Vengeance

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Captain Pipsqueak lands himself in a dire situation. Desperate and under enemy attacks, he found himself wishing for some help. However, help comes in the form of an unexpected visit...

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 8 )

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Spark of Inspiration

Spark of Inspiration #1 · Jun 22nd, 2012 · · ·

I love this! I did know most of what was coming, but that didn't detract from the story at all. And a funny ending makes it all complete.

Just wondering, did you create that game on a whim, or is it something in real life?
-SoI

Midnight Magician

Midnight Magician #2 · Jun 22nd, 2012 · · ·

All this talk of ships and shields... I want to play Star Fox 64 now... Thanks! Great story, well written, and well recieved by yours truly! Thanks for taking your time to write it.

Steampunk Starlight

Steampunk Starlight #3 · Jun 23rd, 2012 · · ·

793469
Thanks for your comments.
The game's something I made up, although I got inspired by star wars and star trek. And of course by cheaters online.

793558
And thank you for reading it. Comments like these keep me inspired to do better next time!

Owlor

Owlor #4 · Sep 10th, 2012 · · ·

I'dve preffered a better balance between description and dialouge, that's the downside of making fake-outs like this, its usually a little tricky to find place for alot of descriptions, because there's only so much you can describe before giving he whole game away.

Steampunk Starlight

Steampunk Starlight #5 · Sep 10th, 2012 · · ·

1253612
What do you mean by 'fake-outs'? I kinda agree on that point too. Sometimes descriptions can be dry and I wonder how some people can pull it off... I'm working on my dialogue but some people say its all about practice...

Owlor

Owlor #6 · Sep 10th, 2012 · · ·

1253643
When something is set up so it looks like things are going in one direction, but it's actually going in another. Like Applejack suddenly kicks Rarity in the face only it turns out it was a daydream Applejack had while Rarity is lecturing her on manners, that sort of thing.

As for description... well, I'd recommend Raymond Chandler as an author that I think is very good with physical descriptiond, espescially if you're interested in writing action/adventure. Y'know how you sometimes see people parodying film noir detective stories and they have this very gritty, dramatic narration filled with hardboiled metaphors? Yeah, that's basically how he writes. Otherwise, it's important to keep in mind that good description doesn't necesserily mean a lot of description. Espescially if you're interested in comedy, it can be better to have relatively few but very memorable descriptions.

DarthWill3