16-Preparations
Chapter 16
News of the approaching war had spread like wildfire. All across Equestria, farmers, musicians, librarians, weather ponies, patriots all and foolhardy to the tee, were gathering in Canterlot to sign up to join the Equestrian Military.
And that’s why Octavia was getting the buck out of there.
She mentally chided herself for even thinking of the vulgar explicative; really, it was something that she’d expect out of Vinyl.
Yes, her friend Vinyl Scratch, the Fillystine.
The earth pony carefully laid her cello, the only instrument she could bring due to size restrictions, in the back of the pony-drawn carriage. One of the many considering anyone who wasn’t fighting was looking for refuge.
“We accept all ponies from all walks of life!” a crier on the corner yelled, the boy had been going at it for the past three days, going on and on about the noble Pendragon. It was tiring.
“I’m sorry, miss, but we simply can’t take that. It’s just too big.”
Octavia sent the man a glare. “This cello, sir,” she said, hoping her stare would kill him, “was played by the Denis Trott in the Canterlot gardens nearly 200 years ago. It is currently worth more than your entire cart, as well as all of the other luggage, the cart next to us and its luggage, and your great grandmother’s ashes. Do you understand its importance yet, or must I find a drill so that I can bore it into that rock you call your head?”
The cart-drive'rs face went grim, and Octavia wished she hadn't been born with a sharp tongue. “We can’t take it, miss,” he said, taking the case and lifting it out of the cart.
Octavia didn’t even retort. She knew she messed that one up.
Grumbling nonetheless, she carefully took the precious instrument and began heading to the next cart.
How many had that been now, four? She really just needed to shut up sometimes.
On her way to the next cart she went over her plan again. Find a way out of Canterlot, something that theoretically wasn’t difficult since the new military was practically pushing everyone out. After she got out, she would head to Ponyville, where she knew she could stay, or “crash” as Vinyl called it, for a few days or weeks until she found a better place to live.
She probably would be staying with the DJ. The unicorn had always been eager to take her in, especially if it meant she got to blast that noise into the cellist’s ears. Honestly, Octavia wouldn’t mind that much if Scratch actually played something decent, like MC W!sh.
Er, decent comparatively...of course...
Octavia wasn’t entirely sure why Vinyl didn’t play her own music when she was over. It is much better than some of the other crap out there.
Again, comparatively.
So, she would stay with Vinyl for a few days, and then head out from there, probably to Vanhoover.
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a very familiar voice. “Tavi? Is that you?”
Octavia stopped mid-step, before turning her head to the direction of the voice.
Vinyl Scratch was staring right back at her.
“Vinyl? What are you doing here?”
The unicorn blinked under her glasses. “I’m under orders to help civvies evac. What are you doing here?”
The words “orders,” “civvies,” and “evac” told Octavia everything she needed to know. “You joined the military?!”
“You’d better believe it, Tavi. Pendragon Al is a cool guy, and by cool I mean chill, so if he’s ready to smack these griffons around, you know they deserve it.”
Octavia blinked.
“But seriously, what are you up to?”
“Well, I was about to head over to Ponyville to spend a few nights at your house while I try to find a new place to stay. Especially since Canterlot is going to be leveled shortly.”
“Pfft,” Scratch dismissed. “As if. Al’s been locked away in the grand council room for the past three days coming up with a strategy. He’ll get those griffons packing so fast that we can start the victory party before they even get here.”
Octavia gave her friend a look.
“Well,” Vinyl began, eyeing the cello case, “since it looks like you’re getting the buck out of here, might as well help you out.”
“That would be appreciated, Vinyl, however, I doubt you could help. These gentlestallions are less cultured than you.”
Scratch smiled, picking the instrument up in a pale blue magical aura. “Ah, but you can’t give them orders.”
Octavia blinked.
“So, how’s life been since you packed out of Ponyville?” the DJ asked as she scanned for an empty cart.
“It’s been fair enough, I suppose,” she answered. “I was invited to a few social outings where I’ve played a few masterpieces.”
“Hm.”
“I’m sure you’d appreciate such works, Vinyl, after all, you are so well versed in Late Reignassance Music.”
Vinyl rolled her eyes.
“What about you, what have you done recently?”
“Oh, you know the story, a few gigs here and there, crazy parties, late nights at the clubs. Whatever the ponies need, you know?”
Those are lyrics to her song Call of the Beat.
Er, not that I would know...
“So, since you can’t crash with me anymore, what’s your plan?”
Octavia sighed. “Sadly, I’m not sure. Perhaps I could stay with Carrot Top.”
“I wouldn’t. She’s going to be ridiculously busy now that she’s orchard sitting for the Apples.”
“Well, um, there’s always Roseluck.”
“Not anymore. She joined up.”
“Ambrosia?”
“Working as an engineer.”
“Bottlecap?”
“House sitting.”
“What about Daisy? Surely she hasn’t—”
“Joined.”
Octavia shook her head. That was everyone in Ponyville she knew well enough to ask for lodgings. “You can’t be serious.”
“Bucking dead serious.”
“Why? Why would you all throw your lives away?”
The DJ paused and looked at the earth pony over her glasses, her magenta eyes (which seemed blood-red in the proper light) telling her how very unamused she was.
“Er, well, no offense, Vinyl it’s just that—”
“It’s just that the average griffon weighs twice as much as the average pony,” Vinyl finished. “It’s just that griffons have natural weapons, like claws, talons, and razor sharp beaks. It’s just that griffons have a vast amount of experience when it comes to war, and its just that griffons are highly agile hunters in the air. Don’t think for a second, Tavi, that we don’t know what we’re getting into. We know. We’re just doing it anyway.”
“But, why?”
Vinyl lifted the cello into the back of one of the carts, and quickly silenced any complaints from the cab driver with the words “Pendragon’s orders.”
The driver snapped his mouth shut, and continued on his business.
“Why? Why not?” Scratch asked as she carefully strapped the case to the cart. “Al probably said it best. Why live for nothing when you can die for something? Or something like that, anyways...”
“But Vinyl, you live for something already. You live to make music,” she said, before adding, “if you can call that music.”
“Yeah, I do. I make music for other ponies to enjoy. But what if those ponies are dead? Soldiers are not the only ponies that die.”
The comment hit harder than Octavia was expecting.
She had been heading to Ponyville because it was safe. But it wasn’t really, was it? If Canterlot were to fall, what would stop those brutes form heading north? Or south? Or east? Or west? Could anything stop them once the brave volunteers lay dead?
“Face it, Tavi. If we don’t make it, there won’t be much to live for anyway.”
The fact that Vinyl was making that much sense was scary.
“Alright,” the DJ said, “you’re all good to go. Stay safe, avoid any griffons you can, and hope for the best. Hope to see you on the flipside, Tavi.”
Octavia watched her friend trot away, wondering what had happened to the young filly she had known and argued with, and where this mature, brave, and dedicated mare had come from.
<<<|Ω|>>>
“Alright,” Alan began, speaking to the six mares gathered around him. “So in review, the military will be broken down into two branches:The Solar Branch, and the Lunar Branch. The Solar Branch will be composed of the Fire Drake Division, led by General Applejack.”
The farmpony nodded before copying her brother’s line, “Eeyup.”
“Phoenix Division, led by General Dash.”
The rainbow-maned pegasus nodded, bored. “We’ve been over this.”
“And Sun Beam Division led by General Sparkle.”
Twilight nodded, her horn glowing as she took notes while simultaneously re-re-rereading one of her many strategy books.
“The Lunar Branch will be composed of the Nightingale Division, led by General Fluttershy.”
The shy pegasus simply nodded.
“Moonbeam Division, led by General Rarity.”
“Indeed,” Rarity said, looking her mane over again, three days without a decent brushing was turning it a little rough.
“And finally Thunderstorm Division, led by General Pie.”
“Sir, yes, sir!” Pinkie said, her mane straight, and her demeanor oddly serious.
The six ponies were sitting, dressed in their golden armor, which they had found deep into the royal armories. After a little personalization, the Mane Six had taken to wearing them as their signs of office.
Of course, Alan had to admit they did look pretty cool.
“You all understand your purposes?” Alan asked, looking up at them as they sat on the comfortable councilpony chairs that surrounded the floor, where he had decided to lie.
A collective nod answered him.
“Good, good,” Alan said. “Twi, how are the communicators coming?”
“Last time I checked, they were just finalizing the design.”
“Good. The communicators are going to be vital,” the human said as he placed his hands behind his head, looking utterly relaxed as he lay there on the floor, “we’ll need them to make split-second changes to our plans, and they’d be massively more effective than flags or drums. Pinkie, how’s rocket manufacturing?”
“We’ll have 425 rockets ready by the end of today.”
“Try to double that.”
“Sir, yes, sir!”
Alan was about to give another order when suddenly, a knock sounded on the door. The Pendragon—yes, he was the Pendragon now...he’d have to get used to that—stood. “Come in.”
The Princesses entered, and Alan snapped to attention, saluting them. The Mane Six followed suit.
Celestia gave a grim smile. “At ease,” she ordered.
Alan relaxed a touch.
“I hope I am not interrupting anything?”
“No, ma’am,” Alan replied, doing his best to sound as professional as possible. “I was about to tell the generals to start training their divisions.”
“This is excellent news,” Luna yelled, before blushing, realizing she was still be too loud. “Er, pardon me,” she said, at a much more manageable volume, “that is wonderful to hear.”
“Yes, follow us, we have some things we need to show you.”
Alan followed them out, as did the mane six, while the royal sisters began leading them outside.
“A long time ago,” Celestia began, “we had faced the threat of war. Arthur was dead, and we had no Pendragon. Many of the neighboring countries thought that perhaps with his death, we would be weaker. Fearing an attack, we had a few devices commissioned.”
“Devices?” Alan asked with interest.
“Vehicles,” Luna clarified. “Vehicles that are incredibly hardy as well as dangerous to their foes.”
“It tooks us a day to get them out of storage, and two more to fix any of the corroded parts.” Celestia explained as they came out to a balcony.
The sight that met Alan made his jaw drop, before he burst into a face-splitting smile.
Hanging in the air were two massive flying galleons. One, plated in gold with a white envelope, the other, plated in a metal as black as the night sky with a blue envelope.
The gold and white ship was the larger of the two, with bands of polished copper running along its sides. Golden cannons gleamed along the side of the ship, Alan didn’t bother counting them at this distance. Six massive propellers hung out of the ship, each made of lacquered oak, with the engines, again, trimmed in gold. At its head, just under the bow, was a phoenix in polished copper as the figurehead.
The darker of the two was almost identical, however, instead of copper and gold, polished silver and platinum trimmed the ship. The cast-iron cannons shined, rubbed to a reflective surface. At the bow was a silver owl.
But that was just half of it.
Down below, littering the ground, were dozens of conical wooden vehicles. Each one had eight cannons sticking out of its sides like wheel spokes. They were decorated with Celestia’s sun and Luna’s moon, and were trimmed in gold and silver.
Alan’s smile got bigger, somehow. “You have Leonardo Da Vinci’s tank?” he asked.
“Who?” Celestia asked
“Never mind,” Alan said, waving her off, before laughing maniacally. “Oh this brings back memories. Namely memories of me and an Xbox 360, but memories nonetheless.”
The ponies blinked.
“The point is, this may have just saved our ground forces,” Alan explained. “We’d fit three to four ponies in a single tank: One controlling movement, one firing the cannon, one or two reloading, and we’ll have some epic killing machines.”
“Um,” Twilight began.
“Applejack, you’re in charge of them.”
“What?” The farmpony exclaimed. “But Ah ain’t got a clue how to run those fancy machines.”
“You’ll learn.”
“Um,” Celestia interjected, “not to interrupt whatever nostalgia you’re going through, no matter how coincidental it may be, but there is actually one more thing that needs to be done here.”
That got Alan’s attention. “Really? Everything looks shipshape from here.”
“Well,” Luna said, “almost everything.”
“It’s bad luck to sail a ship without a name,” Celestia explained.
Alan blinked. “Are you saying you want me to...?”
“Well, you have done much for us already, I don’t see a reason why not.”
Alan blinked, before looking back up at the floating works of art. He looked up at the carefully carved ships before he began to draw on all of the Latin he knew.
“That one,” he said, pointing to the solar ship, “is the Ira Solaris, the Solar Wrath. The other is the Vindicta Lunaris, the Lunar Revenge.”
Luna nodded. “I like it.”
Celestia nodded. “It does have a nice ring to it.”
“Yes, and we can discuss how pretty things are another day,” Alan said, his face growing serious. “But right now we have less than a month to train a bunch of shop owners into soldiers. We have a lot of work ahead of us.”
“Well, not all of them,” Celestia said, “The royal guard is well trained.”
“Yes, and thank heaven for the royal guard. Speaking of, I should probably go check on them.”
“I’ll go with you,” Twilight said.
“Alright, the rest of you, head out and start dividing the troops. You know what you need, look for it.”
They nodded, and the Pendragon turned to the royal sisters. “By your leave.”
“Of course,” Celestia answered. “They are waiting for you in Canterlot tower.”
The Pendragon and ponies left, Twilight following Alan while the others left for the courtyard to begin getting their soldiers together.
The two made their way to Canterlot Tower in silence. Twilight was giving Alan looks every now and then, while Alan simply stared straight ahead.
“Are you alright?” Twilight asked.
“Fine, considering I’ve started a war.”
“What?” Twilight blinked.
“If I weren’t here, this wouldn’t have happened,” Alan explained. “They wouldn’t have a scapegoat, and they wouldn’t have been able to go to war. I started this war.”
“I think you’re overthinking this.”
Alan stared at her, eyebrow raised.
“Hey! I don’t overthink things!”
Alan still stared.
“That much.”
“Uh huh.”
“But look, that’s not the point. The point is, you can’t blame yourself for this,” she said before smiling. “Besides, I did that once already.”
Alan looked at her smile, and barely caught the intended joke. “Funny,” he deadpanned.
Twilight sighed. “Look Alan, just forget about it, please.”
Alan nodded. “I’ll try.”
More silence between them as they continued to the tower.
“Look, Alan, I’m sorry—”
“Twi, stop.”
“No, you stop, I’m trying to apologize.”
“And you did, look, just forget about it, ok.”
More silence.
The tension between them was awkward and thick. In the few agonizing minutes it took to walk to the door that led to just outside the tower, Alan was having second thoughts.
“Okay, this is awkward. Twi, I’m sorry, ok?”
“What are you sorry for?”
“For everything. For ruining your lives, for starting this war, just everything.”
Twilight gave him a soft smile. “Alan, you didn’t ruin anything, and I’m sorry for ever doubting you.”
They shared a quick hug, then Alan collected himself before pushing the door open.
Sixty-some-odd ponies suddenly jumped at the abrupt entrance, and one was quick to yell, “Pendragon on deck!”
Those that had not been already were now standing at attention, saluting as they stared forward. Alan looked them over and gave them an approving nod. Twilight, however, was focusing on a single unicorn stallion standing in the middle of the line. “Shining?”
The stallion blinked, before breaking his stance. “Twily?”
“Shining!”
“Twily!” The stallion then broke every single line of protocol and hugged the mare.
Alan noted that all of the guards were a little uncomfortable with that.
“Oh, Shining, it’s been ages! What have you been up to lately?”
“Me? What have you been doing? I mean really? First I get to brag that my sister is the student of the Princess Celestia, and now you're a national hero? You keep this up, and I won’t have a chance to brag, everypony will know about you before I can say a word.”
“Wait, wait, wait, what?”
The white unicorn paled, suddenly realizing what he had done. “Uh, sir. Forgive my break of protocol, sir.”
Alan waved him off. “You have a brother,” he asked Twilight, “and you never brought him up?”
Twilight blinked. “Well, he doesn’t come up in conversation that often.”
“Excuse me,” the purple-armored pony spoke, “you don’t mention me? I bring you up all the time, you couldn’t do the same?”
“Well, I—”
“Maybe you’re just not that impressive,” Alan said with a smirk.
“That’s not—”
“Oh, what, so I have to beat some terrible evil from before written history before you’ll introduce me to your friends, is that it?”
“No, I—”
“Personally, I’d start out smaller,” Alan said. “Maybe a terrible evil from before the steam engine.”
The new pony began to laugh.
Alan joined him, and Twi was simply caught between them, wondering where the sudden agreement to pick on her had come from.
“Nice to meet you,” Alan said, once he stopped laughing, “I’m Pendragon Alan Williams.”
“Yeah, yeah I guessed as much. My name’s Shining Armor, Captain of the Royal Guard.”
“There, see Twilight, there’s something you can brag about,” Alan said before holding out his fist to the stallion.
Shining met it with a hoof.
Twilight sighed. This was going to be so much fun.
<<<|Ω|>>>
Alan was patrolling the streets of Canterlot’s downtown, where the military had set up the recruiting centers. So far the number of volunteers had been encouraging. 72 from Ponyville, 30 from Clousdale, 183 from Manehatten, 235 from Baltimare, 300 from Las Pegasus, 250 from Canterlot, 12 from Appleloosa, 43 from Fillydelphia, 55 from Dodge City, and a whopping 450 from Vanhoover. 1630 mares and stallions total, and more were coming in every day.
Of course, a measly 1600 soldiers was practically nothing...
Fillydelphia needed to send more volunteers.
However, more were coming, more everyday, and that was the one thing that kept Alan hoping.
Pegasi, unicorns, and earth ponies all, eager to save their county.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands the rank of officer!”
Alan paused, and blinked.
That one was unmistakable. Literally.
Turning, he looked carefully, and sure enough, he saw the blue, purple-caped mare screaming at the top of her lungs at one of the stoic guards who were collecting information from the volunteers.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but rank is given upon review of your skill. I cannot give you a rank at this time.”
“Skill? The Great and Powerful Trixie has more skill than all of these other pests combined!”
Don’t do it, Alan. Don’t do it.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie has done much more than you pathetic royal guards could hope to accomplish! She has rerouted rivers, moved mountains, and even defeated an Ursa Major!”
Actually, please do it.
Alan smirked as he approached the table. “Soldier! What is the meaning of this outburst?”
The soldier snapped to attention, saluting. “Sir, this mare wishes to have an officer’s rank upon entry.”
“That’s correct,” Trixie said, throwing her nose in the air. “The Great and Powerful Trixie deserves it!”
Alan nodded to the guard. “Dismissed, soldier, I’ll take care of this one.”
“Yes sir,” the soldier saluted before leaving.
Alan, meanwhile, looked the mare over before picking up the blank form.
“Name,” he read aloud, “‘The Great and Powerful Trixie?’”
Trixie smirked. “That is my name, yes.”
“Special talent: Magic, all types.”
“Indeed.”
“Age: Unknown?”
“It is impolite to ask a lady her age.”
“Major Accomplishments: Defeating an Ursa Major.”
“As if the Great and Powerful Trixie needed to say more.”
Alan nodded, before taking the form in his hands and ripping it in two. “I don’t think so.”
The action left Trixie speechless for a moment.
“Are you mad?” she asked, “The Great and Powerful Trixie is far superior to all of these miscreants by—”
“I know about Ponyville.”
Trixie’s mouth snapped shut.
“I know you’re an arrogant fraud who boasts and brags but can’t deliver when pressed. Now, Miss Trixie, take a good look around at all of the other ponies here.”
She hesitantly obeyed, her eyes doing most of the moving as her head dropped.
“Now, unless you want all of them to know about your little secret shame, I suggest we start again. Sound good?”
She was quiet for a moment. “Yes, sir.”
“Good,” Alan said. “Name?”
“Bellatrix Lulamoon,” she whispered
“Age?”
“T-twenty four.”
“Special Talent?”
“Magic.”
“Subtype?”
She mumbled something.
“Excuse me?”
She looked up, and Alan barely caught the words “Illusion, sir.”
Alan filled out the form. “Based on this, I should put you in Moonbeam Division. However, I am a little hesitant to do so.”
Trixie blinked. “Why?”
“Because the general in charge of Moonbeam Division still remembers the fact that you turned her mane the color of seaweed.”
The mare lowered her head.
“General Twilight Sparkle on the other hand, could use some defensive magic.”
Trixie’s eyes went wide. “Her!?”
“Yes, her, and quite frankly, she’s been meaning to talk to you.”
Her face was pale, and her legs were shaking. “No, no, no. Please, no! Don’t put me under her! Please I’ll clean toilets if I have to, but don’t put me under her!”
“All other divisions have reached their unicorn quota,” Alan said, “Moon and Sun beams are the only ones left. So, which would you have?”
“Moonbeam! Moonbeam!”
“So, you wish to be under the mare that will make your life a living Tartarus?” Alan asked. “I can have quicker deaths arranged.”
Trixie hung her head. “I’m doomed.”
Alan smiled.
<<<|Ω|>>>
Rainbow Dash looked up and down the line of pegasi that were now a part of Phoenix Division, the air force of the Equestrian Military. “Alright, you lazy wastes of feathers. It’s time to start training.”
The soldiers simply stared straight ahead.
“I said, It’s time to start training.”
A few caught on. “Ma’am, yes, ma’am.”
“Do I have to repeat myself?”
They all answered this time. “Ma’am, no ma’am.”
The large number of soldiers were standing in one of Canterlot’s plazas, a large empty space normally used for holding a marketplace, easily 300 hooves across. Her forces currently filled less than half of that.
“Better,” she mumbled before she opened up the projector screen behind her. From behind them, a projector began to roll, and an image of a griffon appeared. “This is your target.”
The soldiers were silent.
“While flying,” she continued, “the Griffin is at his most agile, and therefore, most deadly. Because of that, it’s our job to make sure they stay out of the air.
“Now the good news is,” Rainbow Dash continued, “that we pegasi have a couple of tricks that they can’t do. Namely, weather. And the Pendragon wants us to use it to our advantage.”
“How?” a voice asked from the crowd, and the ponies immediately surrounding the source cleared out to give him room, revealing a grey pegasus stallion. “How is weather going to beat a bunch of born murderers?”
Rainbow Dash approached the pony. “What now?”
“You heard me, Ma’am,” he replied with defiant tone.
“Why I oughta...”
“General Dash,” a voice behind her warned, and everypony snapped to attention.
She turned to see Alan standing there, dressed in everything but his duster and boots. However, what really caught her attention were the fifteen blue-clad, lighting-trimmed pegasi behind him.
“I was coming here to introduce you to your fifteen new troops, but it seems I have to take care of something else.”
The grey pegasus gulped, but he stood his ground.
“Soldier, front and center,” Alan ordered.
The pony came forward.
“Name?” Alan asked.
“Thundersight, sir.”
“Private Thundersight, tell me, how much does the average Griffon weigh?”
“Around a hundred pounds, sir.”
“Alright,” Alan said as he walked across the floor. He walked across the plaza, counting his paces before he suddenly stopped. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a stick of chalk. One he had begun to carry to help ponies visualize his plans. He then drew a line, half a hoof thick. “Tell, me,” Alan said as he drew, “how many pounds can the average pony lift.”
“Seventy-five pounds, sir.” Thundersight answered.
“Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve weighed myself, but let’s call it at around 170.”
Thundersight blinked.
“Private, you are going to carry me from there, to here.”
The pony blinked again, the distance was maybe 15 hooves, not an extremely long distance, but a sizeable one considering his load.
“And you are going to do it blindfolded.”
The pegasus blinked again.
“Does anyone have a blindfold?” Alan asked.
The crowd, probably more curious to find out what was going on than anything, was quickly able to scourge up a black band of cloth.
Taking it gracefully from an offering hoof, Alan quickly wrapped the cloth around Thundersight’s eyes.
His world was engulfed in darkness before a sudden, almost unbearable weight fell on his back.
“Now walk,” the Pendragon’s voice said.
Something in the pegasi stirred, a force, a drive to follow that order. It was only because of this feeling that he managed the first step forward. The Pendragon weighed a friggin’ ton. “With all due respect, sir,” Thundersight said, taking a second step, “You’re heavy.”
“Come on, Private, move.”
Step after step, Thundersight moved, placing one hoof in front of the other.
The soldiers began to cheer.
“Come on, Thundersight, keep going,” Alan said.
The stallion plodded forward, straining and grunting under the weight. “Have-have I made it to the line?”
“Just keep going.”
More agonizing weight, a few more painfully slow steps.
“Keep going,” Alan encouraged.
The cheering began to fade.
“Keep going, Private,” Alan urged.
Thundersight stumbled for a second, tripping on an unseen stone.
“Don’t you give up on me.”
Thundersight moved forward a few more steps.
“Don’t you fail me now.”
The word struck a cord in the pegasus, and he began to push himself a little harder.
“That’s it, come on, just a few more steps.”
Thundersight couldn’t hear it for his own panting, but the plaza was in total silence.
“Five more steps, Private. Four more. Three more, Come on, only two left. One more step just one more!”
Thundersight took the last step and collapsed, and felt a sudden rush of relief as Alan rolled off of him.
“Private, remove the blindfold.”
The pegasus did so, and his mouth dropped as he did.
The line he had to cross, the one Alan had drawn, was far behind him. In fact, those 15 hooves were tiny in comparison to the 200 he had crossed. The line of soldiers were staring at him mouths open wide.
“How much can a pony lift?” Alan asked, smiling.
Thundersight gulped down some air before answering, “More than seventy five pounds, sir.”
Alan picked the pony up, and set him on his hooves. “Now, If I told you you’d be able to carry a hundred and seventy pounds a distance of two hundred hooves, would you have believed me?”
Thundersight couldn’t help but smile. “No, sir.”
“Do you trust me now?”
“Sir, yes, sir.”
Alan stood, turning to the gathered pegasi. “They may be born killers, they may be natural hunters, but you have far more potential than that. Look at me, no claws, no fangs, I’m not as fast as you, no wings to fly, but my race has dominated our world. Lions, tigers, bears, all creatures stronger, faster, and better equipped than primitive man were dominated from the beginning. If we could do it, then I know you can.”
The ponies simply stared.
“General Dash, they’re all yours.”
“Sir, yes, sir.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
“Spike! Spike! Where are you?” Alan cried. This was the fourth place he’d checked. The firing range, where Twilight’s Sunbeam Division, the magical offense, were practicing.
“Coming!” the purple dragon answered before vaulting over one of the many railings in the building that divided the ranges. “What is it?”
Alan smiled. “Well, I was thinking; how can I help my only fingered friend to be a better fighter? So I had an idea, but I want to know if it works.”
“Oh? What did you do?”
“Now, hang on a second, I’ve got to test this first,” the Pendragon said, reaching under his now-armor-plated duster. He pulled out his hand to reveal a golden tube on a piece of wood. It looked like a poorly designed club, actually. “I’ve had a word with the engineers, and they were able to whip this up for me.”
Spike blinked. “What is it?”
“This, my dear dragon, is called a flintlock pistol. It’s a devastating ranged weapon, but it has historically had a long reload time. However, I think we may have a solution in you.”
Spike blinked again as Alan reached back into his coat and pulled out what looked like a tube wrapped in paper.
“This is the correct amount of powder, as well as the bullet and everything else you’d need, so it’d be much faster anyway. However, I kept remembering that your messaging fire doesn’t actually light things on fire. So I thought to myself; what if you could teleport the load directly into the gun? Could you try that for me?”
“Uh, I can try, but what exactly am I doing?”
“You’re putting this,” he said, holding up the paper tube, “in here,” he pointed to the back of the golden tube.
“Alright, here it goes...” Spike said, taking a deep breath. Firing off a jet of emerald flame, the paper disintegrated, disappearing from sight completely.
Alan’s smile got bigger. Standing, he held the pistol out, aiming at a downrange target. He cocked, and fired.
A thunder-like boom echoed in the room, and green smoke erupted from the barrel of the gun.
The target downrange had been obliterated in the blink of an eye, and the gathered unicorns in the room were now staring at Alan in awe.
Alan looked the gun over. “Not bad.” He turned to Spike, handing him the pistol. “Take good care of her. She’s the only one in the world right now.”
“Right now?” Spike asked, echoing Alan’s words.
The human smirked. “Pistols always work better in pairs.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
Pinkamena Pie glared at her soldiers.
They could feel it.
“Listen up,” she said, her mane straight and eyes fierce. “Welcome to Thunderstorm Division. You little punks are going to be in charge of the artillery. Each one of you is about to become uncomfortably familiar with every cannon, mortar, and rocket the Equestrian Military has to offer, understand?”
“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!” the soldiers answered.
“You will function like a well-oiled machine,” she said, walking down the line. “You will know your tasks by heart. You will load, clean, light, aim, and fire in quick succession, in that order. Understand?”
“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!”
She singled out a single soldier, getting ridiculously close as she stared him in the eyes. “Good, because if you don’t you will single-hoofedly be re-defining the term ‘live’ ammunition. Understand?”
The soldiers shook in fear at the mental image, but answered. “Ma’am, yes Ma’am!”
“Good. Now grab a cupcake and a cannon, we have some work to do!”
<<<|Ω|>>>
“Um, stand at attention, please,” Fluttershy ordered. Well...suggested...
The majority of the soldiers ignored her.
“Um, please.”
Still nothing from the gathered ponies.
Fluttershy sighed, this was the second week, and still had yet to begin their proper training. It was only because of Nurse Redheart that they had managed to get their First Aid training, but even so...
“Excuse me, Miss Fluttershy, but can I be of assistance?”
She turned and saw the Doctor, standing there, fairly relaxed.
“Um, yes, please.”
“Gladly, on one condition.”
“What?”
“I have...somepony I need to protect. However, genetics at the moment make it a little difficult for me to do so. So, what I need you to do, is make sure she’s safe, and in exchange, I’ll help you with your troops. Sound fair?”
Fluttershy nodded.
The Doctor nodded in return, before he let loose a piercing whistle.
The soldiers winced before they all stared at the offender.
“She said, ‘Attention.’”
The ponies slowly began to line up, and gathered themselves in some semblance of order.
<<<|Ω|>>>
Trixie gulped.
She was standing in front of General Sparkle’s door, frozen still.
She had been summoned by the unicorn, and as a certified private of Sunbeam Division, she had no choice but to answer.
It was not helping her nerves though...
Oh, come on! You are the Great and Powerful Trixie! You are the most powerful unicorn Equestria has ever seen!
Except, you know, the mare behind this door lifted a whole Ursa Minor up and away to Celestia-knows where...
She stood in front of the door, staring at it for a few more minutes. Finally, after wishing they had at the very least let her keep her cape, she opened the door. “General...?”
“Private Lulamoon, or should I call you the Great and Powerful Trixie?” a humorous voice asked. “Come on inside.”
Trixie took a few hesitant steps in, letting the door close behind her.
“Do you like tea?” Twilight asked, hovering a teacup in the air.
She looked positively dangerous in her armor which, again, did not help her nerves...
“N-no, thank you.”
Twilight glanced at her, catching the stutter. “Trixie, there’s no need to be afraid of me, I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Then why did you call me here?”
Twilight smiled, “You’re the only defensive magician in the division, I wanted to talk strategy over a nice cup of tea.”
Trixie blinked.
“I also wanted to get to know you. After all, if we’re going to be friends, we’ve got to start somewhere.”
Trixie blinked again.
She was either being totally serious, or her plan for vengeance was somewhere on the same level as the Count de Monte Bristro.
Proceed with caution...
<<<|Ω|>>>
“General Dash!” Alan said, his finger to his ear, using the new communicator that the engineering branch had finished.
“Sir, yes, sir!” he heard her reply in his ear.
“I am requesting one of your fastest fliers to act as a courier.”
“I’ll send someone right away.”
Alan nodded as he stroked the soft fabric in his hands.
Before long, a white pegasus with a golden yellow mane appeared. She wore the Wonderbolt blue and a pair of goggles. “Sir!” she saluted, before bursting into a fit of giggles. “Surprise, sir!”
Ah, yes, Pinkie’s cousin Surprise. The crazy pegasus was quite the flyer, and while Pinkie questioned her sanity, they both shared a love for parties and sweets.
Rainbow had exclaimed, “Sweet Celestia! Now there’s two of them!”
“Surprise, I have a job for you.”
“Sir!”
Alan careful unfurled the fabric, revealing the ebony background with the silver dragon. “I need you to fly south, to the town of Appleloosa, and look for the Running Thunder Tribe. Ask for Chief Thunderhooves and give this to him.”
“Sir?”
“Tell him I want him to return it to me personally.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
The month passed slowly, four weeks of training, and a total soldier count of 2400 soldiers.
Of course scouts said that the approaching Griffons were 4000 strong.
Alan smirked as he raised the glass to his lips. They’d be in for a surprise, wouldn’t they?
The ponies had been outfitted with whatever weapons could be found or made. The generals had picked captains, two each, which were in charge of twelve lieutenants each who were, in turn, in charge of ten sergeants, each sergeant leading a squad of ponies. Each squad of infantry was armed with at least two swords, two spears, and two clubs, or other such weapons, allowing them to meet different threats. Each pegasus in Phoenix Division was armed with special horseshoes that had two long claws coming of the ends, useful for stabbing and such. Pinkie had her cannons, the Sun and Moonbeam Divisions were well armored, and had all sorts of magic to help them. Nightingale Division didn’t need any weapons, they were couriers and medics.
Chief Thunderhooves had arrived with 40 braves, and they had gone through and taught the ponies more than a few tricks in unarmed combat, something that Alan was very thankful for.
Spike had taken a liking to his pistols, and was now fairly accurate with them.
Applejack had taken to using a bladed chain as her weapon, she said it was just as easy to use as a rope, so it only made sense.
Fluttershy still hadn’t gotten her division to function properly, and it was only thanks to the Doctor that they were even remotely prepared.
Twilight had had a long talk with Trixie, and finally convinced the showpony that she wasn’t out for revenge.
Rainbow Dash had said she was living the dream, flying with the Wonderbolts of all ponies.
Pinkie had the artillery working at an almost professional level, encouraging them with smiles and sweets when they did well, and threatening terrible punishment when they didn’t.
Rarity had all of Canterlot rigged with illusions, and had assured Alan that not an inch was left uncovered.
They were all going to die.
Alan threw back his head, downing the liquid in a single gulp. It wasn’t that he was being pessimistic, it was just the law of averages. Their force was almost outnumbered two-to-one, and were horrendously under-trained. None of them were ready for combat.
His eyes scanned the dark room he was sitting in, the bedroom that he had stayed in upon his first visit to Canterlot.
Celestia had said that the Pendragon’s official room was still under construction.
They were all going to die...
Alan filled his glass and took another drink. They were all going to die and they'd be on his hands...
Thoughts of hundreds of ponies, all dead, all mutilated, every single one of them bloodied and broken. Ponies he had begun to recognize by name. Silver Pauldrons, Shining Armor, Lyra Heartstrings. Dead. Dead. Dead. He felt his throat tighten at the thought of even closer friends lying in the pile of bodies. Rarity, Pinkie, Dashie, AJ, Fluttershy, and...oh heaven forbid, Twilight...
He wasn't ready for this. Sure, he knew about ancient gun mechanics, sure, he knew about the basics of warfare, yes, he got in a few fights, but this was an honest to goodness war. A war that he started. Well, not directly, but it didn't really manner at this point.
His hands shook, anxious for what was about to happen.
He took a second to calm them.
Don't do this, Al. Come on, pull yourself together, man. They're counting on you.
He had heard it for the past month, encouragement about how the great Pendragon was going to lead them to victory. How he was going to stare the enemy in the face and laugh. How, no matter what monsters they had, he would slay anyone who opposed them.
With a reputation like that proceeding him, he couldn't afford to be anxious.
Alan filled the glass again and a quickly downed that before realizing it'd be easier just to drink from the bottle.
The door opened. “Alan, are you in here?”
It was Twilight. “Present,” he mumbled.
Twilight looked with wide eyes at the room, glass bottles lay everywhere along the floor, and the human in question sat slumped in a chair. “A-are you drunk?” she asked.
Alan laughed in response. “No...no. I wish I was drunk, though. Today’s too important for me to get drunk, not with so many lives hanging in the balance.”
Twilight nodded, moving next to the chair, and sitting next to him. “Are you going to be ok?”
Alan sighed, “I hope so.” He paused, looking her over for a second. “Is it time?”
She nodded. “The enemy force is approaching.”
“Is the fog in place?”
“Yes.”
Alan nodded, before standing, letting the bottle he was holding clatter to the floor. “Time to get out there, then,” he said, pulling his hat over his eyes.
<<<|Ω|>>>
Celestia watched as her soldiers took their places, standing along the walls, banners flew in the soft wind as evening approached. Luna stood next to her, and Celestia couldn’t help but shake her head.
“I hoped it would never come to this.”
Luna nodded, but said nothing.
“Faust help us.”
They heard a soft chuckle from behind them. “Dear Tia, I already have.”
Both royals turned to see the white alicorn standing there, her mane as messy as it was red, and the quill on her flank made her unmistakable. She wore nothing, no regalia, no crown, although by rights, she deserved both. Her soft blue eyes smiled in a way that made the two sister forget all of their troubles for a brief moment.
They bowed low, an act that was neither conscious, nor meaningless.
“Stand, my daughters,” Faust said, taking a few steps toward them.
They stood, and as they did, they recognized the other figure in the room.
“Death,” Celestia greeted impassively.
Death said nothing, his eyes falling to the floor.
“I suppose today will be busy for you?” the solar princess asked.
Death continued to stare at the floor. “I’ll make them as painless as possible.”
Celestia opened her mouth, but twin glances from both her sister and mother told her not to speak further.
Faust stepped up to the window they had been staring out of. “I already have helped both of you, my dears. His name is Alan.”
The two blinked, before nodding.
“He is the greatest help I can give you, and do be sure to reward him.”
“With what?” Luna asked.
Faust smile, as she held up her hoof, where a golden ball of magic began to form. Taking it, she gently placed it at the tip of Celestia’s horn, when it melded with the princess.
Celestia’s eye widened at the power that had just gone into her. It was borderline obscene. It was enough to turn weeds into mountains, or dew drops into oceans, o-or to send someone across time and space...
“You’ll know what to do with it when the time comes,” Faust said. “I must go now, my daughters, but I want you to know, I’m proud of both of you.” She then took both of them in a hug, before fading away.
Celestia and Luna held on for as long as they could, but eventually they had to go.
Luna gave a soft smile before her face went grim, reminded of the war that was about to rage below them. “I will go and prepare our armor,” she said before exiting the room, leaving only Death and Celestia.
Celestia bit her lip. She had gone and opened her big mouth again. The look on Death’s face spoke volumes about how much he hated his job. Or more accurately, how much he hated doing a job that she hated. “Death, I—”
“I better get to work,” Death interrupted, turning to leave.
“Death, wait.”
Death didn’t wait, didn’t even slow down as he headed to the door.
She barely heard him say, “I’m sorry, Celly...”
<<<|Ω|>>>
“Sir,” Alan heard over his communicator, “we have reports that the main force of the griffon army will be within cannon range in 42 minutes.”
“Understood,” Alan answered.
He stood underneath his banner, which flapped in the breeze as night approached. Beside him, stood his six generals, as well as Shining Armor and Silver Pauldrons, his own two captains. Before him, a wall of solid fog, placed their by the working hooves of Phoenix Division. Behind him, 2400 soldiers waiting for what could very well be their doom.
It was much too quiet.
He turned to face them, all of them, and they held his gaze expectantly.
This was it. All of the books and war movies he had ever seen would finally pay off in this moment. All of the speeches he had ever heard would be put to the test here. He opened his mouth, and felt it dry instantly.
He swallowed before looking over to Rarity. “Can I get some help here?”
She nodded, and her horn began to glow. As it did, Alan felt his throat strengthen.
He looked back up into the waiting eyes of thousands of ponies and spoke. “I have nothing to offer you,” his voice sounded loud in his own ears as it was magnified by the unicorn next to him, “but blood, sweat, tears, and toil. I have nothing to offer, no promise of victory, no promise of safety, and no guarantee that you will make it home.
“But, but that’s the thing about war. It’s not about me, it’s not about you, it isn’t about them,” he said, waving towards the fog, “it’s about those we’ve left behind.” He paused for a second. “It’s about the fillies and the colts that wake early every day for school. It’s about the mares and stallions who work hard every day to bring food to the table. It’s about your wives and husbands, your brothers and sisters, your friends who are not here.
“That’s why we are here today. For them, and we should be honored.
“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers and sister in arms, we are their protectors, we are their guardians, and in my mind, there is no greater honor.
“We are their last hope.”
Those five words echoed across the walls.
“There may be a day when we turn on our friends, and betray their trust. There may be a day when we abandon our homes to save ourselves. There may be a day when courage fails and fears reigns. There may be a day when these very walls come crashing down and Canterlot is laid to waste.”
Alan smiled. “But it is not this day.”
“So stand with me, my little ponies, wave the battle flag and stand. Stand for Fillydelphia.”
A cheer from the Fillydelphian soldiers rose.
“Stand for Vanhoover.”
Another cheer.
“Stand for Baltimare.”
More cheering.
“Stand for Manehatten.”
The crowd was thundering.
“Stand for all of the cities, from coast to coast.”
The remainder of the soldiers added their voice.
“Stand for Equestria! Victory at all costs! For Equestria!”
The two words, “For Equestria!” echoed back at him.
“The Griffons are coming, but I say let them come!”
“For Equestria!” The battle flags were waving.
“Let them come!”
“For Equestria!”
“Let! Them! Come!”
--------------------------------
And scene.
Next chapter, some pretty epic moments from a few of the main cast.
“Does that include me?”
It sure does Pinkie.
“This is going to be so much fun.”
“Buck yeah it is!”
By the way, guys, got a couple of updates for you. First off, if you thought that Alan’s outburst was a little OOC last chapter, a revision has been made to make it a little more believable.
Second, EQD has decided not to post my story.
“What?”
Yeah, they said I was good, but not good enough to warrant an exception to their no-Brony-in-Equestria-stories rule.
“So all of this editing was for nothing?”
“OH COME ON!”
No, I mean, it definitely makes the story that much better, its just that EQD didn’t take this one. They did say they would gladly post other works of mine, so long as they weren't BiEs. So, you know, one day in the future.
“Sad day...but at least you’re taking it well.”
Well, it was a bit of a long shot anyway. So, be sure to fave, comment, whatever, and hope to see you guys soon.
Bye!
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Lord of the Ring's reference for the win. Great job, sorry they wouldn't make the exception hun, but i'm certainly enjoying this story a great amount
its been a fun and wild ride, lets see what happens shall we?
Hmm the scene with Faust makes it sound like the story is reaching the end soon if so will there be a sequel?
1515418
*whistles innocently*
That reference to Facing the Giants was awesome, I love it. Cannot wait for next chapter.
THEY MAY TAKE AWAY OUR LIVES, BUT THEY"LL NEVER TAKE OUR MARKETABILITY!!
Will be reading with interest the title is like a work off of "A Kid in King Arthur's Court" if anyone even remembers that title, and then a short drop and sudden stop from pirates of the Caribbean. I wonder how much else I shall find.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3782-779643399ac4677cfd9624cc8ff29e9c_500.png
Oh dear...it will be death, won't it?
I hope not.
Awaiting further releases.
Please put the commas there. It took me forever to figure out how to read that.
Sorry!
the power could be used to send him to earth but couldnt it make him immortal or maybe resurect the pony soldiers that die?
FOR ROHAN!
The pieces are in place, the actors ready, the crowd is anxious, the director gives the order. . . Let the show, begin.
Now I want another chapter. Especially with more Doctor. Also, is the Doctor gonna be all "I'm 925 years old. I am a Timelord from the planet Gallifrey" like?
Ooooo, neat, an update
Shit is gonna get real
MOAR!!! OR ELSE CUPCAKES!
ohmygod this is amazing
Don't you bloody send him back
1515778
Well I liked it.
And thank god... if you hadn't had put a Shakespeare quote in this thing I would have gone
on you... But... you did: "We few, we happy few, we band of brothers." Sooo instead of 
you get.... 
And hey hey hey... 2 to 1 isn't bad odds. Not when you're defending. Heck the attackers statistically need 3 to one to win... of course fighting any army of trained soldiers while all yours are green... that's a bad thing.
Well this was a rather rapid build up. I was kinda expecting another chapter at least for the preparations and whatnot but hey it's not "doing it wrong" to put it all into one. Just be careful when you do do something like putting all the war preparations into one chapter. Half the prep work isn't even the physical prep... it's a lot of mental stuff. Especially on the eve of your 1st major battle in your 1st war. You might lose a few things and I think you did just that. Over all it was a good chapter but I feel like you lost a few important things along the way... lets take a look!
1st thing is 1st... PLEASE describe the battle field/walls and defenses and whatnot... I try to get a good look of where Alan is at the very end and where everyone is about him... but all I get is a wall with them on it and then a bunch of white space waiting to be filed. You don't have to go all out and whatnot, but just some details on where they're fighting and terrain.
Right, anyways I really feel that you should have mentioned what the divisions were doing at the very beginning when you listed them out. It was something that kept playing on my mind as I read the story. "Why is Fluttershy in charge of a military division? Or Pinkie Pie? Rarity?" Of course this was clarified latter when you wrote out what they were doing but I personally felt like it would have been helpful to have known that stuff a lot earlier so I wasn't guessing and wondering throughout a good chunk of the story. (It didn't do so though enough to take away too much from the story.)
Next bit is... how the blank does Alan know how to construct/design a flintlock pistol?! Don't get me wrong I think it's pretty cool... but... that's not something I would have expected our hero to be able to do. Surprises about their abilities are fine and all... but personally I feel like being able to make a flintlock pistol is a pretty big one and having just a little foreshadowing could have saved from a "wut?" like expression.
Pinkie's sister was a surprise revolution and one that I kinda expected to have a little more meat with it. My 1st introduction to her as a character felt kinda small and bony. Especially when I think about Shinning Armor's introduction to the story. Personally I felt like her part was lacking as an intro into the story for a sibling of one of the mane 6.
Also something that I feel like you should try to clarify is what the heck Alan was doing when he made that soldier carry him. As a reader I have no idea what it was about or how Alan got the private to carry him that far when ponies are supposedly only able to carry about 75 pounds... now what I'm thinking is that it was that Alan was showing the recruits "when the stakes are high enough, and when you HAVE to do something... the impossible suddenly becomes possible." Or something along those lines... the problem though is that I'm just guessing and don't really know if that's what he was trying to do. So a little explanation there would be helpful.
This next one is kinda a wall of text... brace yourself!
Right... and now onto what I personally think is de most important thing that needs to be looked at. The emotional and mental state of Alan. I really didn't get a good sense of where Alan is in this story. There was only that one moment when you was thinking about how they were probably going to lose seeing as how they're outnumbered and they're up against a trained army with mostly fresh recruits. We only got that one moment and personally I didn't feel like I got a good sense of his emotions or his thoughts... because I felt like only one was explored. His worry over the outcome of the battle... but I think it would be a really good opportunity to explore his emotions. He's in charge now of a few thousand soldiers. The 1st army that Equestira has had in only you knows how long. He's got all of Equestira looking up to him... and you did a good job of showing how a lot of the ponies (particularly those from ponyvile) really look up to him and are confident that with him they can't possibly lose. And then of course there's Princesse Luna and Celestia. How does this affect his mental sate? His emotional one? Does it put a crushing weight on him and stress the crap out of him making him want to drink just because of that, forget about the actual battle? Or does it give him confidence knowing that everyone has confidence in him? How about his mental state... is his mind getting frayed or is he keeping it together?
From what I've read so far I haven't felt like Alan has seen any combat before and has no military experience. I won't rule out getting into a small fist fight into school but something kinda tells me that getting into a fist fight in school is kinda nothing compared to waiting for an army to try and storm your city while you lead, not just fight, but lead an army into battle. Is he scared he might screw up and lose the battle and lots of lives? Is he confident in his lessons (seeing as his knowledge of everything else I feel like he knows "The Art of War" ...plus I think you mentioned he owned a copy of it) and knowledge of tactics/strategy to win but still feeling nervous... cause you know... it's a freaking battle! What about how he might win the battle... but not live to see the end? He could take an arrow in the eye in the 1st moments and while the griffons might be defeated... well that wouldn't be Alan's concern if he's dead. How does he feel about dying? Does he not worry and have that sense of immortality or is he shaking in his boots in terror? ...or maybe he's terrified but being solid so his fellows don't get worried seeing him get scared.
These are all things that I wish you had done more to explore in this chapter. Especially sense this is the only "build up" chapter and the next one is going to be the battle. That scene where he was drinking... whatever it was, and Twilight found him was/is a great opportunity to explore these emotions. This feels like it's probably one of the biggest moments in the story (if not they biggest) and probably something Alan's never done before... and soooo... I want to know what his mind set is here. Personally I think if you can get some really good emotional and mental state stuff in it would take this chapter from being good to great. The other stuff I mentioned up above is important too... but to me this really really takes the cake.
(And bonus points for getting a bit into Twi's thoughts and emotions as well. I'm pointing her out because I feel like that moment between the two of them could be a great moment... like an awesome moment.)
Right... well there you go.
Those are the things that stuck out to me and should be worked on... but still a good chapter. 
AND TRIKIE!! 
I LOVE getting to explore Trixie as a character... and also... Blueblood can be fun to play with too... I've seen some stories take him and de-demonize him. 
Finally this is out. I have been dying to start discussing this since Istarted editing. Who do you guys think the captains of each division are?
1518429
An excellent point. Time to retroactively add a scene!
1518801 Well in a sense the scene is already there... it's just more really adding to it.
1518833
Try that on.
Also Surprise is Pinkie's cousin. Not sister...
1518933 Well that was fast. Well lets see... hmmm
Lets see here... hmmmm... well it certainly puts some emotion into the story. Which was something that I felt like was missing. So it has defiantly helped. The next thing I'd recommend is to try and give us a feeling of those emotions. What do they feel like... like I liked how you described how his hands began to shake. But try to get the reader a sense of what these emotions feel like... sure they're emotions... but they have a certain feeling to them and affect us. You've told us how he feels... but I know you can "show us." Get some details in there!
1519114
Back to retroactively changing things! Away!
"He he. He's so silly when he makes random exclamations."
Hrm... Well, Something tells me this isn't quite near the end, or maybe it bleeds over into a sequel. My point is, there's a romance tag, which I'd assume applies to Twi and Alan, but there really hasn't been much of that except a few fleeting moments hinting at something more.
1519137 Hi Ho Silver!
It seems they need some pony for the 'special weapons' division. That's where I come it.
I can create all manner of poison gasses. Tear gas, nerve gas, mustand gas, agent orange, knockout gas, gas to induce vomiting, dizziness, hallucinogens; you name the poison, I can manufacture it!
The griffons wouldn't last 5 minutes with what I can create. >:}
(Note: Never, EVER, piss off a biologist.)
War... War never changes...
Im predicting awesome/sad moments coming up
On one hand, I can't believe I waited this long to read this fic.
On the other, I'm happy I could skip through so many cliffhangers.
Moar Please.
1516070 Dungeon Miner hasn't watched Doctor Who...so he does seem a bit OOC. In a situation like this, he isn't a front line soldier. ESPECIALLY if Celestia knows who he is, he should be right next to Alan.
If you're reading this, Dungeon, watch "A good man goes to war".
It's the closest depiction of wartime doctor besides "Dalek" and "The doctors daughter."
1519521 ...
I read that in the voice of GLaDOS.
And it was beautiful.
Just like the deadly neurotoxin.
BUCK yeh!
Spike is now the most awesome solider!
duel pistols for the win!
1521722
Thank you. Will look into it.
1521722
Got a link?
1522202 here's "the doctors daughter" in about 20 scenes.
Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL92CD7506A91DE5EC
1525775
Yes, okay, my sword history is a little on the screwed up side.
I'm not sure whether or not to be embarrassed that I made such a blunder or impressed that other people can catch it.
Shit, meet fan.
Great chapter, and I can't wait for the next.
Hey! I just realized! Twilight could have fought off all those gryphons all by herself! They have a spell SPECIFICALLY for this type of occasion. It's called Substitutiary Locomotion
1538972
Admittedly, yes. This one was not as well thought out as the others, the "in-story" explanation is that Alan didn't have as much time to prepare as he did the others, and this was the only thing that came to mind.
In reality, yeah, it was kinda thrown together.
As for the purposefully manipulative part, it's kinda both ways, but he does feel guilty for it later, so there's that...
My head exploded twice.
once from the awesomeness of the weapons and armor of the ponies, and the second time for the references. that was truly glorious. looking forward to the battle.
Annnd...finished. For now, anyway.
I've got to say, I certainly enjoyed the ride. Not perfect, but what story is? There are some plot choices I question, and it seems like in general everyone is a little too quick to throw themselves in prostration at this alien monkey thing's feet (beginning as early as asking him to command Equestria's armies within a day of his arrival, without even stopping to ask if he has any military or combat or even leadership experience--which he does not, from what I've seen, apart from watching fictional movies that usually get that stuff wrong in favor of drama, and reading Sun Tzu), and there may be just a smidge too much of "everybody loves the Alan! He is an okay guy!". And while I understand that from the beginning there was some degree of foreshadowing that this story would involve a war or at least need for an army, the shift in tone to a war story after a series of mild alterations on the series' own episode plots just seems really abrupt and kind of jarring. ...I'm also really weirded out by the idea of giving Spike guns. Throughout the series he's consistently treated as a little kid, specifically kept as much out of the action and danger as much as possible. I can't imagine Twilight not throwing an epic maternal fit at the idea of him being given (and expected to kill things with!) high-explosive and extremely messy weapons like flintlock pistols. The armored look for the main six is pretty cool, though.
That's the negative out of the way. But keep in mind, despite all that, I kept reading it to the end, and enjoyed myself. And there are reasons why.
Mostly that involves your characterization. You've managed to make your OC protagonist, Alan, a likable guy. He gets away with a little too much in my opinion, but apart from that he's a decent fellow. He doesn't ease right into master swordsmanship (a few more mentions of him getting knocked on his ass and walking away from training with bruised limbs and bruised pride would help that even more); he doesn't conquer all with his mighty magic sword, still getting his ass handed to him by the dragon and later Discord. And he argues with Twilight a few times, rather than being instantly and automatically right (or instantly and automatically having the exact same opinions as the main cast).
Just as important, you also made it really enjoyable to read about the other characters, too, especially the core six. You got into their heads on occasion, you showed different perspectives that we never got on certain episodes. I think after reading this far that my favorite sequence in the fic has been the entire Discord scenario (...up until the very end where Alan became HARMONY MAN and trounced him, at least; I'd have preferred it if you left it with the heroines from the show getting to keep their victory instead, even if you still kept the twist of him getting away; heck, that could have meant some added drama for Alan, realizing that it was his fault--however indirectly--that Discord was not petrified as he should be). The discording of the main cast was handled in an interesting, cerebral sort of fashion. Honestly, I still assumed that the events that caused it were the same as in the show, but you were just giving a little peek into what was going on in their thoughts during the googly-eye brainwashing moment. And even better, their Discorded confrontations with Alan were great drama. I love stuff like that...at least when they're build-up to a proper resolution, rather than just pointless angst for the sake of angst. It kinda seemed like you began to run out of steam on the later ones, as they became shorter and shorter, but overall those were my favorite parts of the story, especially the ones with Twi and AJ.
Similarly, I liked the build-up with the trust issues between Twi and Al, the nightmares, the arguing with herself, that sort of thing. It sort of feels like it was never really resolved, though, and in fact I would think the idea of him threatening an ambassador with slow painful death by minor lacerations would, if anything, cause that fear to spike up again. That was one moment for him that I kind of questioned--was he trying to incriminate himself? Because that's not really the kind of thing any sane person should probably say if they're already being accused of murder and trying to convince someone they "couldn't have done it". I was expecting him to say something like "do you really think these little human hands could have fit around a griffon's neck tightly enough to strangle him? Or with enough strength?"...and then he goes on into the Death of a Thousand Cuts. And despite a brief moment of everyone looking at him with rather sensible fear, they all seem pretty much cool with it after that.
tl;dr: I've been really enjoying this story despite some things that caught me as odd or made me raise an eyebrow. Hell, I'm certainly not going to say I could have done it better. Pardon my lengthy ranting, but I do like to be thorough when I'm commenting, and I...usually don't comment unless I have a lot to say. Hope none of this came off as too harsh, because I'm enjoying the ride. ...admittedly I hope the war sequence won't turn into too much of a bloodbath, though I know that's an unrealistic hope...but it'd somewhat off-set the tone that I've come to enjoy in this story if it suddenly turned into Saving Private Pony or something.
Here's hoping to see more in the future!
1567532
Thank you for your honest critique.
I could answer your questions as to why I did certain things the way I did them, but it would turn into a comment longer than yours
. (but for the most part they do have answers.)
You've given me somethings to think about, and I'm glad that certain things turned out the way I wanted, and that, above all, the audience gets them.
Also you're right, the Discording events actually do take place exactly the same as in the show, the part I wrote was more the conscious mind submitting to Discord. Glad you caught that.
There will be more. Maybe within the next week, depends on my editors, one was caught in Sandy's reach, the other's on a campaign trail, so they're out of action at the moment.
Please...My body...it needs.............MOAR
As Grave Digger sung:
"United we stand, united we fight!"
And my own words:
"When there is a war, there will always be hope, hope that never dies. If we fight with glory and power, we will be able to show them what we are made of. If we show them what we can do, they will fall. If we do what needs to be done, we will destroy them. If we fight for our families and friends, there will always be a destiny that we must complete. If the enemy is stronger, then we stand as united, we fight united, and we will win united. We will show them that true power comes from heart, and that our hearts are full of power. By the name of our land! We! Will! FIGHT!"
we're getting epic lord of the rings speech quotes....oh yeah.....let's do this
1579675
Magnificent...!
in the first pic DARN THEY ARE COOL IN THEIR GOLDEN ARMOR BUT FLUTTERSHY LOOKS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!
LOVE IT
P.S: WE NEED A MOVIE OF THIS NOW OR ANIME THAT WOULD BE COOL
MR. MINER I thank you vary much for a well done piece of art so FAR!
Kilokk and Sir Squidfish you guys too TANK YOU ALL
From: SHON
1579675 That is just beautiful. I wish I could come up with stuff like that.