A Wish For Wings to Fly

by Revenant Wings

1 - Grounded

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s eight o’clock and good morning out there! This is your DJ Talk Radio comin’ at you from Canterlot here to wake you up with our Coffee Hour! Tune in for two hours of music, weather, and laughs to get you started on the right side of the bed. Let’s jump right in with a little feel-good tune from alt-rock band Revenant Wings’ new album, ‘Wind Beneath My Wings’. This is Radio Station PNY, FM 94.5, Equestria’s number one rockin’ and talkin’ radio...”

An upbeat guitar, bass, and drum started blaring from the alarm clock sitting next to the caramel-colored pony’s bed. A hoof lazily fumbled out from underneath the blankets, tapping the alarm clock a few times before finally hitting the snooze button. The song stopped and the room returned to its former silence; only the soft hum of a fan sitting in the open window remained. Caramel groaned and opened an eye sleepily at the alarm clock and radio. A bright ‘8:03’ shone on the blue face, along with a blinking picture of a bell.

The bed creaked as Caramel sat up and surveyed his room. It was a small bedroom with a full-sized bed, a bookshelf with a few books and mementos on the shelves, a desk with a leather journal and some pencils, and an armoire with pictures of him and his brother. A picture frame seemed to have fallen off onto a green and blue rug in the middle of the floor, the glass broken and the frame splintered.

Caramel sniffed and rubbed his nose for a moment and blinked his eyes stupidly. He gave another irritated groan and got up off the bed, moving for the door, careful not to step on stray glass shards. He’d clean up the broken frame later, but for now he needed to get ready for work. He went to the bathroom, grabbed a towel and a washcloth from the closet, and stepped into the shower.

Ten minutes later Caramel exited the shower and brushed his mane back before heading to the kitchen. He turned on the radio where the DJ had started a weather report and began to make himself a pot of coffee and some toast, pulling out some whole wheat bread and a seedless strawberry jam that was nearly empty. He reflected he might need to go to the store either tonight or tomorrow.

“...And it’s looking like it’s going to be a beautiful day out there today. Celestia’s keeping the highs around 75 degrees for Canterlot, 72 for Baltimare and Manehattan, and for our southern cities, we’ve got 94 for the Dodge Junction and low 80s for Los Pegasus stretching into Ponyville. Ponyville’s expected to get some cloudy skies this afternoon in preparation for a rainstorm tonight that will lead into a light fog and haze in the morning until about nine-thirty, while Canterlot is going to be nice and sunny.”

The coffee finished and Caramel went to pull down one of his white coffee mugs. He yawned while he was grabbing it and accidentally released his grip, sending it crashing to the floor and Caramel’s eyes widening in shock. He muttered something obscene and gingerly pulled out another mug, realizing he had yet another mess to clean up tonight.

He was much more careful as he pulled down a second coffee mug and poured himself a cup of coffee. He dropped two cubes of sugar and some half-and-half into the glass and stirred it as two pieces of toast came up. He pulled out the toast and placed some strawberry jam and a little honey on it and went over to the countertop to eat. He munched the toast, thinking that the bread was slightly stale, yet another thing he’d have to get at the store tomorrow.

There was a knock at the door and the sound of his metallic mail slot flapping open and closed. Caramel got up and went to the door and opened it to find the mailpony had already left and had placed a copy of the ‘Foal Free Press’ on his doorstep. He picked it up and brought it inside before checking the mail slot. There was a small postcard-size note with a small message in hastily-written hoofwriting.

Caramel:

I want to talk to you as soon as possible. Meet me at Sugarcube Corner today around 4:30, or whenever it is you get off work.

Roseluck.

Caramel read the note and exhaled loudly. “What did I break now?” he asked himself.

He and Roseluck had been going out for almost a little over a year and three months. It had been a happy one, unlike his previous relationships. They had gone to the park, to Sugarcube Corner for donuts, to the theater, and even to Canterlot on a trip once to see the flower gardens. Things had slowed down a bit lately, but otherwise Caramel thought they had been going on alright.

Well, maybe ‘alright’ isn’t the right word for it, Caramel thought. The picture frame I ended up breaking was of me and her.

Caramel set aside the note and finished drinking his coffee and eating his toast. After putting the dirty dishes in the sink, he packed himself a small lunch. While the bread was stale, it was good enough for a lettuce, tomato, and avocado sandwich. He packed some apple slices, carrots, chips, plain cookies, and a small bottle of milk and put them into a paper bag. Finally, before leaving, Caramel rinsed and refilled a bottle of water and placed the bottle and his lunch into a saddlebag before heading out the door.

Caramel's 'house' was one half of a small duplex in the center of Ponyville, close to the main square, the marketplace, the larger shops, and a train station with multiple trains to and from Canterlot and Los Pegasus. It was the biggest place he could afford with his small budget from his job at Sweet Apple Acres, shared with a unicorn stallion named Rare Find, who was quiet and usually kept to himself. It wasn’t terrible, but it was small and didn’t give him too much freedom.

Caramel walked through Ponyville to the outskirts of town. The sun was shining, but up ahead Caramel could see the weather pegasi beginning to bring clouds over. Two pegasi seemed to be leading them: a cyan mare with a rainbow mane and tail whom Caramel recognized as Rainbow Dash, and a darker grey stallion with a bright blue mane and tail whom he didn’t recognize; the longer Caramel looked, the more the mane seemed to be arranged almost like a mohawk. Six other pegasi were busy moving the clouds, three to a cloud, and were slowly moving the clouds into place, starting by the town hall.

For a moment, Caramel looked up and watched the pegasi move around. He wished he could fly like that; he was just a simple earth pony who wasn’t that strong nor as good as growing things as others were. His cutie mark of three horseshoes was related more to luck than it was to any particular strength or skill, and while he wasn’t dumb he certainly wasn’t that smart.

He wished he was at least a pegasus. It wouldn’t matter then if he was strong or fast. He could feel the wind beneath his wings as he soared and flapped through the sky, gliding gently on drafts that could take him from Ponyville to Cloudsdale and beyond. He would have a cloud-house somewhere in the sky and wake up to the early morning sun and watch as it slowly crawled over the horizon.

And the freedom. He wouldn’t be stuck in a small town in an unskilled job with a meager salary anymore. He could go where he wanted; work at good pay for the weather factory, or as a mail pony, or as a courier. He could go between earth and sky as though it was nothing, fly above the highest peaks or across windswept plains. If he wanted to explore anywhere, all he needed was a direction and a good draft.

Caramel found himself jumping a few times, trying in vain to fly and flapping wings that weren’t there. But it wasn’t long before he’d accidentally tripped over a large stone in the middle of the road and fell flat on his face. He figured it could have been worse; the only thing he did was cause a small cloud of dust to cover his coat. It could have been mud. Caramel picked himself up, brushed off the dust and the feeling of everyone staring at him, and continued.

* * *

Sweet Apple Acres was at the far western edge of Ponyville, one of the farthest spots away from the growing cloud cover. Caramel arrived at the entrance of the farm shortly before nine and knocked on the door of the two-story farmhouse among the apple trees.

Out came Applejack, wiping her forehead with a wet rag and her hooves wet as though she’d just finished washing them. “Hey, Caramel,” she said. “I’ll take that for ya.”

Caramel handed over his saddlebags to the orange mare and waited politely at the door while she went inside. This was a well-established routine by now; Applejack would take his saddlebags and place them in the cooler for his lunch. She would go get her hat and talk to her brother Big Macintosh about what needed to be done, then relay the instructions back to Caramel.

A few minutes later Applejack came back out with Big Macintosh in tow. “Big Mac says we’re almost ready for harvest, but there’s a few things he needs to do. However, we do need some weeding in the smaller gardens while he checks the orchard to see what comes next.”

Caramel nodded. This was relatively simple work that was easier for him to do. He and Applejack went to the barn and attached small carts to their back before heading out to the gardens behind the farmhouse. Caramel and Applejack walked alternate rows of wheat, cabbage, carrots, lettuce, and potatoes and pulled out any weeds that had cropped up with their teeth, tossing them into the cart on their backs. Big Macintosh never trusted any sort of weed-killer and so all the work had to be done manually.

It wasn’t backbreaking work, but it was tedious, taking small steps back and forth among the rows and picking out all the weeds. It took almost an hour before the wheat was done and they dumped the carts in the compost pile before moving onwards to the cabbage. By the time they had finished with the potatoes it was one and Big Mac was ringing a bell to come in for lunch.

They took lunch in the barn. Applejack brought out Caramel’s saddlebags and sandwiches for her and Big Macintosh. Caramel immediately opened his water bottle and took a large swig of it, letting the ice-cold water run down his parched throat and letting it wash out the taste of dirt and weeds out of his mouth. He took his sandwich and ate it alongside Applejack and Big Mac in the shade of the barn.

Applejack turned to Caramel. “You guys going out tonight?” she asked.

Caramel shook his head. “Roseluck... wanted to talk to me after work.”

Applejack looked away thoughtfully for a moment before turning back to Caramel. “You... don’t seem to go out much lately.”

“Nope,” Big Macintosh agreed, looking at Caramel with an expression the latter couldn’t quite understand.

Caramel chewed on a carrot a few bites too long until there was nothing more than tiny crumbs that were getting stuck between his teeth. “I haven’t been feeling up to it lately.”

Applejack’s face became a concerned frown. “Big Mac’s been worried about you lately. Wonderin’ if there wasn’t anything goin’ on with Roseluck. Or if he said anythin’ wrong.”

“No, nothing’s wrong,” Caramel said. “I just... I don’t know. Feels like I’ve been thinking about things a lot lately.”

“Like what?”

Caramel looked up. The pegasi had started their covering of the Acres a bit earlier than Caramel had thought. “I’m just... sort of wondering if I haven’t gotten myself into a dead end.”

Applejack nodded and smiled kindly. “Feels like you’re just goin’ nowhere, huh?”

Caramel nodded back. “Sounds about right. My job is nice but doesn’t pay well, I live in a tiny duplex, and my relationship potentially is in trouble.” Caramel leaned his head back and quietly thumped it against the side of the barn. “Sorry. I just... I guess it’s all getting to me.”

“It’s alright,” Applejack said. “Mac was balancing the budget and we’ll probably afford to give you a raise after the harvest. I know it’s not much and it won’t fix everything, but it may help you out a bit. You’re reliable and hard-working. But we are concerned about you.”

“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh agreed.

“It’s just a phase,” Caramel said, waving a hoof dismissively. “I’ll get over it soon.”

Applejack did not seem satisfied, raising an eyebrow at Caramel and slightly frowned, but she said no more. Caramel was grateful for the gesture; Applejack could spot a lie better than anyone, but she kept quiet about it out of respect. She moved on fairly quickly and said they needed to fix a few broken drain pipes leading to a water cistern as the afternoon work and helped him place his saddlebags back into the house.

“Go get the tools, Caramel,” Big Macintosh said when Applejack went inside.

Caramel went and got the tools from their usual place: a pair of modified saddlebags hanging on a nail inside the barn. He went and got them and went back over to Big Macintosh and helped him settle the saddlebags in place. Caramel followed Big Mac outside the barn and over to the wall where the first of the rusted pipes was located.

“If it’s a phase,” Big Macintosh said, “it’s been going on for a while.”

Caramel sighed. He didn’t want to go into detail about it. “Yeah, a bit.”

“I think you’re lonely,” he said. “You only spend time with Roseluck lately. It wouldn’t hurt to come over for a drink every once in a while.”

Caramel nodded as they approached the wall and Big Macintosh propped himself upright, hooves against the wall. Caramel grabbed a wrench from the belt with his mouth and went over to the other side and they started loosening the bolts on the piece of metal holding the pipe in place. “Who usually comes over now?” he asked through the wrench.

“Usual crowd,” Big Macintosh said. “Time Turner, Baritone, Clean Sweep.”

Caramel gave off a “hmmph”. “Maybe, I guess. But not tonight. When’s the next time you all are thinking of getting together?”

“Next week, same time.”

“I’ll probably be free, then.”

They had by now removed the metal piece holding the pipe to the wall and now went to work removing the rusted pipe. The bolts were a little stiffer, but Big Macintosh had brought out some oil and quickly applied it to the bolts and they moved a little easier. They were quiet for a long while as they worked, Caramel taking out two bolts before moving to hold the pipe while Big Macintosh went to loosen the remaining bolt.

“We’re worried about you, Caramel,” Big Macintosh said. “I don’t know how to explain it. Just that... you don’t seem as happy as usual.”

“What do you mean?” Caramel asked. “I’ve got plenty to be happy about. I’ve got a decent job, a good boss, a home of my own, and a marefriend.”

Big Macintosh paused for a minute, raising his eyebrow at Caramel for a moment before continuing. “You were complainin’ about all that not too long ago.”

“I mean, yeah, but it’s not too bad when I think about it.”

“Yeah, but you don’t focus on it bein’ ‘not too bad’ very often.”

Applejack returned with a few spare pieces of pipe as they managed to remove the first pipe from its place and the two stopped. It wasn’t long after that when one of the pegasi – the dark grey one with the blue mane in a mohawk – came down and addressed Big Macintosh, hovering a few inches above the ground. Caramel watched him in fascination.

“Hey, Big Macintosh!” he said easily. “How are you this evening?”

“Not too bad,” Big Macintosh replied. “What do ya need?”

“Well you know about the rainstorm coming in tonight. On behalf of the Ponyville Weather Team, I was just wondering if there was a particular area you wanted us to focus on with the rain or if there is any area where you wanted us to do lighter.”

“Nothin’ in particular, I think.” Big Macintosh raised his hoof and scratched his chin in thought. “Thanks for comin’ down and askin’ though.”

“Not a problem,” the pegasus asked. “It’s part of my job, and since you’re a big part of Ponyville’s economy, it’s only right you at least be asked.”

“Thank ya kindly,” Big Macintosh said. “I can always contact town hall or the Weather Team’s offices if I want anythin’, but right now, I think we’re good. But again, thank you.”

“Any time. Again, contact the Weather Team offices if you need anything. Either I or Rainbow Dash will be happy to answer any questions you might have.” And then he saluted and flew off into the increasingly grey sky.

Caramel followed the trail of the pegasus as he flew back to his job. He looked up and watched the pegasus go about his work. Sometimes he merely directed the other pegasi and sometimes he actually moved the clouds into place himself. He glided around so easily and effortlessly, riding the currents like it was nothing. He was watching him so intently that he didn’t notice when Applejack brought the metal pipe over to him and jumped, slipping off the side of the barn.

“Oh, sweet Celestia!” Applejack gasped. “Are you okay?”

Caramel surveyed himself. No broken bones, no awkward twisting; just a bit of a hard landing on the soft dust and dirt. He picked himself up, testing to see about pain. Nothing much besides a bit of a bump on the side of his head and a scratch under his hoof, nothing a little cleaning and bed rest when he got home wouldn’t fix up.

A breeze picked up. Caramel looked skywards at the sky, now totally covered in grey clouds.

“Caramel...?” Applejack ventured.

Caramel didn’t respond right away. “I wish I could fly...” he said.

Applejack and Big Macintosh just looked at him, confused.

* * *

Caramel left Sweet Apple Acres at four. The wind hadn’t picked up much but a definite chill had set in while he walked home and he felt cold. Even though it was still early Ponyville’s streets were already clearing, any evening’s events having been put off or lessened by the scheduled rainstorm.

When he got to Sugarcube Corner, Roseluck was nowhere to be found. He double-checked the note she wrote him, followed by the clock hanging behind the counter. The note said 4:30 while a nearby clock said 4:18. Caramel shrugged his shoulders, unperturbed by the time, and ordered two small cups of hot chocolate with a lid. He paid the bits and left a little extra as a tip before heading outside with both hot chocolates and sat on a bench outside, sipping and trying not to shiver.

Roseluck came walking down the street at a few minutes before the time she said she would.

“I hope you haven’t been waiting long,” she said as she sat down on the bench next to him.

“About eight minutes,” Caramel said. “Do you want a hot chocolate? It’s kind of cold out.” He pushed the other drink towards her.

“Thanks.” Roseluck shivered a bit as she took a few sips.

For a long time, she was silent and they quietly sipped the hot chocolate. “Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?” Caramel asked after a while.

“Yeah. It’s a little hard to start, though.”

“You can say whatever,” Caramel said. “I won’t be offended.”

Roseluck sniffed. “Alright. If you say so. Um... I don’t think I want to keep seeing you.”

Caramel nodded. The edges of his vision became blurry and he wondered if a few pieces of dust hadn’t been blown into his eyes by the wind. “Okay...” he said, unsure of what to say.

Roseluck looked over at him, apparently distraught. “That’s... it? ‘Okay’?”

“Roseluck, I’m sorry, but I don’t even know what to say.” Caramel threw his empty hoof up in the air. “I... I thought things were going pretty well. It’s not like I expected this. I just received a note from you saying to meet with no context. The last thing I expected was you telling me you wanted to break up.”

“I was going to write more,” Roseluck said apologetically, “but I figured it’d be better if I did it face-to-face.”

“Well, thanks for offering me that decency,” Caramel said. “So, any particular reason?”

“It’s... hard to explain,” Roseluck said. “We were doing really well. We had fun, you took me on that wonderful trip to the Canterlot Gardens, we even slept together at least twice. But... lately you’ve been a bit neurotic and, quite frankly, depressing.”

“It’s not my normal, Roseluck. I swear. I just... I don’t know what it is going on right now.”

“Caramel, you have to understand it’s been going on for a while now. You... you were worried about your job, worried about your education, about your home, about us. It’s been going on for a while now. And... I don’t think I can continue like that.”

Caramel sighed and lowered his head. He fidgeted with the coffee cup in his hooves. “I wish I could deny that,” he said quietly. “But I can’t.”

Roseluck tried to smile sympathetically, but it quickly faded. “I... I’m sorry, Caramel.”

Caramel finished his hot chocolate and drank until there was no more liquid. It felt warm compared to the chill in the air. “How... how long have you been thinking about this?”

“Only the past couple of weeks,” Roseluck admitted. “We... you stopped for a little while after we slept together. But as time went on, you went back to being neurotic and depressive. I tried, thinking it would go away again, but it didn’t.”

“...have you been seeing someone else?”

“No one.” Roseluck sniffed. “I... I love you, Caramel. I still do. I don’t want to, but I think it’s best if we don’t see each other for a while.”

“If you don’t want to, why don’t you want to see me?” Caramel asked, someone biting.

Roseluck wiped her forehead and an eye with a hoof. “I... I just think I don’t want to see you romantically.”

Caramel nodded. “I... I understand.”

“But please,” Roseluck said. “If... if you need anything, write me. I’ll... I’ll do what I can. I don’t like seeing you in this state, but I want you to get better. If you need my help with anything, please, let me know.”

Caramel nodded. “Okay,” he said. “At least... at least we had some fun.”

Roseluck nodded. “Yeah...”

Roseluck looked like she wanted to say more, but she trailed off and nothing came. She opened her hooves and wrapped them lightly around Caramel. Caramel returned the gesture for a moment, but was the first one to release.

“Well, I’ll see you around, then?” Caramel asked.

“Yeah.” Roseluck coughed. “Yeah. Thanks for the hot chocolate.” She got up, shivered a little bit, and trotted away.

Caramel watched her until she disappeared behind a row of houses before sighing quietly. There was a short rumble of thunder and Caramel wondered if it would get any worse. He got up off the bench and trotted home before it could; it went as well as it could have gone, but it still stung nonetheless.

The rain waited until after he’d gotten home and turned up the thermostat before coming down in a gentle shower. Caramel cooked a dinner of vegetable soup with fresh bread and ate at the counter, staring out into the darkening skies and the rain. Rain didn’t depress him much or make him irritated; it was another art-form of the pegasi, and he was content to sit and watch as he turned on the radio and listened to an evening news broadcast while he waited for a teleplay to come on later that evening, the weather a whole show in itself.

It wasn’t until he went to bed that night that he realized he forgot to go to the store on the way home.

Comments

[Shattered Ice]

Sad.

[Jarvy Jared]

Hello, you requested from the group I Just Want A Comment for people to view and, well, comment on your story. After having read the first chapter, I have a few things to say. Some are little tidbits of thought, others are suggestions.

-By far, this is the most interesting opener I have seen on any fanfic. It opens brilliantly with excellent foreshadowing (the song on the radio comes to mind). I did like the band's name. You sly dog.

-The second paragraph could use a little more sentence length variety. Some places could be shortened. The last sentence as well feels somewhat sudden, as the natural "flow" has been broken. This is mostly because the lengths are the same, and thus the flow is no longer strong or vibrant.

-"momentos" should be "mementos."

-Fourth paragraph: place "for" before "now."

-Fifth paragraph: "bushed" should be "brushed."

-A word of advice: numerical consistency. You mention how Canterlot has "seventy five degrees." First, you should add a hyphen between seventy and five, as it is a "compound noun." Secondly, since that is your first number, the other numbers mentioned should follow a similar format. 72 becomes seventy-two, 80s becomes eighties, and so forth. Alternatively, since these are all numbers above ten (and, in some grammatical studies, above twenty), you could just write them as numerical values (72, 75, etc.).

-"his while coffee cups" Change "while" to "white."

-You tend to use "reflected" a lot. Try using other words, like "thought," or "realized."

-"Caramel drank his coffee and ate his toast and packed himself a small lunch." A somewhat minor gripe. Here you imply that Caramel does all these things in quick succession. I'd suggest a break after toast, then a "finish" clause. This can be as: "Finished, he then packed himself a small lunch," or "(period) Then he packed himself a small lunch."

-The two paragraphs after that one both start the same way: Caramel (verb). You could endeavor for more unique starts, such as a pronoun, or w/ the present progressive (-ing verbs).

-"... with a rainbow mane and tail that..." Change "that" to "whom," only because "that" implies that Caramel recognized the tail as being Rainbow Dash. Same goes for the other pegasus (Thunderlane).

-"This was well-established routine now..." Assuming "routine" used here is a noun, then there should be an "a" before "well-established."

-Your "second act," detailing Caramel working at Sweet Apple Acres, was probably the best part of this entire chapter. It was a perfect mix of Slice of Life, with a good amount of subtlety behind it. While not too emotionally charged, it was a nice pause, as well as a great pathway into more of Caramel's thoughts and wishes.

-The ending of the first chapter hits hard. In once sentence, you have perfectly conveyed the sense of distraught that Caramel is feeling, and drive home a point about longing for the seemingly impossible.

All in all, this story isn't bad. In fact, it's pretty good. Aside from grammatical issues and the occasional splices in structure, I'd say that this story has what it takes to be even better.

[Revenant Wings]

7460228
So I think I fixed all the stuff you mentioned, and will try and look through Chapter 2 (which is already released) sometime tomorrow for more of the same things. Thanks for looking it over, and thank you for your comments!