Chapter 1
As I lay mine head upon our pillow, I Iook into the face of mine sister, Celestia. For me it hath been a mere twennight since Nightmare Moon took myself from her noble eyes, and hers mine.
Over the past thousand springs so much has transpired that I shall not understand and should not know. One thing that has yet to change, though, is what mortal ponies do not see. My true sister, as she is in bed. The soft and simple mare I met eons ago, by both our standards.
“Mine sister, many years has it been since you have had shared your bed for rest alone, if I am correct?”
“Yes, Luna,” she whispers as she did back then when she tries to hide her sorrow.
“Mine sister, our tongues have changed much over the years. You, however, are the same mare I knew then. A mere fortnight and one it has been since we last had seen one another has transpired for me, yet you have lingered on in my stead,” I sigh in thought of being alone for a week while building my, Nightmare Moon's, army, “yet you are as alone in your chest as you were then.
“Pray tell, mine sister of the sun, why are you sullen on such a joyous evening as mine return to you?”
Celestia sighs like the weight of the mountain we now reside in was rested upon her withers. “I’m alone again. Before you begin to ask or comment, let me speak,” I nod for her to continue and place a hoof on her leg, “many long days and nights have passed over your exile. I’ve had many students and few true friends and,” she giggles, “fewer consorts.”
I gasp and shove her lightly with mine hoof before I giggle too. I haven’t laughed with mine sister in ages, by both our times. We laugh until our orbits begin to moisten and water streams down our muzzles, and a mileway passes as we cry in each other’s embrace. After we have loosed our tears, dried our eyes on true silken cloth towels, we reside our heads again to their places and stare at each other.
“So, Luna, as I was saying before I… we,” I cover her mouth with mine hoof and nod in understanding, “my student, Twilight Sparkle, who broke the curse you placed on yourself and returned you to me and our sisterly bed is gone from my life. While she is still a pupil, she is not a student that I will see everyday.
“I won’t hear her ask questions about the world, offer ideas on how to solve problems that have vexed me for ages as though she were the answer. So often I looked at her as more than my protege; as my daughter, and to let her go to live her own life is as hurtful as when my previous student left.”
I nod in understanding. After so long she needed somepony by her side so she took on pupils in my stead. “No pony should be alone, Celestia. Prithee, tell me of your last student,” I say as I move mine wings. I want so badly to wrap her in an embrace until we both fall into slumber, the celestia mechanism be damned for that time.
“My last student was a unicorn of incredible passion and determination. When she was being taught by me, she wasted no time in trying to excel to her own detriment. A spell would be cast and the result would be right, but it would fail too soon, or too late. She found a book wherein dark magic was written.”
I breathed in and held my breath in readiness for the worst.
“And she couldn’t read it,” I exhaled, finally, “but she wanted to. She began to scour the palace for a way to read the dark writings. Even after I had taken all the books and hidden them she still looked, intent on impressing me. As though my attempts to dissuade her were yet another test.
“She found the mirror, sister. She went through and back several times,” I groaned and felt myself wince at the world we came from and what it was like then… how much more horrid it must have become to our kind, “then, one day when I confronted her, she ran through. I could have followed, but I knew her time was done with me.
“As I was lamenting the loss of her and walking from where she left our world a new student appeared,” she giggled, “and I mean that in the most real way. That was when she, Twilight Sparkle, entered my life and filled my life with what I didn’t know I was missing. A true magical prodigy that was as impressive as a student I’d had several hundred years ago.”
“A stallion, by chance?” I ribbed her and was successful, as told by her blushing. “Oh my, and a consort for the princess of these lands?” Her blush deepened and she averted her gaze, moving her hind legs closer to her body. It was not lost on me. “Dearest sister!” I was aghast, “you bore his fruit?! What… Where is… Tell me!”
“In due time, sister,” she laughed, “ah, I haven’t felt this complete in a long time-”
“Since your consort, by chance?” I rib again with success. She slaps me with her wing against mine flank.
“A long time since I’ve seen you, sister. I have slept alone for too long, and now that you’re home… I just want to truly sleep.”
“Then sleep, sister. I will watch over us both in the dream realm and we will be most rested in the morrow for when I raise the sun, in your stead. Hush, you need sleep and are deserving of such.”
She hums and closes her eyes. I see a true smile on her muzzle for the first time in the day since I returned to her.
She sighs and is asleep before I note to cast a 'sleep well' spell, and I watch her, not being even a little tired during mine night. The night I loved and missed over the ages that hath passed.
I lean in and kiss her nose.
“You control the sun, Celestia, but you controlled my moon, and I felt thy love each night thou took me in thy spell grasp. Sleep well, dearest sister. Nae’er again wilt I leave you alone, this I promise you, until past the end of time itself.”
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This is rather adorable.
Sup nerds?
2001/10 would read again
This is a cute little fic, you did a pretty good job on it. Thank you for sharing.
7376629 thank you for reading!
FUck me this was wonderful. I love Luna's ye olde speak, and seeing it executed so wonderfully IN FIRST PERSON makes me sad I've never thought of this idea.
Bravo; I'm glad you responded to my comment on that other story, if you hadn't, I wouldn't have found this... and if I hadn't have found this my day wouldn't be as good as it is now. 10/10.
7594564 I appreciate your comment.
Best one yet!
Awesome story, shows the deep and filling realism that exists between the sisters.
This is a Twilight's Reviews review.
I must say, for a one-shot, this is a pretty decent story, it's short, sweet, and to the point. The grammar was also pretty good, and the story itself was well written. Although, in my opinion, I would prefer to be just a bit longer and maybe show more emotion to make the reader feel something after reading it.
7852738 I've heard that a lot, but is adding to a completed story wise?
7852789 You don't necessarily have to do it, but you could use this information to improve your future stories.
7852792
Ah, gotcha! Thanks for the advice and review, it means a lot to me.
7852836 You're welcome, just happy to help!
It is interesting how heartwarming this story is, despite Luna being so rigid in the way she thinks and behaves. Also, nice take on Celestia missing Twilight that deeply—haven’t seen that very often
Thank you for this short read!
9386902
Thanks! I aim to please.
🎯
This is very interesting, I'm not necessarily a big fan of the way Luna talks and if this story was any longer in my mind that would in a way seem daunting. It's a nice quick little story not the thrilling adventures I'm use to reading but still entertaining as I've never seen this side to Celestia in anything thing before, being dragged down by Sunset shimmer but empowered by twilight and truly loving her.
It is heartwarming to read how much Luna cares for her sister, in her unique somewhat reserved way.
But what irritated me quite a bit were their speech patterns. Luna's ye oldie equestrian is extremely inconsistent
and Celestia just doesn't sound like herself. Her part of the dialogue sounds ... idk ... wooden.
The potential contrast between old and modern language as well as formal and casual speech just isn't really there,
so the role reversal - with Luna trying to lighten the mood and Celestia being somber throughout - looses a lot of it's impact.
At first Celestia seemed lonely and sad because Twilight had left the nest ... but all she really talks about is Sunny and then even makes it sound as if Twi had merely been a convenient replacement for her. What the hay?
Luna doesn't seem interested in Twilight either, despite the fact that this magical prodigy, whom Celestia apparently loves like her own child, is also the very mare that freed Luna from NMM and is the reason they can have cuddly sister sleepovers again.
But who cares about that part of Celestia's story when constantly interrupting your sister and teasing her about a former lover is just soo much more fun.
IRL people digress and conversations derail all the time, but:
in film and literature 'good dialogue' means 'believable dialogue'.
'Realistic' dialogue is inefficient, gets in the way of the narrative and is therefore hardly ever believable.
This felt like an unfocused, unedited first draft of an incomplete chapter.
11278772
And you're right on most accounts. This was just a one shot I wrote of two sisters, guards down, in bed after a long time apart trying to reconnect. It's not meant to be two regal sisters holding platitudes and masks to keep nobles happy, it's just two ponies focusing on their own selves.
I have other stories better written than this, but I appreciate the comment and criticism.
AI Review: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/217075/ai-reviews/thread/523415/lonely-sun-full-moon-by-mocha-star8-10