Millennium
when she comes home
broken beyond all hope of repair
so small inside
heart shrunken and withered
with nopony to love
now that she knows
that she failed
as a sister
she's weak
but only on the inside
frayed threads of black
and white
little absolutes
that barely manage to keep her together
but never do they cross, if they could at all
insignificant
towering over everypony
her shadow is a blanket
a shroud that covers the coffin
of each and everypony
she has ever loved
at one point
or another
even if it took so long
to realize any of it
and how much she had
and how much she would never see
only to be told through ink-scribbled runes
that would crumble behind archive doors
while she sat on the throne
her wish from before it all
achieved
alone
her greatest fear, a reality
alone
everything she e/never wanted
before her
around her
ever after
she sits and smiles
glad in gold regalia with a shining new urn of a city
gilded around the edges of her heart
caught betwixt death's throes for what could only be
time, everlasting
pearlesent teeth gleam to each visitor
to squeeze back the tears she wants to cry
little drops of unshed poison
to nourish a loveless goddess
she loves each little pony
no matter how much they stab her back
all she can
taking the first steps these regal chains will allow
to make them change
no matter the sacrifice
no. matter. the. sacrifice.
so outwardly she sits and smiles
with a kindly wave
now and again
passively looking onward
since the fire in her is dying
along with the murmurs
of there ever being another
as the name that should have mattered the most to her
is struck from every record
she knows no hope, the mare in gold
just smiles and sacrifice
her belief in magic severs with each passing year
with no more answers to come
and she'll wait forevermore
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Well, that was some journey.
We should probably get some author on Fimfiction to take a gander at this story and see how well the story is executed as a poem.
You live in the States, I assume?
7502379 Yup. Home of burgers, Trump, a lot of questionable whatnots, and some crazy horse poet.
7502403
Do you consider yourself a poet?
7502418
I'm not sure.
But poetry sure has some allure.
And composing verses isn't a chore.
Probably.
7502429
Indubitably so.
I wish I knew what I was. Honestly.
Sad to see the Completed tag on this now. "All great things--", I guess.
I really like the sense of hollowness you depict in Celestia. You seem to treat it as a mental illness, one brought out by sorrow and regret, to the point that Celestia has numbed herself so much to feeling. We see in these poems that she has become a wise and fair and kind leader, one who loves her ponies dearly, but she's basically reduced herself to a husk in doing so.
I guess the driving force in these poems is Celestia's complete lack of any sense of optimism. She doesnt know Luna is coming home, and she doesnt seem to be willing to prepare herself to be disappointed.
Anyways, top points from me. Fantastic experimental poetry, coupled with uniquely articulated emotions, make me VERY glad to have kept up with this one.
8154287 That first one was a typo, thank you for catching it!
The second one is not.
8154322 That has been fixed!
8154330 I second that. Once again, thanks for spotting these. I can't believe I let so many of them slip by, since these are such short chapters.
8154307
8154326
8154341
Ohoho! :O
That was quite something. :)
8154353 I hope it was something good! :D
Thanks for taking the time to read this. It's not the kind of story for everyone.
8180210 The city is left like that for a reason and the format is intentional.
God, what a read.
I'm not a poetry kind of guy, but these were some of the very few poems that I've read where I've been able to pick out the various emotions that you play with throughout. Got chills more than once, and left feeling very sad and morose. Jesus. I'll be thinking on this one for a while now.
8193735 Thank you for reading! I always try to put a lot of description for emotions into stories like this and I'm glad it payed off.
Twas sad, but in a way a bit of hope, although their childhood and revelation thereof was most depressing
8351584
Oh, thanks for reading! It was actually a surprise to see this notification! Autophobia is probably one of my favorite pieces of horse words that I've written.
8351667
Well, you - I think it was you - said to try reading this, so I did!
That Starswirl was a jackass and I feel so sad for poor Luna because her entire life was ruined a million times over :(
8351715
It was me, or rather me on my alt! Thank you for giving it a try, the style isn't for everybody, but it's one I like to use.
The Starswirl, Luna, Celestia, and history presented in this story appear in most of my other works on here, in an out of control but I still keep writing it continuity called the Iceverse, where their lives are given in further detail. Karma and just things sucking a whole gosh dang lot kinda hits all three of them - Luna, obviously with Nightmare Moon, and a few other subtler things. Celestia with... well, a lot of things. Starswirl, however, he has something awaiting him.
But again, thank you for reading. Not a whole lot of people like these abstract, dark stories.
And a bit of trivia in case you're interested about the title: Autophobia literally reads as 'fear of oneself' but is the fear of abandonment and isolation, real or otherwise.
8353035
I've read a bunch of other stuff - mostly one-shots - in the universe over the last year or three (Time goes by so fast now!) I remember it having a melancholy sort of vibe that makes me a bit worried about the longer-form ones though right now it's largely academic when I have 700+ chapters in Read It Soon, hah!
8353117
Yeah, it kinda has a bit of mood whiplash to some of it - characters joking around (the humor often is very dark in the longer ones) in the middle of horrible situations and stuff, and a lot of existential weirdness at times. Usually, there's at least one hopeful vibe for somebody, even in the darkest of tales. The amount of 'dark' usually depends on which character or story line you want to follow, but there's plenty of fluff with all that drama at times.
If you want to avoid the ones that are mostly all dreary on their own, stay away from The Storm Dancer, Atelophobia, Tear the Sky Asunder, All the World, and Antumbra. Everything else has some sliver of hope in it, for somebody at some point in the story.
And 700+ chapters? wew lad
8353135
700+ in Read Soon. Then there's 'Read Eventually'
8353153
Jeezums. I usually don't turn on the unread chapter feature, otherwise I get really twitchy about all the things I should be reading... and then nothing gets written.
Oh, and if you're a reader who likes to avoid certain dark themes like the plague, you can PM me with themes you don't like/avoid and I can give you a heads up if you do decide to take a look at my longer form things.
8353160
Oh, no, I've read a bit of nearly everything. Right now it's mostly just time constraint and so I enforce my general rule of 'Dont go looking for more unless I make headway through my existing backlog'
8353801
Same here! That only goes so well though...
7501177
Where is Luna in this?
8416278
Um, what exactly do you mean? What chapters she's in...?
8416369
In the second to last chapter in the comments someone asked why there was no tragedy tab. You said because luna would come back. But luna was not in the last chapter. Unless I was reading it wrong or you were referring to the show.
Grate cover picture.
8416439
I was referring to the show.
8416440
Thanks!
Hey, uh, yeah, fuck you for making me cry. You're not allowed to do that. It wasn't a lot, but I still had to blow my nose, so yeah...
This makes me want to write the MOS prequel even more now
9042434
Do you need some tissues >:)
I'm guessing this should be "clad".
Wow. This was something else.
I'm not a fan of poetry, especially blank verse, but here form matches the substance perfectly and actually conveys emotion. I've never seen anything like it.
And it was gripping from the get-go. I have a visual diary of sorts where I sketch any strong impressions I have, and it now has a doodle of Celestia in there along with excerpts from the first poem. There are only two other stories that inspired such drawings, so it's joined a quite exclusive club.
This is not going on my absolute favorites bookshelf only because the chapter "Before" was a bit too dark for my tastes, and somewhat contradicts my vision of the characters. But still, this is so good.
9165615
Nope! That's wholly intentional. As to be 'clad' in something is to wear an article that is not part of yourself, Celestia is 'glad' in her regalia, or just faking happiness. Weird wordplay, is all.
Thanks for taking a look at it! I have a couple other -phobia stories that play around with these format, if that interests you. Some of my other works have poetry scattered in them, and most have weird wordplay. If that sounds up your alley, more of my writing might be for you! And thank you for reading!
I think I'm a bit too fickle for diaries myself, but I do play around with letter and journal formats. Now, those are pretty fun. Though, to hear that bits of one of my stories made this really flattering! Seriously, thank you!
Aaa, thank you for the praise! And yes, I don't really slap dark tags on much lightly, and this one... was one of the few with no comedy, not even dark comedy to lighten anything. I'm glad that didn't keep you from reading it, though!
Thanks for the comments!
Fun fact: parts like
with frequent breaks sound a lot like the voices from "Senua's Sacrifice", so I've read like half of this in the voices' voices.
Here are some samples in case you don't know what I'm talking about:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfiS_PV3V-4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeYZDXMBdaM
You can has review!
I haven't read poetry in a good while, and I'm glad I decided to sit down and read some of yours. This was really fun to dive into, and you really excelled at the emotions at play here.
Following the little threads and symbols that were used to build up to the end was great.
I'll need to continue to read more of your stuff, friend-o.
10121100
You actually gave this a review/promo blog way back when.
10121243
Did I? It's been forever. Lol.
I vaguely remember writing blogs to promote stuff people asked me to, and or I wanted to for friends to get some more exposure. Either way, great read.
10121382
You did but I suppose the blog isn’t around any more.
Thank you.
I, uh, might skip this one. Can't deal with foal/child abuse. Sorry. (Sort of wondering why Celestia didn't obliterate Starswirl? I mean she might be a child, but she's also pretty powerful in her own right and judging by her portrayals in the other stories Luna being hurt would be her berserk button.)
10256233 [MAJOR SPOILERS]
That's perfectly understandable, though a couple of other stories do feature it pretty blatantly because of how relevant it is.
She is a child, and with that comes a child's sense of morality, mix that with her own innocence, Celestia's natural pacifism/unwillingness to show harm, and the fact that she really doesn't know any better. These girls are without a home. Their alternatives were worse. She's also dealing with her struggle of wanting to try and break away from being a caretaker and finally fitting in society.
She, unfortunately, falls really hard into the abuse dynamic where her will is broken down and she becomes the more complicit one that internalizes everything through disassociation and trying to pretend things will be okay if they just follow rules while Luna is the more rebellious one, even if it means being a victim of triangulation and furthers the cycle where she's the one that acts out AND internalizes/broods upon things. Both have really raw untrained power here but depending on how far you get, Starswirl is not only trained, he has some light ability with hypnosis and a lot with barrier spells. It's shown here but given in much more detail in Arc One proper (also Arc Two but mostly One). There's also the matter that Celestia is old enough to know that they'll both be homeless/trapped without Starswirl and in a primitive, backward society, that has a lot of consequences. Celestia doesn't want her past; Luna wants the completion that their identity as gods brings. But you were right about this being the story where shit really starts to unravel for Celestia. Young Celestia would also see killing Starswirl as murder, not self-defense/execution. She's babby.
11196601
Linking me two readings on the same day? Damn, now that's quite the surprise.
11197938
Was a bit behind on lotus videos ^^’
SOME GOOD POETRY THERE !!!!!
11878052
Thank you kindly!