholic. He took a sip of his drink. The liquid burned on its way down. He coughed, sputtered, gagged a bit. He wiped his face clean. "Barkeep?" he said dejectedly, "can you turn this into a whiskey and coke?"

The 'keep had a look of concern but he complied with the morose man's request. He got a lot of these sorts in his dive. They were usually better drinkers, though.

The former instructor took a sip of his new drink, this time holding it down. It helped the tightness in his chest but he was still disappointed in himself. He'd hoped to monologue for a bit about how he'd never understood how men could drink whiskey straight. About how he knew now. The burn, he would have said, was penance for past sins, a physical pain to distract a man from the spiritual pain. A burn in the body so a man could get used to the burning he was sure to find in hell. The man sighed. I guess you don't get to the melodramatics till later. Oh well, all new jobs suck. The cool stuff will come later. With a slight smile the newly minted alcoholic took a long drought from his whiskey and coke. Then he stopped smiling. Right, no smiling. Alcoholics don't get to smile till the third drink.

A hospital in Canterlot, Equestria

A loud yawn echoed out from a private, upscale hospital room. Followed by the sound of dry lips smacking together. "Man, I think that was the best sleep I've ever had!" Then there was silence. A purple unicorn lay in shock. "Was- was that my voice? . . . Oh, God. That is my voice," she whispered. The mare lifted her hooves up to her face and stared in wonderment, her mind racing a mile a minute.

That was how her nurse found her. At first she thought she was catatonic. "Miss? Are you--"

"Mirror, bring me a mirror... A big one."

"O-okay, Miss."

Word spread through the hospital and to the princesses quickly, it wasn't long before their strange patient was admiring herself in front of the large mirror that'd been dragged up to the third floor from a department store a block away. And admire herself she did, examining every little detail, striking poses, trotting back and forth in different styles, trying out new expressions, even speaking to her reflection in different tones and occasionally singing a verse.

"So what do I do with the ears?"

It took a moment for anyone to respond. A nurse fought through the whiplash of seeing a mare flirt with her own reflection in a husky tone, then ask such an odd question as though everything was completely normal. "Wha- what do you mean?"

"I mean, like, how do I hold my ears for different expressions? Like if I want to show disgust, what would I do with them?"

"They just.. I mean they'll just do what they do when you feel disgust," the nurse said, confusion plain in her voice and face.

"Like right there," the unicorn pointed, "you're confused and you have one ear pointing straight up and another flattened and pointing sideways. I've gotta know how much confusion that's supposed to communicate."

The nurse just tilted her head to the side.

The mare rolled her eyes. "Okay.." She looked around until she saw a slightly nervous looking guard, probably a neophyte. She turned to face him straight on, took a haughty posture and spoke with authority. "You there."

"M-me?"

"I need you to fetch me the most detailed, scientific book you can find on pony body language and facial expressions and I need it in my hooves yesterday, is that understood?"

"Bu--"

"That is an order, soldier!"

The guard looked like he was about to object but swallowed his words with a loud gulp. "Yes, Ma'am," he saluted and ran off. Her three other guards chuckled.

"See, Sweet Heart?" she said to the nurse, "I need to know where my ears are supposed to be while I'm projecting authority."

"I think you did fine, Ma'am," one of her guards said, earning a genuine smile from the odd mare. Or at least it looked genuine, the guard couldn't tell.


Princess Celestia and Luna were escorted through the hospital, when they neared an intersection they were met with the sight of a guard rushing passed them in a near panic. With new concern on their faces, they continued on. They'd been hearing weird gossip ever since they got to the hospital, but as they got closer to their destination it intensified.

"I heard she's been making kissy faces at her reflection for a half an hour."

"No, no. I was in there. She's been striking poses and checking herself out."

Celestia rose an eyebrow at that.

"Did you see that guard that ran by? I heard she traumatized him."

"Sister?"

"We'd best hurry," Celestia responded.

When they entered they were stopped in the doorway by another odd sight. Twilight, or at least the mare that looked like her, was posing in front of the guards. Her head was held high and her back held an arch. "Oh, come on. You're red blooded stallions, aren't cha? So am I attractive or not?"

"Er-uh, yes you're quite attractive," one of the guards said awkwardly.

"Thank you!" the mare, who was definitely not Twilight, said in exasperation. "Now what kind of attractive? Am I sexy? Pretty? Beautiful? Gorgeous? Cute? Adorable?"

The stallions made some sounds that could have been words but weren't.

"Oh, come on!" the mare shouted, she looked at the ceiling and held a hoof to her forehead, "How am I supposed to use my feminine wiles to bend stallions to my will if I don't know what kind of feminine wiles I should be using?" she said melodramatically. The princesses looked slightly alarmed.

"Frankly, Ma'am, I don't think you're really going to be needing those wiles to get your way," the eldest guard said.

"Although, I'd say you're pretty sexy," another one added.

"Really?!" she beamed, "Oh, I hoping for that!" She coughed into her hoof a couple of times. "Okay, let's try this one." She sat on her haunches and blew a kiss at the guard who'd called her sexy. "Thank ya, mistah," she said in her best sultry voice and winked.

The guard blushed and the mare giggled, "Okay, guys, how was that? Opinions?"

Whatever their response would have been was interrupted as Princess Celestia walked fully into the room. "Well I can see that you are certainly not a copy of Twilight."

"Celestia!" She bounced onto her hooves before bounding over to the tall mare and looking up at her expectantly. The princess leaned down and got nuzzled for her efforts. While a little surprised she responded affectionately.

Luna let out a light giggle as she walked into the crowded hospital room. "Luna!" the unicorn shouted and repeated the exact same process, she even got another nuzzle out of it from a surprised princess of the night.

"It's good to see you're feeling well," Celestia smiled down at the mare who looked just like her faithful student.

"Aye," her sister said, "We were worried that you'd be a mental copy of Twilight or would be having an existential crisis, but it appears our fears were unfounded."

"Well, don't relax quite yet," the mare said. "While I'm certainly no copy, I am having an existential crisis and expect it to continue for quite some time. That being said the doctor said I was 'a picture of perfect health,' however I'll be needing a detailed brain scan. My thoughts are a spastic mess right now and a lot of things are blurry. Some brain trauma would also explain why I have no idea what to do with my ears and tail and why I'm having a difficult time using magic," not-Twilight said, hoping this explanation would give cover to some of her odd quirks. She also legitimately wanted to know if something was wrong with her brain, she felt absolutely nothing like her old self and definitely had not been acting as she would have.

"That is most concerning.." Celestia said after a moment.

"Yes," the unicorn said, "but let's put it on the back burner for now. I need some answers as to how I came to be and I need to pick a name. I don't think my sister would appreciate it if I went around calling myself Princess Twilight."

"S-sister?"

"P-princess?"

Author's Note:

Written in loving memory of the bowl of petunias,
Agrajag, who lived as he had died,
over and over again.

I got the idea for this from reading a few of the Twilight gets a human twin and human replaces Twilight stories floating around, particularly this one. I shamelessly stole the idea to have the main appear in a second cutie mark star, though not the screaming, and the waking up in the hospital and asking for a large mirror, though not the admiring and posing. It takes the direction of the new Twilight becoming the student of Luna, which is not where we're going. Its good, check it out.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/338399/an-unexpected-twilight

Thanks to my proofreader CitrusFizz