Why am I here? Why can't I leave? I'm not wanted; it'd be better if I was gone somewhere dark. Darker than this place. So dark that no one would ever have to see me again.
"Fake."
I flinch, and my body suddenly feels larger. Alien and familiar all at once.
"Liar."
I curl in on myself, shrinking.
"You're not my sister."
"Not my daughter."
"Not Pureblood."
But I am. Please, I know I lied. I'm sorry, but you have to believe-
A sharp slap sends me sprawling, fingers curling into the nothingness beneath me as I struggle to get up.
'Where is my granddaughter, beast."
No, Grandpa Shield, please. I-
"An actress, after all. She had us all fooled."
Grampy?
"To think, this thing was among us."
I force an eye open, looking for Grammy, but see a little white colt instead. There's fire in his eyes, and on his horn. "Where is she?"
Bluey, i-it's me-
"Where is she!"
Ah! P-please! Stop!
He doesn't, striking me with wave after wave of fire, the force nearly matching his voice.
"Where is she! Where is she! Where is Pure!"
It's me! I'm her! Please, I'm sorry!
I'm a foal with a busted horn, and the fires hurt even more. It always hurts. There's nothing. Nothing forever and ever. Then they're here from nothing, and the fire burns through my skull. They never believe me- don't want to believe the one they loved could lie to them. Don't want to believe she isn't even a pony.
"Fake! Fake! Fake!"
T-twinkleshine? Minuette?
"Liar! Liar! Liar!"
Lemon Hearts? Lyra?
"How... how could you?"
N-no, Moondancer, please, you have to understand. I didn't want to hurt you- any of you. Don't leave me. You're my best friend.
The little filly's sad eyes are suddenly filled with disgust, and she turns away. She walks through the crowd of ponies, disappears behind the faces of my friends and family, of ponies I've betrayed, and they all glare.
No, please, don't... don't look at me like that... I'm so, so sorry for what I am. Please...
They're moving in, and I curl into a ball, trying to hide from their angry looks. Their eyes burn me however, and I shiver and shake. They keep getting closer though, and I'm afraid of what will happen when they're on top of me. Will I suffocate? Will I die again?
A cool breeze rushes over my pained hide, and a sigh escapes involuntarily from my lips.
"Begone, terrors!" a voice booms, unfamiliar.
There's a flash of blue light, and then the nothingness is quiet once more.
Quiet, save an almost inaudible panting. Despite myself, I chance a look up, and am surprised to see... something before me.
It's mist, the faintest shade of blue, and almost invisible against the darkness. Then it's turning, and I can make out what look like legs, maybe even a head.
"Are thou... alright... little one?"
I blink up, not quite sure if I even heard the words, as incorporeal as this thing.
It turns away, seemingly scanning it's surroundings. "This place... how did... thou findest thyself here?"
What? I don't remember, and search my own memories fruitlessly. Why can't I remember?
"A mystery... then...? This... is not... a natural slumber... Not... a dream."
Of course it's not a dream, it's a... wait, what is this?
The mist ignores me, speaking still, "This... is the deep... subconscious... Very few... reach... this place... I... myself... am imprisoned here..." It turns to me, and I can feel its eyes, despite not being able to see them. They do not burn. They feel sad. "Our... regrets... find us... in this place... What... little one... haunts thou?"
My thoughts immediately turn to my friends and family, and the expressions of hatred. Liar. Monster.
"Ah... These... I know well..." it breathes, sitting, it's stare returning to the distance. "I too... kept secrets... from the one... I loved... my only... family... and it... devoured me... I can do little now... to make amends... for what... my secrets... caused... Nothing... perhaps... but advice..." It looks down at me. "What... is thy... guilt? What truth... hidden?"
The truth. At the thought, I feel it overtake me. The nothing feels more cold when I'm like this. When I don't have a lie covering my frail form. The mist tilts its head curiously.
"Strange..." it whispers, then looks down at its leg. My gaze follows the gesture, and I see the mist dissipating, starting from the extremities and traveling up. "My strength... fades... To visit thou... from imprisonment... has taken... all... that I could muster... The Nightmare... sleeping... allowed me... this brief... respite."
It stands and approaches and I resist the urge to crawl away. "With... the last... of my strength... I shall... lift thee... from this realm... Mine advice... tell them... the truth... or... the lie... will devour thee, too."
Then, its once invisible eyes shine a radiant white that intensifies, spreading across the nothing, burning it away. I should want to shield my eyes, but I can't help but stare directly at it. I even feel my legs come under me, and I stumble forward, arms outstretched.
It's not cold, or burning. It's warm. Like life.
Huh, good thing Luna was able to help her out, that was getting pretty bad. Now, how to work reincarnation into casual conversation?
Luna comin' in with the save!
She could possibly forget this event until later in time, since of course this was during an traumatic event. Like you know, dying?
WOONA!
But Pure isn't a lie. It is her so that makes no sense.
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Her subconscious fear is that her condition will eventually reveal the fact that she was reincarnated from a non-pony species into a pony. We can't often control what our subconscious is afraid of.
Excellent little chapter. Luna is already stirring and the hour of the Nightmare's rebirth comes...
What do ponies think of reincarnation?
You are still everything you are born after, you dont carry anything from your past life. Your blood, body, and maybe mind too.
well that was unexpected she seems to be consumed by guilt she has no reason to have
Goddamit, why did you post a cliffhanger chapter now of all times? In 8 hours I'll leave home and won't have internet access for a whole year.
Fuck mandatory military service
It kinda seems like she has a strange version of survivor's guilt, but that's just me.
I was thinking at first "that would be Nightmare Moon at that point, why would Nightmare Moon help?" Then I thought about it and realized that Nightmare Moon wants love and adoration still and even in the timeline that she won ponies seemed to be living decently (even if all the pegasi went thestral). So, I suppose she still would be interested in helping.
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Nope, it's definitely Luna.
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The guilt likely stems from how in her previous life, she was mostly hospital bound and to an extend carried it over to this one. Her new family doesn't know about her past life and believe their little filly was dealt a bad hand.
I really hope she doesn't actually tell them. It's just always so unnecessary in stories like these, no you didn't lie to them. I understand how someone can see that as lying as just a general admission of truth, but it always takes me out of it in reincarnation stories.
It strips one of the most interesting things from the premise because of course the family will accept the MC, they were the kid the whole time. Maintaining the lie is honestly one of the most interesting things about stories like these to me. It wasn't really prevalent in this story due to the general lack of experience the MC had, but having to explain the entire setup to the family is just cumbersome and redundant at this point. It'll only take away time from other more interesting things the character could be doing.
Of course they're going to accept her if she tells them, its a foregone conclusion at this point and just going through the process of telling the family and them reacting to it has been done so many times, it's just... boring. They'll be shocked, but believe her, they'll have the family bonding moment, and barley any of the interactions going forward will be noticeably affected due to it. There might be the occasional acknowledgment of it, but it will barely matter at all in the long run, and will rob any tension of slip-ups in the future.
A character having to keep it to themselves for as long as possible is much more interesting to me than if a character just tells others about it. It doesn't even matter what the secret is, to me the interesting thing is her keeping it.
9031235
I guess but still she has no reason to fear something she had no control over
NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
My first reactions is always to not want this, because half of the time I don't think they write Luna that good in such encounters.
ah yes I liked this after remembering this is Luna still being on the moon.
Now I kind of hope she takes a liking to her like Celestia to Twilight.
What does she mean? I don't think not saying that she was a human before would turn her into a monster, that and I believe she has her own body right?, I hope this is not another "oh this is actually not my body" version of a story.
Long story short, I could image it would be interessting if she tells her parents what she was before (I kind of hope she is speaking with her parents or her mother alone first). However It felt odd to image the secret of her former life (if that is the problem), making Luna think that would turn her into a second Nightmare Moon.
I don't even get the feeling it disturbs her to not tell anyone that she was a human before.
edit: I'm not sure if I really understood what was happening.
However I liked it in the end.
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I like this as an alternative.
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I agree, I have a little problem with this being treaten like some big shit. I mean you know what I mean, with her not having done anything wrong or actually telling a lie that could turn her into a nightmare version or something.
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I think that was a problem in one of the earlier chapters yes, but I see it like him, I don't get how this would be a problem since not even being reborn was her fault I believe. I mean I see nothing wrong with it anyway, but there was not the usual crossover god who helps her into Equestria or something I believe so I just don't get it.
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Hi and sorry but I'm not sure if I understood that, do you think she actually has a reason to have that problem or not?
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While I haven't thought about that, I don't think your the only one who thinks of that as strange.
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I think I start to understand what maybe could be the problem here, but what do you mean, why should it give her those problems that she had a bad first live?
I could understand if she was scared or something like that, but I don't get what this should have to do with Luna or her advice given to her.
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she does not have a reason and hi
It's Luna! Yay!
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Exactly l. She didn't take over Pure, she is Pure. Frankly her pony family never needs to know her past life. Frankly this chapter shouldn't be for it's trying to drive a narrative that doesn't need to be.
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
I just hope Blueblood won't hold Twilight responsible for a surge she didn't intent to cause
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Its more of the fact she wasn't a pony original, and what a revelation could mean for not just herself by her new family.
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That is true, however, you can never escape your subconscious and its ideas particularly when you remember your old self. "Is this a reincarnation of me, then why do I remember?" and "This is strange, I remember my old self, did I replace whoever this is?" Escaping one's self is impossible, being two people is hard to truly pull off, she must learn to live with her old life having influence over her new one. We know the truth she was pure sense pure was born and she had died, her illness finally claiming her.
She is more scarred than even she knew, and guilt over being alive noms at her without even her knowledge.
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Probably something like this.
Beautiful interlude is all i will say about this chapter.
9031157 The fears of children are seldom rational.
Ohhh, I get it!
I saw the same thing before in Soaring on Little Wings but, honestly, this was much more impactful.
Thanks for the PS, I thought it was some metaphor for the truth burning away the lie, and yours is much better in this context.
Yay I'm glad we got see Luna I do hope Pure will look for information about her, or ask about her later on~
9031505
Soaring on Little wings was inspired by this story, its author just wrote faster and moved the story faster (not to criticize this story, its still fantastic)
Auntie Moon is in the house.
Even if she remembers what Luna said after breaching her coma dream, I'm fairly certain the doctors would believe it to just be that, the product of a coma dream.
D:
... Well I'll say it once again. Damn. This was way deeper than I was expecting and wow, that was a great chapter. Usually when I'm reading this type of HEI fic where the main character is reincarnated, I usually want them to keep it a secret because it's always too awkward for me to read when they tell everyone about it. But Luna talking about her own guilt and her own lies as a reasoning to tell everyone? Well said Luna, I have absolutely nothing to say against that there.
EDIT: UGH...!!! I really wish I could rate this story with a thumbs up more than once
The meeting with Luna is a lot earlier than I expected. Regardless if Pure choose to heed her advice, I wonder if Luna will remember this encounter years later when she's released and meets her in person.
ooohhh. what she gonna do? looking foreword to finding out
9031157
Actually it is a lie, from day one she's been acting as a child, when in reality she would be a fully grown adult by now. She seven consciously aware that she is playing a lie that has been thrust upon her and in my opinion I would probably be pretty stressed too.
Anywho keep it up Kind, I think the story is great. Don't second guess yourself, just because some readers can't relate doesn't make it bad.
I think this chapter is great, it also creates a semi aquantainceship between Luna and pure already.
9031777
No in her past life and in this one she is a child. Her years in her past life granted her a tad more maturity but it is not a lie
Look is canon that Luna and Nightmare Moon were sealed at this point in time so this really fells out the left field.
Also the last we saw Pure before his her spirit was kinda out her body.
Couldn't you replace this with something similar but with Pure being a ghost unable to wake up in her body or something?
And she hears her parents and friends talk as they visit her unconscious body?
9031192
Not consumed. This guilt barely even registers in her day to day life. It's purely subconscious, but Luna's warning is along the lines of, it's like a splinter, small and seemingly inconsequential, until you let it fester and make you sick. Luna relates, because this is how her envy started out. Small slights and her sister being praised above her didn't bother her much at first, but day after day, years after year, these small things started to gnaw at her more and more. It's part of my headcanon that Luna's transition to Nightmare Moon was a very slow one, possibly over the course of decades. And in retrospect, she regrets that she didn't bring these things up with Celestia, because she thought she was being foolish at first, then later just started to hate her too much to even consider the idea of confiding in her sister.
This kinda goes along with responding to other such comments.
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It's not a rational guilt or fear, but it's kind of like she's been dishonest with these ponies who love her unconditionally while not actually knowing everything about her. She feels like she's betraying them and their love, hence part of the 'Monster' thing.
9031290
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And no, Luna doesn't specifically think Pure keeping her true fears and insecurities bottled up will turn her into a maniac with a desire to take over Equestria like it did her, just that it's going to cause some sort of mental problem down the line. It could be a psychotic break, some form of neuroses, maybe even suicidal thoughts.
Luna is advocating that Pure be honest with herself and her loved ones so that they can help her work through this.
Now, does that mean she's going to go and blurt this out to every pony she knows? No. Does this mean she might confide in the pony she trusts the most some of her true feelings? Maybe.
9031880
Interesting concept in hindsight that could have worked. But like Edna Mode says:
9031953
Look you start with Luna being able to enter Pure subconscious despite the fact the seal is nowhere close to breaking and then you will have Discord giving her nightmares years before he gets free and yes that's a horrible idea.
Also so what if she tells them that in a past life she was something called a human? No one but Celestia is gonna believe her. And Celestia is likely to come with a weird theory of her mind being affected by certain magic mirror she has in the castle or a book about humans she read somewhere....
Because even for Equestria reincarnation is not something we gave seen yet.
Fear of death, of leaving her new family behind should be what's bothering her the most because she already lived that before!
She already died and left her previous family behind!
The whole rejection thing comes out a left field.
More so considering Pure has no examples whatsoever of ponies being racist with non ponies!
You missed the perfect chance to do fear of death instead.
If there had been some forewarning before things like Pure seeing some ponies insult a donkey or something it would be way more understandable. Even subconscious fears have conscious causes.
As it is, it feels like someone different wrote this chapter.
What about Pure being a ghost, uh?
This whole thing would make more sence with Pure as a teen, were she is both facing something she never died before, becoming an adult, and is a blunde of hormones and mood swings that learns ponies can be quite racist and fear the unknown.
9031377
I agree, but I'm suddenly thinking that it would be an interessting explanation why the main six think of him as an idiot.
9031421
It somehow doesn't make much more sense, the only thing they know because of that that it is maybe possible to be reborn and yes maybe it can give her mental problems, but not because of guilt or something like that. I think more along the lines of her wondering why she is still alive and not understanding what is going on or all that stuff, but that is probably something that should have happened in the beginning of the story. I mean if it didn't already happened.
9031425
I don't exactly like to say that everything is the same with every person, but that isn't proving anything right or wrong.
9031425
To be honest I think that being scared is more something that should have happened in the beginning and even if I think she could have some kind of ticks and problems because of that, it would be not because of guilt.
I haven'T looked how the definition looks for survivors guilt or how they called it, but wouldn't there to be something that actually gives her the feeling she did something wrong or something similar? I don't see why she should say she wasn't allowed to live.
9031797
right again.
9031252
I kind of disagree with your assessment here. Maintaining the secrecy of the setup isn’t something I consider to be a vital aspect of any of these stories, it’s still going to be a fish-out-of-water type of story no matter how it goes.
I personally think the possibility of telling the truth opens up for more interesting storytelling devices, because there’s really no telling at all how it could. Sure, Pure’s immediate family will probably be accepting of it, but considering just how outlandish such a claim really is, who’s to say it won’t invite more conflict? Perhaps some of her friends won’t really know what to think of such a bizarre occurrence and will have trouble coming to terms with the revelation. They might not reject her outright and might still want to be friends, but simply knowing that she was someone completely different could change a lot of how they see her. Ponies might start suddenly assuming she’s more mature and change their attitude towards her, or they might see her existence as more of a novelty or a curiosity than something ordinary.
There’s a lot of potential conflict to come from airing all of this out in the open, and it could make for some interesting dynamics and character conflicts that wouldn’t have been possible before.
Poor Pure, and poor Twilight, are both coming out of this with traumas. Twilight for causing a terrible accident and Pure for... Is it lying about who you are when you genuinely are a person still lying?
Hopefully both of them can get the help they'll need to get over their undoubted fears from this incident.
Also, some unexpected Princess action, yay!
Not really liking this whole self hate here and stuff, also because it is entierly unjustified.
She has been Pure since birth, not taken over her body a few years later or something.
I don't really see a huge backlash in a world of magic and demi-gods from tell her family that she remembers her past life. I understand her paranoia a bit, but I don't see it causing many problems in the story itself since she was still pretty young in her past life as well.
so first of, i have no idea why she would see herself as a lier, maybe because she fears being abandoned but I can see how SHE see's being reborn into the body of a pony as lying, the only thing maybe wrong with it is not telling people you were born as a human but that doesn't mean she isn't a pony, she has the body of a pony and there is no such thing as a human mind of or a pony mind, they are all the same, the only differences come from the environment they are raised in, they are all born the same way with the same kind of mindset at the start.
so is luna panting or what? I can get that she is struggling to hold herself up after essentially sitting down (mentally) for years, but it would be nice if it is better explained, in fact, the whole chapter seems to lack explanation and it's more words than anything, the whole time the best I could picture is a black void the whole time, it's hard to picture anything else with the lack of explanation of things happening around her
and again on the whole lying thing, feels a lot like a transgender (not a real one, I mean someone acting trans for attention) it just seems like she has no reason to feel like she is lying and she only wants to tell them she is a former human for some kind of...i don't know, something, attention maybe but that doesn't seem like her, this whole chapter doesn't seem like something Pure would do, i mean i get her fearing the idea of being abandoned and the most obvious reason for it is this "lie" but the fact that luna is basically agreeing with her and telling pure to fess up over nothing just makes it stand out, now i can see a whole thing about her telling everyone, them all reacting, this whole thing happening for a couple chapter, then there is the part where they all forgive her (again for nothing at all) and it continues with small hints of this as part of the plot for the rest of the story
it leaves a foul taste in my mouth
9032027
why would lashing out at the thing that hurt his sister make them think he is an idiot? it is ok to feel upset over such things, it doesn't make you some kind of fool for not realizing it, of course he knows it wasn't her fault, won't stop his emotions from flaring up, if this isn't what you meant when you said they would think of him as an idiot then what did you mean? I'm very confused
9031663
love it, nothing else needs to be said