• Member Since 9th Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen 15 hours ago

Dark Tail


Welcome to the other side of the fandom. Please sit back and relax, there are cookies and punch by the door.

Comments ( 9 )

Out of all the incest couples in mlp, Celestia and Luna are by far my favorite:heart: favorite and liked. Because from me this story is not going to get old anytime soon:pinkiehappy:

7428606 It's not incest, it's princest! The best form of incest you could possibly have.

7429733 Exactly bro! It's the best anyone could ever have:pinkiehappy:

7429733 Princest is Wincest as we like to say! :trollestia:

Umm... Lunest-cest. Just wanted to make an incest-like word, so I did.:trollestia:

Also,

It's that kind of massage

You bet Celestia's sweet plot it is!

PS: Dark Tail, since this story doesn't contain humans per say, you might want to remove the human tag. You can add an antro tag in it's place.

7470093 Not sure what you mean. They aren't really anthro either. They have no wings or horns. No real way to distinguish them in a pony like manor. When I wrote this I had humans in mind. :unsuresweetie:
Edit: They aren't even covered in fur.

Hey, I'm one of the contest judges chiming in with my notes after reading.

  • Grammar and spelling are generally good. Only a small handful of errors.
  • Effort was used to include action beats around the dialogue.
  • Reasonable balance of action, dialogue and narration.

---

  • Show/tell issues. Repeating tells with things already shown. Filtering words(Felt, saw, heard, etc).
  • Little build up. No real explanation or exploration of why Luna is sexually interested in her sister.
  • Little use of the incest theme outside of them calling each other 'sister'.
  • Smut felt rather brief.

Generally decent story which could have benefited from being a little longer and pacing itself out some more. I think a story which focuses on massage lends itself to a more sensual build up(it's in the title!).

9592800
Good, this is what I wanted when I first started writing! I can't get better without good criticism. Thankyou so much. I don't care if I win the contest or not. I'm just happy to have something to work off of now. :pinkiehappy:

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