There was once a city in ancient times, filled with ponies of all races who fled the blizzards and hatred of the bickering pony nations. The blizzards, though, followed them south. The solution proposed by a skilled unicorn was for all ponies to give some of their magic to help teleport the whole city somewhere warmer. Little did they know the lengths of space they would travel. In fact, their destination happened to be the San Francisco Bay, in the year 691 AD.
1357 years later, Twilight Sparkle, with the help of Daring Do, learns of this lost city and, with support from the princesses, attempts to create a portal to reconnect with their lost brethren. Unexpectedly, and with near disastrous consequences, Twilight arrives on Earth amidst a nation of ponies somewhat getting along with the human nations filling the world. All is not well, due to the portal's subspace environment becoming far too turbulent to attempt a return home within the foreseeable future. Before she could succumb to a fugue of hopelessness, she learns of the worlds burgeoning space industry and, on the tail of some new discoveries, realizes that there is, perhaps, still a way home. The long way home, across the stars, opens before her and the civilizations of Earth.
There will be some buildup, but this is intended to turn into a space opera type story. It will draw very significant influence from The Lost Fleet book series. This will be a story that actually obeys the laws of motion, gravity, and special relativity. At least as much as that book series does which it does nicely apart from the few technologies that makes its plot work.
good story can't wait for more
7416465 I almost obliged you on the spot :P i.gyazo.com/8497f615b2b095136c933bddd3ca5d8b.png
I've been playing around with a similar concept, that the Crystal Empire was displaced to Earth in the thousand+ years it was gone, rather than being displaced in time. So I'm rather interested to see your take on a similar idea of a pony city/civilization displaced to Earth's past. Any specific reasoning for the numbers used?
7416819 In my head I have it where the first alicorns all show up at about the same time so I needed a date reasonably old. I also wanted the pony city to establish itself firmly on the west coast with time to grow enough to be a player on the world scene in modern times as a nation.
And of course I didn't want to use a perfectly round number like 700 AD or some such.
Pah! Special relativity. If you have to even consider special relativity in your starship design, you're not doing FTL travel correctly.
In both the prologue and chapter one there were a handful of times you vacillated between first person and third, sometimes within the same sentence! It’s incredibly jarring. Apart from that? Pretty good so far, though it’s a damn shame Daring didn’t get to go through with Twilight considering she was the one who set the one who set everything in motion in motion.
Well now, this is quite interesting - while I have seen a few stories which displace an Equestrian town on Earth, this has to be the first time I see a town displaced to Earth's past, with all the butterflies and ramifications that would have for present-day Earth. You say Tamarelantis (That's a bit of a mouthful - a shame it wasn't simply called Marelantis) appeared on Earth 1300 years ago? That's actually 800 years before Columbus discovered Americas, meaning the ponies would have been well established and expanded by the time the first Europeans arrived.
By that point they'd probably be considered as much 'native Americans' as the Indians, especially from an outsider's perspective. Probably better developed too - which, I imagine, would account for the seemingly increased technology level we see hinted in the story right now. Especially if, as the summary suggests, space flight is advanced enough to consider practical interstellar travel as anything more than a wistful. fever-born pipe dream. Anyways, ponies having lived there for so long before the Europeans showed up should have all sorts of interesting ramifications for today's political climate and the state of United States (if it's even called that, or exists as an entity) in general - I'm looking towards those things being explored.
And another Alicorn, eh? Assuming Celestia and Luna weren't yet around during the time the city disappeared, Twilight ought to be the first alicorn (besides himself) that the prince has ever seen - his reactions should be quite interesting once it dawns on everyone what Twilight is. And I'm certainly looking towards the realization what her presence (and her story, once she's conscious enough to tell it) means, both for humans and ponies on Earth in general.
I imagine that no attempts have been made at finding Equis(?) because the Prince assumed that the planet is a frozen ball of ice by now, with no signs of life save for angry frost demons, if they escaped before the unification of the tribes drove the windigoes away. Pointless at best, and world-dooming at worst to look for that place. Now they will learn differently though - not only has the homeworld and pony civilization survived, but thrived in the centuries spent apart. A chance to both reconnect with their ancestral home and to establish contact with friendly alien world? Yeah, I can see Twilight's arrival heralding a push for spacebound exploration, now that it's certain there actually is something to be found out there.
The setup clearly has potential, and I'll be eagerly waiting for future updates.
7417261 Okay, with a dose of magic involved :P Special relativity will be obeyed here as much as it is in the book series I linked to in the description
7417325 At a point a few chapters later I decided I wanted the whole thing to be in first person so I went and changed everything. All errors will be fixed when I become aware of them. Sorry about that/
7417710 I'm glad you feel that way! I do want to point out that the math from the description points to the year 2048. As much as I want to explain everything, I wont be telling any spoilers. I will say that while I wanted the pony nation to have little effect on the development of much of the world, my own research shows that that may have happened on its own. The natives might have spread legends n such, but the location of the original city on the inside of the San Francisco bay would not have been discovered by explorers until only a few years before the revolutionary war since explorers of the area frequently missed the bay for centuries. The ponies mostly expanded into the Californian central valley and had little interaction with explorers until the late eighteenth century. By then most of today's eurasian political entities were established apart from the major changes that would come from the world wars if I'm not mistaken. I'd think on this more but I need to go to work :P
The brain may be a 30 watt super computer, but it's still not good enough to really model the world and its interactions without undue effort. I don't want this story going the way of the story The Island In the Sea Of Equus where the whole US appears on an island in the middle an ocean near Equestria. I wish that one would update more but it is probably dead from being far too complex.
If my math is right this is set in 2,048 so 32 years in the future? If you want them to be in modern day time just change it to 658 AD arrivel or are you playing with the "20 years in the future" rule to get away with some other changes?
Reading the story I've seen you're having a hard time staying in 1st person view point. Maybe you should consider keeping in 3rd person? You can still show what's going through the characters heads like that and it's easier to read the character interactions.
7418905
7418846 I needed to push to a more reasonable date to have some important technological differences from today.
7418325
True, getting bogged down in minute details is something to be avoided - especially as those geopolitical differences, while interesting from our "meta" perspective, don't have any frame of reference or importance to the characters in-story, as this is the only reality they have ever known. And if the story is largely going to be about getting Twilight home via a spaceship, then it's probably best not to dwell on things that run the risk of derailing the main plot. Which is to say - I expect the discovery and long-since established presence of another sapient species to have a pretty profound impact in how the world has been shaped, but those should probably be only touched upon in broad strokes in the story proper.
As for this part:
I have a feeling that a few hundred years of contact with another friendly species that you cohabit with would do far more for technological differences and advancement, by pooling the different schools of thought and ways of approaching problems and their solutions together, than a mere few decades of time ever would.
I mean - the very upcoming premise of the story, that of realistically achievable and practical interstellar flight, hints at some pretty major changes that have been brought about by the mingling of the two species (and perhaps some incorporation of magic in technological solutions). Because if we take just the humanity as it is today, and add a couple of decades of time on top of that ... well, that wouldn't leave us any realistically closer to viable interstellar spaceships than we are now, which is to say not at all
Beware my prophetic powers:
By comparison I'd expect the Transmarelantians to be rather far behind Equestrians (or Twilight specifically in this case, I guess - though you could hardly ask for a better individual on the topic) in pure magical research, understanding and application, owed to their thousand years of isolation and in comparison absolutely minuscule population pool of unicorns and institutionalized knowledge to draw from, which would have naturally limited and stunted their magical research and development.
Hmm, makes me wonder if it's some of Twilight's magical knowledge, when combined with what the earthers can do, which would ultimately enable long-range spaceflight ...
7419586 Yes.
The geopolitical stuff is not likely to see the light of day beyond the comment section, but you've hit on some of the decisions I made so kudos to your deduction. Would you kindly spoiler your last statement? :P
7419656
And done
Though to be fair your story description is rather spoiler-dense itself. You might want to trim it down a bit if you don't want to reveal some of the upcoming plot elements too early, because as-is it tells a fair deal about what's likely to come.
7419541 While that's fine jumping between multiple 1st person viewpoints is hard on the reader. It's just me but I fine it flows better with either a single 1st person viewpoint or in 3rd person. Starting off as Twilight then now I'm Daring, now Luna, wait who am I now? takes away from immersion into the story.
This is an interesting story and I'll be waiting how different is this Earth considering that the Tamelantis is at the San Francisco area since the 630 AD.
On the other hand, whose blood was spilled?
7419807 That's something I'll try to think about. I believe I'll try to minimize the frequency of that happening within the chapter. I will not change the chapters I already have written (although I believe it tones itself down anyway) else my story will go back into developer hell.
7419818 Twilight's
7419782 Hmm, I may tone it down maybe but I still want it to be clear what kind of story it's going to be without going the most boring route of just saying 'there'll be spaceships!' I currently don't know how to accomplish your suggestion without crossing my own line.
Hmm, this is better, I'm curious how it will unfold from here. I wasn't expecting bionic replacements, that's quite a life-changing decision, especially if she is like him, will she appreciate it? Even if he was injured during the initial transfer, he did eventually fully recover. She is denied that, unless they plan to regrow her legs and other missing parts for reinsertion later, but it doesn't sound like it.
Before I rushed into action to prepare for my next adventure, I finish the page.
*Finished
Aah, language difficulties - though I guess with the language drift in different directions on both sides of the portal for over a thousand years, it's a small miracle they can communicate this well. I'm sure it will improve with time.
And ouch, Twilight took one nasty tumble out of that portal. Though if this method of traveling is so dangerous, I have to ask - how did any of the regular ponies survive the transition? Because it's implied Spark was a similar shape after arrival, and it's evident Twilight only made it through (sorry shape or not) because of her innate alicorn durability. That being the case, how did everyone else besides Spark survive the initial transit?
And whoa whoa whoa, hold the horses - they actually amputated Twilight's legs and replaced them with bionic ones? Without asking her first? While fully knowing they would eventually mend themselves thanks to alicorn regenration? That's ... overzelaously dumb doesn't even begin to describe it. Sure - give her a bionic lung or heart or something if the old one has stopped working and the patient is in danger of expiring, but her life isn't exactly in danger from broken legs - there was plenty of time to wait until she was awake and conscious and could make her own decision about that. Not to mention there is still the problem that her original body parts will grow back - except there are now artificial replacements in the way which will probably be reject and face any other number of issues as the new ones start growing in. This was unbelievably reckless and irresponsible on their part; someone needs chewing out over this.
On another note, carbuncle and horn connections - those are new terms, but from context I surmise that, in RPG terms, it means that Spark has a bigger "mana pool" than Twilight, but Twilight is the more powerful caster with higher "spellpower/cast speed" stats?
At any rate, I imagine Twilight ought to bounce back from her flunk soon enough - wrought with complications or not, she actually made it - she found the missing ponies and a whole new world besides, which she doesn't really know yet - she will be looking to assault some library in short order, I imagine
7438841 I'll have to give a real response when I get home from work. :P
Perhaps the time limit I created for making the decision about her legs was contrived but come hell or high water, I needed to get this out of developer hell.
7438135 I'm giving alicorns slow limb regeneration. They will come back gradually on thier own.
Hmm, I would have expected the explanation of why Frosty is standing on two legs to have played out slightly differently regarding humans.
Like: We share this world with a tall bipedal species called humans. Most of their technology is built with their dimensions in mind, so some ponies have chosen to walk on two legs to integrate better.
Found a mistake
I even accidentally kicked herself.
*Myself
7455224 Thanks. Will be fixed in the morning.
Hmm, The Wait - so these ponies actually have been waiting for Equestrians to find them? That does raise a number of questions about their departure, as its obvious we don't have the whole picture just yet. Originally I had assumed they moved the city away to escape the encroaching ice age, but that can't really be it - that's the sort of thing you do when you figure your original land is doomed for good, and if that had been their assumption they wouldn't have a whole event titled The Wait, since with fleeing you are writing the original lands off as doomed, with the implication being there would be no one left to wait on.
And then there is the manner of their leaving - as is, the Equestrians only knew about Tamarelantis because of a fluke, because Daring's ancestor stumbled upon the city by pure accident, just in the right time to witness its disappearance. Had he not been there by pure chance and luck, no one would have ever known to actually look for the city in the first place. Could it be that Tamarelantians actually left some clues behind about their departure, but something happened that destroyed these clues or made them lost, resulting in Tamarelantis's fate being accidentally stricken from Equestrian knowledge?
A bit of a mystery, that - I look towards this topic eventually coming up and finding out what really happened all those years ago that caused the city to leave - and yet left it Waiting to be found.
On another note, I would urge you to tone down a bit Twilight's 'despair' about being isolated from home - it's being laid on a bit too thick and feels a little bit like forced drama, because in these circumstances it feels somewhat OOC for Twilight to feel such way.
After all, she didn't land in the middle of nowhere on a scorched world - she actually found what she was looking for. The injuries she sustained aside, her leaving Equestria to find Tamarelantis was the whole purpose of the experiment, so it's of a bit of an oxymoron situation to have her be upset it actually worked just like she was hoping to. More than that, Twilight is both adventurous and insanely curious; injuries aside, she ought to be squealing with excitement about all the new discoveries she is about to make, new knowledge to be made and new friends to be met. She has no real reason to feel upset about being unable to go home right this very instant.
Even that aside, feelings of hopelessness and homesickness might be prudent (after some time has passed) from people who are powerless and lack the means or knowledge to do anything about their situation - Twilight is neither of these things. She created the portal once; she can do so again (or that would be her assumption for now) - along with working out whatever kinks it had that caused her trip to be such a violent one. For now Twilight ought to have no reason to assume she can't recreate - and improve - the process. There probably isn't a single pony better suited for the job actually, and considering she hasn't even started on the process (and failed a couple of times), leaves it somewhat unclear where this sudden bout of homesickness is actually coming from.
After all, as far as she knows, she should be perfectly capable of going home the exact same way she arrived - after tweaking the spell and working it over for bugs. If you want to have Twilight be depressed about something, I would suggest it be about the fact she lost her legs (and even that's temporary, and between flight and teleportation doesn't actually hinder her mobility all that much) - I'm afraid her feeling homesick at the present point of her predicament isn't all that convincing
When does this story take place within he shows timeline? When she meets a human she could see the similarities between the humans and the portal world in Equestria Girls. Hopefully we find out in future chapters.
7474758 probably somewhat where the show is currently, but EQG is not cannon to this.
7475852
Ok.
I can bet Twilight and Spark Eclipse are going to have some major cultural sock when they finally breach the language barrier. So just how have the ponies affected the timeline by showing up I wonder?
great story hope for more!!
so is north america pony territory?
Found a few mistakes
“How is technology at you home?”
*your
The upwards acceleration pushed us all into our chars.
*Chairs
7476268 San Fransisco area, californian central valley, west coastish area. More to come on that :P
7476764 One of those is due to language difficulty and is purposeful. I am glad you told me about the other.
7476775 k
Good idea and concept, executed poorly
7487215 Constructive criticism is appreciated
Celestia just make sure that when Twilight returns she will be proud of the choices you are about to make. So just how many ponies have been in space over here I wonder?
Found 2 mistakes
When you ancestors came here, it was still and you all made it safely as far as I know.
*Your
you said you would tell me where that thing was going.”
*Add a question mark
7497228 Thanks for telling me. Fixed :D
I know we got severely spoiled when you put out chapters so fas, but how is the next chapter coming along for you?
7545478 it's partly done but I'm currently sidetracked. I suspect that I won't be writing for a lot of September. If I'm lucky I may get another out during the month. After September the odds will increase that I'll be able to write more.
Y'know how sometimes you find the best thing ever that you never knew you needed?
This is that thing. I am so very excited.
Will say more when words don't fail me.
7618507
Wow, +1 gallon of motivation there. Shit. I suppose I'm just about physically adapted to my new job and I'm not accidentally falling asleep at 5pm anymore. I think I'll try to finish the next chapter. Good thing my weekend just started. Keep stroking my ego and I'll keep writing. :P
Great to see this story back! I get the feeling that they should have done more for Twilight when she was down in the dumps but she was pretty depressed about what has happened to her. Now she has her fire but I feel that the mission to find the home planet will take some time, if it is even this galaxy.
Twilight starts thinking about space. Anticipation building
This is a great story! If I have one complaint, it's that you made Twilight too passive, and too ignorant. She should have been able to understand the basic principles behind the air car and rocket as they have helicopters and fireworks in Equestria. I would also have expected her to throw herself Into learning about this new world as a distraction from what she lost.
7628476
I like to think that Spark knew the conclusion before the press release and he and frosty teamed up to get twilight out of her funk.
7628822
:P
7628833
It feels like sometimes I am trying to hit a dartboard while blindfolded when keeping characters in character. Hopefully I do better as I move forward.
I know your plan is getting contact with Equestria for Twilight and Spark, but I really would like to see more how the Earth has changed due to the ponies. If ExxonMobile can go bankrupt and in ten years global warming is fixed there is something else going on here. Plus Twilight needs a few more friend I think as she is still barely coping with what has happened to her. Also this chapter is not bad it is just setting up the next act on Earth and Eqquis.
7648375 I remind you this is late 2040's or early 2050's. Forgot which. But yeah this is future stuff. Also yeah I had been thinking about her friends issue too. Plans have been forming.