Bahamut Omega
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Not too badly written, though it could use a few commas in certain places. The chapter does seem to be an almost word for word recreation of the scene from the movie, which should generally be avoided in crossover stories. Anyone who's interested in crossovers like this are likely already familiar with the material, so you might want to alter the scenes a bit more, add your own flare. Perhaps you could try changing the dialogue to fit the pony characters more, or in this scene particularly change the song Rainbow Dash is singing to one from the show (One that fit the scene of course). I'm not trying to tell you to write a certain way, I just wish to give you advice to write more interesting stories.
7379829 My thoughts on the similarities to 2.22 basically amounted to, "don't mess with perfection". Mari and Rainbow Dash are pretty similar, hence Rainbow being the Mari of this story.
I swear if the next time this gets updated is the time between 3.0 and
4.03.0 + 1.0the next one, I'm gonna be pissed.Another way of saying that is: the next chapter better not be titled "Will (Not) Be Written".
7380847
True, but they are still far from being the same character. I can imagine Rainbow Dash being all "Point blank shithead!" (possibly my favorite Mari quote) in battle, but I can't imagine her crawling up to Twilight and start sniffing her.
Probably the only line in the dub that made me shiver. The sheer emotion behind the actress was perfect.
Will the ending of this story be as confusing as the ending of Neon Genesis Evangelion?
7387327 Not telling.
Well, at least Cadance is a better cook than Misato.
Don't worry Twilight, you and
TojiApplejack will be friends soon enough.Hope this Fluttershy is not a clone. And not to complain; The fight seemed a bit hasted.
7515673 Well truth be told I'm not all that fond of Shamshel.
7515736 Yeah, he wasn't much... Loved Ramiel much more, especially in the Evangelion movie.
7515776 And Zeruel even more.
7516039 Yeah, it was epic. Especially the dubbed fight. "Point Blank, shithead!"
While the beginning was very good in a slice of life sort of way, the rest felt rushed.
But the double piano was familiar. I liked 3.0... even if it lacked in some areas. Do work on the combat sections.
The story is okay, but would be better if you put more into it, like expand the description of what they're doing, what's going on around them, and a little more time with the plot to actually flesh it out. That would take it from good, to a great story.
7824874 What do you think needs to be improved? Hold nothing back.
7824887 For an example: After the first encounter with Ramiel(The Angel if the comments don't know its name) you could expand on Twilight's reluctance and fear to enter the Unit again, fear of getting killed. then have Facet convince her. During the last battle after Ramiel fires, more details on the aftermath, similar to how 1.0 did, unless you don't want to directly rip it off. Otherwise... I can't think of anything else... sorry. Maybe more help acn be found in the comments.
Damn, I am loving this story so far! Keep up the good work.