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Cynewulf


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This story is a sequel to Nothing is Constant


Twilight wants to be alone. Rarity knows that being alone is the last thing she needs.

So come hell or high water, she'll be there. Because, sometimes, if you tarry until you're better, you'll never come out at all.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 37 )

In the title it should be "You're" instead of "Your."
Just thought I'd point it out. :twilightsmile:

7367732 Thankya kindly.

I'm just... confused. In a way I kinda wish you hadn't called this a sequel to Nothing Is Constant, since that fic was so composed.

I honestly have less of an idea of what Twilight's "issue" is after she vocalized it, than I did through the rest of the fic. Which is really saying something. I kept going back and forth between clinical depression and immortal angst. After her "confession" to Rarity, the best I can come up with is it is Twilight's usual overthinking cranked up to 11 and getting worse due to the complexities of maintaining a long term relationship?

If someone listed these symptoms to me, and I didn't know the person from Adam, I'd tell them to see a doctor immediately because they are clearly suffering from some form of depression. A trained psychologist would be required to tell what kind, but many of the big signs are there.

I greatly enjoyed seeing the love and support Rarity gives to her partner, but the rest of the fic really leaves me wanting the composed, poetic nature of Nothing Is Constant.

Damn. That hit uncomfortably close to home

Never hide. You simply cannot, for your own sake. If you retreat, you’ll never pull out of it.
<...>
who is imperfect just as I am imperfect, and who bears my burdens as I bear hers. There are far worse things.

I cannot say I have ever sunk into such a smothering malaise as described, but I am familiar with the desire to hole up in an isolated cave away from everyone and everything. Thank God for friends who care enough to bear burdens and (metaphorically) provide a boot in the arse rather than sitting back and watching you wallow in Self... Something I never want to take for granted.

7367741
Technically, yes, if it's "If You Tarry 'Til [You Are] Better". But if you read it as "If You Tarry 'Til Your Better [Half Arrives]" then 'your' would be acceptable.

Yep. Been there. Ending wasnt the same. Thank you for writing this.

7367803 Fun fact: Many of the symptoms of clinical depression and existential burnout are very near the same! Twilight's feelings here capture the headspace of someone suffering depression as a by-product of other things their brain does to them on a regular basis quite beautifully, down to her inability to really vocalize what's wrong because she literally does not have the tools to communicate her emotional and mental fatigue to others. Even little details, like the sudden spark of happiness when she loses herself in pedantic descriptions of whether or not a castle is actually a castle, add to this.

This is a pretty gorgeous story. Never read "Nothing is Constant", now I want to.

Well done nailing the emotional core, Cynewulf. Well done.

What is more amazing in this story (actually everything is amazing, but you know wacha I meant) is that you barely define the problem (sure, it is a epic level of anxiety, but you never explicit name it like this) and, yet, the problem is very clear. Or, in other worlds, we all understand what´s going on, even if you don´t explicit describe what´s going on.

I really would love to see another story, showing Rarity working to help Twilly manage the problem in a more productive way.

7368740 Write what you know.



7367831 that is some Derrida level of word finanglin' Last of the B.G. Hehe


7368829 The blunter I have to be the more I feel I've failed. Beside that, though, some problems are just... Hard to vocalize.

7368944 The way I understood your story, it was less a problem of vocalizing the problem, and more not understanding what the problem is. Even Rarity does not understand what´s going on...she just knows that Twily is not well, and she is doing the only thing she can: being there for her.

For us, outside, it´s pretty obvious that the problem is something around anxiety and neurosis (overthinking too much). Maybe booth. But it is very nice to see, in the story, that even being as smart as she is, Twily can´t figure out her own problem. What is perfectly reasonable, you can´t see the hurricane when you are in his eye.

darf #12 · Jul 6th, 2016 · · 2 ·

oh dear. i haven't red this yet. but it sounds like it's about dealing with teh fear that physical reality might not exist when you wake up?

i have that fear all teh time... :x

must read this story later. thank you!

You mostly got my initial reaction of this yesterday, but I'm less sleepy now so I am now capable of the eloquence this story deserves.

Me like. You write good. Me happy.

Speaking of the first scene, what sticks out the most are the descriptions. I've gushed endlessly to you about how much I adore your descriptions, and I think what I love most is that you have such a wide vocabulary and yet it's never too distraction. You know exactly when to use "big words", so to speak, but not every sentence is overly-flourished.

Twilight's thought process is very nicely portrayed here, and as many other people have pointed out, you don't ever say what the problem is, but it's spot on for people who've felt that way before. I notice you tend to do that a lot, where you can easily voice something that others can't. Even having Twilight not being able to voice her depression is voicing it perfectly.

If that makes sense.

Art, maybe. Or wine cellars. Rarity would like that.

Rarity. Twilight sighed, bit her lip, and turned around. She walked back the way she’d came.

Rarity, Rarity, Rarity. There was only that name and nothing else that broke through the malaise.

Malaise. It was such a dramatic term for something that was, sadly, not very dramatic. No, if anything, it was mundane and dreary. She was simply listless. Nothing satisfied her. She did not fill the time, even when she was busy. It just limped by.

THIS WAS SO GOOD, AND IT'S NOT JUST BECAUSE I'M RARITWI TRASH. That last paragraph, particularly, ohhhh my goshhhh it was so nice to read. A+ on that.

I also especially love Twilight's entire fear of Rarity breaking up with her. That's incredibly relatable, and it's rather melancholic in a way that Twilight constantly lives assuming it's always going to be the last time.

Which is why, when she finally says that, Rarity's reaction is perfect. It was just how I was expecting/hoping for her to react, and when she did, it WAS SO NICE AND SATISFYING AND YOU WRITE BOTH OF THEM REALLY WELL. They play off each other so naturally, which is one of my favorite things of well-written RariTwi. It could just be dialogue and it would still be fascinating.

“No. But I am perfectly happy to be in love with and be loved by a mare who is imperfect just as I am imperfect, and who bears my burdens as I bear hers. There are far worse things.”

And Twilight sighed. The magic faded. She leaned back, and Rarity caught her. She sighed softly at the little kisses that dotted her neck.

“I suppose there are.”

GREAT ENDING A+++++++

Thank you for sharing this with us ;u;

7369000 the prequel is more along those lines. I have the same recurring fear. Have since I was a kid.

darf #15 · Jul 6th, 2016 · · 1 ·

7369313 oh dear. my poor friend. waking up and wondering if you're still dreaming?

i'm doing it right now. and it's no picnic :x

if you need a 'dream-walker' friend to talk to, hit me up. you know the channels! <3

UniqueSKD wants a hug!

If you tarry till you're better clap your hooves!
If you tarry till you're better clap your hooves!
If you tarry till you're better, even if the weather's getting wetter,
If you tarry till you're better clap your hooves!

You capture the malaise of life exactly as well as I expect. Just as important is the notion that sometimes someone has to come along and make you grit those teeth leave the house once in a while, even/especially when you really don't want to. Bootstraps were not meant to be pulled by the wearer.

This was a fun read and a nice little follow up to Nothing is Constant. I like the portrayal of Twilight knowing that something is wrong, but not quite being able to put it to words for a good part of the fic :3

So I googled the title... I had completely forgotten about that hymn, it's been so long since I'd heard it. It's a good one. Now I'm adding this to the reading list largely because I like references to obscure old songs. XP

7373520 I like old titles. I also like old hymns. I'd be more okay with them in general if we didn't play all of the dumb ones in the dumbest way imaginable. Or take the lesser ones and then play them in awful arrangements with Lifeway signage on them.

My vendetta with Lifeway will know no end.


Anyhow. At least of my titles are taken from something or other. Lot of biblical ones.

7370256 As for me, I left my cats to meow in futility for a while at each other and sat on my friend's porch and eating his meatballs and mashed potatoes. And enjoying a lucky strike.

Mashed potatoes make things better sometimes.

7373671 Had to google "lifeway". Now that I have, I think I've seen 'em around before. Might have even been in one. I only have a vague inkling of what you're talking about: I have a feeling I've only heard the better 'modern' arrangements, by and large (by which I mean like 2). It's one reason I couldn't stand 'bible study'. For every minute of actual bible study there were 2 of bad music, it seemed. XP

I googled the title of the prequel to this, too. Obscure Greek philosophers on that one.

As others have said, you've captured that listless, diffuse, draining anxious flatness almost painfully well. Good job, and good job writing Rarity, too. She's insightful, loving and supportive, without losing any of her essential prissy, melodramatic, generous Rarityness.

This was a beautiful story! Thank you.

Beautiful. Simply beautiful. I dare not say more.

“I don’t know why I’m this way.”

“What way?”

“I don’t even know what to call it because no word seems to work."

It seems an awful lot like clinical depression. Kudos for painting a reasonably realistic picture of it.

7732372 twi in these three stories does in fact suffer from that.

7732432
Which story is the third? Only this and "nothing is constant" are listed as related, and your story list would take quite a while to search through.

7732508 Huh. I just realized I hadn't published the third one. Whoops.

Poor Twi... I may not have romantic insecurities to deal with, but I can certainly relate to stretches of blah.

And you just seem to write the best Rarity... I can jump from Raridash to Rarilight in one binge session without the slightest trouble.:pinkiehappy:

7806528 She's fun. I get to be creative with her dialogue.

I can see why Mono pushed me to read this after doing Crown. Must be wonderful, to have someone who will go in after you to drag you kicking and screaming back into the light. Especially the one you love the most.

A beautiful one-shot. A beautiful way of saying nothing and everything between the painful moments of epiphany and revelation. Well done.

I liked this, it's a little bare-bones but it's good. And it's nice to see stories about this kind of stuff, it calms me down a little.
It's good. :twilightsmile:

This was excellent. A gut-wrenchingly real look at the ennui and malaise that comes with depression, with superb interaction between Rarity and Twilight to boot.

Beautifully written story and a great depiction of Twilight suffering from depression. Compared to the previous story, I also thought this did a better job keeping character voices distinct. Rarity and Twilight's interactions were great.

This hit very close to home – Twilight thinking herself into a grade-A depression. Been there, many times – the way she felt as if it was cyclical and she would always return to it? Very relatable.

"No. But I am perfectly happy to be in love with and be loved by a mare who is imperfect just as I am imperfect, and who bears my burdens as I bear hers. There are far worse things.”

This wonderful quote by Rarity captures in eloquent essence the simultaneously satisfying and unsatisfying answer to the cyclical nature of depression. Perhaps you do not feel as you wish you did, and perhaps you suffer existentially as Twilight does in this story – however, to bear burdens with one another is to lighten the mutual load beyond the sum of its load-bearers. When you share your burdens with another, and they the same with you, some of that burden simply disappears into the ether. The amount of burden that a listener takes on when sharing in your pain is lesser than the amount you release by sharing, and in this method, sharing burdens with one another over and over, the burden gradually decreases until you have both been relieved of the weight.

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