It moves quietly through the snow, stalking Marble whenever she's alone. Her family doesn't believe her, but she knows a giant maw roams the snow-covered forests of the Rock Farm Woods.
And now, it's hungry. And Marble is the only one watching the farm...
8.5.2016: Enjoy the audio version complete with sound effects and eerie music by Sparrow9642! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX5kQbUZUzY
---You might like this story if you also like:---
Action Horror
Clever Protagonists
Isolated Monster Attacks
The movie Tremors
Signs of Familial Love and Dedication
Perfect story for an MLP Creepypasta Audio Reading /)(^3^)(\
Other horror stories of mine you might like:
The Wishmaker: Megan's Descent
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/337009/the-wishmaker-megans-descent
The Thing at the Edge of Sleep
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/335108/the-thing-at-the-edge-of-sleep
Very good. And as someone who absolutely loves Tremors to this day, thank you for a story with a little bit of Graboid in it.
Also, google partially recognised the word Graboid as an actual word. That makes this even better
Thank you for this. A little shoutout to one of my favourite movie series.
Marble isn't in the clear just yet though, where there is one, there must be more...
Time to give Burt a call!
i.imgur.com/D8onzks.gif
What the fuuuuu
Pretty good story!
Have to say when I saw "Tremors" in the description I got a big smile on my face.
7385572
I love graboids. Well, not if they were real. I'd have to destroy them then. Can you imagine them running loose in a big city? THat's the big budget Tremors movie we'll probably never see...
7386006
Marble should be glad she didn't face Shai Hulud
http://imgur.com/18n9S
And thank you for the comment! I should write a story at some point with all my monsters and all the survivors of the monster stories :)
7386318
You gotta watch out for those dang subterranean worm monsters... :P
7386401
Thank you! *hugs* I'm surprised Graboids aren't used more in fan fiction. They're terrifying and they're unique :)
7386487 I take I'll take my chances with the mutants in Metro 2033
7386487
If they were in the city, I think the cement, asphalt and cars would work to our advantage.
Plus Shriekers and Assblasters would be infinitely worse at that point....Imagine the poor sod trying to get out of town on a bike only to get swooped right at the city limit.
On the other hand, getting to shoot a flying thing that explodes would be worth the risk pf life.
7386608
This is true when it comes to cement and such in the city, now that I think about it. It would have to be a really BIG Graboid to make it through...
I love they're called "Ass Blasters" as a canon name in the movie :P
7386634 I know, I nearly died laughing when they said it the first time. Now it's an excuse to curse without looking like a dingus.
And one of the most amusing shows to ever hit New Vegas.
yo ma dudues thqtsd a ptrettty radical story tyou got there i give it wa solifd ten oiiut of 17 pretty good coulfd have used tsoem more spooks but thats it
7387496
Sweet! I think it started becoming more action than spooky at some points, which I call Action Spoop. Glad you liked it! :D
"Somewhere far behind Marble Pie, she heard the forest breathe." - Beast opening line ever! Really sets the mood.
I love the movie Tremors. It's a cult classic that ever horror fan must own!
The story started off very strong. Marble Pie is still a relative newcomer to the fandom and boy is she popular. I was almost afraid to read for fear of witnessing a horrible death. The setting was creepy as well. The Pie farm is smack dab in the middle of nowhere. Anything can happen. Isolation is terrifying, especially when you're in danger.
And poor Marble faced with a choice: save herself or her family.
I'm not too crazy about the ending though. It seemed a bit anti-climatic. Other than that, this whole tidbit of horror was very enjoyable. Hope to see more.
7390294
Thank you! With these really short stories, I've been trained to really nail that first line. I know it's integral to keeping the reader's attention and setting a mood. :)
It's one of my favs! I've had dreams about having to avoid the floor because those things have put into how dangerous it can be to walk around...
I realized I'd never written a Marble Pie story and she's essentially mostly mute Fluttershy. So it was an easy transition from my other horror short "The Thing at the Edge of Sleep." Isolation is one of my favorite horror cliches.
I wanted there to be a choice she had to make that showed what kind of character she had. Something she was willing to die to show how brave of a pony she is.
This ending was EXTREMELY conflicting for me to write as well. I specifically remember talking to you about how hard it can be to kill ponies off in a story (even though I've already done that in another story on this site, though the nature of the death was not completely permanent and the character said so themselves). I also am one of those writer's who likes to have the character "prove" that they should live by their own actions. But even then, I debated: should I kill Marble Pie? It was hard to figure out, because I thought "if she dies, then what?" The ending when her family came back would have been incredibly sad and I wasn't ready to face it. I guess with the sacrifice she was willing to make, it really did make more sense, but at the same time, she tried so hard and I wasn't sure how many horror stories actually reward the effort on part of the character. You definitely have a point in one of your other responses on your own horror stories that hopelessness is a real big theme in horror, which I started with but didn't end with. I'll have to overcome that fear and have a character bite the dust eventually in some way that's a fitting climax. I just need to figure out when that time is right. It's hard for me to see a character die :/
This is a really good horror story, the more so because Marble Pie is perfectly suited for the role of the innocent girl who must rise up and be strong to avoid becoming a victim. She is a very sweet and innocent Pony as shown in vanilla-canon -- and she's a Pie, a rock farmer, which means that she's extremely tough underneath. The scene at the end where she crushes the Graboid-like Maw under Holder's Boulder and then kicks her way out of the corpse was truly and appropriately awesome.
Even better, Graboid-like Tatzelwurms are part of vanilla canon.
Very well done.
7475656
Thank you for the compliments! without realizing it, I essentially picked two characters for my first two horror stories who are essentially very innocent (Fluttershy and Marble Pie). you're right about Marble being both sweet and strong in canon, which really helped when she had to push herself to the limit. her strength shown in the show was one of the reasons I could justify her breaking out of the belly of the beast.
I forgot completely about the Tatzlwurms! They're basically SUPER graboids at that point. wow....that means this story COULD be canon if the show writers ever made a similar situation.
Thanks again!
This is the first horror story I've read on this site. Or at all I think. It was actually pretty good.
7521514
Thank you! I'm taking a liking to horror stories. The tension is not necessarily easy to write, but it certainly has formulas I can already work with that fans have come to expect. I then twist is just enough to change things up in new and fun ways.
If you like horror, you should try out the human story I wrote that goes to equestria called "The Wishmaker: Megan's Descent." PTSD plus nightmarish scenarios and monsters. Think Silent Hill and Eternal Darkness put together :)
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/337009/the-wishmaker-megans-descent#comment/7522486
Give it a shot! If you love monsters, this story is DEFINITELY one you should read :)
This is some kind of amazing that has never been seen
7532507
Hehe heck yeah! I loved writing Marble Pie in this story. In fact, if you like horror, you could try out my two other key horror tales with Fluttershy and Megan Williams, respectively:
The Thing at the Edge of Sleep
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/335108/the-thing-at-the-edge-of-sleep
Fluttershy awakes to see something staring at her in the darkness of her room. It's next to her bed and its eyes are unnatural, its body otherworldly. Is it real, and if so, can she find a way to escape before its true intentions become clear?
The Wishmaker: Megan's Descent
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/337009/the-wishmaker-megans-descent
Megan Williams has been living for 20 years without any sign of Equestria from her childhood, until several children go missing. Meanwhile, she finds a terrifying secret in the basement of her barn...a barn which never had a basement before...
Thanks for reading my story! *hugs*
Solid story. The only thing I have a hard time imagining is the proportions of the beast. Since snow was up to the knee of a filly, how can such a beast angle its mouth upwards. I would understand if it was a snake and the mouth would be tilted a bit, but swallowing a bear whole? Forming a vortex around a rock?
Or perhaps it moves underground. That would be realistic.
Phew. This was intense. The part that got me the most was when it was explained that the monster swallowed a BEAR whole.............if large predators are not safe from that thing, then fearing that thing is well justified.
I really liked Marble Pie's characterization here. She was fearful but resourceful. I will admit, I was close to thinking that Marble Pie was gonna die at the end. THANK GOODNESS SHE SURVIVED AND THE MONSTER IS DEAD.
Two thumbs up here.
Nice Story
7542791
Hey there! Thanks for the comment! :D
I wrote it as though the creature moved under the ground, like this wonderful beasties:
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/33/Tremorsposter.jpg
Unless you're a fan of the Tatzlwurm, which someone said is the MLP canon version of the graboid I linked to in the image. :P
7544279
Thank you for the read and the comment! It had occurred to me that if I needed to explain the threat of the Maw, then I had to explain how dangerous it could be. Swallowing a bear whole sounded like the way to explain it's monstrousness. Poor Mr. Bear...
7827955
Thank you for reading and commenting! :D
Has anyone drawn the Stalking Maw, yet?
8949711
I don't think so. Some people have hypothesized that it could be a Tatzlwurm. I could see that, though I was thinking more of the graboids from the movie Tremors. :)
Ah, It Moves Below. One of the classics of FimFiction.
Man, I gotta hand it to ya, when I first read this, I was actually feeling my heart race at the idea that our dear Pie here would not make it. Has it really been two years?
Props to you, dear author.
Marble: ...and that's what happened.
Igneous Rock:
Cloudy Quartz:
Pinkie:
Maud: That sounds absolutely terrifying. I'm going to have nightmares.
Limestone: ...so what you're saying is... you touched Holder’s Boulder!?
Silly mare. You imagined a beast the size of a mountain!