Damaged
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"Walk on holey hooves himself."
That line would have worked that much better had Shining been a priest or paladin.
And here we go again. It's a perfect day to be defeated, my queen.
7417015 I like messing with English, and yes, playing pathfinder as a changeling paladin is always fun!
7417022 Starting at the start this time, too. Not needing to play to jokes makes it a bit easier to just write.
a vary good start.
I assume you don't need to read the first to get this one? Because apparently I stopped reading the other one. Can't for the life of me remember why, and there's no comment to tell me why either.
7417238 Nope, this is a complete retelling. And I promise, less jokes and taking it slow.
7417310
Ah, that explains it...
Coolio
(LOL my iPad autocorrected coolio to Cooloola then Collin.)
7417054 I rather like the idea of a changeling inquisitor or paladic grey guard, if only to throw out the competent and snarky fun instead of those wacky 40k/spanish inquisitors.
But that's what made it interesting to read!
7417481 Well, there will still be some silliness, but without the fast-paced flow of the other one, they won't be as tightly packed or well timed.
ooh.. this, I am interested in. O: A more mature retelling of the lesser fast p-. wait, is this the FMA:Brotherhood'd version of the original?
A successful predator?
I'm interested to see how it all goes when it's not played for cuteness and laughs.
7420722 Since when has Chrysalis shown an ounce of success?
7421316
That was my point. Silly pony.
I see your story and raise you one up vote.
7421476
Good old tactics: if it seems resistant, push harder!
Keep going! ;)
I'm rather enjoying the remake of it so far. I always felt the original story was a little too silly, too 'crack' level, to really sit down and enjoy. Seeing it play out and taken more seriously would be nice.
I am super impressed with this version I love the total different look at the hole story line.
Although I would have liked to see a bit more of the conversation in the first scene of this chapter, overall I find this much more interesting than the original.
First come, first serve, yo!
Flash, you dick.
CocaineLove's a helluva drug!First acquisition has been made!
At least he doesn't need to be stressed out as much anymore, right?
Keep going! ;)
Changeling went from Pegasus to unicorn. Did he change at Canterlot? Or on the train?
Also, the Crystal Empire appeared WAAAAY after the wedding, afaik. AU tag?
7438013 Crystal Empire was S3EP1&2, Wedding was end of S2. The way they have spaced out the show as being 'only two years have passed' it had to have been less than a month, I shortened it down to a week.
He got on the train a pegasus, grumbled about making allowances for a horn that wasn't there, got off a unicorn.
7438049
Seems legit. I rescind my statements.
7438053 I watched Canterlot Wedding (again... oh glob how many times have I watched this?) and then The Crystal Empire just to make sure I had things straight in my head.
It still amazes me that you found a way to make changelings as adorable as ponies, if not even moreso.
This looks promising, I did like the original but I felt that Shining Armor accepted his new situation too quickly. Even with Cadence's supporting him, which probably help him bare with the situation at least, I feel that he should have gone trough all the the seven stages of grief or at least try to find a possible cure before it is "too late" to change and ultimately failed. I would also have liked to know how Cadence and Shiny manged to integrate the Changelings into the Crystal Empire and how the Changelings would adapt to the pony way of life with some hiccup along the way.
7443462 If those were the problems you had with the comedy version, then you should really keep an eye on this. As you can see, I am taking my time. Establishing the beginnings of Chrysalis' infatuation with Shining, why she was sending changelings to keep an eye on him, how the first of them was discovered, and yes, Shining will need a lot more kid-gloves and hugs by Cadance. Thanks for leaving a comment!
Now that's how you brainwash! Slowly, methodically, so much that it's not noticed until they feel its truthfulness integrally and without doubt! Careful has carefully found his cares adjusted...
Keep going! ;)
I really enjoy this characterization of Cadance, if only because it really blends her ability to lead and command with her status as Alicorn of Love in a way that feels natural and congruent. I don't really feel like the show-Cadance really has much chance to demonstrate her loveyness.
little precession inside - little procession inside
*****
It's good to finally be able to turn my attention back to typo hunting at your stories as well as Mr. Silver's. I've been enjoying this re-telling so far and will continue reading, even if I can't always comment or ferret out typos.
*****
I could not help but imagine the following:
[cut to a long shot of the crystal palace exterior. All is quiet for three beats then a number of intricate stained glass windows are vaporized by a wave of pink magic that blasts through the now empty frames.]
Cadance: She what??!
catching what Careful said - catching what Careful had said
the drone looks at her with such devotion when he says 'my queen' - the drone looked at her with such devotion when he said 'my queen'
*****
And now it really begins!
Good, chapter but I feel that Shining's reaction to his new subject statement that he was posted to monitor his transformation a little too we, plus sense he is learning it before he start to see the actual effect of that goop ruins a little of the fun of the confusion of what is happening to him and the the fun hiding it from Cadence.
7459164 You will note that both he and Cadance seem to think that a wild story. He is hiding this from her still, just there is a little more going on with it.
Operation integration is a go! Phase one in progress!
We wonder how long it will be before Careful's continuous labeling of "his Queen" tips her off...
Seems the transformation is already off to a good start!
Keep going! ;)
You might want to change the "she" to a "he" because he is currently a unicorn stallion.
7459885 Thanks, those damn pronoun switches can be deadly!
Gorgeous....... I am going to like this.
7460029 Glad you are liking it!
Weird. This latest update showed up in my feed, but didn't show up on my updated stories list.
Edit: Deja vu
7461209 My fault. I had meant to keep this one in queue for a while, but at 5am, when I was trying to publish the latest Given Shape, I messed up and published this instead. Brain farted, I hit unpublish, then publish again. I guess those only checking their updated stories list will have a nice surprise on Friday when another update is triggered.
Crystal Heart absorbing the love? I saw it more as a mirror, reflecting the love.
7461405
Ah, I see. That explains the lack of comments.
7461458 I figure it being some kind of capacitor. It acts as a buffer, taking in love and sending it out, always storing up a bit extra to give a PULSE at just the right time.
7461468
I suppose that makes sense...
I really like how this story is going this is going to get exciting rather fast.
Disobedience?! Bring out... THE COMFY CHAIR. *ominous thunder*
7462195 Cardinal Biggles! Poke her, with the soft cushions!
Silly Cadance, you didn't think the Heart generated love energy, did you?
So the communications tap has been ordered. Shame, we were hoping she'd just throw more drones, but clearly she's covering bases...
Keep going! ;)