Hello, every-pony! I'm Orangeblossom1212! Like you, I'm an MLP fan! Love it! Litterly! I can't get enough! Well, welcome to my user page!
Rainbow Dash is a vampire, in height (high) school. She lives as a normal pony, but has a secret as dark as night. But what happens when she falls for a normal pony, by the name of Soarin will he except her? And how is she able to be in the sunlight? Read to find out!
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YAY!!!!
If someone thumbs down please tell me why..... Please.....
Also if you like it don't forget to thumbs up
INTERESTING!!!!
In the beginning you put that her 118 birthday was coming up but later you put she was 115, you should change the 118 in the beginning to 115 if you want to keep the school theme without the part about her b-day coming up or you could keep the birthday thing instead and put that she'll be turning 116 or if you want to keep her at 115 then put that she's 114 and will be turning 115 soon and I also want to say....
I'M LOVING THIS STORY
7591048 Ok.
This is pretty good. It could be a lot better, though. This feels a bit like a long summary rather than a story. Try drawing stuff out some more. I would also recommend some more justification for why Dash has to go to school, other than "she looks like a fifteen year old," such as getting her legal documentation. Also, with the numbers in writing, there are a lot of different things people say. Some say to write out one to ten, others say to a hundred, some even say if it takes more than two words is when it should be written as a number. Personally I would write out one to a thousand, but that's just me. There were a few grammatical errors strewn about, such as using "except" when "accept" was the grammatically correct way to write it. I would also not recommend just throwing a character into the mix like you did with Luna. For exampke, you could make Dash have a history of dreams and Luna visit one of those. the parts with Dash's parents was also just glossed over, as was the consequences for it. Overall, this story is good, and could use a lot of polish, but I look forward to more chapters.
7610775 Sorry? I'm not trying to sound like a smart alic, but I wanted it to sorta come off as a summery. This was suppose to be Rainbow Dash explaining her past and how that effects where she is now in school and whom she meets. I do however get what your saying about Luna and their conversation, as well as the grammar. I've got some stuff to do, but I'll look into fixing it when I get the chance. Thank you for writing what you thought was wrong so that I may improve. And please keep doing it! It really helps me know how you as the reader, feel about what your reading and what could be better, and what you think of the format.
Thankfully yours,
~ Orangeblossom1212
Good.
Some grammar confusions. but I likey!
8129357 I'm glad you like it. Its been a while since I worked on this story... I'm not sure if I can remember the whole plot... I'll think about it. I'll get back to you if I make plans to finish it.
8218048
Not while Rainbow was in school, but she is in current time.
(Mane six/ Elements of Harmony).