Princess Celestia is Dead

by Queen Sanguine Dreams

Blood and Feathers

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

I have urgent need of you in Canterlot at once.

Please arrive at all due haste, it is urgent.

Princess Celestia

That was the letter Twilight had received only moments before. She knew something was wrong, but Celestia hadn't explained what was wrong in her haste. It must've been important, because she had been pulled away from her duties with the cutie-map. Not that she minded; the chance to catch up with her old mentor was more than enough reason to give her crystalline home a break. What was distressing was that Celestia hadn't greeted her in person.

She stood outside the Princess' chambers, and noticed that the door had been opened. She debated whether it would be acceptable to peek in on whatever Celestia was doing, or whether it was urgent enough to ignore the breach of privacy.

Her anxiety eventually won out over her social graces, and she slowly pushed open the door. Looking around, and finding nothing out of place, Twilight then assumed that--

Wait a minute, is that a feather?

Pushing the door open slightly more, she was able to inch her way past the large marble door without a squeak from the old hinges to give her intrusion away. Sure, what she was doing was probably just nothing more than paranoid worry, but Celestia didn't just leave her feathers laying around.

There were some 'devoted' ponies, where Celestia was concerned.

Moving past the brightly colored sun-themed rug, over the mountain of letters from dignitaries and ambassadors across the planet, and ducking under a "Thank you for visiting, Princess Celestia!" banner, she was able to more closely observe the offending feather. Lifting it in her magic, she noticed something odd about the underside.

"Is that... blood?" She asked aloud, her thoughts becoming more paranoid. With eyes widening, she tried to rationalize this.

Perhaps Celestia had accidentally pulled on her wings, and a feather came loose? That was concerning, but nothing to freak out about.

Temporarily calmed, she took a breath and refocused. Princess Celestia had to be around somewhere, and she would look for clues. Looking from the feather and allowing it to fall to the carpet, she scanned the room for anything else that would be out of place.

Like... a trail of feathers.

Covered in blood.

How had she not noticed this before?! Twilight internally yelled at herself.

Lightly trotting, made easier by the cushioned hoof falls of the carpeting, she made a wide circle around the trail of feathers, headed towards the bathroom. She made her way to the wooden bathroom door without trouble, careful to not disturb the feathers on the ground, or to get any blood on her hooves. She knocked lightly on the bathroom door, hoping somepony would answer her.

...

...

Nothing.

She pushed the door slowly, peeking her muzzle and then her head through the crack in the door. It opened to a wide bath, complete with tiled floor of alternating Sun and Moon colored tiles. A few hoof sinks, some towel racks, a large curtain for the shower itself to avoid water splattering everywhere, a toothbrush in a cup with accompanying toothpaste and finally a roll of toilet paper sitting on top of the toilet roll holder.

Rolling her eyes, Twilight was surprised at herself that she hadn't expected Celestia to be lazy enough to not replace the toilet paper in it's respective holder.

Then, surprised at herself that she was thinking about such things when Celestia might be in danger, she shook her head to refocus her thoughts. She pushed the door further open, and found a thicker trail of feathers leading to the bathtub; the curtain drawn.

There was a trail of red coming from the tub, spilling onto the floor from overflowing.

Her blood running cold, and gingerly stepping over the small river that had been formed, she trotted awkwardly past the toilet and flapped her wings to jump to the other side of the bathroom, standing next to the curtain.

Reaching a hoof out tentatively, she asked herself if she really wanted to see what was behind the curtain. What if it was Celestia? What if it wasn't Celestia?

Gulping, and steeling herself, she pulled back the curtain in one hard pull.

Before she could scream, her voice caught in her throat. It was Princess Celestia, covered horn to hoof in blood, floating in the large tub. There were several gash marks across her barrel, and one of her wings was sprawled out to the side of the tub.

Holding a hoof to her mouth, Twilight couldn't understand how or what had happened, and left the room screaming.

*****

The sound of galloping hooves grew faint as Twilight ran away from the room, leaving her unawares to the developing situation in Celestia's bathroom.

Celestia's body began to convulse. This slowly grew in force, causing the water to ripple and spill over more and more.

Finally, the convulsions grew to full on chuckling.

And then laughter, as Celestia righted herself.

"Hahaha! Oh, by the stars! I haven't had that good of a prank in centuries!"

A mare had been hiding behind several towels that Twilight had thankfully failed to check thoroughly, and she revealed her wizard hatted self with delighted laughter of her own.

Trixie Lullamoon and Celestia then High-hoofed, and Celestia used her magic to vanish away all of the ketchup that she had been covered with, and took off her fake 'destroyed' wing.

"Best prank." Celestia praised, giving Trixie a wink.

"Trixie prizes herself in her showmareship, Princess Celestia." Trixie said with a bow.

"Now, I have a very distressed pony to confront. She will have to know what to do when I am gone one day, and this should do more than bring the point home."

"Trixie stands in awe of your teaching methods." Trixie said with sarcastic overtones and a rolling of her eyes.

Author's Note:

The idea popped in my head, and I had to write it!

Hope you enjoy this bit of Dark Comedy!

Comments

[Queen Sanguine Dreams]

7400858

What was wrong with it, specifically?

Just saying 'X was bad' doesnt help me.

[Queen Sanguine Dreams]

7401029

She was never in the castle, she mentioned it.

Sorry if im being rude. I get annoyed when people glance at what I wrote without reading it.

This was only ever an idea I wrote in the spur of the moment anyway.

[Queen Sanguine Dreams]

7401077

Oh, you're that kind of person.

[Queen Sanguine Dreams]

7401087

The 'better than thou, I am perfect.' Type.

[Queen Sanguine Dreams]

7401103

Because ordering me to be quiet is what passes as nice for you.

Angsty teen.

Im equally finished with speaking to you.

[Queen Sanguine Dreams]

7401144

Well, I apologise to you for my behavior. I'm pretty sure we could work out our disagreements over a voice chat, since we're ( or at least I'm) having troubles with text.

I'm at work right now, but if you're willing to talk, I'm free the next three days to do so.

Again, I apologise for how I acted.

[Queen Sanguine Dreams]

7401208

Oh, I know those feels

I just recently received an old windows XP computer to write on, or I'd still be using my phone.

I feel ashamed for how I acted. I'm overly sensitive when it comes to criticism, I guess.

[Cross Lament]

Not cool, Celestia. Not cool. You too, Trixie.

[Jelly Blarp]

What kind of grade does a changeling-proto queen of White Tail Woods get on her stories?
...
"Aze" c;
*jumps out the window*

[Queen Sanguine Dreams]

7401688

[Prism Phoenix]

That joke was in poor taste.

I LOVE IT

[Kryssi]

7401688 I’ll admit: that was a good one.

[MitchellTF]

*Sees the Clairvoyent/Sanguine conversation* This is why I try to offer detailed criticism, and make it clear I think every story has potential...I liked this one. Short, sweet, evil.

[Lancerlot]

I hope Luna was in on the prank. There's a good chance Twilight's next move would be to go to Luna...

Or--they could double-down on the Evil and frame Twilight for the "murder" of Celestia.
Hey, it'd be fun to see Twilight become a drooling catatonic.

...sanity temporarily "postponed." <Like your mail!)

[Taco Belle]

See, this is why you take "Discussing what to do if X died" Meetings seriously... otherwise you force the Troll Princess to really dig in why it's important.

[richfiles]

Hehe... I can confirm that sanity goes out the window in a "death prank panic".

I have two younger brothers and a younger sister. The sister and middle brother pranked our little brother once. My sister put ketchup on my brother's head and he laid down at the bottom of the stairs. Then she screamed "Oh my God, he's dead!"...

It took all THREE of us to pry the phone out of my little brother's hands cause he was DETERMINED to call 911!
...
Even after the prank was busted!