I wish entry 5 wasn't real
Dear Diary,
I don't want to write this down; if I write this down then I know that means it will stay true forever...and...if it stays true forever that means that what happened really happened...I don't want it to have happened. It's just so unfair.
It was all Nocturn's idea in the first place...but I went along with it...and...I shouldn't have gone along with it. I just really wanted to get my cutie mark and Nocturn said that if I did what he said then I could discover my true talent just like he had.
It took us a long time to plan what we were going to do...I shouldn't have helped in planning but I did...Eventually we decided that if we went to the top of the highest mountain just outside our village, 'Mount Bleak', and set off a whole bunch of fireworks and things then we could create a display that the whole village would love and admire. Nocturn said it would work and make the other ponies think that I'm the best in the whole of Equestria.
He came over really early in the morning so we could start to climb...I didn't tell Daddy that I was leaving. He was looking after me that day because Mommy had gone to a meeting for a couple of days....Maybe if I had told him what happened wouldn't have happened.
Me and Nocturn started to climb; me carrying all of the fireworks and Nocturn leading the way up the safest path he knew. Nocturn knew a lot of the paths because his Dad had taken him up this mountain many times...but he'd not expected that it was going to be so windy at this time in the morning. Snow was blowing into our eyes so heavily that at one point I actually thought I'd gone blind... Maybe if I had gone blind we would have been stuck where we where. Then we wouldn't have got to the top of the mountain and everything could still be what it used to be.
It turns out I wasn't blind, which meant that we carried on and eventually got to the top of the peak. Nocturn planted all of the fireworks and aimed them in the direction he wanted them to go. I thought back then that they were pointing in a weird direction....I wish I'd said something before we set them off...or should I say before I set them off. It was only an accident; I didn't mean to, but something scary happened. A spark flew out of my hands when I was rubbing them together...I was only trying to warm my hands up. I don't know what the spark was but it was really powerful. The fireworks set on fire and burst like explosive balloons. Nocturn froze in fear...I was terrified, but somepony had to be the one to pull Nocturn out of the firing range. Otherwise we'd have both ended up as fried foals.
I grabbed hold of Nocturn's neck and jumped off the side of the peak. I just about managed to grab onto a ledge and pull us up. That ledge saved our lives....if only he had been that lucky.
I didn't know that Daddy would wake up so early...if I had known I wouldn't have gone. But Daddy was scared when he found the note from Nocturn saying about our trip. Daddy went off up the side of Mount Bleak to try and find us both; to try and save us both...He...he....he went up the quickest route he knew....The quickest route isn't the safest route...
The...the...fireworks started a big avalanche that rushed down the mountainside...the snow was really close to pulling me and Nocturn down off the safety of our ledge...but Daddy...Daddy wasn't on a safe place. The snow swallowed him whole, like a big monster with frozen teeth...
I thought Daddy could survive anything, being a guard and all...but guards are still ponies...and nopony can live forever...I learned that the hard way...I just want Daddy back...I don't want him to be gone forever...He needs to be here with me, where he belongs...Daddy...
...Daddy...if you come home right now...I won't even mind that you pulled such a horrible joke on me; at least you'll be back....Please come back...I need you...I need you so much...
Nopony's coming.
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Awwwww! Now this just made me fluttercry!
So sad
oh noes
not... dad
Dude, why do you have to make me cry so early in the morning?
heart, shattered. I'm no more than the mere shell of a man now, this chapter has sapped every drop of good feeling from my body. How did a chapter with less that 1000 words make me this upset?
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m65kxtGLb11qjgk69o1_250.gif media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6459sxhFI1r2zpvp.gif media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m657ifb83M1r6r7t1.gif media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgd7x8H7Vi1qf6y79.gif media.animevice.com/uploads/2/29732/525098-elfen_lied_lucy_crying_by_blaze_1_2.gif
OBSERVE ALL MY SADNESS!!!
857210 Aw don't cry...everything will be all right. Or will it? I believe this is 'insert evil laugh here' time...
854444
857277
To quote (freestyle) a certain AI:
"You are a horrible person. It says so here in your file. A horrible person. Strange. We weren't even testing for that."
I demand Nocturn develop taste buds in his flank. I'm boycotting the story until that happens
Will have to read further chapters to make sure you complied.
857368 Does this make you feel any better?
fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/052/a/f/wittle_discord_by_microgrid-d4qiwim.png
857393
Great, now you wanna finish me off with diabetes?
I'm tired of using the word cute -- I'll just say it's bijou!
Hrm, what to say, what to say. It's funny, usually (even when I like a story) I can easily spout off 500 words of critique or so.
I don't think I'll get even close here. I'm not sure if that means "Hey, you did a crazy good job" or what.
Quality/content wise...Your story idea is great. And very well executed. It reminds me somewhat of a Neil Gaimen short story whose name escapes me at the moment...
I applaud you (or better yet, take a pair of /)* /)* ) for very accurately catching the tone and style of a child while maintaining a high quality of writing. It sounds exactly like a well-educated child, to my ears at least. That's not easy to do and you did it, and bloody well I think.
My one complaint is that it seems to move a bit fast. But honestly, I don't see how it could've gone any other way, considering the narrator and subject matter.
I didn't see any glaring grammatical mistakes taking into consideration the story's narrator. Ignoring my probably pointless comment on it feeling fast, the flow and plot direction were well executed. There are gaps in it, but naturally occurring ones that the narrator wouldn't be privy to.
Is it EqD material? I honestly can't say. The style of a piece like this makes it hard to know. I see no harm in sending it, I see nothing that says they wouldn't accept it in time. Wouldn't be surprised if it's rejected the first time 'round, but the feedback they'll give along with it will be invaluable on better understanding what a tale like this needs for a spot at the top.
Hrm...I really wanted to give you a better critique. *hangs head* I feel a bit bad for that, actually. Regardless, thanks for a very interesting tale. It's always good to have a few tugs at the heartstrings. I look forward to the future of this piece and wish you all the luck in making it!
87910 Yeah, no you're right about it being quite fast. Hopefully as he grows up they will get longer....just depends on what Diddy writes
So. Freaking. Sad!
I knew you were going to kill the only thing in this story that was hopeful. But it's so much more poignant when a ...baby--whatever Diddy is--says it.
I bet you're going to leave it here for a while, aren't you? You're just going to conviently have another random idea that will occupy time you would have spent on this one. Oh, and I'll read whatever the new thing is, but all the while I'll be on to you and your plot of CLIFFHANGERISMS!
907340 I'm actually writing the next chapter of Diddy at the minute. I just have to finish the poems for the competition I'm entering first...
907357 Maybe that's what you want us to think.
Good luck on the competition!
907369 Thanks...only got to write three more and I'm done. I have technically written enough already but I only want to send the best
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*curls up into a ball and cries to death*
THE FEELS! I just can't. I can't even... I don't... Why??? No more lullabies... the maze... Oh Diddy. Oh Diddy!!! I am going to bawl the next time I watch any Discord episode and my sister will stare at me as Pinkie Pie tears cascade out of my eyes in the middle of a funny part.
OH NO! now he is stuck with his potty mouth mother.....POOR DIDDY!
Man im a heartless bastard I dont feel any emotion ever when reading. My little dashie no emotion discord no emotion man of war no emotion this story no emotion..... what the fuck is wrong with me
3408811
I concur although those stories that you listed i only read 2
Ohhh boy. This child is going to need some serious therapy after this. And some help from child protection services because, without her husband to keep her in like, Diddy's mom is gonna be a monster.