• Member Since 9th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 10th, 2014

King Beardo


Just a normal brony, and I enjoy fanfiction, hence me making this account.......soooooo yeah!Oh yeah, real name is Thomas Like,

T
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The offspring of the mane 6 have grown up, and they have joined the Equestrian Royal Military as a special ops unit called the 'Descendants of Harmony'.
Night Echo (Twilight's firstborn son) and his team are called to scout out a area of magical 'disturbances' in the middle of the Everfree Forest, but to find out that an old enemy is lying in wait for them instead.

(This story is based in a future setting, and things HAVE changed in Equestria in this Fic)

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 18 )

This is really confusing. :derpyderp2:

784420 How is it confusing? I want to know before I read this.

784420 tell me, i need to know so if it is some thing that can be cleared up, i will for ya.(':moustache:');

WAIT ONE F**KEN MINUTE.

Rarity has a kirin baby with a dragon that is not Spike?!

NOPE NOT GOOD! Im going to have to kill a certain unicorn.

Its still a nice idea. The kids are part of a spec ops team.

BUT F**K! SPIKE GETS NO RARITY LOVE?! YOU CAN TELL IM PISSED BY THE ROYAL CAPS LOCK VOICE!

Still nice idea.

785479 *ahem* wait all will be cleared in the future, don't fret spike is in this, remember he has grown up a bit as well

Grammar, punctuation, and spelling are all kinda fucked, but the story line is sorta interesting..

I read the second chapter. Did not like this story.

787403 At least its an honest review, thanks.

785190>>784498, Well, even though you do a pretty good introduction of the characters, the sudden introduction of so many new names and faces tends to get jumbled up in my head. When so many new things get jammed in my head, I can't remember any of it. I would appreciate a quick recap that won't make me go "TL:DR!". The story itself is pretty nice, but I'm just worried that I'll be completely lost in the coming chapters.

789073 yeah after reading it i did rush the introductions way too fast, after the main story characters are all in and participating i might put a a chapter that is only the back story of the Ocs, sorry bout all the bad writing; its my first fanfic to write and i'm still trying to get my bearings for writing, my main problem is (at least it seems to me) that i rush the story. Hell I'm most likely going to rewrite the first 2 chapters.

789107Take your time. It may be frustrating and feel unnecessary, but it will pay dividends in the end. Producing a slow but enjoyable story is much better than producing a rushed, poorly written story. What's more, if it goes slow, you'll keep the fans craving for more.

789130 alright i've done alot to the prologue and chapter one tell me if something still seems off, or if i messed it up more lol. :twilightsmile:

Ugh, after reading this over and over i keep finding mistakes, and they're really dumb ones too :facehoof:

Arkus=Spike? Probably not, but still.......................

Aw, why cancel it? I'm really enjoying it and I really want to see where the story goes! :fluttercry:

1093880
I'm thinking about trying again, hence it still being up and not revoked. I cant help but be really unsure about it

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