• Published 13th Oct 2019
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Spike of All Trades - Ariamaki



"Wouldn't it be great if life were like a game?", some people ask. Spike can definitively answer... "Maybe."

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Zero Hour: Part 3

Oh. Oh this was really happening. He'd always hoped for this kind of thing, especially after Shining Armor started his time in the Guard, but... Spike had never really thought those idle daydreams would ever become reality. He couldn't hold back the smile as he replied.
"Serious fighting? A little sparring and not much else. But I'm a real fast learner, and like Luna implied, I think I'm extremely hard to injure at this point."

The pegasus shrugged and trotted over to one of the cabinets in the office, rummaging around as he spoke.
"That makes plenty of sense: You've been around Miss Twilight and her whole crew during a lot of big events on top of living in Ponyville. That alone is a head start if you ask me."

"Plus growing up around Shining Armor let me pick up a lot of Guard stuff just by osmosis!"

"Hah! Not gonna lie, I'll take an educated theoretical fighter that needs practice over a set-in-his-ways brawler with no brains any day. Might just be the drill-master in me talking. Plus-"

Rarity coughed and leaned in-between the two of them while directing her voice to Princess Luna.
"While I hate to interrupt this masculine bonding display... Princess, I do note you haven't mentioned what they are going to be doing."

Luna's eyes lit up as she turned to Rarity, and Spike noticed her wings fluffing at the same time: Did she have a nervous tic, or was some kind of habit? He didn't have a great grasp of Celestia's body language after all these years, and his experience with Luna was much thinner.

"Ah! My apologies: I had forgotten that you were not present during the initial briefing. The species they will be dealing with is... one you have dealt with before."

"I'm sorry to say that doesn't clarify things? Much at all, really: I've 'dealt with' more races since meeting Twilight than I originally knew were even present in Equestria!"

The Princess cleared her throat.
"Right then. To be clear, I meant one you personally have dealt with."

"That does not thin it out much either, I'm afraid."

"...Locally?"

"That helps, but-"

"They kidnapped you!?"

"Oh! Well that does narrow it down. To... three species? Assuming we're counting dragons."

"We are not."

"Hey!"

Luna was clearly torn between apologetics and bemusement, eventually settling on the first.
"T'was not meant as any offense! Only clarifying just how far this situation is from... that."

Spike just laughed and waved a claw at Luna dismissively.
"No problem: I just figured I should raise some token complaint, ya know? But it sounds like you're getting at it being a problem with Diamond Dogs. Because I doubt you'd send two of us alone against changelings either, and dragons are already off the table."

Rarity flashed him a quick smile, although he could see the nerves behind the facade.
"Glad to see we both arrived at the same conclusion, Spike!"

"And it gladdens me to see you both reach the conclusion for which I drove. Indeed, the Diamond Dogs are encroaching onto Ponyville territory. Which is already bothersome in and of itself, to be clear... But in this case they're doing so haphazardly, rapidly, and for reasons we can't discern. This may end up being more diplomatic mission than battle, in a perfect world. I cannot guarantee that will be the case: Our previous envoys were met with hostility."

He winced as he thought back to how the Dogs he had seen treated just about anything they didn't understand, which was most things as far as he knew.
"Yeah that... Doesn't surprise me."

"They certainly weren't the most pleasant captors I've had the chance to experience."

"Mmfwdrbbsprkrt?"

Piercing Ammunition finally brought his head and wings back up out of the depths of storage, then he spat out the straps of a large saddlebag with surprising aplomb.
"Sorry: Maybe that was Spike?"

Rarity was clearly trying to think back to the time when he'd rampaged across Ponyville, carrying her in his claws.
"Well, I... Hrm. To be honest I suppose it was?"

"Heh! I barely remember half of what happened when I was a giant, but I certainly don't recall being rude."

The ensuing laughter broke the last remaining bits of tension. Once that cleared out of the air as well, it was apparently time for the proper briefing: Spike immediately noticed the way that both of the Ammos took up specific positions as Luna stood just a bit taller and more formally. Neither he nor Rarity had any idea where they belonged in this tableau, so they just stood their ground and prepared to listen.

Luna's delivery was clipped and short as she ran through the briefing: It was far from her usual speech, but that just drove home the importance of the work and Luna's consideration for the ponies (and dragon in this case) under her command. The ever-so-slightly stretched pause between directives made Spike imagine verbal bullet points... Maybe Twilight could develop a spell for that? All her current dictation spells ignored formatting, which made for annoying post-processing and editing on Spike's end.

Back on topic!

"Your destination is the expanding Diamond Dog tunnels outside of Ponyville. While once confined to the old quarries, their spread has accelerated."

"Your purpose is to find the reason for this aggressive expansion, and if possible? Make efforts to slow it, halt it, or revert it entirely."

"Your first objective, as always, is to come back alive and safe: The mission is not, cannot, be of greater importance than your wellbeing. Period."

Neither Piercing nor Arcane reacted at that, but both Spike and Rarity took note: That wasn't the kind of thing you'd usually expect in a military briefing, and it said a fair bit about how Princess Luna ran her side of the Guard... Then again, Spike had never seen how Princess Celestia gave her orders, so maybe it was something they had in common.

"The second objective is to acquire the desired information, either through direct contact or subtle means."

"Third would be acting on that information, or other opportunities, if such a time comes that it is better to do so immediately than to send a second mission."

"Be safe, be whole, be careful, be kind. Let monsters not impede you, nor your ideals harm you."

Her wings flared up before the Princess of the Night let each wing's feathered tip settle down on Spike's and Piercing's shoulders respectively. In the following silence she only smiled, lips pressed thin like the moon at the far ends of its cycle.

"...Did that work?"

Spike was about to ask 'did what work' when his System answered in advance.


SIDE QUEST: Deterring Diamond Dog Digs!

A task given by Princess Luna of Equestria and aided by Piercing Ammunition of her Guard. You have a straightforward task ahead, ahead and beneath the crust of the earth. However you seek to handle the specifics, the goals are clear enough.

Objective: Return safely, with or without information (or action) regarding the expanding Warrens.

Failure Condition: Return with yourself or your partner significantly harmed, irreparably damage Equestria's relations with the Diamond Dogs, refusal of the mission, failure to return.

Reward: Increased reputation with Princess Luna, Increased reputation with the Night Guard.
All progress towards Masteries, Quests and Subquests earned in the Side Quest will be improved.
50,000 Experience, 500 Bits, all items acquired during the Side Quest may be kept for yourself.


"...You laid it all out like that on purpose, huh?"

Luna had an extremely deep pool of experience when it came to managing her facial expressions, but her long absence from Equestria had put those skills on the back burner. As soon as Spike called her out, she beamed with a far brighter and more real smile, almost clapping her hooves together in joy... Almost. Everything snapped back to normal quickly afterwards, save for the subtle blush at her own lack of restraint.

"Ah, well, I have enough experience with games myself to have some idea what your power might expect in terms of briefing and debriefing. I am to take it that the results are to your liking?"

He nodded vigorously at that, although he didn't go as far as mimeographing the entire quest to her like he had earlier. They could discuss that sort of thing later, in a setting where it was easier to keep track of who knew what: Even if he had Eidetic Memory now, that didn't mean he had to do it all in his head.

"Very good! In which case we will remain here, posted up as a sort of command office: Contact me by scroll if needed, replies shall be swift and decisive!"

Spike moved his claw to close the Side Quest window, then stopped himself.
"Actually, Princess Luna, I did have one question before we go."

"If you are going out of your way to use my title, it must be a serious question indeed: Go ahead."

"...What do you, personally, consider a 'life and death' battle? Or really, like, that term used in any context. Life and death. Is it literal, or is there some nuance I might not be getting?"

Rather than ask him why he was questioning her on such a topic, Luna simply leaned back and sat down against the floor. Rarity jerked away in shock, caught by surprise at the alicorn behaving so casually... But she had been getting a lot better about that kind of thing, along with most of the other residents of Ponyville: Celestia made sure her visits weren't nearly as bad as the time with Philomena anymore, and that level of comfort extended to Luna to some degree.

Eventually Luna nodded absent-mindedly and turned to look at him. When their eyes met Spike could very clearly feel the intensity of her thinking, along with the seriousness of her reply. He couldn't tell if she knew why he was asking, or if she simply had a strong conviction on the matter? Either way, Luna put dedicated focus into her answer.

"To use the term literally is indeed excessive in my mind, even back before my... absence. A battle can have stakes equivalent to life and death without involving either, but it isn't a matter of stakes alone. To my eye a life-or-death battle is one fought without restraint, no reservations and nothing to hold you back. No spar or limited test could be called such, but any fight with something at risk that is contested so whole-heartedly? That should suffice to earn the name."

Spike let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and nodded to her: That was the answer, or as close as he'd get without the System being more forthcoming itself. Given that the System had put her name right on the quest, it probably cared about her opinion more than anything else, in this case: And if those were the parameters, he might be able to make some progress before the night was out!

Or possibly before it was in? The late hour made those phrases kinda wonky.

He could probably take the time to ask her about the other questions posed by his Story Arc, but that would be half overkill and half stalling: It was time to get moving.

"Well, wish us luck. Oh! Piercing, should I be following you since you've got the experience, or do you want to follow me since I know the quarry above-ground pretty well?"

Pierce shouldered his saddlebags and made a few quick flaps to be sure his wings were clear of the straps.
"Better for the experienced officer to take the back regardless, on the off-chance of an ambush from behind. Doubly so since I'm a ranged specialist: You can keep your claws and scales up front, Mr. Loses-his-Arms."

He chuckled and patted his intact shoulders with his hands before turning for the door.
"Getting them cut off and losing them is two totally different things, as far as I'm concerned: Which I guess is just another reason for me to be in front!"

Rarity's voice was quiet from behind, the reserved tone suggesting that she didn't want to see him rushing off into danger... But she didn't try to stop him, which was probably for the best of every-pony-and-dragon involved. He would go anyways, that would be rude, there'd be an argument...

So it was better that what she said was calm and confident, even with the undertone of concern.
"You heard the Princess, you two: Come back safe."

Arcane pushed the door open with her magic and an exasperated huff.
"Just hurry up before Rara busts out the tear faucets and the fainting couch: I don't have room enough in here for that damn thing and a Princess!"

That got them laughing again, and moving: Rarity's sputtered objections were the last thing Spike heard before the door closed again, and they made their way further through the back of the Arcade. Piercing showed him to the employee lounges and the exit past them, and the two of them started a quick march out of Ponyville in the pre-dawn twilight...

Twilight!
"Right! One sec."

Spike had already told Twilight to expect his absence for a few days, and so he probably didn't need to send her any kind of message before they got going. But just on the off chance that something unexpected happened, he decided to cover all of his bases. The message was quick and to the point, sent off with a blink and a burst of fire in his mind...

"Alright, we're good to go: Just had to send another bit of mail."

Piercing cocked an eyebrow at that, but didn't question him: He just gestured with one wing for Spike to start leading the way as they made it out the border of town.

Author's Note:

Chapter 84
Zero Hour: Part 3
- OR -
Mission Manipulation

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