• Member Since 18th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

RC2101_Copey


Meep

T
Source

Every year for the last eighteen years, Mac has made a trip to visit his parents' grave. Every year he cries himself to sleep, waking up the morning after, feeling just as alone as the night before.

But not this year. This year Mac is going to take his new marefriend, Rainbow Dash, to meet his parents, and she intends to break the cycle.


Written for Captain Unstoppable's MacDash Challenge.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 13 )

This was a pretty nice story. So have a like and fave. A couple of odd word choices but still a pretty good short fic. :pinkiehappy:

7420958 Everyone's gotta start somewhere, right? :twilightblush:

But I know, I know he is going to fill the hole in me.

PHRASING!

Well I liked the story. It was a really cute/sweet story.

Such a sweet little story! MacDash is one of my favourite pairs, even surpassing SoarinDash, mostly because of how different Mac and Dash are. You have my like and favourite! :twilightsmile:

Very cute story. Just one thing I spotted, near the end.

He found that Rainbow had put her muzzle up against his. Feeling that it was his turn to surprise her, he pulled he into a deep kiss, only breaking away when he needed air. He looked down; Rainbow was now a blue puddle on the floor, her face now scarlet.

Second sentence, after the comma sounds like it should have been "he pulled her into a deep kiss"

Also another thing, it's kinda... awkward, the "filling the hole in me" bit. I'd get a little more specific on it, like "hole in my heart" that way it's a lot clearer. I got what the meaning was, but some people... well, I'm sure you've seen other comments. Anyway, for your first fic though you did an outstanding job! I await to see what else you can produce.

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Thank you all for your kind words. I am glad you enjoyed it.

7474287

Thank you for both taking the time to read this, and posting constructive help.
I have fixed what you suggested. Hopefully it flows better.

This story made me smile.

9299069

Glad to hear that.

Thank you for reading it.

:pinkiehappy:

“Oh, Bloom went and got her Cutie Mark a few months back; reckon I shoulda told ya sooner. Her and her crusader pals went and got matching ones, all at the same time.” Mac sniffed loudly, his hooves slowly wiping across his eyes. “You shoulda… you shoulda been… there.”

This made me cry.

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