• Member Since 10th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen March 18th

Matt11


I'm a recently returned writer and plan to release alot of stories again.

T

Hearth Warming Eve, is the time for ponies to spend time with thier family and sometimes friends, but after going to one of Diamond Tiara's parties, Scootaloo gets herself trapped in the middle of the worst blizzard to hit ponyville.

Editor: RaylanKrios

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

Not bad, though the bit about Spoiled Rich felt a bit sudden. Even in "A Hearth's Warming Tail" she wasn't at the party, so even if she did turn over a new leaf, she'd probably still be very busy and not likely to attend. Then again, it was at her home. :eeyup:

I'm not sure if I'm an expert on the subject, but if Scootaloo was really out for that long of a period of time, she probably would've gotten hypothermia. And Dizzy Twister herself likely would've gotten some degree of frostbite. Still, it's a sweet little story, and I think there could be room for a sequel in the distant future. :twilightsmile:

7406033 even if I did do a sequel what could it even be about?

7406058 Probably the aftermath of the incident, maybe Scootaloo exploring The Everfree Forest because she thinks maybe her father's still alive?

Hmm, not half bad and it works as a good story even if it isn't Christmas yet and still july here.

7406252 Well, I've heard of "Christmas in July" at least once.

7406364
7406252 Well we had a Christmas based episode and it wasnt even close to christmas, so tv shows seem to do that stuff alot as well.

Dear Matt11,

as usual, when I read a story, I try to make a commentary about it,
so here is yours.

First the positive things, which sucks me into the story.
The build up is good for a novella.
Diamond Tiara is well written and Dizzy Twister looks like an interesting character.
And the story explores Scootaloos background, which is my main reason to read the story.

But the story line and development of it are a little bit rushed.
I know it is just a short story ,but for this the first the first part seems to be a little bit long, even for an American style short story,
or I would say, it could be a nice introduction for a novella.
A few more things had thrown me out of the story.
The interaction between Scootaloo and Diamond at the party is an exposition dumb,
sorry for this harsh statement.
But it's purpose is to clarify Scootaloos background for the audience.
It's a little bit out of touch and Diamond isn't the right pony to explore it.
Would you tell a new friend so painful memories?
It's really difficult to do, and little kids are lying or trying to sidetrack from this pain, I presume.
In simple terms,
I wouldn't believe, that Scootaloo of all fillies would choose Diamond Tiara for this revelation,
she would rather lies about it, or avoids the theme completely .
Sorry for this point of view in a review, but it distracted me a lot from the story.
As great as Scootaloos Mum is, she leaves one mayor question unanswered:
Which kind of pony is she. A pegasus or an earthpony.
It seems that she is an earthpony, because she uses no wings in the whole story.
But if this is implied a conformation in the end could be useful.
If you want to implicate, that she is an pegasus.
Why would she lays Scootaloo on her back with a jacket?
I think she would rather uses her wing to hold her filly warmth.
She could simply snuggles her under a wing
and is able to warmth her with her own body to prevent hypothermia.
A minor inconvenience is the final act.
I have a few questions about it,
Why would Diamond Tiara comes alone?
Aren't the Cutie Mark crusaders Scootaloos friends, longer than she is?
Yes she apologises for her party, but it seems a little bit forced for me.
And more distracting,
Why is Scootaloo able to leave the hospital?
After such an event, I think that she will be need more time to recover or more medical treatment.
Two splintered broken legs aren't quite as easily healing together like your story implies.

I feel sorry, that I have so many negative points in my criticism,
but the story is good and even a little bit interesting.
I enjoyed reading it.
Yours Lethrael.

7414379 Dizzy Twister (or Orange Swirl as the wikia calls her) is a pegasus, she appears in the background in episodes like "Lesson Zero".

Login or register to comment