A New Bridge
Flying High, Falling Hard by soundslikeponies
Rainbow Dash landed outside the Ponyville Weather Center with time to spare, brushing off the last of the crumbs from her lunch with Twilight and running a hoof through her mane.
Ditzy Doo landed on the ground beside her with a small, cheerful smile on her lips. “So why was that pony from earlier trying to find you? I don’t think I’ve seen her around Ponyville before,” she asked, bouncing back and forth on her hooves.
Dash felt a smirk creep onto her lips as they walked at a steady trot to the Weather Center. “Oh, her? Her name’s Spitfire. You might have heard about her.”
Ditzy gasped and leaned in close, briefly floating with her wings. “The Spitfire? You know the captain of the Wonderbolts?” she hissed.
Dash wore a smug grin. “Yeah, only for a little while now,” she said with false modesty. “I met her at the Best Young Flier competition.”
“Isn’t the Wonderbolts stadium in Canterlot? What’s she doing in Ponyville?” Ditzy asked as they passed through the weather building doors.
Rainbow Dash held her head high as she stepped inside. "Oh, why, just to learn a trick from me of course!"
Reaching a hoof up, Ditzy Doo scratched the top of her head. “Why would she do that alone?”
“Huh, what do you mean?” Dash asked, her grin fading.
“Well,” Ditzy began, walking down the hall to the changing room. “Don’t you think they’d ask you to go to canterlot so you can teach all of them? Or all of them would take a trip here to ask?” Ditzy Doo shrugged. “I mean, they do all their tricks together, so it just seems weird that she’s out here by herself.”
“Uh, well, my final trick really wowed the audience at the Best Young Flier competition. So it makes sense she’d be willing to come out to Ponyville to try and convince me to teach it to her.” Dash shuffled her wings and her brow furrowed as they walked over to the Weather Center. “And it would make sense for the captain to do this sort of stuff, right? The others are probably just back in Canterlot, training while she, like, manages stuff.”
They went inside the changing room and Ditzy tilted her head to the side with a small frown. “Should you really be teaching her your trick then?”
“Huh?” Dash blinked, stepping up to her locker. “Why wouldn’t I? It’s a chance to impress the captain of the Wonderbolts,” she said, stressing her words.
“Well...” Ditzy said, wriggling into her weather pegasi outfit. “If your trick was good enough to impress Spitfire, maybe you should just keep it for yourself.”
“Ugh,” Dash said, letting out a groan, her wings sagging. “Not you too! That’s the same thing Twilight said when I told her about it!”
Ditzy hopped down the corridor away from Dash with a giggle. “Well, if two ponies give you the same advice, maybe you should take it!”
Rainbow Dash turned back to her locker and put on her weather vest, stepping back out into the hallway as ponies ran past her to work. She arched her back and stretched, tilting her head side to side and mumbling to herself as she walked out the door, “Clouds don’t move themselves.”
Twilight trudged through the library and collapsed on the couch with a sigh. Sitting down and talking to Dash over lunch had only been a temporary getaway from boredom, and she already missed having the other mare’s wing wrapped around her, comforting her. She had been alone at the library many times before, poring through books and comparing different works, but ever since Dash started showing up, the Library had begun to seem boring when she wasn’t around.
She needed something to do, since Dash spent a lot of her days working with the weather ponies, or flying.
Flying. The word lingered in Twilight’s head and her eyes drifted to the door leading to the basement. Standing up, she walked towards the basement door in a trance-like state and gave it a gentle push.
The door creaked as it opened, the smell of stale air wafting towards her as she levitated the lantern next to the door off its hook. It flared brightly as she lit it with her magic, its brass cage dusty, and the oil in it old.
Twilight walked down the steps, holding the lantern out in front of her and taking note of the cobwebs gathering on the lab equipment and on the twisted branches that wove around the edges of the room.
Reaching the bottom of the steps, Twilight lifted her lantern, shining it on the deer skeleton she’d left down there. It seemed to stare back at her through its hollow eye sockets.
Her eyes drifted to a nearby shelf lined with scrolls. She pulled two of them off the shelf, remembering exactly which one held her notes, and walked back upstairs, leaving the skeleton for now. Seeing as her last attempt had been such a failure, she decided she’d have to study more before attempting the spell again.
Rainbow Dash let out a grunt and pushed the last cloud into place, finishing up for the day. She flew down to the weather center, eager to clock out, take off her vest, and head back to the library. As Dash was walking to the lockers, Ditzy popped up beside her and fell in step with her.
“Hey, Dash! Are you going to go meet up with Spitfire now?” Ditzy asked as Dash turned and stepped into the changing room.
“Nah, we aren’t supposed to meet up until later. I’m going over to Twilight’s first.” Dash wriggled out of her vest and hung it up on a hook, giving her body a good shake to get rid of the stuffy feeling the weather vest had left.
Beside Dash, Ditzy took her vest off and paused with it in her mouth, her eyes drifting apart as she put a hoof to her chin. “Izn’t that the librarian?” she asked, her voice muffled by the fabric in her mouth.
Yeah,” Dash answered. She rubbed the back of her neck, chewing on her lip. “She’s kinda my marefriend.”
Ditzy was hanging up her vest when she stopped and it fell from her mouth. “Oh, I had no idea!” she said, flashing Dash a warm smile.
“Wait, you’re happy for me?” Dash asked, blinking. She returned the smile Ditzy was giving her, her lips tugging up in a sincere smile. “Uh, I mean, thanks,” she rubbed the back of her head with a small blush on her cheeks and chuckled. “I don’t know why that surprises me.”
Ditzy tilted her head and gave Dash a confused look. “I’d be a pretty lousy friend if I wasn’t.”
“Uh, yeah...” Dash said, her smile fading slightly. “I guess so.”
“Well, I really need to get to my other job,” Ditzy said, picking up the vest she dropped and hanging it up. She turned and waved back at Dash as she trotted to the door. “I’ll talk to you later!”
Dash closed her locker for a moment and glanced around the empty locker room, her eyes resting on the door. A part of her was tempted to stop by Sweet Apple Acres and see if Applejack was busy, but in the end, she shot the idea down; she didn’t have much time until she was supposed to meet Spitfire, and Twilight was waiting for her at home. Dash chuckled to herself, wondering when she’d started thinking of the old library tree as home.
She walked out of the empty locker room and down the hallway to the front door, hesitating in the archway, before spreading her wings and taking off towards the library.
Her mind drifted to the meeting coming up between her and the Wonderbolts’ captain. She wanted to impress Spitfire, but a nagging voice in the back of her head kept saying she should listen to Twilight.
As the library came into sight, Dash put thoughts of her upcoming appointment out of her mind, deciding she’d cross that bridge when she came to it. She liked to think she was pretty good at winging things, anyways.
Dash opened the library’s front door, and was greeted by the sight of Twilight sitting at her desk, her quill writing furiously onto a parchment more than eight feet long that was covered in writing. Walking up behind her, Dash leaned down and looked at the stack of books reaching up to her chest that were lying on the floor by the desk
“‘Wing Aerodynamics, A Compendium of Flight?’” Dash said, reading the titles aloud.
Twilight jerked from her writing, noticing the pegasus for the first time. “Oh, it’s you, Dash! I didn’t hear you come in.”
“What are you reading up on flying so much for?” Dash asked, as she continued to move down the pile of books, reading the titles on their spines.
Twilight scribbled a few more words before placing her quill back in its holder and rolling the parchment up, sealing it with a ribbon and placing it next to two others like it on the desk. “I wanted to take more of an interest in your flying!”
Dash snorted and raised an eyebrow, her lips forming a thin line.
Seeing she wasn’t buying it, Twilight continued. “And there’s this incomplete spell I found that has details on how to grow wings and change the bones of a non-pegasus pony to allow flight. The original creator of the spell never could get the magic to work, but I think I might be able to.”
“Wait, wait, hold on.” Dash held her hoof out. “Magic that changes bones? Wouldn’t that sort of stuff be really dangerous?” she asked, a hint of concern in her voice.
Twilight looked away, biting her lip.
“Listen, Twilight, I don’t care if you’re a pegasus or not. You don’t have to do this for me—”
“I’m not,” Twilight said, cutting her off. “I know that flying is a big part of who you are, and I want to be able to experience that alongside you.”
But, Twilight,” Dash said, her voice slipping into a desperate tone. “You can just ride on my back! I don’t mind doing that at all! In fact, I kind of enjoyed it.” Twilight lifted the stack of books by the desk with her magic and let out a sigh as she placed each book back onto their respective shelves. “You know that’s just not the same. I promise I will be careful in how I go about doing this, but please...” Twilight clasped her hooves together and held her ears pressed against her head in a pleading look.
Dash felt her resolve crumbling and turned away, biting her lip.
“Please let me do this. When it comes to magic, I know what I’m doing.”
Dash peaked at her out of the corner of her eye and felt her resolve shatter. She let out a sigh. “Promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” she said, pointing a hoof at Twilight, her voice firm. “Yeah, yeah, yeah—'you of all people telling me that Dash?'—still, I want you to promise me you won't do anything stupid.”
“I promise,” Twilight said almost immediately.
“Pinkie Pie swear?”
“Oh come on, that’s—” Twilight saw the glare Dash was giving her and cut herself off. She moaned, raising a hoof to go through the motions. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Seeing Dash nod, she put her hoof down and turned back to all the papers out on her desk that still needed to be put away.
Dash frowned, but got an idea as she crawled down under Twilight’s stomach.
“Dash! What are you doing?” Twilight asked in alarm as Dash stood, lifting Twilight’s hooves off the floor and carrying her on her back. “Wait! I still have papers to put away!” Twilight squeaked in alarm, laughing as Dash carried her to the couch.
"Nuh-uh. I've only got an hour before I have to go see Spitfire, and I want you to spend it with me, not your dusty old books." Dash leaned, letting Twilight slide off her back and fall onto the couch.
Twilight giggled as Dash hopped on the couch next to her and looked into her eyes, her rainbow mane cascading down the side of her neck, forming a curtain around them.
Dash leaned down and locked lips with Twilight. Her heart thumped in her chest and every hair on her body stood on end as Twilight’s hooves wrapped around her back, hugging Dash to her and arching her back.
Dash broke the kiss, resting her forehead against Twilight’s. She stared down into Twilight’s eyes, her hooves planted on either side of her head as they looked at each other breathlessly, trying to get their wind back after the kiss. Dash bent back down, spreading light kisses along the nape of Twilight’s neck, burying her nose in Twilight’s mane, which smelled of an odd mix of ink, papyrus, and field flowers. Twilight giggled at her ministrations and nuzzled a spot just behind Dash’s right ear.
Twilight closed her eyes and let out a relaxed sigh as she sunk into the couch. “I hope that never changes.”
Spitfire stood in front of the Ponyville Weather Center with her Wonderbolts flight suit on—minus the hood. The Weather Center had closed down for the night and everypony who worked there had left a while ago, aside from the occasional pony walking home past the center.
Hearing the sound of wing beats behind her, Spitfire turned to see Rainbow Dash touch down on the ground, looking at her with a sheepish grin.
“Sorry if I’m a bit late,” Dash said, smiling apologetically at her. “So... where do you want to start?”
“We could start with some stuff about you,” Spitfire said, gesturing to Dash.
“Stuff about me?” Dash asked, pointing to herself and glancing around. “Uh, sure... like what?”
“Well...” Spitfire trailed off, having not thought that far ahead. “I’m curious about what makes you like flying, and how you got to be so good at it.”
“I’m not that good at flying,” Dash said, grinning with a small blush on her face.
Spitfire snorted. “Modesty doesn’t suit you.”
“Yeah, but I’m supposed to at least try, right?”
“I suppose,” Spitfire chuckled. “When I saw you perform in Cloudsdale, you had an air of confidence I’ve never seen anypony fly with before. It was so...” Spitfire brought her hooves together, trying to put her tongue on the right word. “It was so natural and free, not rigid like all the other fliers I’ve seen.”
“I guess,” Dash said, shrugging. “I dunno, I’ve always sort of done my own thing when I’m flying.”
“Well...” Spitfire rubbed the back of her head, a small blush creeping onto her cheeks. “Could you show me?”
Dash’s smile grew into a wicked smirk, and out of nowhere, she shot up into the sky.
Spitfire stumbled back and stared up at where Dash had taken off like a rocket. Narrowing her eyes, she crouched and then took off into the evening sky.
She followed Dash’s trail up into the clouds and stopped when she saw her level out and begin to really fly. Dash was little more than a cyan blur, spinning and weaving through the clouds. Spitfire slowed to a hover to watch her dart and spin around amongst the clouds, laughing and smiling like a filly, playing without a care in the world.
Dash flew to her side, after one last dip down through a cloud. “Hey!” Dash shouted. “Why aren’t you doing anything?” Her smile glowed and she was still laughing from the natural euphoria she got from flying.
“You fly like this all the time?” Spitfire asked.
“Yeah,” Dash replied, giving her a sidelong look. She began to dive back towards the ground, Spitfire following. “Why?”
“It’s amazing!” Spitfire followed Dash as she dropped down to skim along the ground over a grassy field. “No wonder you flew so naturally at the competition!” Spitfire’s shouted over the wind rushing past them, excitement plainly glowing in her voice.
Dash rubbed the back of her head, wearing an ego stroked grin. “Thanks.”
Heat rose behind Spitfire’s ears. “Can you teach me how to fly like that?” she asked with a blush.
The grass toppled behind them from the gust of their wings as Dash looked back at her and nodded. “Follow me!” Dash shouted, pulling up as the field beneath them ended.
Spitfire followed, the two of them flying directly up into the sky. Once the ground was far below them, Dash pulled up even further. Spitfire imitated her and the two of them performed a sequenced loop—only, Dash spun as she performed hers, surprising Spitfire at the ease with which she pulled it off. Dash abruptly took a sharp turn away from Spitfire and Spitfire followed, trying to keep up, a smile tugging at her lips.
Dash’s wings were beginning to grow tired. The two of them had been flying for a while now and she glanced back at Spitfire, noticing the other mare’s wing beats also seemed to be getting strained. bursting through the cloud cover the weather team had been setting up earlier that day and landed on the clouds. She turned just to see the other pegasus fly through the hole and slow to a hover over the clouds.
Spitfire landed on the clouds in front of her, panting lightly. “I haven’t flown like that in years,” she said, lying down to catch her breath. “And you fly like that every day?”
“Only for a few hours—and not every day,” Dash replied. “Don’t you practice flying every day with the Wonderbolts?”
“Yeah, but it consists of practicing the same routine for hours each day for weeks on end,” Spitfire stood back up. “And you, Dash, you’re one of the best fliers I’ve ever seen!”
Dash barked out a laugh. “Sorry, but you telling me I’m the best flier you’ve ever seen is like something out of one of my dreams—n-not that I dream about the Wonderbolts or anything, just...” Dash flicked her tail and looked off to the side with an embarrassed blush. “But yeah, thanks. That means a lot coming from you.”
“Would you like to become a Wonderbolt?” Spitfire asked. The words fumbled out of her mouth.
Dash’s mouth dropped open, her mind working to process what Spitfire had just said. “Really?!” she asked, a huge smile spreading across her face. “Oh, man! I always dreamed about this day!” She let out a giddy laugh and jumped off the cloud, performing a small flip before landing again. “I’ll get to fly with you, and Soarin’, and Fleetfoot, and...” she trailed off, as she realized the full implications of what Spitfire was asking.
She’d have to leave Ponyville.
Dash frowned, glancing down at the town below through the hole in the clouds. She thought about Twilight, and she thought back to something she had said when she first met her.
“I’d never leave Ponyville hanging!”
Dash turned back to see Spitfire still smiling at her.
“No, thank you.”
“Great, we’ll just...” Spitfire paused, realizing what the pegasus’ reply was. “Wait... no?”
“I mean, it was my dream to become a Wonderbolt—and it still is! But I’m just not done in Ponyville yet.” Dash looked down at the village with a small smile. She gave Spitfire an apologetic look. “I’m grateful for the offer, but I can’t accept it right now.”
Spitfire let out a disappointed sigh. “You must really care about her,” she said, covering her sadness with a small smile.
“Huh?” Dash asked in confusion.
“I can tell from your eyes that you’re thinking about Twilight.”
A small blush graced Dash’s face. “Yeah...”
“Then I’ll wait.”
Dash snapped her head away from the town and looked at her. “What do you mean?”
“I’m on temporary leave from the Wonderbolts.” Spitfire walked up beside Dash an looked down at Ponyville as she spoke. “Lately I feel like I’ve lost track of the reason I started flying in the first place.”
“Lost track of the reason you started flying?” Dash reiterated, her brow knitting together. “How do you lose track of that?”
Spitfire’s shoulders slumped and she let out a deep sigh. “I was slowly beginning to realize I don’t get any joy from what I do. I used love flying, but it just feels like a chore to me now.” She glanced up at Dash, their gazes meeting. “And then I saw you flying, and it reminded me of when I used to be in love with the sky. I took a break from the Wonderbolts. I wanted to come meet you again, and try to rediscover my love for flying.”
Dash was mute, her mouth hanging slightly open, and she stared at Spitfire with wide eyes.
Spitfire shifted, looking away from her. “Would you... like to go flying with me again?” she asked with a small and tentative smile, snapping Dash out of her stupor.
“Well, I mean, of course! That would be awesome!” Dash replied, breaking into a grin, but it faltered. “I, uh, don’t really know how much I’ll be able to help with that problem of yours though. I’ve never really had anything like that happen.”
“You don’t have to do anything, it’s just something I think I have to do,” Spitfire replied with a warm hearted smile.
Dash returned the smile and the two of them stood there like that for a moment, neither of them having to say anything. It wasn’t until a cold breeze snapped Dash out of her thoughts that she spoke up.
“Well,” she said, rubbing the back of her head. “I should probably get going. Sun’s probably going to be down in a little while, and it gets pretty cold flying in the dark...” she trailed off, looking at Spitfire out of the corner of her eye. “So... I’ll catch you later?”
Spitfire nodded, and the two of them flew down through the clouds, saying one last goodbye before they went their separate ways.
Twilight scanned a long scroll full of notes when Dash opened the door. She turned around to see Dash walk in, looking tired, but with a small smile on her lips. Twilight turned away from her notes, smiling at her.
"How did it go?" she asked as the pegasus walked up to her.
Dash leaned in and kissed her forehead, hugging her closely and closing her eyes. "It went great."
Double update Sunday!
So this chapter was completely retyped with a copy of the old one out. You may notice it being drastically different from the original chapter 15 (or you may not)
Anyways, I should be back to updating this more frequently. The rewrite of this chapter took backseat to first, two chapters of Equestria from Dust (a WIP), and then a chapter of Let's Find You a Date!
Yay!
can I have a cookie?
Hmm.. maybe Spitfire won't try to break them up after all. I predict Twilight screwing up the spell and angst ensuing.
Awesome chapter!
Will there ever be anything that could break Dash's loyalty?
What the buck is wrong with twi that thing with the deer skeleton was bucked//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png
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*gives you a giant cookie*
awesome chapter!
i read the "old story", but i didn't notice it being drastically different.
anyway
could anyone please tell me how much chapters the "old story" had? Thanks
Vivas Noctus
Loyalty
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'omnomnomnomnom'
Nice chapter :D
I hope that the next chapter will be out soon it is difficult to keep up with stories if they are updated so seldom especially when you read more than one story at a time.
Yay! An update! I was beginning to miss those frequent updates. I didn't see any errors, and it ma de my day. (i was beginning to think I would have to wait another week )
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th03.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/154/7/7/if_you_give_a_twilight_a_cookie_by_paradigmpizza-d526mo4.jpg
This rewrite is 120% cooler, you're getting really cloe to being caught up if I remember correctly
1365526
So. Adorable.
AWWWWWW!
1365526
AH MAI GAWD THAT TWICOOKIE!
1365564 1365812
You guys want more adorable ponies?
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw909_MLP_Celestia_giving.gif
Nah just kidding, here have another cute cookie moment,
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0gqj754Ol1qe74d0o1_1280.jpg
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OH SHEEEYT
I think that one killed meh!
Rainbow Dash : No I think I will pass on joining the wonderbolts -- I would rather stay in ponyville for now -- erk... gasp... choke...
Now, if she had noticed Spitfire hitting on her I could see her turning it down point blank in that she wants to earn her way not be given the position in that way....
Actually I think Celestia would be more interested in knowing about Twilights wing plans..... If she succeeds I can see awkward being an understatement.
I wonder what Twilight would have said if RD had just come clean and said an offer had been made.
There are a few quote marks missing from the beginning of paragraphs. For example:
Other than that, another great chapter! keep 'em coming!
yea, very cute. good chapter
Well done, enough so that I don't mind the wait. Impatient as I can be about updates to great stories, that's saying something!
Minor corrections:
But, Twilight,” Dash said, - missing opening quotation mark
“You can just ride on my back! I don’t mind doing that at all! In fact, I kind of enjoyed it.” Twilight lifted the stack of books by the desk with her magic and let out a sigh as she placed each book back onto their respective shelves. “You know that’s just not the same. I promise I will be careful in how I go about doing this, but please...” - Probably needs a paragraph break before "Twilight lifted", otherwise it looks like Dash is still speaking.
I hope Spitfire finds what she's looking for.
Damn, that whole "hollow out your bones with magic" plan is as creepy now as it was the first time around. That said, there's a part of me that hopes we go that route this time instead of the Twi/Dash/Spitfire love triangle route. A bad part of me, probably.
'Heat rose behind Spitfire’s ears. “Can you teach me how to fly like that?” she asked with a bush.'
It was just sitting around being inquisitive, and it wanted to help.
I can't find the difference from the old chapter
I do notice that the chapter is much more streamlined though. It's quick and get's the point across.
Hey hey hey, stay out of Twi's basement.
I've seen a lot of similar situations like this; Rainbow declines an invitation to the Wonderbolts, cause she doesn't want to leave her marefriend behind. But hey, you make it good...so it good.
1365370 The old story wasn't finished posting when this rewrite was started. From what I recall, this will go around the 30 chapter range. (But don't take my word for it.)
1367160 Stay tuned!
YAY! I've been looking forward for a update. Also there is quite a few mistakes in this chapter but not major ones. Keep up the good work.
MUCH more reasonable! Spitfire's not evil enough to be like 'mwahahaha I shall destroy their happiness for my own personal gain!'
1365206 That reminds me of this:
dawnchapel.com/comics/2010-07-09-firefox.jpg
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think of it like the skeleton scientists use to examine the effects of various forces on bones.
... though real scientists tend to use bone stand ins, because bone doesn't "keep" with the same qualities when removed from the body. It tends to be springier and stronger while not, you know, removed. Mostly because outside the body the marrow dries out(AND DIES), and becomes this weird semi-porous material. ...which I suppose is still technically marrow, just, y'know, dried.
... that could actually fuck up Twilight's spell. I hope she's doing something to prevent that from happening, or her spell could have some strange side effects!
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I'm concerned that it was a spell fuck up and that deers have a high enough level of intelligence for that to be considered murder. If it was just a skeleton she was using to look at bone structure she could have used a pony one.
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I doubt Twilight killed anypony, as it actually says she acquired it from canterlot. I think. That might have only been the old version.
1374214 I hope your right.
That's right Spitfire, you let Dashie fix your life and not ruin hers. And yeah, I feel like Twilights spell can only result in epic fails, but hopefully it turns out alright.
It's so great how Dashie seems to fall deeper in love with Twilight every chapter. I dunno if Twilight is developing in a healthy way in the ralationship, though. I feel like a lot of future drama may come from her direction, as she tends to become pretty obsessive about things.
All in all, loving the story. The relationship is developing in a way I could see happening IRL, with real problems coming up in believable ways, and no ridiculous stuff popping up just to move the story along, like you see in some other fics. Everyone seems very true to character, and the writing is descriptive without drowning in details. Keep up the great work!
Oh, spitfire. You mess up dash and twilight, and you're going to get it.
Hmm...
Well I'd be lying if I said it wasn't interresting.
Looking forward to new updates
1367657 Times like this I wish this site had a comment upvote system like reddit. But a system like that has its own problems. Anyway, oh my god, I am in tears laughing right now. Thank you.
I remember that I have read the original story but it was a fair while ago and I can't remember many details. I remember it being a good read, and this edit is even better. Keep up the good work.
Don't do it twilight. . . . . .
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actually, I think it DOES have a comment voting system... just nobody ever uses it >_>
Kinda painful to watch the incoming train wreck of a triangle... But, you just. Can't. Look. Away.
~Skeeter The Lurker
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Man, you made laugh out loud at freaking 2:00 AM!
Forgot the beginning quotes at these parts.
Another interesting chapter, loving it so far!
On to the next!
Heyo! I'll be blunt, I'm leaving this story, it's not really doing it for me :/ One thing I noticed was a lot of direct characterization, which is kinda boring. For example:
While technically perfect IMO, ya just used adjectives to colour in the character's emotions, instead of letting emotions be inferred through actions, etc. So basically ya told me instead of showing me.
Anyways, you wrote a legitimate story!. So, awesome. Bye-bye.
The way you handled Dash rejecting the chance to join the Wonderbolts was perfect. I feel like they're going to do that in one of the episodes of the show in nearly the exact same way. This story is really enjoyable to read, and I regret taking so blasted long to get to it. Onward to the next chapter!
~SolidFire
4881920 Holy shit that prediction is so spot on.
Drop it in chapter 15. Nothing interesting happened in first half of fic. To boring to read.
Spitfire better know how much Rainbow loves Twi.
Also don’t you love commenting on old stories? It’s moments like these that I realize I should of read this story 7 years ago.