Roommates

by Daffodil

Moving In

“That’s the last of them,” Spike said, dropping his luggage in the center of the common room. Noting that Twilight and Dash were busy conversing, he took a moment to observe his surroundings. The apartment was small, though an experienced salespony would call it “cozy”: two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a kitchenette attached to a common room that contained little more than a couch and a television.

Twilight glanced around the room. “So, uh, I see you didn’t bring much furniture.”

Dash nodded. “Cloud furniture doesn’t do too well at low altitudes. Besides, I can always make more.”

“What’d you do with all of your old stuff?” Spike asked, walking towards the kitchen.

---

“We should be there any moment,” Trap Card said, guiding the moving chariot through the skies over Ponyville. In spite of his poor history with the property in question, he had a job to do. After today, he thought, I’ll never have to see this Celestia forsaken house again.

As they neared the outskirts of Ponyville, Trap Card could see the cloud-mansion floating in the distance. Though, something didn’t seem right...

Squinting his eyes, Trap could make out a new addition to the roof. It appeared to be a pillar of some sort, with two rounded bases at either side.

“Hey, boss,” one of the movers said, chuckling. “That looks like a giant c—”

---

Dash shrugged. “I recycled them.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re concerned for the environment. So few ponies are these days,” Twilight said, “Though, if you need furniture, I’m sure I could provide something. Without Spike around, I hardly need most of the furniture in the lib—”

Dash waved a hoof. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve got all we need right here,” she said, gesturing to the television.

Twilight shifted uncomfortably. “Well... if you say so.” She turned, glancing at the kitchenette where Spike was foraging for food. “Spike, are you sure you don’t need anything else from home?”

Pulling his head out of a cabinet, mouth full of potato chips, Spike turned and nodded.

“Well then,” Twilight said, standing, “I suppose it’s time I headed home.” She strode over to Spike who had emerged from the kitchen, arms full of snack foods and cider cans. “I guess... I’ll see you later.” Planting a kiss on her forehead, she wiped a tear from her eye. “My little assistant.”

With a final nod to Rainbow Dash, Twilight walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind her.

After a moment, Dash broke the silence. “‘My little assistant’?”

Spike hopped up on the couch next to her and dropped his pile of snacks between them. “She gets like that sometimes. Chip?”

Before Dash could push the issue, however, there was a knock at the door. Spike glanced over. “I’ll bet it’s Twilight again,” he said, getting up. “Probably thinks I’m already dead or something. ‘Remember to wash behind your scales, Spike. And don’t go out after dark. And make sure you eat a few emeralds with each meal...’”

Dash took a break from flipping through channels to chime in with her own Twilight impression. “‘And remember that bedtime is eight-thirty. A growing dragon needs his sleep! And remember not to hang out with Zebras! You can’t trust them.”

Spike laughed, opening the door to reveal a large, white equine covered in black stripes. Or maybe a black equine covered in white stripes. In either case, he did not look pleased. Dash glanced over from the couch, then promptly did her best to sink into the cushions unnoticed.

The zebra took a moment and cleared his throat. “I came here hoping to show some class...” he began, glaring at the rainbow mane poking its way over the back of the couch, “but perhaps I should beat your racist ass!” He took a step into the room, only for Spike to move in front of him.

“Hey, easy there. Don’t pay her any attention. She’s, uh... not from around here,” Spike said, glancing back at Dash.

After a moment, she perked up. “O-oh y—... da, I haff just flown in from Stalliongrad. Manehattan is such vonderful place!”

The zebra looked at Dash for a moment, then returned his attention to Spike. “My apologies, little dragon dude, I did not mean to appear rude,” he said, offering a hoof. “The room next door is where I stay. Pleased to meet you; I am Ash Tray.”

Spike extended a claw. “I’m Spike, and that’s Rainbow Dash. We just moved in.”

The zebra smiled. “I do hope you enjoy your stay,” he said, before looking back over his shoulder. “Do either of you smoke PJ?”

Spike hesitated for a moment. “P... J?”

“Funny bud,” Ash Tray began. Noting Spike’s blank stare, he continued. “Pony Jane? Blue? Does any of this make sense to you?

“Uhh...”

The zebra sighed. “Poison joke, which I have in great supply. Knock on my door if you want to get high.”

Spike glanced back at Dash. “High? I’m not really a fan of flying. Dash might be interested, though.”

Dash poked her head over the back of the couch. “I’ll be over in ten.”

Ash Tray grinned. “It’s so wonderful to make a new friend! At this rate, the parties will never end.”

---

It was late.

Midnight, to be precise. Spike was sitting on the couch, fighting a losing battle with his eyelids. After all, he was an adult, and adults could stay awake as long as they wanted.

At least, that’s the impression that Rainbow Dash was giving him. Hours earlier, she had left to spend time with their new neighbor.

Hey, Spike. Wanna go get blazed with Ash Tray?

Having been informed that fire is dangerous and that dragons are fireproof anyway, Dash laughed, stating that she would return later that night.

Meanwhile, Spike had entertained himself by flipping through endless channels on the television. Finally, he thought, I can relax without Twilight nagging me.

He laughed at Two and a Half Mares. He cringed at The Trotting Dead. He wept for the future of equinity during The Canterlot Coast. Finally, after this third hour of Real Housemares of Manehattan, Spike decided it may be time to hit the proverbial hay. Shutting off the television, he dragged himself off the couch, down the hallway, and into his bedroom. The room was small, its only furnishings consisting of a mattress — complete with pillow and blanket — a ceiling fan, and a bag containing all of his worldly possessions.

Tossing himself onto the bed, Spike buried his face in the pillow and began drifting to sleep. That is, until a knocking sound pulled him back to the realm of the waking, followed by the sound of a door opening.

“Welcome to my nighttime bash! And meet my new friend, Rainbow Dash! Now come on in and grab a beer, ‘cause partying hard is why we’re here!” Ash Tray’s voice penetrated the thin walls of the apartment complex. Not a moment later, those same walls began to shake from what Spike initially believed to be an earthquake — an earthquake with a very consistent pattern to its pulses. He sat up and began pounding on the wall, but to no avail. The bass was simply too loud. After a few minutes of angry muttering, he wrapped a pillow around his head and sank back onto the mattress, eyes pressed shut, hoping for silence.

But, unfortunately, silence never came. An hour passed, then two. The party in the next room continued to rage, leaving Spike angry at his new neighbors, but too exhausted to do anything about it. What would Twilight do? he thought. Probably write a letter or something. He chuckled quietly for a moment, then stopped, glancing at the bag lying in the center of the room. Slowly, he rolled out of bed and began rifling through his things, eventually producing a piece of parchment and a quill. Can’t hurt, he thought. Then, with a yawn, he began to write.

Dear Twilight,
My first day has been pretty uneventful. You already know my roommate, of course. I’m sure me and Dash will get along great. The neighbors are nice enough, and even invited me to a party (I didn’t go, don’t worry). I’ll start looking for a job tomorrow. Hope the library isn’t too boring without me.

-Spike

Reading over his work, Spike smiled. He opened his mouth and inhaled, holding the scroll before him, then hesitated. Slowly, he released the breath, the weak green flame dissipating into the air around him. He turned and tucked the scroll neatly into a side pocket of his bag.

With that, Spike returned to bed, quickly falling into peaceful sleep.

Comments

[Daffodil]

Super special thanks to Alexstrazsa for helping me grammar and keeping me motivated.

[Jka22_419]

Short, sweet and most definitely welcome- looking forward to the next chapter

[Verdigris]

Hmm, it looks like Spike's already learned creative lying.
This can't be good.

[Dinos4Ever]

i.imgur.com/exWgf.jpg

[Swashbucklist]

Don't make us wait too long for the next chapter! I'm still looking forward to seeing where this is going, even if I don't necessarily like this version of Spike.

[chief maximus]

Mfw Trap Card
t.fireden.net/t/fireden.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/full-retard.jpg2.jpeg

Lol, Dash always struck me as the type to roast mad spliffs. I mean, she lives in a cloud house, and flying must be awesome when you're baked, as most everything is.

Keep the chapters coming, this is probably the only comedy fic I've read on this site that actually does a good job of translating funny onto the printed word. That is a really hard thing to do, so keep it up.

[Thegodhand]

I thought this story was dead. Glad to see an update.

[An Unimpressive]

Needs moar Trap Card

[Daffodil]

1013764
Maybe one day I'll write a spinoff shipfic about Trap Card and Time Table.

Maybe.

[Matthais Unidostres]

795485
Oh look, it's Fluttershy! Hi there Flu- OH MY GOSH! WHAT THE-! BOOOOM! (Head explodes)

[Stonedpony]

AND FAVIRTIE ANYTHING WITH A STONER IN IT IS FOR ME