Year 2066: Technomancer Industries has brought life to almost 250 fictional characters over the years, including many from MLP:FiM, in the form of robotic companions. An attack upon two employees one year prior led to the creation of a safe space for augmented individuals, robots and supporters. The Church of Augmentation was created. And yet it needed a leader.
In 2066, Adam Jensen came online as a robotic re-creation of a famous character from Deus Ex: Human Revolution. He was put in-charge of the 500,000 members of the Church of Augmentation and sent to its main branch in Austin, Texas, to help protect those in need.
Soon, Jensen has discovered a hate group is planning an attack against those who support technology. When robotic companions like Coco Pommel and Cheerilee get caught up in the action, can they survive the threats of those sent to destroy them? What will Jensen do when he and his followers are threatened by those who believe the Church of Aug, and its members, shouldn't exist?
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Content Warning: There are discussions and implications about some very serious real-world crimes in this story, including abuse and domestic violence. Even moreso, one of these situations involves an MLP character many of you might like, who participates in a very tough medical procedure at one point. There is no gore, but the situation is graphic. Reader discretion is advised.
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---You might like this story if you also like:----
Deus Ex: Human Revolution or Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
Adam Jensen in unique, potentially real-world scenarios
Coco Pommel and Cheerilee Robots
Stories which could happen based on our level of real-world technology
A religion based around augmentation and technology
Alternative Religions
Stories where the innocent are protected and criminals get punished
A protagonist balancing moral decisions constantly
Heroes fighting extremely tough antagonists
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Love the "Equus Metamorphosis" universe? Here are more stories and resources for it!
Here's the original storyline, already at seven chapters and counting:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/333408/equus-metamorphosis
Here's a one-shot prequel to the original story. It details humans and pony Pod Pals attending a support group:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/335625/the-support-group-for-robots-augments-and-meta-frames-ram
And finally, I've constructed a timeline of story events taking place over eight decades before the start of the main story "Equus Metamorphosis":
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/646776/supplemental-timeline-for-equus-metamorphosis-thank-you-to-all-my-readers
First chapter is missing "I didn't ask for this". I feel sort of cheated. Otherwise, I enjoyed what I read a lot, and am looking forward to more of it.
Jesus bleating Christ, give us more!
poor cherrilee
wait aria adagio and best siren sonata are body guards.......intresting
Wow..... dark, and somehow, I get the feeling you're from the area
7357233
I am from Texas, yes. :P I have lived in Austin before, and am hoping to move back very soon.
7356938
Oh you'll see how that works out later. It's gonna be gooddddddd.
And I felt so bad for Cheerilee too. Once it got to that point in the story, I thought "Can I really go through with this?" And then i realized I couldn't shy away from a powerful story moment. I had to do it to make the scene work, even though I suspect some of the downvotes I got are because of what happened to her. But you can't have a good villain unless they show they're a threat against someone you care about. O.o
7356488
Oh you'll get more for sure. :) I've already got ideas on how this is going to turn out, but some parts of it are in flux.
7356455
Hehe thank you! *hugs* I actually wanted to do this running gag throughout the chapters where Jensen never really tells the original line and says variations like
"This isn't something I asked for."
"Who asked for this?"
"Did I ask for this?"
Little things like that, until a key unexpected moment where he finally says it but perhaps doesn't come out like readers thought it would :)
This certainly is a very interesting little approach, good luck on the writing, and style. This really fits to the writing so far.
7357835
Thank you! I'm trying a more cinematic approach to this story with multiple character angles instead of just one or two. It really does help with the type of more urgent scenario occurring here. Glad you liked it! :D
Jensen, or this version, at least, doesn't seem like one who has many friends.
7359085
Jensen doesn't need friends...
*Cue Celestia Pod Pal appearing to him and telling him to go make friends, and then Jensen pressing G to perform a take-down on her*
On a side note, I'm vaguely amused about Cheerilee's inclusion, since in my own fic I've basically planned to turn Cheerilee into Countess Lily de la Cher (an alias for TnaB's Vampire Cheerilee series) into Vampire Jensen
Shattered spirit, forged anew,
Body broken, cursed askew,
Magic tendrils chain my heart so cold...
Valkyrie to the new Red Gold
There’s no heartbeat under my skin,
Search my vampiric soul
For the drowning mare within.
Story Summary:
This story has both an intriguing plot and plenty of action. You start off with morbid curiosity during the opening, but the scene quickly changes as new characters are introduced, which sets you up for part three for a good old police raid. It was one hell of a ride, and the pacing was perfect. It goes from curiosity, to drama to action, making sure to build you up, without teasing you for too long. Absolutely brilliant!
First though "Ugh, like 7k words? That's going to take forever..."
Second thought after two paragraphs "Can't...stop...reading..."
Spoilers
Holy crap the first room of this building sounds hella gorgeous!
“
” did you mean mediate?
I can’t explain why, but there’s this wondrous emotion playing as I read through this story. Like...there’s this strange sense of wonder and...what’s the word...spirituality? I have no idea how you’re doing it but it’s fantastic.
Ok so the opening scene...I don’t know how to describe it but it was just so mysterious. It’s one of those reads that grabs you and makes you captivated. I know I already said it but your description of the Tears of the Sun was fantastic, I think that’s what helped set the mood.
***
Adam looks like a straight badass lol
“
” LOL best facial description look ever!
““
” Oh...oh my God...that is so damn cool. Like it’s a small, but awesome piece of information.
God why is this dialogue between Coco and Adam so riveting?!
“
. “
” That...I don’t know how to explain it but that’s an awesome line. And it adds a lot of suspense for her being a Pod Pal, despite being the first.
***
“
” That is such a cool way to describe the inside of a security van!
*”
Agh I have no idea what exactly they’re doing but I love the small gradual clues that are natural parts of their conversation.
“
” Mistreatement...of a Pod Pal...that is...just wow. The pod pals have rights, that is...just so damn cool.
Holy shit! It’s like..spousal abuse for robots! How do you keep coming up with such interesting and original ideas?! God I just...I actually feel bad for the pod pal!
““
”” Awwwwwww good point :( Damn you’re good at writing dialogue.
“
” Totally a badass CQC move! Yes! Oh my god this scene is so badass!
Did you seriously look up how to perform a tracheotomy?! Dude holy shit this is actually accurate!!!
NO! WHY DID IT END?! NO! Ugh! Please write more! That was so badass!
7359325
Oh Countess Cheerilee the vampire? That sounds SWEET! You gotta let me know when you do that :D
7362419
Yes! I'm so happy that the pacing worked out. Setting it up like a good ol' fashioned cop drama :)
Hah! I tried SOOOO hard to make this a one-shot, but it didn't even come close. This story is gonna take several chapters to complete. :p
I got to work on some of the corrections you made. Thank you for doing that! :D
YES! I'd been working on making a really good setting for once. I tend to have trouble with that, but when I'm working with a lot of established universe lore like I've been doing, then it becomes easier to add symbolism and deeper meaning to virtually every piece of custom architecture in the story (because some of it is actually based off real world places). I would really like this Tears of the Sun setup to exist one day.
Dialogue seems to be my bread and butter. :P So I make sure to showcase it as much as I can. :)
I try to add little hints of personality to each character. Vinyl and Melody are so...mythic at this point that I have to find ways to make their characterization more down-to-earth, so when they finally do appear, we'll be able to relate to them as more human.
I just keep trying to think how Pod Pals would live and what kind of protections they would need. :) But I also try to think of how limited they are in their own civil rights, because again, remember that even though it's 2066, they live in Texas which is infamous for its anti-civil-rights legislation even to this very year (50 years prior to the start of the story). I know because I live here. :/
Yes. Yes I did. :) And I will write more! You can count on that :D
And as always, thank you so much for your amazing review! :D *hugs*
7362419
>slliiiiiides over
Sufficiently Advanced
Also has amazing dialogue, similar topics, just 300 years into the future instead of 50.
-Unofficial #1 fan of LordofDorkness
PS: Dorky writes good dialogue in general, if you can get past somewhat angry protagonists and mild Celestia bashing.
7363217
I mean, so far I all got is this Omake, which is a semi-spoiler, semi-noncanon short that basically rips off the DX: HR trailer. ITs probably going to be an arc and a half before I get to her part, which is going to take at least till November at best.
I never played Deus Ex, despite owning both Deux Ex: The Conspiracy and Human Revolution.
Now i'm going to have to play both games just to understand this.
7369540
Try to get as close to 100-percenting Human Revolution as you can. You don't need to in order to understand this story, but I just wanted you to experience one of the best gaming experiences of all time, in my opinion. :P
Strangely enough, you don't need to know Deus Ex to get this, but it adds that extra layer of excitement when you see Jensen make his decisions. :)
Those never die out, do they? Not having read the story (yet) I'm only hoping that this doesn't lead to a black-white good-evil worldview on either side.
7441146
It's only in chapter 1, but right now, you've only got the extremists shown on the anti-augment spectrum. I have plans for others who have less extreme views, but haven't written them in story form yet, only notes :P
7441491 Always nice to have characters with more balanced and less dogmatic worldviews, too. They tend to be more interesting characters since they usually aren't so simplistic.
Jenson: ......I never asked for this.........
7565017
In this case, he really didn't :P
poor cherrilee
7620952
I KNOW,RIGHT?! ;_;
Poor girl...
Thanks for reading! *hugs* Your comments, as always, brighten up my day!
Couldn't Nikola Tesla be made the patron saint of innovation? That would be neat.
7933610
*Thinks about it*
Whoa.
That would be pretty boss. :D
I'll have to think about it :D