This world is dangerous. I almost died as soon as I got here by means I don't understand, and it feels like its only going to get worse. At least this sword that saved my life will help even the odds.
A -5 for the "pony attacks human and thinks the other pony is under mind control cliche," but a +2 for wrapping it up quickly without anyone getting stupidly hurt.
Still looking forward to what awaits next chapter!
Yeah, I wanted to create a tense atmosphere without outright resorting to violence, since Liam isn't supposed to be anything like a villain here. The only reason Twilight jumped to the conclusion that Liam did something to Celestia is because she felt multiple strong spells being cast, including spells cast by Celestia. She finds an unknown creature with a weapon next to her mentor and he is way too comfortable with her for Twilight's liking, so in her panicked and sleep deprived state, she jumped to the wrong conclusion, but backed down when evidence disproved her initial theory. It felt in character for her, but i still dislike using cliches, even if they can be used to help push the story along. Ill try not to make a habit of it, thats for sure
8956452 Yeah, your story has done this cliche the best from what I've seen. There is a lot more thought and logic behind it, and it doesn't make Twilight irredeemable/unlikable.
8956801 Im glad to hear it! I must say i agree that most stories use it as an excuse to make Twilight a massive jerk to the human, and i desperately wanted to avoid that. I spent more time on that than any other part of that chapter, so im glad it turned out the way it did.
Another nice chapter! Looking forward to more!
8956322
Thanks! Im glad to hear it!
A -5 for the "pony attacks human and thinks the other pony is under mind control cliche," but a +2 for wrapping it up quickly without anyone getting stupidly hurt.
Still looking forward to what awaits next chapter!
8956399
Thanks!
Yeah, I wanted to create a tense atmosphere without outright resorting to violence, since Liam isn't supposed to be anything like a villain here. The only reason Twilight jumped to the conclusion that Liam did something to Celestia is because she felt multiple strong spells being cast, including spells cast by Celestia. She finds an unknown creature with a weapon next to her mentor and he is way too comfortable with her for Twilight's liking, so in her panicked and sleep deprived state, she jumped to the wrong conclusion, but backed down when evidence disproved her initial theory. It felt in character for her, but i still dislike using cliches, even if they can be used to help push the story along. Ill try not to make a habit of it, thats for sure
8956452
Yeah, your story has done this cliche the best from what I've seen. There is a lot more thought and logic behind it, and it doesn't make Twilight irredeemable/unlikable.
8956801
Im glad to hear it! I must say i agree that most stories use it as an excuse to make Twilight a massive jerk to the human, and i desperately wanted to avoid that. I spent more time on that than any other part of that chapter, so im glad it turned out the way it did.
That sword almost looks like Ocrist.
Holy throne.... That was bad ass!