Derpy and the Pegasi Express Race

by TheReaderAndWriter

On The Job

It was a warm summer's day, possibly the most pleasant afternoon in recent memory. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the light breeze gently flowed through Derpy's mane as she flew just above the roofs of Ponyville.

Her life as a mailmare could have been described as boring by any other pony, but not by her. She absolutely adored it! Sure, there was a bit of a routine, and by this point in her career she had visited every place in town, but all the ponies she met everyday would have made it the best job in the world by default. The fact she got to deliver letters and packages daily, the perfect excuse for a visit, always brought a smile to her face.

Speaking of which, a certain envelope securely tucked away inside her mailbag was itching to reach its owner that was flying just above. The gray mare ascended, perhaps not with great elegance or finesse, but she shortly bumped right into a certain rainbow-maned pegasi.

"Hi, Rainbow Dash! I've got a letter for you!" said Derpy, quickly reaching into her bag. She didn't even have to look at it to know it was important. Just the envelope had a density 22% higher than your run-of-the-mill paper, with a very specific texture. Heavy when compared to other letters, yet clearly only containing a single page, two thin ones at the most, pointing towards a very specific and old ink being used, written by hoof. The shape was not conforming to any of the modern standards.

"Oh sweet! Nopony ever writes to me," said Rainbow Dash.

"Happy to be of service!" said Derpy, before turning around.

"Thanks, Derpy! Stay cool!" said Rainbow Dash.

Derpy was just about to fly down, but suddenly the a scream broke the stillness of the town.

"NO WAY!" said Rainbow Dash.

"What?! What!?" said Derpy, "Did I give out the wrong mail again?! It's not my fault, the sorting system is ancient!"

Rainbow Dash looked over to her. "What? No, don't worry! This is awesome! Come check this out!"

While Derpy never, ever, ever, ever snooped through anything that was to be delivered, she was often curious. It wasn't unusual for her to daydream of delivering something life-changing or fantastical. When she was invited to take a look, she certainly wouldn't say no.

"What is it, Rainbow Dash?" asked Derpy, flying closer.

Barely able to contain the excitement in her voice, Rainbow Dash started to read. "'Dear, Rainbow Dash. It is with pride and joy that I, as your commanding officer and friend, hereby elect you to be one of the chosen few to officially represent the Wonderbolts in the Pegasi Equestrian Express Race, or P.E.E.R. Congratulations, I know you will make us all proud. Captain Spitfire of the Wonderbolts.'"

"That's so exciting!" said Derpy. "What's the Pegasi Equestrian Express Race?"

"No idea!" said Rainbow Dash. Curious, she peeked into the envelope.. "Okay, let's see. There's like a pamphlet or something." She pulled out another piece of paper, unfolded it, and started to read. 'Princess Celestia and Princess Luna of Equestria has declared that this year, to celebrate the 400th anniversary of Manehattan's founding, a great race shall be held in honor of the Pegasi Equestrian Express." She looked up at Derpy, confused. "There's some information about applying for the race, but nothing else. What the hay is the Pegasi Equestrian Express?"

Derpy had no idea. The name did sound vaguely familiar, and she was too curious to just let it go. "Well, do you know someone who would know?"

***

"The Pegasi Equestrian Express, also simply known as the Pegasi Express, was an institution in the early days of the expansion of Equestria," said Twilight Sparkle, clearly reciting a text from memory. "During the decades of ponies expanding the borders outwards towards the coasts, the Pegasi Equestrian Express was founded in order to deliver important messages to and from Canterlot. Their routes went all the way from Manehattan to what would one day become Vanhoover. While their services didn't last for more than a few short years, they were pivotal for establishing infrastructure and continuing communication between the cities. They could deliver letters, and even packages, in under two weeks. If I'm not mistaken, the record for fastest crossing of Equestria is still held by such a pegasus."

They were in Twilight's personal library. Derpy was listening to every word, fascinated by the history of her own profession, while Rainbow Dash had mostly just been bored, but she did perk up during the last detail.

"What's the record?" she asked.

Twilight started to look around her desk, searching among several dozen books. "I think it was: from Vanhoover to Manehattan, 11 days and 2 hours."

Rainbow Dash gave a low whistle. "Not bad at all, but I'm sure I could beat it."

"Oh wait," said Twilight, having found the right book. "I was mistaken. It was 8 days, 11 hours and 2 minutes.

Rainbow Dash did not whistle this time, in fact she didn't seem able to speak at all.

"That's amazing!" said Derpy.

"As I said, they were pivotal; speed was of the essence," said Twilight. "Did you know, that most railways today were built based on the routes chosen by the pegasi of their organization? It's true! This was such a good idea by the princesses, don't you think?"

"Well, I'm sure it's going to be fun. And it's pretty soon, apparently. Barely even a week from now... I'm going to need to prepare."

"Spitfire must have taken her time making sure you were a good pick," said Twilight.

"Yeah, I- wait, how do you know that?" asked Rainbow.

"I've helped organize the entire event! I didn't want to spoil the surprise for you!" said Twilight, excited, giddy even. "I can't wait to see you race. Anyway, the race will start in Vanhoover and finish in Manehattan, and of course anyone can apply to compete."

"Hey, Twilight, can you show me the routes?" asked Rainbow Dash.

Twilight took out a map. "Sure, it's public knowledge anyway; it's encouraged to plan ahead for potential wind currents and such, just like the pegasi of yore had to. You're going to have to be careful, as you'll even be delivering packages!"

Derpy found it all to be fascinating, but she had more important things to do. She only had to accidentally glance at the clock to realize she was running late. While Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle were occupied discussing optimal flight paths and proper marathon flying techniques, Derpy tried, emphasis on tried, slinking out quietly. A loud crash and a sincere "Sorry!" was all it took for them to look up.

***

Sure, it probably wouldn't be a disaster if Derpy was late, but her boss would not be happy, and nopony wanted to get on her bad side.

What followed directly after leaving Twilight's castle was a regular day on the job, but significantly faster. Letter after letter after letter, all day. It was with a friendly wave that Derpy said goodbye to her last delivery of the day. All that remained was one last job: picking up a package to then send off to Cloudsdale International Shipping."

Soaring over Ponyville, seeing the sun starting to set over the horizon, she eventually found her way to the train station. A single pony, a cyan earth-pony stallion with a blue mane, wearing a cap, standing next to a large pile of packages, spotted her. He did not look happy.

"Sorry I'm late! How can I help you?" asked Derpy.

"It's about time you showed up! I've been waiting for almost 20 minutes!" said the pony, quite loudly, with a Manehattan accent.

Derpy made sure to smile, a happy outlook made for a happy mood! "It's been a very busy day, but I'm here now! How can I help you?"

He glared at her, stepped aside and gestured at the boxes. "Get started."

"Sure thing, sir! Which package am I here to pick up?" asked Derpy.

"All of them."

Derpy had to stop. Hesitant, she took out the slip for this particular order. "But, sir, according to this you've-"

"Are you going to shut up and get started? I don't got all day!"

"Sir, we've only been paid for a single package delivery of at most 2 cubic feet. Just to clarify and make sure there hasn't been a misunderstanding, you are Mr. Ocean Breeze, correct?"

"Yes, and I've paid!" said the stallion.

"Yes, but sir, only for one package. Is there a possibility that you, or the company potentially hiring you, might have made a mistake?" Standard procedure in situation like this: get to the bottom of the problem.

The pony immediately made a grimace like she had just spit on his mother's grave, barely contained rage. "DO WHAT I PAID FOR! Am I'm going to have to call your manager?!"

For the first time that day, in fact for that entire month, Derpy's smile vanished. She tried to not look meek, speaking calmly and politely. "Sir. If there is a problem, I'm sure a quick trip to the postal office will sort things out. Do you know where it is? S- should I escort you?"

"You're damn right I know where it is, but I can't leave my packages! Are you trying to rob me!?"

Derpy twitched, tried to not change her expression, despite being nervous. This wasn't the first time a difficult unreasonable customer was bothering her, and she was sure they could figure things out. "Sir, you-"

"I'M GOING TO SPEAK WITH YOUR MANAGER!"

"Very well then," said a new voice. A tall earth-pony, with an brown coat and blood red mane calmly stepped out from behind the packages. She was wearing the same mailmare uniform as Derpy was, including the traditional cap. Despite their uniforms being exactly the same, she wore hers like a captain of the royal guard wore their armor. Strict, prim, proper: it was Derpy's boss, the big mare herself. "I'm Postal Service, her 'manager', so to speak. Is there a problem, sir?"

Derpy almost shivered; there was something in that tone of voice that had seemed more appropriate for a death treat, she was just glad it hadn't been spoken in her direction.

"A- about time someone came to help! This mare has only been trouble."

"In what way, exactly?" asked Postal Service. "Please, elaborate."

"I've paid for you to deliver my packages, and you won't!"

Postal Service didn't answer him. She merely glanced over to the packages, looking at addresses and all kinds of stamps. "Sir, I know for a fact you understood the transaction and the limit to our services when you signed for it. Seems to me you're desperate to pay as little as possible. Are you trying to rip us off?"

"How DARE you-!"

"Packages all the way from Griffonstone and further beyond... and an earth pony from the eastern seaboard. Worrying about having to pay any big bills?"

Just like that, the pony shut up and shut down. He looked at Postal Service like she had become a manticore, or since he looked frozen to his core, a cockatrice.

"At this point we have four options: you can either pay the amount you are supposed to pay, we can provide the service you actually paid for, we can be gracious and refund you right here and now... or I can call the guards. If my suspicions are correct, I think you'll come to your senses."

The pony stammered, but eventually lowered his head so far he almost kissed the ground. "I will pay the full amount. Please, please take these to the shipping company."

"I'm guessing you don't have much time to spare. Very well. But first, apologize to this fine mailmare."

Ocean Breeze turned to look at Derpy. "I'm awfully sorry, Miss. I've- I've had a bad day. That's no excuse, I'm sorry."

"It's- it's fine," said Derpy.

Postal Service didn't smile, but she looked content. "About time we're getting somewhere." Giving a sharp whistle, enough to hurt their ears, was all it took to summon almost half of the postal workers in town from just around the corner. "You know what to do."

Just like that, all of Derpy's coworkers started to work, busy like bees, carrying packages away from the station. Derpy was just about to join them, earn her keep, but Postal Service stepped in front of her. "Wait a minute, Muffins. I need to talk to you."

"Miss Postal Service, you can call me Derpy, all my friends do!" said Derpy.

"I am not your friend. I'm your boss."

"Well, alright, but you can always be my friend if you want to be. What do you want to talk about?"

Postal Service nodded towards the end of the platform. "Let's get some privacy."

"Sure."

They walked away, and Postal Service turned to her. "Muffins, you handled yourself admirably, stayed patient and professional: exactly what that uniform demands in a fine institution, and we need ponies like you to uphold that standard."

"An institution, like the Pegasi Express!"

"Well, yes, exactly, I guess you've read the paper this morning about the race."

Sure, not exactly, but Derpy didn't correct her. Ponies claimed differently, but she was convinced the term 'going postal', was named after the mare in front of her, and she was not about to find out if that was true.

"You've worked as a mailmare almost as long as I have, and you've always come into the office every morning with a smile; I admire your spirit. You also handled that stallion very well, don't let anyone tell you differently."

Derpy was taken aback. "Thank, you, Miss!"

"And for completely different reasons, you're fired."

***

"Please, have you seen Derpy?!" asked a brown earth-pony with a scruffy dark mane. Time Turner was at Sugarcube Corner, talking directly to Mr Cake polishing a sundae glass cup. It was late at night, and usually the store would have been closed at this hour, something that had aroused his suspicions.

"Sure, she's sitting right over there," said Mr Cake, giving a gentle nod towards the corner. Right over in the corner, at a lonely lit table, was Derpy, with her head lying on the side, starring at a melted and untouched root beer float. "I just can't find it in my heart to ask her to leave. The poor thing."

"Thank you. Please, you can close. I'll talk to her and take her home," said Time Turner, then he walked over to her table and sat down.

"Hey there, dear friend. I've heard about what happened. While the time to grieve is not over, I think it might be time to start talking about the pain."

She barely seemed to have noticed his presence, just a glance and that could have been an accident. Time Turned didn't want the conversation to be one-sided. He waited patiently for her to talk.

She eventually just sighed, still with her eyes on the creamy brown glass. "Doc, I... I just don't know what went wrong. I thought I was doing a good job."

"I thought so too," said Time Turner.

Mr. Cake came over without a word and put down two glasses of root beer floats, with delicious home made vanilla ice cream, and the most delectable whipped cream. He didn't dare to take the old glass away from her, not wanting to bother her. Then, so quietly Time Turner could have missed him entirely, Mr. Cake left.

"Well, what did Postal Service say? She must have had a reason, she's strict but not unfair. Did any letters get lost?"

"No."

"Did you break any deliveries?"

"No."

"Did you give out the wrong mail again?"

"Yes, but it's the sorting system's fault, and Postal knows that. And most ponies knows to check first by now. That's not it."

"Then why? I don't understand."

"Public destruction, slow daily delivery and according to the higher ups it's not acceptable to fraternize with our customers during work hours, at least not as much as I do."

"That's absurd, Postal couldn't possibly-"

"She didn't want to, but she also didn't have a choice. Either she fired me, or someone would come to inspect if the Ponyville post office was really necessary. It's not. Considering it's less than half a day to Canterlot by train, and the train to both Appleloosa and Las Pegasus goes through town... Our job could easily be done by a single pony in a storefront built into the station."

"But-"

"All ponies in Ponyville would have to walk all the way to the train station every day. The elderly wouldn't get their mail, and everyone at- at work would get fired and break apart. I can't do that to them! And the standardized sorting and delivery system for a train post office is a nightmare, both for the one working there and anypony who wants to pick up a package bigger than an apple."

"Surely the, um, 'charges' weren't that grim," said Time Turner softly.

"Ninety-seven broken roof tiles, twenty-eight broken windows, thirteen cases of civilian trauma and one attempted regicide/deicide/genocide/omnicide."

"Wait, what?"

"Apparently that's what they call it if you accidentally bump into Princess Celestia."

"So that's why we got that weird restraining-order."

Derpy sighed again, finally lifting her head off the table to look into his eyes. "Doc, I don't know what to do. I feel like my life is over." Time Turner truly felt her pain, but he was happy to see her finally take a sip of her float; perhaps the sugar would give her a little energy to help dealing with the problem?

Doc shook his head. "No, no, no, Derpy, it's not that bad."

"Well, what is Dinky going to think of me? I'll just be a huge failure to her."

Time Turner immediately stood up, almost knocking his chair over. "Great galloping geldings, Derpy! I know this is awful, but you know as well as I do that Dinky adores you!" He quickly regained his composure, straightening his tie. "I too admire you, so instead of wallowing in misery, I am absolutely sure you can get out of this slump, and it will be easy with the help of your friends."

Derpy looked up from her float. "Do you really think so?"

"Absolutely! You are strong!"

She nodded meekly. "Yeah."

"You are capable!"

She started to smile. "Yeah!"

"You can do anything you set your mind to! There are limitless possibilities ahead of you!"

She was excited! "Yeah!"

Time Turner pointed towards her. "Now," he said, then made a grand sweeping gesture towards the infinite possibilities of the universe! "Tell me what you want!"

She stood up, tall and proud, wings stretched and took a deep breath. "I want my old job back!"

Time Turner needed a big gulp of root beer. "I was thinking something a bit more adventurous, but I guess we need to start somewhere."

"The only question is how," said Derpy.

"Had I been a more morally ambiguous stallion, I might have suggested bribery."

"If I'm going to get my job back, all I know is that the first step is asking!" Derpy quickly drank the rest of her float, put the glass down on the table and headed for the door. "I'm not even going to wait until tomorrow. I'm going to get my job back tonight!"

"But, Derpy, it's very cloudy out, and it's dark, shouldn't you go home and-"

But Derpy was already out the door. Time Turned sat down, leaning towards the back of his chair. He ate some of the ice cream. All he could do was silently wish her good luck. If any pony deserved happiness, surely it was her.

***

Derpy flew as fast as she could over Ponyville, intending to fly straight towards Postal Service's home. With the wind under her wings, she felt like she was leaving her troubles behind, more free and energetic. She was hopeful; maybe, just maybe, she could fix this mess, it wasn't impossible.

The first problem was figuring out where in the world Postal Service was actually living, as Derpy had never delivered letters to her. It would be difficult to find anything in the dark.

Fortunately, her first problem became moot with her second problem: Derpy flew straight into a tree at full speed. Everything went from dark to... well, dark.

But good news! When she woke up in the hospital bed the next morning, Postal Service was standing right there. She was dressed in her standard uniform, and carried a mailbag. It was quite a surprise, as she almost never delivered mail personally.

"This is exactly the kind of reason you were fired, Muffins. You get an idea in your head, you don't think it through, and you give it your all before everything falls apart."

"Good morning!" said Derpy with cheer. Through the window one could see it was actually raining outside, and she ached all over. Her wings in particular felt terrible, but it was no time to dwell on her injuries. This was her chance!

"Yes, good morning. The only reason I'm here is because your friend said you wanted to talk to me about something. I have an inkling-"

"Miss Postal Service, I would like to ask to have my job back," said Derpy with a kind smile.

"No."

"Dang." No, Doc is right, I can do anything! I can't just give up now! she thought. "Well, Miss Postal Service, I know things aren't looking good, but there's got to be something I can do. Please don't take this away from me. I love being a delivery mare."

"Muffins, you almost broke your neck just to talk to me. Even if I somehow could convince those old ponies in Canterlot to overlook the property damage, past and future, it doesn't change the fact that they, and I, are convinced that your clumsiness is one day going to break an important letter or package."

"What's that supposed to mean? They are all important," said Derpy with a determined expression.

Postal Service didn't say anything, but gave her a subtle nod of approval.

Derpy continued, proudly. "I have never broken a delivery in my life!"

"I know, but how long is that going to last? Nothing you can say is going to convince them. They are just being cautious, as they should, and I'm just trying to protect our place in Ponyville. Equestria's post system is the best one in the world, and they take it very seriously, as do I."

Derpy looked down on the bed, and then out the window. Was this it? Was this really the end of Muffin Ditzy 'Derpy' Doo O'Sullivan Hooves, the mailmare? She just couldn't fathom it; the very thought was beyond her. "It is said that as many days as there are in the whole journey, so many are the pegasi that soar above the road, each at the interval of a day’s journey; and these are stayed neither by snow nor rain nor heat nor darkness from accomplishing their appointed course with all speed."

"Horsedotus," said Postal Service. "I know that quote, but why are you saying it now?"

"Because just like the pegasi couriers of old, I refuse to give up. The problem is that they don't think I can safely and quickly deliver things, even in a safe place like Ponyville, right?"

"That is the fundamental problem, yes."

"If I can't say anything to change all of your minds, I'm just going to have to do it instead! Postal Service, listen! I'm going to enter the Pegasi Express Race and finish the delivery completely unharmed!"

"Muffins, your wings are damaged. They need time to heal. You'll never be able to fly in time for the actual event."

"I don't care! Postal Service, if I enter and finish that race in less than two weeks, will you give me my job back?" asked Derpy, too determined to notice the ache in her wings.

Unknown whether it was because she wanted to give Derpy some hope, expected her to fail or just realized she wouldn't stop asking and just wanted it to stop, Postal Service made a decision. She sighed with a heavy heart.

"If you can finish it in under twelve days, I will at least inform my superiors and request them to reconsider and let me employ you again. I promise you I will do everything I can if you do, but I will not guarantee you'll get your job back."

"That's good enough for me!" said Derpy. She reached out her hoof, and while Postal Service rolled her eyes, she did bump her own hoof against it.

Derpy realized she might have bit off more than she could chew when the hoof bump created a sharp stabbing pain in her left wing.

"Good luck, you're going to need it."

Comments

[DavisSentoV5]

Muffin Ditzy 'Derpy' Doo O'Sullivan Hooves

Try to say that name 5 times fast without screwing up. This is gonna be a great underdog story of my favorite little pony!