Chasing a Dream: Family
[Blazing's Entry]
I keep thinking about Void and Scream. Mana Burn said there was a new alicorn of Lust, and a strange but familiar voice inside my head appears to have something in common with Void. What came to me while I was resting at the old castle was the topic of alicorn insanity.
From what I know it is a common phenomenon, as far as the word 'common' can be used in conjunction with the demigods. The basic premise is that any alicorn coming to terms with their eternal nature acts out in a crazy and potentially extremely destructive way. Sometimes it comes early in an alicorn's life, and other times it can wait for eons.
Take Luna, for example. According to the alicorns I've met, Luna and Celestia are very young in comparison to the original trio of Void, Magnus, and whoever the alicorn of Life was. As far as I know, the youngest new alicorns are Twilight, Cadence, and I. Luna's period of insanity was when she attempted to usher eternal night before being imprisoned on the moon. The common misconception is that Luna got possessed by Nightmare and that started the insurgency, but she got possessed by the god after her mind already deteriorated in her solitary confinement. The alicorn of Illusions, Night, Logic, and Deceit only wanted to be appreciated and loved. That is all it comes down to.
It's not always bad, though. Scream's period of insanity, according to Void, was one of the better periods of history. Some mentions of ancient civilizations in old history books even recount what the alicorn of Lust did. Giving in to her aspect of Lust and Desire, Scream decided that the natural state of all races was to seek pleasure in one another. The long gone Romane civilization is said to have been a part of the enormous population growth caused by Scream driving masses wild with passion. Orgies, fertility festivals, things current Corrupted pretty much embody were normal in those days. Of course, such overpopulation and ponies, griffons, minotaurs, yaks, everyone losing their minds to the primal desire led to famines, diseases, deaths of exhaustion, and more. Coming to terms with her power not being the cure of all problems, Scream became an alicorn adult.
Void's insanity was the most devastating catastrophy not known to history, only to the still living few. I don't know in which historical period it happened, but when Void got too deep into the suffering and pain of ponies, he decided to help. Help from the alicorn of Death had only one result - massive near-extinctions. At first it started as ponies begging him to end their pain during natural disasters, which I consider fine, but then he, bombarded by crushing life stories over and over, came to the conclusion that the world was not worth living in for anyone. After ending the pain and hearing out millions of hurt ponies, all he could see was their view of reality. Celestia lied to Scream she wanted her to negotiate with Void, but instead sprung a trap imprisoning Void in Tartarus for next millenia. As mentioned before, Scream never forgave her even after my actions brought on Void's release.
Scream considered Celestia a potential threat to the world on the level of Void. The general idea was that Celestia has not yet gone through her insanity. The alicorn of the Sun, Family, Compassion, and Warmth was nowhere even close to Void's power, but if she went into a crazy state like Luna did, long night would be nothing compared to complete incineration of the planet.
Some insanities are minor at best. Zephyr, the alicorn of Winds, Cooking, and Honesty just became a chilli chef. Bad jokes aside, he's supposed to be a fantastic cook. He owns a diner somewhere in the Griffon Empire deserts. Crom has been there few times, I think.
Cadence's insanity will likely be just like Scream's, and hopefully somepony can make her see things the right way before the negative effects manifest as well. Twilight... I have no doubts that progress-crazy Twilight will drag entire world kicking, screaming, and in her case madly cackling into the next millenium... or two or three. Sadly, the greatest atrocities usually start with good intentions.
I'm not one to judge. I've been broken and mentally out for as long as I can recall. That's why I don't want any power or responsibility. I'm not made for any of this. I just want to be left alone... and at the same time I want somepony I could be close with... who would make me not be myself.
I'm an idiot with capital I.
[End Entry]
Passing through the gap in the palisade of new trees, I enter the Pine Hills ruins. Everything is just another stretch of the forest, albeit a bit thinner and with crumbled houses. Muscle memory of centuries ago takes hold, and my legs having a mind of their own take me through what used to be streets to where the dreamling hive was. Guiding Light and the dreamlings built a cave system underneath an abandoned house which had a complex of cellars to begin with, likely from some alcohol storage business for the local inn or something. I never found out actually, although Guiding must have known from her talks with the mayor of Pine Hills.
The feeling of eyes on my back grows, but I can't see anything both with my normal and magical vision, nor hear anything other than leaves rustling in the wind. Growing pressure in my head is a dead giveaway that something is around, though. It's different from when Corrupted are nearby, this is the imprint of raw emotions - hostility, fury, threat...
...and despair. Trust me, I know that taste through and through.
It hits me. Corrupted have some access to the shared hive mind of others, and Mana Burn's vision must have been a warning message his head could decipher. I think I would see pictures like he supposedly did, but since I'm just a tainted pony I feel the meaning of the will all around. Careful about not being ambushed, I finally reach the square of grass, bushes, and masonry which once was called a house. The door doesn't exist, the hinges are rusty, roof is just a pile of mossy and moldy wooden beams, but the light still illuminates a staircase in the corner leading to the cellar.
Something growls behind me, something that according to my tracing spell is not there.
There's not one, but three of them perfectly blocking all escape paths other than the doorway. They look like Hunters, only stick thin and a bit smaller than I am, with barely any flesh on their bones. Each rib is perfectly visible under their shiny, hairless black skin. Unlike usual Hunters, their forelegs riddled with holes end in hooves, but they make even less noise than a sneaking Corrupted. No grass crunched when they approached. I had no idea anyone was there before they growled. The 'skin' all over their body is segmented like armor plates of changelings, but looks thin and papery as it stretches with their breathing. Unlike normal changelings, though, these have strands of dirty, rotten white mane coming from their heads. Their eyes, however, sunken and surrounded with webbing of wrinkles as they may be, are grey...
... but when one of them looks up at me and his or her eyes reflect daylight, I look into the mirror blue reflection of my own.
Dreamlings kept the pony eyes and manes, and unlike Chrysalis' changelings who had black chitinous armor with dark green undertones, my children's colours were dark blue. It is all there, everything including rotten and discoloured replicas of my once blonde mane. Where my turned silvery white with just a little yellow remaining, theirs rotted into dirty grey.
They look as if strong wind could push them over, but these starved and diminished being still keep Corrupted at bay. All of them are small, though. Guiding was the size of a changeling queen, although still not as tall as Chrysalis. She isn't one of these three.
They just stand there, standing and growling like dogs when somepony is about to touch their bowl of food.
"Guiding?" I say carefully, having no doubts that she can't hear me unless she's nearby. It's mostly just to get the trio used to my voice. They lean away, coiled like springs and ready to pounce. I raise my voice, "Guiding!"
Nothing.
"Guiding Light!" I try again, louder. The three just stare, ears twitching in tune with sounds I can't hear.
I sigh. Perhaps I was hoping for too much.
I levitate a fresh apple out of my saddlebag, and offer it to the nearest dreamling. It scrunches its muzzle and just keeps looking at it. While its attention is occupied with the apple, I reach my hoof towards its head and-
"Ouch!"
-recieve a bite from sharp fangs.
I forgot that they, as a species forcibly mutated from changelings, share a hive mind of their own. My dreamlings used it successfully in combat to guard each other's back and all work together as one in a tough situation.
After examining the bite and, quite honestly, thanking stars for not having my fetlock bitten off, I reach for the dreamling's muzzle again, this time without any deceit. The bite is shallow and more painful than dangerous, I'll bandage it later. He or she leans away, but I keep reaching closer and closer until I touch the cold, smooth chitin and the cheekbone underneath. Sitting down, I keep stroking the poor creature that eases into my warm touch.
I can see the signs of corruption on them, the drippiness, the veins of taint darker than the midnight blue and black chitin, but this time my touch does nothing, not even the smallest hint that I could destroy their taint.
"I have nothing that could help you anymore, guys. I'm so sorry I couldn't be there when you needed me the most," I sniffle.
The dreamlings come closer and sit down. The one being petted sniffs my black coat where the cut from Heart so close to decapitating me used to be.
"Yeah, your dad's had it tough, but not as bad as you all," I mumble, looking into the distance with tearing up eyes and hugging the dreamling's head.
*Clip*
"Hmm?"
The dreamlings turn their heads as one towards the staircase inside the ruined house.
*Clip clop*
Heavy, irregular hoofsteps are only the start. In the next few seconds, I can't decide whether to scream, piss myself, throw up, or cry.
A much taller pony-like form with longer neck limps out of the cellar. Like smaller, wingless Chrysalis, she hobbles towards us. Her legs are covered in scars and still open wounds glistening with dried blood and trailing rotting flesh. Broken and poorly healed bones peek out of the cracked chitin in unnatural angles. Just like with the normal dreamlings, I can trace each rib and see the broken and twisted ones under the segmented chitinous armor. Her belly plate common to all changeling queens is fractured, chunks are missing, but I can still make out the thin, bronze veins reassuring me that this mangled monstrosity indeed is my daugter. The grey, dead hair of her mane contrasting with her dark armor are yet another clue.
She snarls and growls as she approaches. One rotting, unseeing white eye dripping fluid mixing with black saliva trickling from the ripped chitin on her cheek showing white bone of her skull. The other blue eye fixates on me as she wheezes, giving me a clear show of a mouthful of sharp teeth.
I can't handle the sight. This... this is what happened to them while they waited for me. They couldn't just give up and pass on peacefully. If Mana Burn's interpetation of his vision was right, they wanted to see me just one final time.
Well, here I am... the pony who fucked everything up. I wasn't strong enough to prevent this. All the godlike power I had, everything I've gone through... it was all for nothing. I couldn't save ponies around me, and those I did save would have been better off dead.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I break into sobs, "I'm sorry..."
Guiding shuffles to me, leans her long neck down, and licks my cheek wet with tears, heavy stench or rotten flesh lingering on her breath.
She wheezes harder. Thin stream of blood trickles out of the torn side of her mouth.
"D-aaaaaah-d," she gurgles in pain, forcing long unused vocal chords to work.
I put my hooves on her neck.
Something. SOMETHING. I need some sort of my old power. Please, heal her, or at least ease her pain. I'm not asking to cure her corruption or anything... just make her feel better...
Body, please...
Nothing.
No cleansing and healing flames. No answered wish.
Absolutely nothing, just my warm underhooves pressed against her cold chitin.
"I'm useless now," I sniffle again, staring into Guiding's blind eye, "I can't do anything."
She presses her neck against mine. It is like touching a corpse, cold, no heartbeat. They fought and fought and fought... and in the end they lost. They deserve what little reward I can give them for their vigil.
Pulling out the last remains of fresh fruit I have out of my saddlebags, I offer everything to each one of the four last dreamlings. The three normal ones just turn their heads, but Guiding hungrily devours them all. I pick up the bits and pieces that fall from her torn muzzle over and over until she eats everything. A faint pulse of power underneath my legs makes me use my special vision, and I see thin veins of power being shared by all of them.
They survived this long, they even learned how to use their own corruption for their benefit, and it still wasn't enough.
I stand up and hug Guiding, unsure what to do here anymore. She licks my nose, bites my mane and gently tugs at it. She wants me to follow her somewhere, so I start walking, surrounded by my last remaining family. As minutes pass, I realize we're not walking anywhere specific, just strolling lazily through the ruined town, sometimes walking in circles for a while.
They just want my company.
"Remember the first newborn dreamling in this world?" I say out of nowhere, memories flooding my mind, "Shieldcrusher? No, Shieldbreaker, the pony guard, was the father. Sorry, I can't recall the name of his mate. Remember how the foal grew really fat in the first month because of the fear of his parents something would happen to it? We had to calm them down just so their fear didn't overfeed their child. Too bad I wasn't around to see how that worked out."
I shake my head and continue.
"Or even before that, when everypony was afraid of you and they accepted you only because of Celestia's royal decree that you were Equestrian citizens on probation? When some mare baked you a skull shaped cake after you saved her husband from timberwolves? She thought a scary skull would be more nutritious to you 'cause of the fear eating thing. It didn't take even a year before they realized heart shaped ones were much better."
I chuckle. Guiding wheezes.
"I still can't get over how quickly you all just packed up and went when Harmony's return threatened us all. Everypony else was unsure, thought we needed more information, but you just went there only on my suspicion. Your and Shadowstep's scouting was what got us through all that... well, got you through all that. I didn't get to check afterwards, heh, but everypony other than me survived, I hope."
I know I'm not going to get an answer to that question from her.
Just as we return to the ruined hive house in comfortable silence, I realize we've gone a big circle through the town. Guiding walks inside and downstairs, and the dreamling behind me nudges my hindquarters to follow her when I hesitate just a little too long. The cavern complex to which the cellar is just an entrance is much bigger than I remember, but the route we're taking leads to what the dremalings used to consider a throne room. There are blue crystals scattered on the walls illuminating the way. I am honestly surprised some of them still work. Not that I need them to see, although it's still uncomfortable when my magic vision keeps telling me that I am here completely alone. Just like me, the dreamlings absorb magic, albeit to a much smaller degree. The arcane waves of my tracing spell hitting them are simply sucked up and lost to me.
The stone throne and a big round table are still there. Two centuries down here can't have damaged the rocks whatsoever. What isn't made of stone, however, is a faded picture in a bronze frame I can barely make out in the dim, blue light. It must have been preserved by magic, and even that was barely enough.
I levitate it closer to my face.
We are all there. The nine dreamlings sitting in the front like foals in a school photo. Guiding Light and I behind them, heads pressed together and one leg around each other's shoulders. Chokey is next to me, forelegs in the air and making a silly face with tongue stuck out. The last one is Crom, at least a head taller than any of us, sitting next to Guiding on his hind legs, forelegs folded on his chest and giving his trademark confident smile.
I put the preserved memory down, desire to hurt myself much stronger than ever since my return. However, my reason is different this time. I have been so selfish, so stupid. I wanted to end everything in case things didn't go my way. I wanted to cut everypony's losses and just leave. I was scared of screwing things up so much I could never fix them.
I still am terrified to my bones, and I will always be. I am a worthless coward to the core...
...but somehow I managed to bring out the good in others I met.
I can't live for myself, I am not worth the time and effort, but I must try to give back to those who didn't give up on me. I will doubtlessly fail, over and over and over and over, but as long as I keep trying to fix things...
I don't believe I can, but I have to keep trying.
"Honey, I have to go," I say firmly, patting Guiding's head. She just watches patiently, unable to do more than just drip drool and wheeze, "I'm worthless trash, a crybaby. You've had it so much worse and you are still here, clinging to hope that I ever return. And I'm not that Hope anymore. But no matter what happens with Crom. I will come back here. I will bring ponies with me, ponies who won't consider you a monster. I'll take it slow. We will heal you, feed you, I will love you as much as you deserve which is... so much it hurts. Just... just wait a little longer. You've lasted for so long, so don't give up now. Keep yourself safe until I come back."
I hug her again, feeling a new roaring fire inside me. My strength is draining away as Guiding feasts on what little love my broken heart has to give right now, but she stops as I become light-headed. She lies down, content, and the other three pile on her. Their breathing grows more and more shallow, and their eyes close as they finally get their well-deserved sleep.
I'll be back, and nothing will stop me.
How exactly I'm going to do that I have no idea, but determination is the first step.
I don't need any escort to get back out of the hive in onto the surface. North, the safer route to Manehattan, or northeast, the faster one?
Before today, I would go with the faster one to get to Crom soon or die trying.
Checking out my compass, I head straight north.
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You know, since disappearing alicorn of life (if it happened) you can make Flurry the new one.
...
I was thinking she wasn't so bad before...
So, there was newborn dreamlings. Good to know.
Of course Blaze is completely insane. That goes without saying. The point being that he has a mission now. I hope that he can revive the Dreamlings.
I really liked them and want to read more about them.
9891334
Guiding Light easily wins the category of the most important character with the least amount of screen time in the whole Imbalanced storyline. Even Void wasn't this skewed.
Yes. I hope they didn't pass away. It was real.
Alternately flip the above answers.
Either way I'm crying.
10837043
Told you this one and Dawn were the real sh*tstorm.
I actually cried there, that hit me so hard
11342380
One of the few better moments.
Damn that was a great chapter...
11760156
Sometimes even I hit the mark.