Sequel to "the sun is setting." Sunset Shimmer decides that she is going back to Equestria. However that would mean she would have to face Celestia. However she is not alone, as some friends lend a helping hoof.
Art by chanceyb & theroyalprincesses
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Okay, Sunset having ETHEREAL wings...that is something I 100% support.
You might want to check your formatting. About mid way through the entire story becomes italicized. Overall nice story.
7575650
Yeah I noticed that, I'm gonna fix it. never fails you finally posted it thinking you've got it all edited and done. then bam you post and suddenly thousands of errors you've missed show up.
I like this piece, but there are some errors you may want to address.
Usually, writing the whole word is preferred to using numerals, so 'second' rather than '2nd'
Quite metal-some this Tirek. Stealing?
This can be read at least two different ways. First, as if there is the real sound effect and everyone reacts to it; and secondly with the sound as a metaphor. In addition, there should probably be a pause after 'heard'. Lastly, 'stun' should be replaced with 'stunned'.
"With the harsh scratch of a needle sliding across a record, almost everyone gave her a stunned look."
"As if someone had scratched a needle across a record, almost everyone gave her a stunned look."
There are issues with tense here. This sentence slides from past to present , and it isn't the only one. The story starts in past tense, but soon this mix of past and present tenses is in each paragraph, and sometimes even the same sentence. Sunset is tense enough without this.
Ellipses! Ellipses everywhere! Excessive ellipses end exciting, expansive, exceptional expositon!
Carefully crafted commas can cure this conundrum.
Trust me, i have written worse. I think there is potential here, it just needs polishing.
7576289
Always nice to have a fresh pair of eyes to help me out.
enlightening and alluring alteration. ^.^
I could barely read it at the end. My eyes were watering at that point. It was that heartwarming. Great Job!
I want sequel please
While the ending of this was vary emotional I did not seem to cry I guess I only cry to sad stuff not happy stuff instead I smile at happy stuff
It is a good story and these family stories are always a good read but hard to fine
nice work.
Sunny: OH SO SHE GETS THEM FIRST?