This story is a sequel to Holiday Sunlight
After moons of planning and preparation, Sunset Shimmer finally crosses the portal to visit Princess Twilight Sparkle in Equestria. Even though it's been so long since she last stepped hoof in it, Sunset feels a sense of joy finally returning to her homeland. Of course, she doesn't really recognize this particular part of Equestria; Sunset has never been in Ponyville before. That doesn't matter though; Twilight is going to show Sunset around town. With a tour around Ponyville alongside some lovely company, Twilight believes that she's really going to enjoy this day. However, both Twilight and Sunset have something to say that could make the day even better.
Original art by ChocoKangoo.
Cover text generously added by NovelIdea
Second story in the Rays of SunLight series.
Aw, how adorable.
7608071 Thanks. Glad you liked it
I might sound crazy for saying this, but this along with Holiday Sunlight needs an audio reading! Amazingly well done
7608199 Ha. I wouldn't mind that
I didn't notice the One Punch Man reference.
7608266 I'd say what it is, but that might spoil it for others
This is very sweet. I really enjoyed it.
thats not how that phrase goes
its "No holds barred" (its always used like that it can't be switch around and mean the same thing)
and its a wrestling term meaning that no Holds(like a full nelson which is normally barred from matches) are considered against the rules
its also used to describe a rule-less engagement
like a street brawl
saying "no bars held" means you'r not holding any bars
twas good
ANOTHER! *smashes coffee mug*
Oh snap this is gonna be a multi-chapter thing?
Hell yeah!
And for some reason I didn't notice the "next chapter" button XP
That was so fucking sweet, I loved it!
I can't believe Sunset legitimately asked Twilight out to prom XD
I absolutely love this! it has all the right elements!
That is a very sweet follow up story.
You did an amazing job!
7608679 Thank you
. There'll be more later.
7608981 Trust me, I've the "Next Chapter" button myself. Ha I'm glad you liked it. That spoiler though
.
7609055 Thanks!
I really tried to balance everything.
7609101 Good to see you again, sonicfan. You think it's good? Thanks!
7609128 Likewise. And yes it's really good!
You're welcome!
7609133 Thanks
I can totally see Sunset loving a fight like that.
7609241 I know I would
I see that Dragon Ball z reference
Great followup story!!
That aside, there are some things I dislike. I don't know if it is just part of your writing style, but much of the dialogue between characters seems superficially forced. The stuff they actually discuss is deep, it's just their tone and word choice that sounds fake.
Also, a personal point of rage...AAAAAHHHHH, Spike's not stupid, no need to cover his eyes when they're kissing, he probably found out already....anyways, good job, and good luck on future stories
7609487 I don't recall making one
Love the Pokemon reference
What a sweet story! Definitely looking forward to the sequel
"So then I told Flash he should totally get over you. You know, because you're a princess from another world so dating you would be impractical."
"Right, and this had nothing to do with the fact that you and I are basically dating already?"
"Weeeell... maybe. A little."
Over-all, pretty good. The one thing I thought felt a bit strange was your tendency to retell stories we are already familiar with, in real time. I'm not sure you meant that to have some deeper meaning, but it seemed like a strange use of the narrative.
7608844 Sure. Just be a little patient, Thor. And no more smashing cups. We're running out
7609498 I just thought it'd be funny for Starlight to cover his eyes
7610087 Thanks. It'll take some time though
7610334 I would totally make that part canon to the story.
fine story, but you need to work on those laughs. a thousand "haha" and "ha"s really grind the story down through their constant repetition. You should really only use "ha" when someone is being sarcastic, not when someone is legitimately laughing, because it's almost impossible to convey the correct emotion. Instead, use descriptive words- this could also be used to help showcase Twilight's growing affection for Sunset, letting her describe the various giggles and titterings in poetic, overly flowery language and the like.
That ~end chapter~ thing really isn't needed either. It looks like a note from a planning document more than anything, and seems really out of place.
The bugbear scene felt a bit forced, could use some sprucing up and better seguing. Also, not enough was different from Twilight's first meeting with the gang to really warrant doing it this way, but maybe a near-clone was what you were going for.
You might also want to tone it down on the in-dialogue laughter. There's a few too many 'Hah' and 'Haha's. Just things to keep in mind for future writings.
7610714 I know they can get redundant (believe me, I criticize myself for them more than you do) but I prioritized fixing other problems I had with the story than simple laughter, especially since my deadline was yesterday.
7610718 The bugbear scene was entirely a joke. By no means is meant to be taken remotely seriously.
MOAR!
I've noticed even writer has their qwerks, and yours is putting 'Ha' in a lot of sentences. Not bad, per se, just something I noticed.
Also:
HYPE!
Really nice relaxing slice of life, just seeing ponies enjoy their friendship is good. Great cover art and good characterful dialogue. Sometimes you spent a little too long talking about things we know already like the Cutie Map, when talking about Sunset's thoughts and reactions might've served better. But overall really good!
7611273 The quirk I hate the most is using 'of' in place of 'have'.
'would of' is the most common one, but it's not unheard of for stray 'of's to wander into far more complex statements.
Drives me absolute bonkers, too.
This was very sweet! Thumbs-up!
7611192 There will be in due time
7611273 I do have my quirks ha (see what I did there?)
7611422 Thank ya
7611499 Thank you very much
#EatUpDDSandwich
Just bring it!
Sunset has yet to visit the Crystal Empire, Canterlot, and seeing the Royal sisters.