• Member Since 3rd Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen July 15th

Seraphimus


I like to comment on really old blogs/comment threads and I will follow you for literally no reason if you respond when I do.

T
Source

Rainbow Dash has suffered an injury that means the end of her career as a Wonderbolt, and today is her last day.

My first fim-fic, a short one-shot inspired by this image

Broken by Underpable on deviant art

A HUGE thanks to Fourths and This girl right here for agreeing to edit the story for me, it was nowhere near as well polished until they went over it.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 48 )

This was really good. You just earned yourself a like and a favorite!

7420997 Thank you so much ^_^

This is a very good first story. I think you really captured the characters of Rainbow Dash and Spitfire very well. You've earned this upvote form me.

7421594
7421986 I'm just floored at the positive responses you guys. It's been so long since I have written anything, And even longer since I have shared any of it. I am so very glad you enjoyed it, Hopefully I can work up the motivation to write something else sooner than later.

Something something stick a wing blade innit.

Hmm... quite the story you have here, I like it! Very sad, but awesome near the end with her staying instead of giving up.
I have a feeling Rainbow will prove those docs wrong, and come back 120% :rainbowdetermined2:

Though my question to this is... who is this he that did this to them? :rainbowhuh:

Nice story!~

7542567 honestly, he was just... A vague concept I had in my head I couldn't some up with something that I felt appropriately villainous without overdoing it so I kept it vague. I have been debating writing a prequel to the story in order to expand on that but I dunno if I have it in me. I'm a prolific reader but writing is hard for me. I am super glad you enjoyed my story though, Also yeah, I'm a sucker for a good ending.

7543464
Hmm, vague concept? Well I like it, and I totally understand dude.
For a moment I was thinking it was Soarin for a moment, I wanna say I don't hate him, but that would be a lie :pinkiesick:

I feel you on the writing front man, its tough sometimes.
Anywho, keep up the good work dude.

Good Job Theo :rainbowdetermined2:

7544973
See though, That's why it works. I think, I managed to leave it vague but defined enough for people to come to their own conclusion. Which is what I was going for because I wasn't sure how to write in a villain without padding the piece more than I wanted too. Still hashing out the details for a possible prequel in my head though, so the villain may get his spotlight yet.

7579869
Fantastic~ I like it dude, and the way you did it, well I approve~

Well that was uplifting

"You were so terrifying he froze. First blow we landed and you dropped him with a spear made from your own amputated wing."

YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH- I'mma sucker for fighting with your own dismembered body parts.

7868272 Honestly that's gotta be one of the two most badass lines I've ever read in literature. And both I've seen in this fic here today!

This was recommended to me by somepony. When I saw the cover art I was all 'fuck no. I don't want to see Dash like this.' so I put it off for a few days. It made me cry, yes, but I have faith in Dash. Sh-she'll come back at 120% :pinkiesad2: I know she will.

What an amazingly sad and inspirational story all at the same time. It is exactly how I would picture Rainbow Dash if she suffered a devastating injury that prevented her from flying for a while, great job.

A little too fast for my liking, but it was good. 8/10

7870538 As the writer I have to know what was the other one? Also thank you.

7871101 I write sad best, but I can't stand a sad ending. Nothing's gonna stop her not even the impossible.

7872042 Agreed. It would break her, inside as much as out. Flying isn't just a thing she does, It's who she is. But... Just because something is broken doesn't mean it cant be fixed. doesn't mean it's worthless.

7872760 I wanted to it to be longer myself, but honestly? I couldn't figure out how without Just adding a bunch of filler that wouldn't really have expanded any on the story, or just telling What I felt like was another story. I am slowly trying to write a prequel that will be longer and basically tell the story of "How it happened". Sadly I don't have much in the way of a muse most times. I wrote this in a single sitting Because it's often months between days when I have enough motivation.

Thank you all for reading and enjoying my story, seriously.

This was good. I was all: No, Dash you can't throw in the towel. And then Spitfire reminded her of her own tenacity. And I was like: Hell yeah girl! :pinkiehappy: Short but powerful. you get a like from me :twilightsmile:

7874683 I'm a sucker for a sad story with a positive ending. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

7874745 Me too. After all, victory is a thousand times sweeter if you have to go through hell and despair to obtain it. :pinkiecrazy:

7874646 :yay: I can't stand sad ending either. I stopped reading tragedies when the world ended and everyone died. :twilightoops: I knew something would stop me but that... Ya, I wasn't that to be the thing. That's why I like this what would normally be a story where I'm sobbing. :twilightsheepish:(I was but I would've been more if not for that ending.)

7874752 I'm more of a "Two sides of the same coin" Kind of guy.

Can you truly appreciate happiness if you've never been sad?
Peace without having known Chaos?
Love without having experienced Anger and hate?
Loss makes us appreciate what we have/had all the more.

the negative things we experience give colour and meaning to the positive. You may be able to go through life Happy all the time, but you will never understand it and appreciate that feeling the way that someone who knows true loss and sorrow does. That's what I was trying to go for. Dash lost everything, it hurt. but it also made her realise exactly how important it was to her in the first place. And with a little encouragement from a friend, How important it was to win it back.

7874818 well theres truth in that too :pinkiesmile:

This... was beautiful.:raritycry:

7874646

You were the stuff of nightmares; you should have been dead and instead you stabbed him with your own wingbone.

7875502 Thanks. I'll have to see if I can one-up myself in the future.

7875043 Thank you. I am really glad you thought so.

that was really good!

8016478 thank you very much

Awesome story, better than the little crappy one I put in the comments of the picture you based it off of ;3

8040868 would you believe that that little blurb is what encouraged me to write this?

8041553
Honestly, I would say no but it's not the first time I've heard that something I wrote inspired others xD not even the first time I heard that my little story in the comments inspired someone.

Still, hearing that I inspired you made my day :twilightblush:

I hope you keep writing awesome stories, there are too few good storytellers in this world.

8041592 honestly, My pace is sluggish at best, and this may well be the best thing I ever write, the words never flow so well as they did with this one, but I do hope to post more in the future.

8045280
And hope you post more in the future as well!

Lmao.
The great Seraphimus, warrior extraordinaire in the name of Rohbredden, has ventured into story writing.

Verlaxion was wise to choose you!
...
Great story.

8282380
Chuckles
Thanks, Getting motivated to write is hard for me but I have always enjoyed it, I'm very glad people are enjoying it... though it's always particularly awesome when a fellow Jurist Stumbles in here.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

A good first fic. :) I hope you'll keep at it.

8394952
Thank you so much, i saw your review and i have to say i am floored by your kind words.

Yet another beautifully crafted story. Keep up the amazing work. Its all worth it for all us readers out there. :twilightsmile:

Spoilers.

So this was pretty fucking legit. I like stories that just...give You what you need to know. No excessive ibformation, feel me? An example would be, like, you throw in a bunch of flashbacks of it happening or some shit. I got everything I needed to know through dash and spitfire.

They got their asses beat. The other Bolts are fucked up. Dash went beastmode. Love and prosper. Just a solid little treat. I fucking love stories that feel like they're part of something larger. Feel me?

As your first fic, this is pretty God damn dope. Usually first time authors (myself included) try to make something with multiple chapters with a big overarching story, OC and a bunch of other shit. I'm happy that what you made here was a simple, well-made nugget of good juicy shit. I look forward to whatever you vomit out in the future.

picsymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/banana-man-funny.gif

8549949
Thanks A ton. I mean it. It's nice to know that what I was trying to do was noticed.

I didn't want to write a long arcing tale wanted to hit people with a short but strong emotional turning point for a character they already know. I didn't Feel like I needed to pad it with all kinds of details... Some people have said they would have liked more... And yeah maybe I could have done a bit more Backstory stuff, but... that wasn't what it was about you know?

8553634
I feel you man. Just write what you want to write man, nothing else matters. I love you. <3

FTL

Excellent application of the K.I.S.S. principle. As you mentioned, nothing but what was needed to convey the scene you wished to portray.

As others have said, you really should keep at it as this is evidence that you have what it takes to write stories that will grab the reader.

Login or register to comment