How To Rebuild A Hive... Get Someone Else To Do It

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Comments ( 13 )

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Speedy Silverstreak

Speedy Silverstreak #1 · Jul 27th, 2016 · · ·

Are you going to write more? Kinda liked reading this.

Ugly-Duckling123

Ugly-Duckling123 #2 · Jul 27th, 2016 · 1 · ·

7430768 Not to add to this one no...

But i have a few ideas in-waiting I just need to get them done and over here

Speedy Silverstreak

Speedy Silverstreak #3 · Jul 28th, 2016 · 2 · ·

7430776 Ok. That's cool. Good luck on your other stories.

Reykan

Reykan #4 · Jul 28th, 2016 · 5 · ·

It was...a bit too generic. Kinda flimsy on the details, too. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't too good either. Overall I feel incredibly meh about this story, even with the non-con broodmare thing.

Gwen? That's not even a name I would expect to see attached to a pony. Maybe a griffon, but not a pony. I had to check to make sure it wasn't anthro after I read the name.

Finally, you used the word hoof one time. I think I end up using some form of horse-pun at least six in a short chapter. There was no gesticulation except for Chrysalis touching Gwen. It all just felt so...blah. Where's the horror? Where's the pleasure? Why am I reading about robots? Will Gwen miss her robot family? Give me answers!

Ugly-Duckling123

Ugly-Duckling123 #5 · Jul 28th, 2016 · · 2 ·

7432483
First of: this was my first written clop fic so i didn't know what to expect to come out of it
Second: it was... going to be an anthro, but then i changed my mind
Third: 'Gwen' is short for Guinevere
Fourth: there was not meant to be horror in this story, (if there was, i would have put it in and added a Horror tag)
Fifth: They are not robots, Gwen's a pony, and everyone else are Changelings
Sixth: No she will not, because she does not have a 'Robot Family'

And finally

Nobody asked you to read this story... You read it (as far as i know) of your own free will, meaning you must have liked the sound of it, other wise you wouldn't have clicked on it.

Reykan

Reykan #6 · Jul 28th, 2016 · 3 · ·

7432650 when someone is captured and raped against their will, that's pretty horrific. Anyone with an ounce of survival instinct would have their mind racing trying to get out, but while you mention Gw3n making her attempts, it's nothing but a quick rattle of her bonds.

And while I don't have to read, I did and wanted you to know what I thought. If I had merely said it sucked, fine. Get mad. I didn't though. Like another user who used the "it was my first, be nice to me!" Excuse, I'm telling you things to improve on. You could take it as hate, or you could read my comment, look at the story, and say "next time I could try this, or maybe write it this way..."

Ugly-Duckling123

Ugly-Duckling123 #7 · Jul 29th, 2016 · · ·

7433748
Sorry... i just have a negative way of seeing things

Thank you for the advice, if i do another one, i'll try and listen to it

Reykan

Reykan #8 · Jul 29th, 2016 · · ·

7434728 I know what it's like to get defensive of your stuff, but take every review with a grain of salt. If the comment is full of hate, ignore it, or try to figure out why they're angry. Even the most hateful comments can have a nugget of wisdom underneath the shit.
If it has suggestions, take them into consideration. I've had people asking me to go two directions on a story and had to make a decision. Do I regret it? Kind of. But such is life. I don't think going the other way would have gained much, and I kept more readers by doing it the way I did.

If you're uncertain about something, ask. There are plenty of people on the site who would love to help. In fact, there's even a group dedicated to those in your position.

School for New Writers

Luckyfanisaac

Luckyfanisaac #9 · Jul 29th, 2016 · · ·

restoring my my hive
Chrysalis said as she was coming over,
tube out of her mouth.

Yeah it was good but not enough to get me "in the zone."

Ugly-Duckling123

Ugly-Duckling123 #10 · Jul 29th, 2016 · · ·

7436184 Thanks for pointing them out

all changed/fixed now

Luckyfanisaac

Luckyfanisaac #11 · Jul 29th, 2016 · · ·

7436202
Really like your profile pic I did a quick reaction video to that episode towards the end of the school year on my school IPad so I had to do it quickly and I missed a few things I was going to add. I can't figure out a way to edit it.