Chapter 1
True multi-presence, the practice of occupying more than one place at the same time, was the sort of magic typically classified under 'not impossible, but also not advisable.' It was the sort of thing that could be done, through the use of magical cloning ponds or perhaps creative applications of closed-loop time travel, but all the research showed that those methods tended to end very, very badly.
Instead, Princess Twilight Sparkle made do with a combination of teleportation, flight, and old-fashioned panicked galloping in order to cover as much distance as she could in the shortest amount of time.
“Decorations, check. Refreshments, check. Triple-reinforced etheric omni-ward, check.” Twilight's voice echoed through the halls of her palace, while Spike dutifully went down the carefully prepared checklist.
“That's it!” Spike yelled out. He'd given up trying to follow Twilight's mad dashing-- just watching her zap herself from one place to another was enough to make him dizzy.
With a 'bamf' and the smell of seared ozone, Twilight materialized in front of her little brother/ward/assistant. “That's it?” She said, and levitated the strip of paper out of Spike's clawed hands.
“Yep. The whole checklist. We've gone over it three times now.”
“Oh.” Twilight said. Sure enough, the final two boxes at the bottom 'Repeat' and 'Repeat Again' had the obligatory checkmarks next to them, signalling their completeness. “Think we should do it again? I mean, I'd hate to think I missed something … what if I miss something? Princess Celestia would be so disappointed in me!” Twilight's eyes went wide in terror. “What if I disappoint Princess Celestia and then she revokes my princess-hood and then I won't be allowed to have any friends anymore and I'll have to go live in a scary wizard tower?”
“Twilight? You're doing that thing again.”
“What thing? Is it a Princess-deposing thing?”
“You know, that thing where you start talking too fast and the corner of your eye starts to twitch and the next thing you know everything is on fire?”
“Oh. That thing.” Twilight splayed her ears back. “Sorry. Sorry. It's just … this sort of thing's unprecedented! I mean, I can manage having Cadance visit, or Princess Celestia, or even Princess Luna … but all of them? At the same time?” Twilight shifted on her hooves, nervous.
“What's the big deal? It's not like it's the first time you guys have had a princess party or whatever. You'll just talk about stuff and maybe sing a song and then maybe you'll have to fight a monster wizard or whatever.” Spike scratched his head.
“But we've never had a princess party here. In Ponyville! These sort of things are supposed to take place in Canterlot, or the Crystal empire! They have palaces and stuff!”
“Uh. You do know we live in a magical friendship castle, right? If that's not the place for a princess party, I don't know what is.”
“I guess you're right, Spike.” Twilight rubbed at the bridge of her nose. “It's just … it's something I wasn't expecting! And Princess Celestia even said it was going to be 'princesses only' which makes me wonder if things are going to get political or maybe they're going to teach me some kind of strange princess-only secrets or what if this meeting is about political secrets that are also magical?”
“Look.” Spike grabbed Twilight by the cheeks and turned her towards a marble pillar that had been polished to reflective smoothness. “Eye twitch again.”
“Oh. Right.” Twilight pulled in a deep breath. “Well, whatever the purpose of this meeting is, I'll just have to be brave and see it through to the end, no matter what happens.”
“And remember to have fun.” Spike added.
“And remember to have--” Twilight stopped mid-sentence, and scooped up her checklist again. “I didn't put 'have fun' on the checklist! I knew I forgot something! We've got to start all over!”
“It'll be fine, Twilight. I promise.” Spike said, soothingly. “Besides, you don't have time for it anyway. Princess Celestia's already here.”
“She's what?”
“Hello, Twilight.” Celestia said from the doorway leading into the main ballroom.
“Have fun at your princess party! Bye!” Spike said, and made a quick exit.
Twilight flailed her wings like a startled canary, and spun around. “P-p-princess!? What're you doing here?”
“Oh, sorry.” The nigh-immortal goddess-ruler of all Equestria smiled. “I let myself in. I didn't want to trouble you with fanfare or anything. This is supposed to be a casual evening, after all.”
“Casual. Right.” Twilight said, with the feeling that something was somehow terribly … off. A moment later, Twilight realized that Princess Celestia wasn't wearing her crown, or any other royal jewelry, for that matter. Princess Celestia was naked.
“You're--” Twilight fumbled her suddenly dry mouth. “You're early!” she blurted.
“Like I said, casual.” Celestia said. “The court puts entirely too much weight on matters of timing-- who has to wait for how long before I grant them an audience, that sort of thing. Which in turn leads to nothing ever starting when it really should. It's honestly refreshing to be punctual, just for one evening.”
“Oh, uh … wow. I never would have thought of that.” Twilight Sparkle pried her eyes away from the nape of Celestia's bare neck. It felt somehow scandalous to see that usually covered but otherwise unremarkable stretch of spotless white coat.
“It's just one of those silly little things that builds up after the first few centuries.” Celestia said with an elegant shrug. “In any case, I trust there are refreshments somewhere? It's been a long day, and the flight over didn't help.”
“Oh, uh, right!” Twilight Sparkle trotted over towards the buffet she'd laid out. “Pinkie Pie made a special batch of cupcakes, and I mixed up a bowl of punch, and Rarity insisted I have a few bottles of--”
“Wine.” Celestia smiled, and took up the bottle to examine the label. “And a good year, too. Your friend Rarity has excellent taste.”
“She mentions that a lot.” Twilight deadpanned.
Celestia popped the cork and poured two glasses of red wine, one of which she foisted onto Twilight. “Cheers.” She clinked her goblet against Twilight's, and kicked back half her glass in a single gulp.
“Uh. Cheers?” Twilight said, and took a much smaller sip. Thankfully, she had remembered to eat a large sandwich before setting out the evening's libations. “So, um. Princess? Just … what's the agenda for tonight?”
“Agenda? You make it sound like we're having a board meeting.”
“Well, uh, you said it was a very important, 'princesses only' sort of thing.”
“Oh, it is important.” Celestia took another sip from her wineglass, and then trotted over to a plush, high-backed chair next to a large, round table. “A princess doesn't get to let her mane down very often. And even if she does get the chance … well, there are certain things that only another princess could understand. You've come a long way, Twilight, but there are still many things you have yet to learn. So, when I saw a gap in my schedule, I thought it'd be a good idea to take an evening to just … talk.”
“Talk? About what?”
“Anything, really. I'm sure there are many questions you'd like to ask me or my--”
“Sister!” Princess Luna may have left her royal crown and gorget behind, but the Royal Canterlot Voice was not so easily abandoned. Twilight nearly spilled her wine as Luna's volume hit her. The Princess of the Night strode boldly into the ballroom, which suddenly seemed much, much smaller. “Thou didst not wake me when I bid you so!”
“Luna, you're using the voice again.” Celestia said, unpeturbed.
“Am I?” Luna blinked. “I suppose I am. My apologies, Twilight. I am wont to lapse into old habits, especially when I've freshly woke.”
“I should be the one apologizing.” Celestia said. “It's true. I was running early, and you looked so comfortable, I didn't want to wake you. Here, let me pour you a drink.”
Luna folded her wings neatly against her back, and her lips curled up in a smile. “I suppose that's one way of making amends.” She accepted the wineglass Celestia passed over, and drained it in a single go. “Ah! A fine vintage! I commend your sommelier, Twilight.”
“I'll … I'll tell Rarity you said that.” Twilight said. As she watched Luna pour herself a second glass, a realization sparked at the back of Twilight's brain, followed quickly by the feeling she'd be doing a lot of realizing before the night was over. “Wait. Didn't you say you just woke up? Can I get you something a little more, um … appropriate?”
“More appropriate? Well, I could do with something stronger, should you have it. A port, perhaps? Or maybe some of your friend's apple brandy?” Luna sank down into a chair next to Celestia's.
“I … do have some brandy, somewhere.” Twilight said. “But I was thinking more along the lines of coffee. Or orange juice. Or something, you know … non alcoholic?”
Princess Luna fixed Twilight with a puzzled look. “And what would be the point of that?”
Celestia hid her grin behind her wineglass.
“Well, uh, don't you normally have a lot to do at night? You know, with the moon rising, and the dream patrols, and all that?”
“Your point?” Luna said. “I've found it's quite helpful to have something rather … bracing before hunting dream-phantasms. There have occasionally been times where I've indulged myself while a-questing. Battling Mind-Phantoms from the Otherrealm can be thirsty work.”
“Luna,” Twilight said, very carefully, “ … are you telling me you drink on the job?”
“Only occasionally.” Luna said.
“Twilight,” Princess Celestia lapsed into her gentle and familiar teacher's tone. “Have you ever had a dream that was inexplicably surreal? Something so bizarre that it leaves you absolutely baffled in the morning?”
“Like the time I dreamed I had to write a musical about pies for a school project?” Twilight blurted.
“I may have been hungry at the time.” Luna said with a little shrug.
“Then … “ Twilight's cheeks began to darken in a blush as the wheels turned in her head. “What about the one dream I had where Flash-- I mean, where somepony from the Royal Guard took me to the beach and--” upon recognizing the blank, perplexed look on Luna's face, Twilight let herself trail off.
“You do realize I don't craft every dream in all of Equestria, yes? Particularly … “ Luna made a vague gesture with one hoof. “Licentious ones.”
“Oh. Uh. Well.” For lack of a proper response, Twilight took another sip of her wine, only to find she'd just about drained her glass. She poured herself another, only to realize that the few bottles of wine Rarity had provided were beginning to empty at an alarming rate. Which made sense, Twilight mused, as Luna and Celestia were both larger than the typical pony, and that was before one took into consideration potential supernatural fortitude.
“Who's licentious?” Princess Cadance swooped down into the main hall through one of the windows Twilight habitually left open for Rainbow Dash. Like the other Princesses, she hadn't bothered with her crown-- though she did wear a pair of large-lensed sunglasses. An uncorked bottle of champagne floated along with her, caught up in her telekinetic aura.
“Nobody's licentious!” Twilight blurted.
“Aw.” Cadance said. She landed next to Twilight and pulled her in for an enthusiastic hug. Twilight smiled, and returned the embrace-- though she blinked as she caught a whiff of something unexpected on her breath.
“Um. Cadance?” Twilight said. “Have you been drinking?”
“Damn yes!” Cadance said, and trotted over towards the buffet, where she poured champagne into a wineglass 'til the foam crested the rim. “I don't usually pre-game like this, but this is the first time I've been away from Shining Armor and Flurry Heart in … well, ever. Thought I'd celebrate.” She gulped down her fizzy drink. “And when you've got a first class train ticket from the Crystal Empire, they give you all the champagne you want!”
“Oh, uh. Wow. I never knew you liked … champagne.” Twilight said.
“There's a lot of stuff you don't know about me, Twilight. I guess it just didn't come up, you know?” Cadance said. “But yeah, I love the stuff. Like, there was this one time Shining Armor got a bottle and then fired up the hot tub and then--” It took Cadance a moment, but even in her slightly inebriated state, she was able to recognize the dawning look of horror on Twilight's face. “And then you probably don't want to know what happened next.”
“Thank you.” Twilight's ears splayed back in relief.
“Wouldn't want to corrupt sweet, innocent Twilight!” Cadance said, and threw a foreleg around Twilight's shoulders. “Especially since she's probably doing a good enough job of that herself.”
“W-what?” Twilight sputtered.
“Oh, c'mon. I know you've been reading those trashy romance novels for years.”
“They're not trashy!” Twilight squeaked.
“Mmmmhmm. Sure they're not. I'm sure there's an entirely good reason you always kept them hidden under your mattress.”
“I … I couldn't think of where to put them in the regular shelves, that's all! Because they're not quite general fiction and some of them are arguably historical fiction, and I wanted to figure out the best way to integrate them into the library since just exiling them to a designated 'romance' shelf is just putting them in a genre ghetto, you know?”
“You're the only pony I know who'd get so worked up about genre definitions, Twilight.” Cadance said with a smile.
“Well, those things are important.” Twilight turned her chin up at a defiant angle.
“I'm glad you could make it, Cadance.” Celestia raised her glass in greeting.
“Indeed.” Luna did the same. “'tis a rare thing, to have every princess in the realm in the same place at the same time.”
“Save Princess Flurry Heart.” Luna noted.
“Thankfully.” Cadance's shoulders slumped. “I mean … I love her, and she's adorable, but … she's exhausting. But I guess all babies are, huh?” Cadance took another pull of her champagne.
“I wouldn't know.” Luna said. “To be honest, I've never even considered having a child. You're a braver mare than I, Cadance.”
“Oh, you're just saying that.” Cadance looked down at the table, suddenly modest.
“'tis true! I could not fathom matrimony.” Luna said.
“Well, uh, I'm sure you were really busy, and it just didn't come up?” Twilight offered.
“In a manner of speaking.” Luna poured herself another glass.
“Traditionally,” Celestia said, “Princesses don't marry. At least, neither Luna or I did, and after a few centuries it … became tradition.”
“Which makes me a rebel, I guess.” Cadance nudged Twilight, smiling. “Cool!”
“Oh wow. That … that must have been lonely.” Twilight said. “All those centuries, just … alone?”
“Not exactly … “ Celestia said with a knowing grin. “As, well … here's another little thing you need to learn about being a princess.”
“Oh?” Twilight leaned forward, and immediately wished she had pen and paper at hoof in order to take notes. “What's that?”
“It is a rare thing for a princess to marry. But--” she held up a hoof. “Should she choose to take a consort? That's another matter entirely.”
“A … consort?” Twilight felt the word out in her mouth. She knew what it meant-- or at least, she thought she did.
“A consort.” Luna nodded. “'Tis better to leave the matter at that. My dear sister can get maudlin when she's into her cups.”
“I have no idea what you're talking about.” Celestia said, and drained her wineglass.
“Then why don't you tell Twilight about Heartseeker, then?”
Celestia's eyes widened at the name.
“Who's Heartseeker?” Twilight asked, against her better judgement.
“He was a rogue and a thief and a mercenary and a cutthroat.” Princess Celestia sniffled, and slumped her chin down against the table. “And I loved him.”
“We kept odd company in our younger years.” Luna noted.
“Don't put all of this on me. I know what you and Catsclaw were up to.” Celestia shot a glare of sisterly annoyance at Luna.
Luna sputtered a little. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”
“Please. The two of you slipping off to study 'astronomy?'” Celestia said. “More like you were studying anatomy.”
“Oooooh, buuuuuurn.” Cadance dumped the last of her champagne into her wineglass, and then dumped said wineglass down her throat with practiced skill. She floated another bottle of wine over, opened it, and poured herself a glass of white wine without taking her eyes off of the two sisters.
“My dalliances are no concern of yours, sister!” Luna sat up taller, and the force of her voice alone was enough to topple the rapidly-growing collection of empty wine bottles on the table. Cadance and Twilight cringed back in their chairs, but Celestia remained unphased.
“Uh. Should we do something?” Twilight asided to Cadance. “Like … this isn't how Luna turned into Nightmare Moon, is it?”
“Nah, it's fine. I've seen this happen before. Celestia's a sad drunk, and Luna just gets … fighty. They'll hug it out before long.”
“You're right, Luna.” Celestia said. “It isn't any of my business. I just … “ Celestia sighed, and reached for another drink, this time not bothering with the glass at all. “I miss those days. I miss him.”
“I know.” Luna's voice softened, as did her stance. At some wordless signal, Celestia passed the bottle to Luna, who swigged from it in a decidedly un-royal manner. “We both knew they'd never stay long. Do you really think a pair of scoundrels such as those two would ever settle down? Even with the likes of us?”
“No.” Celestia said, glumly. Luna passed the bottle back. “But … did you ever wonder what it'd be like if we went with them? We could just roam the world, looking for treasure and adventure?”
“Occasionally.” Luna said. “But it wouldn't have worked, and we both know that. The kingdom needed us, and thus we stayed.”
“True.” Celestia slumped back in her chair. “That doesn't make it any better.” She sniffed again, and wiped the corner of one eye. She blinked, and then looked back at Cadance and Twilight. “I … I'm sorry, you two. I wanted this to be a celebration. Not to bore you two with old stories.”
“I … I kind of like old stories, actually.” Twilight tried (without much success) not to let her academic curiosity get the better of her. “Especially since I've never seen either Heartseeker or Catsclaw mentioned in any of my history books.“
“For good reason.” Celestia said, a wan smile finally beginning to cross her features. “Scandals are a pain to deal with. There's another princess lesson for you. By now, I imagine Luna and I are the only ponies left alive who even remember Heartseeker and Catsclaw's names … ”
“Alright!” Cadance planted her front hooves on the table, and then tipped her sunglasses downwards so she could glare at Celestia and Luna both. “You two are gonna traumatize Twilight at this rate, telling her all about broken hearts and lost love and royal duties and all that junk! I say, we go off, the four of us, and do something fun.”
“Thank you, Cadance.” Celestia's smile warmed. “You're absolutely right. This is supposed to be a celebration. We should find something to take our minds off … heavier matters.”
“Right!” Twilight nodded. “So, uh, what do you guys want to do? I've got a bunch of board games, or we could give each other makeovers, or … shoot, where'd I put my sleepover book?”
“No need.” Luna leaned forward. “An evening in is all and good, but all this talk of the old days has me thinking of … a quest.” She savored the 'q' word, eyes gleaming with eagerness.
“A quest?” Twilight felt her stomach twist in anticipation of what might come next. “For what? There's not some previously unknown ancient evil that I wasn't aware of that you guys saved up for me to fight as some kind of princessly initiation ritual, is there?”
“No, Twilight.” Celestia fixed the purple princess with a familiar, grave look. “The problem we face is much more immediate, and therefore, much more important.”
“What is it?” Twilight said, mouth going dry.
“We are out of liquor.” Celestia said. And, sure enough, the small selection of bottles Twilight had laid out were all empty.
“Beer run, woo!” Cadance said, and pushed her sunglasses back into place.
“Tally ho!” Luna took to the air and bolted out the high open window.
“But … but … what?” Twilight could only stare.
“Call it a girl's night out.” Celestia said, and made for the window herself.
“Wait for me!” Twilight scrambled out of her chair and followed on slightly shaky wings.
And so, four not-entirely-sober princesses set out for Ponyville.
Stats
Page generated in 0.057 seconds
Total duration
744 users online
665,442 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ooh, drunk princesses. My favorite!
This looks like it's gonna be an interesting night. The world may never sleep again.
It's too bad Cadence doesn't know the name of her own kid. Neither do the others it seems. Ya know, Flurry Heart.
This was cute, I enjoyed it. I'm still not entirely sure if Twilight did though.
I just realised there's going to be more chapters... follow.
This could go wrong in so many ways! I can't wait.
Let it begin/escalate
In any case, this looks like it's going to be great fun. I look forward to whatever shenanigans unfold.
7441593 It might be a typo. But its more likely a hint at how tipsy Luna and Cadence already are.
What? A sequel to the very first MLP fanfic I read? Well, this should be interesting....
put her in the brig until she's sober
put her in the brig until she's sober
put her in the brig until she's sober, early in the morning
Drunk princesses with the power to literally control entire aspects of reality on Equestria? What could possibly go wrong?
Oh boy. Drunk princesses (sans Twilight) going out for adventure while trying to find liquor. This is gonna be good.
PUB CRAWL!!
You have my attention. :D
Well this could be interesting, although you're not going to make Luna talk like that the entire time are you? I never understood how just because she talked like that for only one episode and then never talked like that again after writers keep making her backslide like that.
Although I'm not sure how long this will go for, do you have a set number of chapters in mind or just going with the flow for this? There is one thing I've always wondered about, there is an age spell apparently (given Trixie used it with the amulet) so I've wondered if that's how Luna and Celestia keep their ages or if they could use it on someone if they ever did settle down so they wouldn't outlive them.
Something tells me that poor Twilight is going to end up as the Designated Driver for three inebriated God-Princesses!
Meanwhile, it's good to know that Celestia had her own Han Solo back in the day!
YOU THROW HER IN THE BRIG WITH THE CAPTAIN'S DAUGHTER
They all wake up, sweaty with undead Minotaurs and a demon sex god from hell.
7443181 And it will be the Demon Sex God waking up wondering "What the fuck happened last night?!". If only for a change of pace.
I bet not even Discord can top this... though he will probably have popcorn.
I'm sorry; I had to. No regrets.
Heartseeker and Catsclaw are WONDERFUL names for old loves of Celestia and Luna!
7443283 Yeah I know right? I mean if they weren't born immortal then given that they both can easily move the sun and moon what if they just keep themselves young because they are just needed so badly. Makes me wonder what would happen if they weren't needed anymore, what would they do then?
7441961 Eh, I just thought it was funny. Plus, if It was a typo I figured I'd point it out so it could get fixed.
7443072 Aaaaaaand hopefully this doesn't end up like The World's End
Well, this will be fun.
Why isn't there a Discord emoji on this site?
Chug! Chug! Chug!
And that's how Equestria was unmade!
At least Ponyville should be used to it by now
A fun start to what promises to be a fun story - I can't wait to see where their drunken adventures eventually take the four princesses - and where they wake up in the morning ... or what will be defined as morning, seeing that all four of them are liably to pass out in drunken stupor somewhere and miss what would normally pass for a morning entirely
Just gonna say, I love the Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser reference. It'd be funny as all get-out if they happen upon two robed 'ponies' that go by Seven Eyes and Eyeless Face, maybe in an alley behind the liquor store.
7443955
I was wondering if anybody would get the Leiber Reference. Well done. :)
Ahahahaha! Drunken ponies! That is so funny!
.. i can only hope it ends with Discord having a blast or being terrified of the sheer chaos four drunken princesses with issues can manage.
Nah. He'll take pictures.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
7443317 You beat me to it. xD
There is no marble in the Palace of Friendship. Unless marble is actually a word that means blue crystal.
You need a space after that comma.
Name your excuse: Just woke up, or already drunk.
Heartseeker, Celestia. You're already forgetting his name.
This should be a fun ride.
7444359 That's not a Drunken Sailor....
By the end of the night someone's getting laid or the towns getting burned down.
7443317
Beat me to it.
Granted, I'm late on this, but still. Kudos.
7444809 No, but I'm obligated in my blood contract with the glorious lord Yog-Sothoth to make one H.P Lovecraft reference per week.
7443072 The Glorious Quest of Shitfaced! The Eternal Fire OF LIQUOR! And to Luna I say..... Kiss me, I'm shitfaced!!!!
7443990 I read a lot of Discworld and play a lot of Dungeons & Dragons, both of which draw no small amount of inspiration from the stories of Nehwon. I'm pretty sure that D&D has more influence from Fritz Leiber than J.R.R. Tolkien, to be quite frank. Unfortunately, I haven't read much of Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser, but I really should get caught up on that.
images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/22100000/Why-is-the-rum-always-gone-johnny-depp-22177012-500-183.gif
7445119
Funny that you mention that, as I kinda just did a little thing on D&D in relation to the history of 'The Genre' fairly recently.
(I need to work on the next episode, to be honest).
7445082 If I had a choice of the 4 princesses, it would be Luna, although if I was shitfaced instead of trying to date & woo her first normally, I'm told the thing I usually do is
walkstagger up to her & say"Marry me you hussy!"Holding out for alicorns fucked up on something they pinched from Applejack's barn that sure smells alcoholic, but not necessarily drinkable; sprawled out on a bench in the middle of town, catcalling passing stallions ... and mares ... and Cranky ... and a butterfly that just went by. Not enough disreputable princesses in this fandom, for my money.
I want to see this end up in Luna drinking bleach after they have stolen all of ponyvilles alcohol.
Twilight watches in horror as Luna takes a swig from the bottle she found. To Twilight's horror the other princesses start chanting 'chug, 'chug, chug'.
"Tis' the good stuff! It ignites the fire in my heart!"
Then Luna presumably runs away from the other princesses and gone and went fucked someone.
I need a sequel! This was hilarious!
7441542
Sounds like someone needs to finish Snit
meh that towns had to deal with worse, what could four somewhat drunk princees-
its on fire its all on fire