Nock One Up

by Pony with a Pen

Baby It's Cold Outside

Author's Note:

This chapter isn't nearly as humorous as I had hoped it would be, but I still think it's worthy of publishing, and it sets up some later chapters that I look forward to writing. Hope you enjoy!

Why were her wings so stiff?

Luna trotted beside the castle airstrip, stretching her wing joints.

*Pop*

That didn’t sound good.

*Crack*

Nope, definitely not good.

She didn’t mind her wings being stiff—Luna appreciated a good wingboner as much as the next pony—but wingboners don’t cause sounds like that.

Working her wing muscles up and down, Luna took a deep breath and looked across the runway. Pegasi practiced their emergency aerial maneuvers overhead—diving, swerving, and barreling through the sky with practiced ease. Near the hangers, ponies milled about and chatted as they tinkered on airships, chariots, and anything else capable of flight. Farther down the runway, a few hot air balloons and their crews rested on a large patch of grass, waiting for their turn in the sky.

“Princess!”

Luna smiled as she caught sight of Long Arrow cantering down the path towards her.

“Are you ready to depart, Your Highness?”

“Yep, just needed to pick these up,” Luna said as she patted her empty saddle bags. “And save the titles for Canterlot nobles. Call me Luna.”

“Yes, Princess Luna,” Arrow replied. “Forgive me for saying this, Princess, but your request for me to accompany you to the Crystal Empire was very sudden, and your decision to fly there is… unusual.”

“Yes, Arrow, it was and it is,” Luna said, grinning. “You must have some questions.”

“I do, Prin—“

“Luna,” she interrupted. “But everything will make sense once we arrive.”

After Long Arrow nodded in response, Luna offered him a polite smile and continued down the path towards the field at the airstrip’s end. Together, they cantered past the hanger and the pegasi in flight, and beyond where the hot air balloons waited. Near the edge of the field, where the land dropped off into a valley and the grass grew long and wispy, Luna and Arrow took to the air.

The two soared above the castle, gaining height, before diving into the valley surrounding Canterlot. Princess Luna’s lips gradually stretched into a smile as the mountain range sheltering Equestria’s capital city gave way to open fields and rolling hills. Beneath her, a river meandered north towards Neighagra Falls and led the way to the Crystal Mountains.

Carried by the strong winds, Luna and Arrow ascended above the scattered clouds dotting the sky, giving them a clear view of the way ahead. It would take at least eight hours to reach the Crystal Empire—not that they would make it there today; that wasn’t part of the plan.

The thought of her plan nearly made Princess Luna squee in delight. Sneaking a peek at her travel companion, Princess Luna hid a smirk from the oblivious stallion. Mountains and forests passed by unnoticed below her as she flew towards the Frozen North, but the pony to her side stole more than a few of Luna’s glances.

Long Arrow easily managed to keep pace with her in flight, proving that his toned wing muscles weren’t just for show. Even as they entered the tundra, his resolve, strength, and endurance refused to falter.

“He must be great in bed,” Luna thought with glee as she looked to the clouds slowly surrounding them. Soon, she would find out what else Arrow could do with that strength and endurance, but she needed to play it cool—pun intended—for just a little longer.

Further into the tundra, as the temperature dropped closer and closer towards the freezing point, a snowflake whipped by them. Then two snowflakes sped by. Before long, snow steadily fell from the rapidly darkening clouds overhead, and both ponies slowed. Ahead of them, a blizzard raged across the Crystal Mountains, blocking many of the peaks from view and obscuring the way forward.

As they flew into the storm, snow whipped into every unprotected inch of their bodies. It accumulated on their saddlebags and froze onto their fur. Both Long Arrow’s armor and Princess Luna’s regalia weighed heavily on them as it stuck to the metal coverings.

Scanning the horizon, Long Arrow unsuccessfully searched for the direction of the storm. It seemed to hang motionlessly in the air as they carried on towards the Crystal Empire. Talk of the Crystal Mountains’ treacherous nature was not unwarranted; blizzards in this area were renowned for their ferocity and duration.

Looking to Princess Luna, he said, “Your Majest—”

“Luna,” she corrected.

“Luna…” Arrow said, hesitantly testing the word’s taste. “Should we wait for the blizzard to pass?”

“No,” Luna said firmly, suppressing the urge to giggle. “The Crystal Empire isn’t much farther. We can make it.”

---

They didn’t make it.

Princess Luna looked over to Long Arrow; the poor stallion sat by the mouth of the cave, shivering. He put forth a valiant effort, and had Luna not led him in circles for nearly two hours, he would have made it. That, however, wasn’t part of her plan.

Once Arrow finally yielded to his exhaustion, Luna swiftly accommodated his need for rest. Guiding him to a cave she spotted earlier, Luna agreed to stop for the day and set up camp within the relative safety of the crystalline cave. After settling in, she started a small magical fire while Arrow prepared a few of his military rations, and the two had eaten in relative silence.

“Long Arrow, come over here,” Luna said before yawning. As loath as she was to admit it, today’s flight left her more tired than she expected.

Arrow, bleary-eyed and lethargic, quietly walked over towards the Princess and sat down near the fire. Snow whipped past the cave’s entrance as the blizzard raged on, but neither pony could muster the energy to care. The food coma was setting in.

“We need to conserve warmth.” Luna stretched out her hooves while yawning again. “Come here.”

Whether aroused by the situation or simply apathetic to it, Long Arrow gave a final shiver from the cold and trotted into Luna’s waiting hooves without a word.

She pulled him in and rolled onto her side as she breathed deeply.

“Mmmm.”

This entire trip may have been a scheme to conquer Long Arrow’s flank, but Luna could put off sexy-fun-time for a few minutes while they cuddled. Fighting off hypothermia didn’t have to be unpleasant, after all.

The Princess’s chest rose and fell softly as she hugged Arrow to her breast, breathing him in. He smelled like stallion—like sweat, testosterone, and other scents all mixed and mingled together.

On top of her, Arrow’s legs lay slumped around Luna’s body in a limp hug as his face rested on her chest. His armor sat by the fire, exposing his soft blue coat and thick, brown mane.

Gently stroking his wings, Luna contentedly hummed in satisfaction as she felt his stallionhood pressed against her. Each time she rubbed his fluffy down feathers, he moaned quietly from his weary stupor, bringing a tired smile to Luna’s face.

She leaned down beside Arrow’s ear and blew softly.

“You know…” Luna whispered.

“I heard…”

“the best way for ponies…” Her eyes gradually closed.

“to stay warm…”

“Is to…” She yawned noiselessly.

“make lo…”

Long Arrow didn’t hear a word as the Princess dozed off, joining him in a peaceful slumber. She lay slumped against the cave wall, clutching him to her chest like a body pillow. Next to the warm fire, the pair rested, undisturbed, protected from the storm outside, and content in their silent embrace.

*SNORE*

Arrow’s eyes shot open.

---

“You’re beginning to see things in your old age, Cumulus.”

“No, I swear I saw ponies flying through the storm yesterday.”

“Cumulus, do you really think anypony would try flying over the Crystal Mountains in the middle of that blizzard? That monster was special ordered, and we had to pull over half of the Crystal Empire’s weather teams to make it. Nopony would go out in that storm.”

“Go ahead and scoff, Stratus, but I know what I saw while we were putting the final clouds into place,” Cumulus said firmly. Pointing a hoof down at one of the mountains, he said, “Here, let’s check that cave.”

“Please, and what are we going to find there?” Stratus said as he glided down alongside Cumulus to the mouth of the cave. “Hey, who knows, maybe it’ll be a Princess… of… Equestria…”

Both stallions stood motionlessly by the entrance, gaping.

A stallion with red, unblinking eyes stared back at them wordlessly. Held tight in the grip of a dark blue Alicorn, he peered into their very souls. Next to them, pieces of regalia and Royal Guard armor encircled smoldering campfire.

*SNORE*

“What should we do?” Stratus whispered to Cumulus.

“Ask him,” Cumulus whispered back, glancing anxiously between the beleaguered stallion and slumbering Alicorn.

“Do you need help?” Stratus whispered in a slightly louder voice.

Long Arrow stared.

*SNORE*

“What happened?” Cumulus called softly to the stallion.

Long Arrow stared.

*SNORE*

“Are you and the Princess all right?” Cumulus called again while Stratus waved a hoof to get the mysterious stallion’s attention.

Long Arrow stared.

“We’ll, uh…” Stratus slowly backed away, dragging Cumulus along with him. “We’ll just… go.”

With his piercing, disquieting gaze, Arrow followed them away from the cave. Neither made eye contact with him. Anxiously, they both spun around to face away from the unspeakable scene behind them and took flight. Neither looked back.

*SNORE* *SNORT*

Arrow’s eyes darted toward his Alicorn tormentor.

“Mmmnnn?” Luna drowsily mumbled. Looking down to the stallion still in her grip, she smiled and pulled him into an embrace. “Good morning, Long Arrow.” She nuzzled his mane and hummed as Arrow’s soft, warm fur rubbed against her belly with each breath. “I hope you slept well,” Luna whispered in his ear.

“Good morning, Princess.” Long Arrow replied distantly.

“Didn’t I tell you?” Luna giggled sleepily, nibbling on his ear. “Call me Luna.”

“Of course… Luna,” Arrow replied as he stared into oblivion.

“You could also call me… Lulu, if you prefer,” She purred, closing her eyes in bliss. Arrow’s hooves were still limply wrapped around her in a light hug, and she contentedly reveled in the sensation of his touch.

“The storm has passed. Are you ready to depart?”

“Mmmmm, sure,” Luna said, pausing to yawn. “Just five more minutes.”

They left for the Crystal Empire 41 minutes and 27 seconds later. He counted.

---

“Are you bucking kidding me?” Luna asked incredulously. “The first edition is garbage. It has, like, ten tournament viable cards.”

“That’s only because of power creep. Oubliettes & Ogres: The TCG used to be balanced,” the pale-yellow unicorn mare retorted.

“Phft, yeah, and about as interesting as 2nd edition Dragons & Dragons.”

“We don’t talk about 2nd edition!”

“Oh, and 3rd is better?” Luna said with a condescending smirk.

“It’s just a slight misstep in the development of an innovative new—”

“Tabletop roleplaying experience designed for lobotomized, pretentious snobs,” Luna interrupted. “And maybe, if it didn’t railroad players so hard, ponies might actually enjoy the game. Even if I ordered him to play it, I doubt Private Long Arrow here could endure more than five minutes of its endless tedium.”

“Why, I never! You have some nerve talking about—”

Long Arrow closed his eyes and sighed as the buzz of ponies chatting—all of whom were considerably more cheery—drowned out Princess Luna’s argument with the mare.

Dozens of ponies stood in line outside the shop, waiting for it to open. Mares, stallions, colts, and fillies from across Equestria came to witness the grand opening of Crystal Gaming, the Crystal Empire’s first game store, and Luna was one of them. However, the reason she truly came was what would happen after the store opened—when they would give the first hundred customers a massive discount.

Though Luna had other reasons for flying to the Crystal Empire rather than simply taking the train, losing out on the deal of the year was certainly the most important. The first available train from Canterlot wouldn’t pull into the station for another thirty minutes, and Luna would lick a rock farmer’s hooves before she missed an opportunity like this.

Opening his eyes, Arrow looked listlessly down the line towards the shop’s entrance; ponies were counting the seconds until it opened. He and the Princess hadn’t arrived particularly early, so they stood somewhere in the middle of the line, but easily within the first one hundred.

“Perhaps, if you’re into that sort of thing,” Luna said, looking at the mare dismissively. “But a good GM can work within the framework of the Oubliettes & Ogres universe to create engaging, mentally-stimulating adventures that still allow players freedom and choice.”

“Yes, but can’t you see that Dragons & Dragons is a post-modern commentary on—”

“Crystal Gaming is now officially open!” the manager yelled as she opened the doors, interrupting dozens of conversations taking place throughout the line.

A mass of ponies immediately surged into the store, quickly snaking through the aisles and lining up at the register. Earth ponies and pegasi alike stuffed their saddle bags full of cards and collectibles, and more than one unicorn held a tower of game boxes aloft with their magic.

“Welcome everypony!” the middle-aged, crimson mare near the entrance said. As each group of shoppers passed by, she welcomed them into her shop with a smile and a simple set of directions. “The line starts right there and takes you through each aisle. Let one of the staff along the way know if you need help finding anything.”

Everypony moved at a constant, methodic pace thanks to the efficient cashier behind the register and the helpful staff positioned throughout the aisles. Despite this, some still had difficulty waiting for their turn to scavenge the store for bargains.

“Ooooh, come on. Hurry, hurry,” Luna said, trotting in place impatiently. Her quarrel with the argumentative mare being long forgotten, Luna poked her head around the ponies in front of her and tried to see inside Crystal Gaming. One after another, customers left the shop with bulging saddlebags and an anxious stare directed at them from the Princess of the Night.

Countless other ponies in line mirrored Luna’s motions; even the mare from earlier had lost herself to unbridled enthusiasm. Some bounced up and down, others squealed in excitement, but nearly all of them drooled when a stallion walked out of the store with a detailed replica of the U.S.S. Venture from Star Trot.

Eventually, after a few minutes of impatience and what felt like an eternity of waiting, Luna and Arrow finally neared the door.

“Princess Luna, we’re honored by your patronage,” the manager said as she welcomed the two into the store.

“Uh-huh, sure—thanks,” Luna replied, glancing over the mare’s head. “Private Long Arrow, find every piece of limited edition Oubliettes & Ogres merchandise in this store. We’re not leaving until the shelves are bare!”

“Yes, Princess Luna.”

“No. Not Princess Luna,” she corrected with an unusual twinkle in her eye. Thrusting a hoof into the air, she said, “Grand Sorceress Nocturna!”

“Yes, Grand Sorceress Nocturna,” Arrow replied wearily.

As the Sorceress and her stallion set off on their quest, no collectibles escaped their notice. Rare and valuable loot—rulebook variants, collector statuettes, booster packs, and miniatures alike—lay scattered all around them, just waiting to be plundered. With each step taken and each aisle searched, their treasure sacks swelled larger.

Ponies around them mercilessly pillaged merchandise from the shelves—everything from Fallout: Equestria keychains to Wizardry: The Conjuring socks—but the Sorceress remained focused. Beside her, Nocturna’s faithful stallion kept a vigilant watch for any hidden spoils, of which there were many.

“Grand Sorceress Nocturna, did you see these misplaced Call of Star Swirl items?” Long Arrow asked. “I believe they’re meant to go in the previous aisle.”

“Well done!” the Grand Sorceress exclaimed. “Your perception is high for a non-rogue. Get one of those posters, some booster packs too.”

“Sorceress, we picked up four of the same card packs earlier.” Long Arrow responded dryly, stuffing a poster in his saddlebags.

“You’re right.” She put a hoof to her chin. “Just grab the whole box.”

Arrow paused with his hoof raised and a question on his lips but quickly reconsidered voicing his inquiry. Placing the box in her saddlebags, the two rounded the corner of the aisle as they entered the final stretch. Their bags were full to bursting, but the cash register was in sight.

To their right, an empty showcase awaited the many champions that would grace its surface, and a blank tournament bracket stood ready for all the competitions that would soon take place. On the other side of the aisle, dozens if not hundreds of miniatures sat haphazardly on a shoulder-high, aisle-long shelf.

“Nocturna,” Arrow said, turning to face his magical mistress. “Do any of these figures interest you?”

“Hmm?” Nocturna pulled herself away from the tournament schedule.

Behind Arrow, unboxed miniatures from a multitude of series covered the entire shelf. Without much effort, she could identify figures from Oubliettes & Ogres, Battlefield Equestria, Dragons & Dragons, and even Shadowtrot. Mausoleums and tombstones rested between the miniatures, and a fog gem hidden behind the display poured out ominous smoke to complete the display.

As the Sorceress gazed over the mishmash of sci-fi and fantasy, perplexed, a unicorn stallion from further down the aisle trotted over to them.

“That’s the miniatures graveyard, only used and clearance figures in this section,” he said. “It’s great for ponies new to tabletops, or those in need some NPCs.”

Motioning to their saddlebags, the pony continued, “I see that you don’t fall into the former category, Princess.”

“I do not,” Luna replied with a chuckle. “Though these prices are very tempting, perhaps I could use a few extras for my next campaign.”

She picked up one of the figures and rotated it in her hoof. Sloppy paint and poor color choice, but with a bit of effort, it could be salvaged.

“And what of your stallion friend?” the unicorn asked, turning to face the guard accompanying Princess Luna.

“I am only here to assist the Grand Sorceress Nocturna,” Long Arrow replied as he perused the display. “I have no experience in tabletop RPGs.”

“Oh, more of a LARPer. I can respect that. You know, we actually have a wonderful selection of—”

“Nonsense.” Luna looked up from the figure in her hoof and stared at her stallion in disbelief. “Surely you intend to join my party’s next adventure.”

“Only if you so desire, Your Majesty.”

“Of course I so desire,” Luna said, rolling her eyes. “Just pick something out.”

Acknowledging her with a nod, Arrow turned back towards the shelf as the other stallion trotted over to another group of customers.

A multitude of figures occupied the display, but she doubted Arrow would have trouble deciding. After a few minutes, the stallion already held two miniatures in his hooves, neither of which she could see. As he glanced between them, examining the details of each model, Luna took another few steps toward the cash register.

She appreciated the effort he was putting into his choice, though she wished he had more time. He could create another character later, this is true, but Luna spent hours dreaming up her first character, “Warrior Princess Moonlight Breeze.”

A horrendous self-insertion character, yes, but one that was dear to her nonetheless.

Moonlight Breeze’s eventual death remained an upsetting event long after the game ended. However, it also led to one of Luna’s finest campaigns when she sought revenge for the regicide as her new character, Apprentice Sorceress Nocturna.

Even now, despite playing as an exceedingly more complex and nuanced character, Princess Luna still considered waking the warrior princess from her eternal slumber for an adventure through Tartarus. Perhaps Long Arrow could join her.

“Sorceress?”

“Hmm? Oh, Arrow.” Luna’s attention drifted back to her current adventure—waiting in line while Arrow chose his character. “Have you decided?”

“Yes,” Arrow said as he held a miniature up. “I believe this pegasus guard will be a valuable traveling companion.”

“I agree,” Luna said with a chuckle. She wouldn’t mind a pegasus guard companion either. “But you can be anypony you want in a tabletop game. Wouldn’t you rather be something like a bloodknight or a necromancer? Something less…”

Princess Luna looked at the figure in Arrow’s hoof, and then at the hoof’s owner. If one of them wasn’t made of plastic, they could have been brothers.

“Boring,” she finished.

Long Arrow’s gaze fell to the figure in his hoof. “I see,” he said calmly.

“Why not pick out another character and then meet me at the register?” Luna said. “There are still a few ponies ahead of us.”

Nodding silently, Arrow returned the miniature to the shelf and delved back into the hordes congregated around the graveyard.

Luna smiled and shook her head; gods bless him, he was trying. She stepped forward, making sure to keep pace with the line. After seeing Arrow’s first choice, Luna was tempted to choose a character for him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. He needed to grow into his character, and he wouldn’t be able to do that if she tailored his character to her own tastes.

As the ponies in front of her meandered towards the register, Luna’s thoughts wandered back to the adventures she would go on with Arrow. Undoubtedly, it would be a tale of romance, debauchery, and blood, but the twists and turns tying it together remained a mystery. Once she returned to Canterlot, she would have to iron out the campaign’s details.

Normally, she disliked authoring her own adventures—foreknowledge ruins the sense of discovery and excitement—but this would be an unusual crusade. They would still be fighting monsters with magic and swords, but the real battle would be fought with sexual innuendo and skimpy outfits. Luna still had a bet to win, and more importantly, a stallion to woo.

Her normal game master was out of town for the month, which was for the best, since he probably wouldn’t approve of her plans. Luna could find a substitute without much difficulty, but she also needed another player to round out her party. Maybe somepony from her usual tabletop group could join them. Well, a stallion from the group, anyway. She was already competing with Celestia, Luna didn’t need any more competition for Arrow’s affections.

As another pony trotted away from the register with full saddlebags and a large smile, Princess Luna stepped forward to take their place at the checkout counter.

“Hello, Princess! Is there anything else we can help you with?” the cashier asked with a smile.

Pulling herself from her thoughts, Luna slid her saddlebags onto the counter and offered a polite smile. “No, thank you.”

“You’re welcome! Now let’s see what you… Ooooh,” the stallion behind the counter said as he opened one of the bags. “This may take a while, Your Highness.”

“Of course, there are items in his bags as well.” Luna gestured to Arrow as she looked at the impulse buys on the counter. “Private Long Arrow, it’s time. Have you made your final decision?”

“Yes, Sorceress,” Long Arrow replied, cantering over to the counter and setting the miniature, along with his saddlebags, on the counter. “Here it is.”

“Good. Now, let me see what you—”

What. The. Buck.

The… thing Arrow had chosen was equine in nature—barely—but it lacked any legs. Instead, a cannon, a sword, a motorized spring, and a wooden prosthetic with magical runes carved onto it functioned as limbs for the abomination.

“I think I’ll name him Fortune,” Long Arrow said unsarcastically.

A permanent look of horror and rage was etched on the creature’s face, possibly because it’s eyeballs had been plucked out. Alternatively, it could have been upset about its scorched mane, ragged ears, blood-soaked coat, or skull-shaped cutie mark. Overall, it had a lot of reasons to be angry.

“My,” Luna whispered, desperately trying to hide the twitch she was about to develop. “How did you choose such an… interesting character?”

“I did as you suggested.” Long Arrow replied, glancing down at the figure. “I found something less boring.”

“Mhmm.” Luna nodded furiously. “You did that.”

Bucking Tartarus.

She needed to do something—fast—or accept that Nocturna’s next “adventure” would be getting in bed with… Luna hesitantly looked down at the miniature once more.

Nope, nope, nope.

A line of ponies extended behind her and Arrow, and each mare and stallion eagerly awaited their turn to purchase overpriced pieces of plastic and cardboard. Helping Long Arrow choose another character would take forever; giving up her spot in line meant giving up her discount.

And Luna wasn’t giving up her discount.

If there was a decent gaming store in Canterlot, she would just take Arrow there on the way home, but there wasn’t. The proprietor of Canterlot Quests was a Dragons & Dragons snob, and she refused to do business with him. The next closest store was in Baltimare, but that would require another day trip. Celestia had already claimed him for tomorrow, and the day after that was Arrow’s day off. Luna couldn’t wait for an opportune time; her Sister was already scheming to conquer his plot.

Somehow, someway, she had to get another figure into his hooves before they left the store. Good thing Celestia and Luna oversaw the Royal Treasure directly.

“You-know-what—”

*Clatter* *Rattle* *Clatter*

Approximately three dozen figures clacked onto the counter, flung there from the graveyard by Luna’s magic. Slowly, the cashier looked up from the register to see the nervously fidgeting Princess smiling maniacally at him.

“I-think-I’ll-just-buy-these-too.”

---

Making ponies wait in line isn’t evil, regardless of what their glares may imply.

After ten minutes of dirty looks from the ponies behind her, Princess Luna trotted out of Crystal Gaming. Arrow followed behind her carefully, awkwardly trying to balance the box containing all the miniatures. Unfortunately, after Luna’s additional purchases, they couldn’t fit everything in their saddlebags, and the store was waiting on a shipment of shopping bags and boxes. The cashier did, however, have an empty donut box sitting behind the counter.

Luna would have preferred a box of donuts instead of figures, but she couldn’t complain.

So long as Arrow’s abomination could “disappear” and be replaced with something less horrifying, there was nothing to whine about. Not all the characters she threw onto the counter fit in with the Oubliettes & Ogres’ universe, but a bargain is a bargain, and she would find a use for them.

“Sorceress,” Long Arrow said, grunting as he wedged the box in one of his wings. “If you’re ready to leave the Crystal Empire, the train station is two blocks away. We will arrive there before the next departure if we walk quickly.”

“Stallions—always in such a rush,” Luna chided. “We’re in one of the most beautiful, magical cities in Equestria, and you already want to leave?”

“What I want is irrelevant, Grand Sorceress. I simply thought it best to inform you.”

“Good stallion,” she said with a wink. “Remember that when you find a marefriend.”

“Yes, Nocturna.”

“Now,” Luna said as she glanced across the street, eyeing a small café. “Let’s grab—”

“Private Long Arrow!” a soft, kind, sickeningly sweet voice called—a voice that was most certainly not Luna’s.

That motherbucker.

“My, what are you doing so far away from home?” she asked.

“Princess Celestia,” Arrow replied, turning to face the Princess of the Sun. “I flew here while accompanying Grand Sorceress Nocturn—”

“Shh, No-no!” Luna desperately flung a hoof over Arrow’s mouth, but her Sister had already heard too much.

Celestia turned to “Grand Sorceress Nocturna” and grinned wickedly. “Oh, you flew all the way here? You must be so tired. And who did you say your companion was? Grand Sorceress Nocturna?”

“Yes. Princess Luna has requested that I call her—”

“Yes-that’s-nice-thank-you,” Luna said, shoving her hoof into his muzzle. Neither bothered nor surprised by the situation, Private Long Arrow stood motionless as a blush formed on the Princess of the Night’s cheeks.

“My little stallion,” Celestia said between giggles, thoroughly amused by her Sister’s discomfort. “Could you get some iced tea for all of us? I believe my Sister wishes for a moment alone with me.”

Taking a step back to free his mouth of Luna’s hoof, Long Arrow replied, “Yes, Your Highness,” before trotting away.

As he crossed the street, weighed down by his saddlebags and with the donut box still wedged awkwardly in his wing, Luna glared at Celestia. “How did you find us?”

Celestia watched Arrow carefully wedge himself through the door of the café. Despite his best efforts, the bulging saddlebags strapped to his flanks got caught on the doorframe. Sighing, he pulled on them feebly until his head drooped. A crystal pony inside the café offered to help him, but he declined their help, and after one final push, he made it through the door unassisted.

“He filed the necessary paperwork with his superiors before leaving the castle,” Celestia eventually replied.

Drat.

Raising an eyebrow, Celestia continued. “Trying to whisk my little stallion away from me, Sister?”

“I’m afraid I already have, Sister,” Luna spat back. “He and I were quite… intimate last night.”

“Mmm, yes. A few weather ponies that stopped by your cave informed me that you kept him up all night, if you know what I mean,” Celestia said smugly.

The blush returned to Luna’s face and her eyes grew wide. “O-o-of course. Why, our passionate lovemaking lasted all night—into the dawn, even. His stamina and endurance were something to behold.

“Oh, I would say so,” Celestia agreed. “Not many ponies could spend the night as a snoring Alicorn’s body pillow and still function the next day.”

Luna’s blush deepened as Princess Celestia leaned into her ear and whispered, “Nice try, Lulu, but sleeping with a stallion and having sex with him aren’t the same thing.”

Behind Celestia, the bell above the café’s entrance jingled as Arrow exited the establishment. Drink carrier in hoof, box in wing, and saddlebags on flank, Long Arrow steadily made his way back to the Princesses. Luna hurriedly covered her face—and her embarrassment—while Celestia turned around to face the weary stallion approaching them.

“Thank you, Private,” Celestia said warmly as she levitated the drinks from his hoof. “Come, let’s walk to the train station and sip these while we wait for the next train to Canterlot.”

“Yes, Sister,” Luna replied through gritted teeth. “Let’s.”

Comments

[burningblackdragon]

God they're torterring him