• Member Since 6th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen June 22nd

DaNumbahZer0


Brony. That is all lol

T

Princess Celestia has invited Twilight to visit her in Canterlot to attend a royal banquet, and she is excited to see her beloved mentor again! When she arrives she is shown through the castle to see Celestia and notices majestic bouts of beautiful magic, namingly a gorgeous incantation that covers the ceilings of the mystic castle. The enchantment mesmerizes Twilight, and when the Princess of the Sun explains to her that it is her sister, Princess Luna's charm that inhabits the brilliant archways. After a delightful dinner with the princesses, Twilight spends time with Luna and is shown the secrets to the the magic of the Princess of the Night. It is a magical evening that brings the two closer than they would have ever imagined....

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 37 )

Hmm... a nice story, but the dialogues seemed hurried through and a number of the descriptions of things seemed to drag out for too long. (Summary: the pacing could be better).

Keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

Twilight seems to have feelings for both princesses now. Will be interesting how she reconciles what's happened with Luna with her hinted at feelings for Celestia.

That was art. Pure and simple.

This was just so... beautiful! :fluttercry: :heart:
Just wishing there would be more TwiLuna ships like this! :pinkiesad2:

UFB

So, Many, Adjectives. I absolutely loved this

I agree with Gwenio in that the pacing could use some work. The beginning portion of the story with her getting ready felt entirely too long, as did the dream she had before dinner, while the main event of the story with Luna was relatively short by comparison. Also, the dialogue felt off with the characters at some points.

Overall a charming story however. Thanks for sharing it and good luck with future endeavors. :twilightsmile:

This is so beautiful. It would be totally awesome to see more. This fic is an outstanding TwiLuna ship story and despite feeling a little rushed near the end you make up for it with how sweet they are together. :yay:

im sorry but i can haz some moar?

Firstly, thank you all for your kind words and helpful advice! :twilightsmile: Constructive criticism is always appreciated!

795199 Looking back I can see what you're saying here :facehoof: lol. Will take note of that and work on it for the next go round! :yay:

795537 Don't you worry! I have plans for this :raritywink:

795735 \
796185 - So glad you all enjoyed it! Keep an eye out! I have more in the works! :rainbowlaugh:
796257 /

798646 You sure can haz moar! lol :derpytongue2:

799911 yay i getz moar! :yay:

803730 So glad you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile:

The thing that stood out most to me as needing to be worked on is that it seemed a lot was being said, but it wasn't actually doing anything for the story. It was well-written, but it felt as though parts of it were thrown in to pad the length of the story.

809015 I get what you're saying there.:twilightsheepish: Definitely going to work on that! Thanks for the input! I appreciate it!:pinkiehappy: working on something new right now, but when I get to a good stopping point I plan to come back and touch up on this one. Lol

Hm! Well, I personally! Think that! You used too many exclamation marks! Otherwise it was a nice story, if a bit awkward at times.

loved the images you managed to paint in my mind. i go by the rule show don't tell and this chapter is one of the best examples of that. really need a luna icon here

:yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:/5 yays

811355 You may be right lol :twilightblush: Just get really enthralled in the moment sometimes I guess haha! Glad you enjoyed it though!

813068 Imagery is one of the things I enjoy to do most in my stories. It's good to hear that my proverbial paintbrush is still making words come to life! :pinkiehappy: So glad you enjoyed the story, bro! *takes a bow* haha And yes.... a Luna icon is most definitely needed. Can't engage the traditional Royal Canterlot voice properly without it! :derpytongue2:

813247 Thanks much! :pinkiehappy:

it wasn't bad... i just couldn't get into it... probably because the lack of a plot (i'm very plot driven), so i'll pass on rating this as i can't figure out to give it up or down.

821351 I feel ya lol I appreciate the honesty. :ajsmug: But hey, if you like plot driven stories, keep an eye out for the one I'm working on now. I'll be posting the first few chapters this weekend if all goes well! :pinkiehappy:It might be more to your liking :raritywink: Thanks for reading!

822425 if its a twiluna shipfic i'll give it a go ^_^

This is TwiLuna and awesome.

My only complaint is Twilight seems a little too happy go lucky when she first arrives...

Other than that, I think you have a solid beginning here. Begin as you mean to continue.

Looking forward to more! :yay:

853703 Thanks for the kind words! :pinkiehappy:

Yeah I can see where you're coming from lol :facehoof: Just my first shot at this sort of thing lol fanfiction I mean! :derpytongue2:

And yes, you can certainly expect more from this guy! :moustache: I'm working on a different genre of fiction right now that I'll be posting in the near future. Having it proofed and all first this time around :raritywink: If you're into the adventure/semi-dark themes (Not really explicit content, but on a darker premise than sunshine and rainbows haha!) you will probably dig the latest works! :twilightsmile:

Before long though I will be writing a sequel to "The Moon's Embrace" as well, so do keep an eye out, eh? :yay:

That was great, though i do have to agree with some others with the flow of the story its self. But i loved it anyways

857899 Thank ya kindly! :twilightsmile: Yeah I'm definitely taking it as a note in all future works lol It was a first try and I got caught up in the writing lol

The purple unicorn’s jaw hit the floor as she stared dumbfounded at the abstract layout of this, the Princess’s gift to her while she stayed in Canterlot. The room was a perfect circle.
Objection! Given Twilight's close relationship with Celestia, she would have had some kind of semi-permanent lodgings at or nearby the castle. It's decidedly odd for this to not be mentioned (by way of comparison, for example)

While I enjoyed the story and you presented a new conceptualization of Luna I like, I felt everyone was too happy, almost giddy. Particularly Luna, who we know is intense and moody... I find it in a sense detracts from the emotional genuineness, that everyone is so consistently happy happy joy joy.

Taken as a single chapter, this was be a brilliant climax to a budding "ship" story. It's crafted so beautifully without being wordy, with great descriptors. The dialogue was great in parts and felt slightly forced in others. Luna and Twi's interactions were pretty damn good. Celestia felt kind of...cardboard? Stay away from so many exclamation points, if possible. They are great tools, but used too much, they are the CMC trying to reconstruct a table.

These are minor though. Flush out more of a back story to this, and you have something brilliant here. Help the reader to understand Luna's motivations, Twilight's potential, and what the point is. What are the goals and obstacles? Could such a relation last? What effects, if any, would it have on the relationship of the Elements, or the ruling sisters?

You're style is incredibly flowing, a lot like free verse prose, actually. Congratulations on this stunning piece of work!

That said, I'll throw in the obligatory MOAR!!! :flutterrage:

i really liked this story. My only complaint is the overuse of exclamation marks during dialogue and narrationn. At times I imagine the characters sounding like Power Rangers. :applejackconfused:

You have a good vocab and are good with imagery, but this story was hard to read. Especially the dream bit, where I had to skim through it because there were so many words that just didn't need to be there. While I prefer stories of this length, there should be some meat to them at least. All in all; a lot of pretty words with no real substance behind them.

I swear to the Gods I read this before....how strange that I never commented on it before, in certain areas it did seem rushed, though pacing was over all not bad, I'm a big fan of TwiLuna, even though Twi is basiclly going to die in 100 years or so and Luna is a Goddess.....damn, how tragic:fluttercry: Thoug I'm not one for Twilight/Celestia but that's just my option, you did very, very well for your first story bro:twilightsmile:

It feels as if I have read this before.
Great story, Twiluna is my favourite shipping.

Very creative spell on the enchanted chairs. When I read that bit, my first thought was of a more mischievious variation on that spell: why move the chair when you can move the mare?

I reviewed this fic tonight you can find it here

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