The Elements... And Me

by Doood

Hey, remember that one time...

Chapter 9:

“You worthless coward!! Fight me on your own terms!!” A voice berated from the smoldering ruins of what lay left of a castle loft.

And from the ashes, a rumble grew in size, hushing the winds and silencing the very battle that took place amongst the troops of the queen. It was there that the bodies of those great souls lie, ready to collect ashes from whence the conflict ends.

“And who, raises their voice against I? Ruler of that which is wicked…” A serpent with a voice as smooth as silk, but rougher than the toughest of scales, said as he slithered into the castle. When the dust cleared, the serpent smiled a toothy grin, seeing as how a lone mare stood her ground against the odds of the flames, her mane soiled with the blood of her enemies… And with the blood of her companions,

“Ah… Mistress Stone Heart. Such an egregious pleasure! It's not very often somepony like me gets to stand before a hero such as you!”

As wood creaked against the might of the heat, Stone spat out the remaining blood collected in her mouth and brought her eyes to level with his, “I am no hero, Discord. If I were, this wouldn't have happened, would it have?”

Discord mulled the answer in his mind for a moment, stroking his goatee in forethought, “I suppose not. But that's where the fun is born young one!”

Stone growled, “Fun!?” If looks could kill, then the being before her would have been decimated ten times over, “Then this is just a jest to you then right? A mere happening on a scale of one to whenever it is you wish to wreak havoc!”

Discord sighed plainly, “Oh you ponies and your yammering… Over a few dead soldiers too! The mere… Pawns in a bigger game of chess.” A spark of ignition lit Discord's eyes, “Speaking of chess. I do suppose I cut through some of the pawns… Ah poppycock.”

With a flash, Discord had appeared next to the battered Stone Heart, “Alright, tell you what. Since I'm on a bit of a crunch, have more than three things to do, and seeing as how you never liked this place anyway, I'll cut you a deal.”

Discord snapped his fingers and the flames died away. Leaving just the rubble, he, and the mare standing amongst what was left,

“If I'm not mistaken, Stone, you have a bit of an… Indecency problem. It sort of coincides with your opposite sex, am I right?” Discord ended, wagging his furred brows.

Stone gulped and said with a voice full of shock, “No… You don't know what I deal with…” Her eyes flickered from hazel to green and back again, showing that she was feeling doubt. The statement had caught her off guard, throwing Stone in a loop,

“You don't… know…”

Discord laughed, but it went to show that it wasn't directed towards her. No… It was a laugh that meant something more deeper than a joke. It was what Stone felt to be but the same longing she felt within her own heart. It was a laugh for the sorrow.

“Oh but I do.” Discord admitted plainly, “Centuries pass, and so do millenias. I sit idly by and just… Watch, as ponies grasp their concepts of love and make due with what they have, introducing their kin with another filly or colt to the world we know of now. Its blasphemy towards me, because I cannot mate with anypony.”

Stone blinked as Discord worked his way around the stunned mare, “Yes, a little me? I cannot even see the thought cross my mind. And so, I stand alone. I cannot lust towards a mare, and I cannot lust for more than what I offer. It is written in my destiny to be the only one of my kind, because I cannot feel that special connection with somepony.”

As Discord clasped his claws behind his back, he turned his head briefly to offer an eye of hope, “But you can, can't you. Ah yes, of course. You are Stone Heart! The, slayer of the bloodthirsty griffons, Captain of the Unicorns, and a personal friend to Celestia herself. I bet every stallion is dying to meet you.” Discord emphasized his point by poofing one of the dead guards next to him, making the poor soul wave at Stone as if he were a puppet on strings,

“But only if you could show that special somepony your love with a colt to bear. Such a shame, Stone, to exist with a exemption from an amazing game called life…”

“Enough. What are you getting at, Discord? It isn't everyday a god such as yourself piddles in the affairs of mere ponies.” Stone Heart said, glancing up at the serious expressioned god.

Said God chuckled slightly, “Oh, well when you put it like that, then my piddling is nothing of consequence dear, for I have seen what I've done wrong at the moment, and wish to make it up to you.”

Stone glanced about the destruction and commented idly, “I've lost the castle and my men to you. It's taking more than just my will not to strike you where you stand” Said she, lowering her horn menacingly, “Please, cut to the chase so we can end this mockery.”

Discord ‘tskd’ with a smirk, “Oh temper, temper. You haven't even let me finish!” Discord said as he reappeared next to the smoldering mare, “So, here's the… Deal I give to you. I will use some of my amazing, but volatile magic, to grant you that fertility you thirst for.”

Stone gulped, “And… In return?”

Discord held out his lion paw mediocrely, “All I ask is you use that gift for the greater good of your kin.”

Stone pondered immensely for the next moments time, while thinking and watching Discord closely. It was to the best of her abilities to truly consider such an offer, she could afford to refuse. Or, was that what she really thought? There was, a moment of doubt that flickered across Stone's mind, playing her with its temptation, and leading the mind askew as if it were a white rabbit, and she was Alice.

In the end, the ratification and immense regret Stone held, was shown with a terse nod, and a handshake with a devil. Almost immediately Discord laughed, speaking outwards, his voice bellowing against the wind,

“Stone Heart, I only want the best for you. I doubt Celestia or her flank brained sister could do this… But because of your valor and courageous failure against defeating me, I offer you my blessing. I mean…”

Discord wiped his hand on the nearest rock as it had grown quite sticky, “It was change you were looking for, right?”

Stone said nothing, for she had not the ability to even do so. Her eyes had glossed over, and she had merely fallen, twitching mutely as she was slowly encased by a sickly green cocoon.

Discord snickered, and began whistling to himself as he walked away, “My little pony… Du, du, du, du friendship could be~”

O.o.O.o.O

>>WHAM<<

“Gah! Fucking… Crackers in cake!” Man, that hurt! Wood is hard… Hard is wood… Where was I going with that again? Oh right! I rubbed the spot where my exterior cranium just about engaged in a hardcore rut session with the interior wood of the carriage we were in. Stupid pegasi… Said they were like, the best fliers in the land considering that they were the only fliers in the land. Bring in a little bit of turbulence and it was like watching a gamer cry out in fear of a jumpscare.

Anyways, I sighed loudly, god… What a nap. What a dream too, can't forget about that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm freaking out on the inside. But its not showing because I'm still trying to wake up from our recent endeavours. That, and my ass was sore. So, I shuffled my weight in the cramped cage. It jostled the wooden structure a little bit, but we were righted almost spontaneously, set for a zeroed course towards Canterlot.

Yes, you heard me correctly. Can-ter-lot. The places where the big cheeses stayed, slumbered and most of the time, goofed around doing the duties only their kind do. Wish it were that easy back home. Two rulers, maybe if one had to take a break, they'd just holler at the significant other. Of course though, there was always the chance that one of them would want to seize the throne, yadda yadda yadda, typical medieval bullshit.

I snickered to myself as I reviewed last night's little inconveniences, noting on how awesome I could be at times. Then again, it was actually my fault that we, (We meaning me, Twilight, Skittles, Rarity, Fluttershy, AJ, and Pinkie) were being shoved to a place we really didn't have to be. Oh my gracious, that sounds so gosh darn familiar don't it?!

But, amidst my pleas of wishing not to go, or, ‘I don't feel like it’, I got the really short end of the fucking straw and was put upon this carriage with the combined might of three unicorns… and that one pegasi.

Seriously, like, I don't know why but after being here for just what, five days now? I've been able to see a multitude of magic, pass right before my eyes. Telekinesis, or AKA ‘Pick shit up and put shit down’ spell, was amongst the most used. Saw a unicorn pick up three logs. THREE LOGS. And he was barely taller than Twilight.

Now, I don't consider myself heavyweight. I'm more of, Banterweight or for the hell of it, Lightweight. Grinding on weights and trying to eat more isn't exactly my style, so I've been a little… Underweight for my age. Considering most people at the age of 23 are just over 180 pounds (Or under, depending on the gender) I'm stuck with varying numbers from time to time.

I was asked to, ‘Get in the carriage if I want to live’ kind of like scenario, minus Arnold; the voice, and his shades. Replace that with a bunch of Human Hating Pony Guards (Double H ‘P’ G for short) and my situation went to the acronym SNAFU.

End result was the failed attempts of lifting me from Yoda's swamp, and I about made one of the younger cadets shit himself from exertion. Which was pretty damn hilarious to see by the way. But they forced me on board, eventually bringing out the more beefier of the races.

So here we are! I'm in a flighted piece of wood being pulled by two pegasi, who have no punctual priorities for being late. On top of that, we were being flown in and out of clouds as if we were fingers picking apart their wispy natures like cotton candy. In the distance, was the gleaming towers that so many ponies called their favorite city.

“Pretty amazing, huh?”

I took my face from the window and glanced towards the voice, “I take it, you want my honesty here, right? To say that it is amazing and quite an extravagant city. Well,” I pursed my lips and went back to looking, “Its pretty cool, I gotta say.”

Applejack laughed and said with her southern slang, “Yeah. Big cities tend t’ hang around your mind the most.”

Snickering, I raised a brow, “And Canterlot leaves a lasting impression on a country gal like yourself?”

Applejack blushes slightly, “Well all things considrin’...” Before she could continue charading on with a blubber, I smiled, “Hey, I only jest. Besides, this place looks like it sucks the joy and life from you.”

“That and your bits..” Murmured the smoldering mare.

So like I said, I wasn't the only one forced to go to Canterlot. With the name descriptions above, I had the six mares come with me, in penance for actions I provoked upon the goddess… Quote and quote… Of the moon. Applejack came with me, Twilight and Pinkie went in another, separate carriage, so on and so forth. Now, Dash…

Dash recovered quicker than anyone thought. She was none the wiser with her brash nature, but surprisingly enough, she looked just… Out of it. It looked as though someone had taken her favorite anything and burned it in front of her. I of course poked and prodded her a few times after the doctor(s) declared the rainbolic sumbitch good to go, but she took it in stride and didn't even throw anything back. So technically, I win, she loses.

Whatever good that does me.

“Tick, you got family?” Applejack threw at me suddenly, almost making me choke on my spit as I responded with a grunt,

“Yep. I do.” Applejack waited patiently, eyeing me with one raised brow. Oh… So it was one of the, ‘Tell me more’ kind of conversations. Well played country mare,

“I have a younger sister and brother.”

Applejack immediately questioned again, “Oldest?”

“Unfortunately so.”

“Do they have names, or am ah’ to assume they're just, brother and sister.”

I snorted, “AJ, if I ain't gonna tell you my name, what the hell makes you think I'm gonna tell out theirs?”

Applejack shrugged, “Nothing to short of a conversation starter Tick. I ain't gonna tell another soul, and your namesake is safe with me.” She said with a glint of seriousness in those green eyes.

I sigh through my nostrils, not taking my eyes away from the window. Truthfully, I've never gotten to a point in my life as to where I've been of a person to tell someone else about my family. I see it as a sign of weakness, and a mistake to do such. If you don't believe me, watch a movie, or read a story. I bet you money that those who have family always kneel to a high and mighty fucker who threatens to destroy that of which they (the poor unfortunate soul) love.

It doesn't end there either. I've noticed that when you describe the ones you are related to, people will use them as references to get your priorities in check,

‘Tick. What would your brother think of you if you did that?’

Oh I don't know random thought, let me just call him up and ask the guy. Oh wait, HA, I can't. I don't get fucking cell service in Equestria. That and my phone is still busted.

But Applejack wasn't a human. She didn't think the ways we thought, and more than likely didn't have split personas as to which she would turn and say something in damnation towards a member I call family.

Oh great… It's already begun… I'm starting to trust these ponies…

“My sister's name is Jacqueline. Brother’s name is Oscar.” I shrugged, “Haven't seen either of them in a long time.”

Applejack smiled, her eyes gazing at me softly, “Can I get an age sugarcube?”

I pointed without looking away from Canterlot, “First off, don't call me that. I'm not three. Secondly…” I blinked, “Oscars the same age as me and as for Jackie…”

I looked down as a cold sweat broke out across my entire body. Damn… How old was my lil’ sis? Last time I saw her was for her winter choir practice. And that was what, four years ago? Good lord. Loner much? The implications were out there, and I realized that maybe I've been the asshole for once.

“Think she might be eight now. I don't know though. Priority number one was me for about five or six years. Maybe she's nine...” As I said that, a crooked smile came about, taking over my features, “I actually wonder how old she is…”

Applejack cocked her head and shivered as we hit another slight amount of turbulence, “You think? How do ya not know? You're her big brother raht?”

When she had said that, I took a moment to mull over my answer, “Yep. But that doesn't mean shit when your family is against you.”

“Meaning?”

I looked at AJ, and flattened my brows, “Meaning, if mum and pa say jump, I wonder ‘how high’.” Shaking my head, I sighed, “Dad put out a, no contact contract, on me because of a fight we got into one night.”

“What does that have to do with your sister?”

“My dad wasn't the only one involved…” I answered, regret staining my voice, “Let's leave it at that.”

Applejack realized after about a minute and sighed sadly, “Well… I'm awfully sorry Tick. And ahm also sorry for bringin’ this up.” As I chuckled to myself, letting her know it was alright, we sat there in brief silence until AJ broke it again,

“Tell you what though…” I moved my eyes over to the orange mare and smiled briefly, allowing her to continue, “After all this business is done in Canterlot, how's about you come over to mah farm? Let you meet my family and such.”

I took a moment to consider and gave her a warm smile, “I'd like that AJ. Sincerely, I would.”

And not two seconds later, we started our descent into the grandeur. It was right in the middle of the large castle square, so we started at the edge of Canterlot and worked our stretch all the way to the front of the Castle itself. Our designated fliers unbuckled themselves after they were still and flanked both doors, opening both at the same time.

I eyed my guard and stepped out, “Thanks for the ride. Could've done better on turbulence, but hey, that's just me.”

The guard sniffed, “Yeah well, don't see you having wings. Come back when you get yourself a pair why don't you.”

Oh you fucking… “Tick? Great to see you!” Called a regal voice from a few feet away. As I turned to see who it was, I groaned inwardly to myself and forced a smile, “Good Morning Celestia… nice to see you… Again.”

Seriously. Every, single. Day. I see her every day. And yet she has the forethought to say, ‘great to see you!’ I would've just brushed myself off as a parasite and moved along with my day. But that isn't the Celestia way! #Rhymes

“I trust your flight was exceptional?” Said she, as the alicorn cantered over, flanked by two other ponies that I didn't know. One was a white unicorn, and the other was another alicorn that was a multitude of colors that burnt my irises to shit.

I responded with a shrug, “It was okay. Was able to take a nap and stuff, so that was a plus. How was your day so far then, if we are able to be asking of mornings.”

Celestia eyed the gathering six and smiled warmly, “So far, it has been quiet. That is, until you showed up.”

I nodded with a wide grin, “Heh, I've already got the status of, ‘what do ponies say when they see you coming’. Awesome.”

The stallion flanking Celestia to her right snickered at my joke, whilst the alicorn did not, she being the one to say aloud, “So this is the human you were talking about?”

I waved at the mare who'd just spoken and said with a snort, “Hey uh… Not to cut in, your majesty. But I… Do have a name.”

Celestia blinked, “Oh? Is it another nickname? Or your true identity.”

“Neither Celly. Tick is just fine.” Fist pumps all around ponies, I am on fi-yah!

“I knew it was a sore idea to gather my hopes up. Well, regardless, I trust you all are well, Twilight?”

Ah yes, the purple unicorn who'd stepped beside me. See, after my meet and greet with Pride, Twilight had stepped up her game on keeping an eye on me. She doesn't say why, but I think she thinks that I think I'm trouble.

“Yep! We're all here and ready to help in anyway we can.”

Celestias eyes sparkled, “Excellent. You're staying put for the time being.”

And as all the six began to excitedly speak with the ponies next to Celestia, that's how my day, slowly descended into a nice warm spot, called hell…

O.o.O.o.O

“And here is your personal suite. Celestia herself had several of her finest decorators come about and remodel the room to your liking. Not only towards that recommendation, but she had mistress Rarity sew you up some clothing.” The mare I was with looked me over, “I thought we were to be housing a Griffon based on the attire.”

I blinked, “Well, what do you think you are housing now?” The maid simply shrugged, “Excuse my rudeness, but I don't know what you are.”

I threw everything on my bed and waved her away, “Says almost everyone I come across. Look, does this place have like… A shower? Maybe some food service?”

“The best.”

I stopped what I was doing and slowly turned, “Then could you possibly tell me where the hell those two things be at?”

I watched as the maid scampered about two feet in the air before galloping towards a door I had overlooked upon entry, “Haystacks! Apologies, um, here, this is your wash room,” She grimaced and tried to sport a smile, “Hopefully the tub is to your size?”

“We shall see. And what about the food service?”

My maid, yes she is mine now, cantered towards the door, “All you need is to holler. Your companions are down the hall, and Celestia would like to see you within the evenings summit. Before I depart, is there anything you might need?”

I sat on the bed and took of my shoes, sighing as I did so, “Your name. If you would please.”

She stopped in her tracks of exiting and turned her head slightly, “Moon Dust. Have a pleasent afternoon sir.”

Equestrian Logic. But I shall enjoy my evening, to the best of my abilities of course. Now, to find Pinkie and cause so much mayhem that the ponies across the entire world will know that it was I who put havoc upon their souls.

As I opened the door to surmise my next move, I found myself stunned for a moment as instead of meeting hallway, which I might add was normal when leaving your room, I was greeted by a familiar unicorn.

Now, if you're thinking, Twilight, I pat you on the back and throw you a cookie. But it wasn't, sadly. I mean, I thought it was her at first, though when she suddenly sprouted to my shoulders and had dipped her coat in a blindingly white piece of paint, was beyond me.

Anyways, it was that unicorn that was next to Celestia when we first got here. He was standing there at my door with a hoof raised and a face that could match a meme to the -ster. Obviously one of us was gonna say something eventually, and to make matters even more awkward, we both decided to say it at the same time,

“Wassup?”

We both blinked, taking a moment to scrutinize the other, “Knock on wo-” We both frowned, me taking the moment to cross my arms. The stallion pursed his lips and waited for me to speak.

Oh the irony…

“You're uh… Standing in my way man.” I said suddenly before he could start. Thankfully, he didn't repeat what I commented back to me,

“Yeah, I was actually looking for you. About right after you got your room, I had to go down the entire hallway. Your room maid stopped me in the hallway a few seconds ago.”

“Ah yes. Moon Dust. Kindly sort.”

The guy took a pause, “You know her?”

“Pssh, hell no. Just her name. ‘Sides, I doubt she'd wanna speak to someone like me.” I said with a grin.

He raised a question, “And why's that?”

“When I have an answer, I'll let you know.” I answered waggling my brows.

“Right. Anyways,” The white unicorn stuck his hoof out, “Shining Armour.”

Oh, mighty giving with names aren't we Shining? And again with the logic! I am beginning to think, that every parent in this place is either 1: Cuckoo for Cocoa puffs. Or 2: Just plain fucking retarded.

But, (and here's where my theory comes in, so get ready for mind explosions), maybe the names have something to do with what they're good at. Like for example, Rarity works with gems and stuff, and because of so… Well I mean come on. Rarity. It's a play on words! Fluttershy is shy and has butterflies on her ass, Applejack works on an applefarm, Rainbow Dash dashes with Rainbows, Pinkie Pie is pink and likes pie (Meaning she is a clown because clowns like pie; which also means she likes to make people laugh) and Twilight…

I actually can't surmise something for Twilight at the moment. Weird.

“Fancy name. You can call me Tick. Now, whaddya want?”

Shining smiled, “I'd actually like to take you around town, if you don't have anything better to do that is.”

I blinked, “Huh. Bothering Pinkie, or go out on a date with some guy I just met. Maybe causing some mayhem around the castle, or go smell the roses...” I looked at the stallion with a grin, “Yeah. That walk sounds nice. A view of Canterlot sounds great.”

Call me gay, and imma punch someone in the face. Right after I realize my mistake and hand the someone my money.

Shining clopped his hooves together, “Awesome! Let's go!”

“Woah, hold your hor-” Within a fraction of exactly two point eight milliseconds, did I realize my statement turning into an actual reality. After my realization slammed into my brain, my eyes went buggy and I facepalmed, taking a moment to sigh deeply into the skin of my hand.

“Give me a moment to put my shoes on…”

As I turned to do so, Shining quipped from the doorway, “Shoes? What're shoes?”

Do I really have to explain this to this guy? Understandable from a viewpoint of a pony, but to ask such an outrageous question in a small amount of time of actually trying to talk to me is a bit much. So I slammed my poor feet into the protectors, and smiled,

“Nothing of consequence. Anyplace special we going?”

Shining opened his mouth to say something, but stopped, “I… Oh, well y’know… I never thought I'd get this far.”

“Why's that?”

He shrugged, “Princess said you were kinda hard to deal with. I took that as a challenge.”

Heh… Challenge Accepted, it's kinda swell now knowing that, not only do ponies know of me, but I'm also classified as a challenge. Double fist pump, “Does this place got any music? Maybe a…” I waved my hand, “Instrument shop?”

Shining nodded, “Yep, we got a nice little corner store near here. Sells pianos, to double string basses.”

I grinned, yeah… forget Pinkie for a few, imma just blow people away with my mad musical skills, “Al-righty then. Let's get a move on.”

O.o.O.o.O

Okay, two things you need to know about Canterlot before I continue. You can skip this if you want considering its like, your choice to listen. But, there are differences in Ponyville, to Canterlot.

One; Only the rich ponies lived here. No no, I don't mean the ponies that can throw a few coins on the ground and say, ‘Enjoy.’ I'm actually referring to the assholes who own the banks in this goddamn place and can actually say, ‘its not mine,’ as they chuck safety deposit boxes at you. I knew this, because there were so many different ponies dressed hoof to head in attire suitable for those of the infinite pockets.

It was disheartening however, seeing such a way of life in this. Canterlot, was extremely beautiful, showing me in just a few short minutes, that architecture can take you anywhere if one puts their mind to it. But only those who could afford to live here, got to see this wonderful spot around the days and nights.

Where was I… Oh yeah,

The second thing you need to know about Canterlot, was how large it was. Yeah, I know it's on a mountain and everything, but I mean come on. I don't want to be walking around for ages, trying to find just one spot. It was like walking from ride to ride in Busche Gardens or, Six Flags.

Shining was wondering half the time why I was bending over every two seconds to catch my breath. When he said it was right around the corner, I thought he legitimately meant, right around the fucking corner. Remind myself not to get hype around this guy.

Though, he was actually swell to talk to. AND HE WAS THE FIRST GUY IN FOUR DAYS!! Wait… Four or five… Six days?

Bollocks.

Time for a smoke!

Popping out the papers as though I were an assembly line, I lit one and stopped. These cigarettes were the ones Pride gave me. Although I was a little hesitant to inhale it, (no homo), the memoirs of the mare kept me from caring.

Eh.

Shining had taken me a few blocks away from thee castle, giving me just a glimpse of the large city, in such a small amount of time. As I took a drag, I realized I was actually-

Making my way downtown, walkin fast~

Dammit brain… You had to go and ruin it didn't you. Although… I guess I set myself up for it. YOU WIN THIS TIME. But next time, it will be I who is victorious.

“So hey Tick?”

I grunted, “Hay is for horses, which I am not.” Judging by the facial expression of, ‘I can't believe you've done this’, I laughed and shrugged,

“What? Its a classic.” With a sigh I waved a hand and turned to smoking, “Bahumbug. What's up.

Shining looked utterly lost for a moment, and then worked his vocal cords, “Oh? Oh-OH YES, uh… Right… What was I saying again?”

“Something about hay?”

“Right, right. No, the hey was in reference towards getting your attention. I wanted to ask you how you're doing really.” Shining looked dead ahead, “Must be weird not being home.”

I snickered, “Well yeah… I mean think about it. What would you do if you woke up and were surrounded by like.. Minotaurs or something?”

Shining took a moment with his answer, and said with a frown, “I’d flip the buck out?”

“Which is what I did initially. But minus the bucking, and instead just yelling at anything that moved.” I said, using random hand gestures to explain my situation more clearly.

Shining got it, (quite obviously from the nods), and did a weird fuckboy flip with his hair, “But before that? How'd you even get here, if you don't mind me asking.”

I blinked, “Well, multiple reasons. One, I'm thinking, that this is pony hell. And Celestia is secretly Satan. Would coalesce with one another because both like shit that burns.” I took an unusually long drag, “Two, this is a messed up version of that weird state of death.”

Shining muttered obstinately, “I'm guessing there is a third.”

“Guess? Oh dear Shining, there is an answer in the form of a third.” I whipped my head around, “Would you care to listen?”

Shining chuckled, “I asked the question didn't I?

“Indeed you did. Your answer, is in the form of a magical being.”

Shining erupted into a cacophony of dramatics, “Holy spears and italics, DISCORD?!”

I stopped walking and said incredulously, “What? N-no! Come on. Unicorn. She's purple. Has purple eyes, purple fur, her ass tattoo is fucking… something,” Humorously enough, Shining covered his ass tattoo with a frown as I continued, “-She's apparently popular hands down. Well in your case, hooves.”

Shining said with a raised brow, “Twilight?”

I threw my hands up, “Amagad! You got the right answer!”

“Yay? What does Twily have anything to do with you being here?” He asked askew as suddenly we had been the center for attention. Not that I was complaining,

“Well…”

You know… if you had told me I was an ass at that moment in time, I would've laughed in your face, then scratch my ass and cry in a corner later on. Normal procedure for dealing with people's criticism. But considering the events following theresuch, and many moons afterwards, I probably should've paid more attention. Listened out for the secrets hidden beneath the surface.

I also should've just watched my damn mouth. But I was an ‘ass’ back then, and still am to this day mind you.

So there I was! Tick, the brown headed sack of crap that was heading down the road to what Shining Armor believed to be the music shop! Around us, stood unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies alike. I had turned to speak with Shining, as per that was customary with speaking to someone, and just so happened to have missed a key element in footing.

I tumbled, broke imaginary emotions, tasted Canterlot's finest asphalt, made another pony tumble with me, and ended up knocking down an elderly stallion.

Do you remember earlier? When I stated that my day was slowly descending into hell? Well, let's say that this was the climax. And the underlying fact that I just crashed into Rainbow Dash, and fucked up some old guy.

Yeah. I'm not liking where this was going.

At all.

O.o.O.o.O

Author's Note:

So look. Point fingers, THAT WAY
*points somewhere off screen*
I did not do anything wr-
...Now that I think about it, I didn't do anything.
Well, review, leave a thumbs up.
Tell me what you think about the chap.
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Comments

[AHeater]

The story of what would happen if cancer-incarnate came to Equestria. I'm enjoying this.

[Amethyst Blade]

Harder shipping!