Unexpected Revival
(Pride Rock, Scar’s P.O.V)
After a miscalculation on my final attack against my nephew for king, I was sent over a cliff, hitting the side and onto the hard ground. I was dazed for a little before slowly rising to see my three cubhood hyena friends approaching me.
“Oooh, my friends.” I said relieved to see them.
“Fri eh ends? I thought he said we were the enemy?” Shenzi asked Banzai.
“Yeah, that’s what I heard.” Banzai replied as this made my blood run cold after realizing they must have overheard me when I was talking to Simba. They then turned to their friend and asked.
“Ed?” I was thinking he would have done something stupid as always since he couldn’t speak, but he laughed with evil and licked his lips in hunger as more hyenas began to emerge from the flames.
“No, l-l-l-let me explain. No, You don’t understand. No! No! I didn't mean No!” I said as a pack of hyenas began to surround me with hungry looks in their eyes. I tried to think of a way to escape, but I was too late when some hyenas pounced onto me and I was tackled to the burning ground. Then everything became dark.
(Crystal Palace, 3rd P.O.V)
Cadence and Shining were persuaded by Twilight Velvet, Night Light, and Sunburst to take a vacation. Much to their hesitance, they knew that being exhausted from taking care of Flurry wouldn’t be the best for their physical, or mental health, so they decided to take some much needed time for themselves overseas.
“Are you sure she’ll be alright?” Cadence asked her husband, Shining Armor, as she levitated some sun tan lotion into her suitcase.
“I told you already Cady, everything’s going to be just fine. Mom, Dad, Twily, and Sunburst know what to do with our precious little daughter.” Shining said as he placed their shared toiletry bag on their bed. Cadence was still having doubts after seeing Flurry’s magic going out of control before her Crystalling. Since then, she’s been like a normal foal with her magic contained and less destructive.
“Still, I hate to leave her like this. I mean she’s still just a baby, and I don’t want to neglect her.” Cadence said with a pout on her face.
“Hey, c’mon now. We’ve both worked hard just to keep this place from becoming a frozen wasteland, and we’ve spent most of our time just trying to keep Flurry from getting upset every time she needed something, like changing her diaper, feeding her, but most of all trying to get her to sleep.” Shining said as he slightly shuddered at the memory of trying to get his daughter to take a nap without getting blasted through a wall. Cadence saw his point, she had been worked up with her daughter since she is a first time mother and it has been a while since she last did something exciting.
“I guess you’re right. I mean she almost blew out my eardrums from a burp once. Talk about a gassy kid.” Cadence said with a small chuckle. Shining chuckled as well as he closed his suitcase and gave it to one of the servants.
“That’s funny, I mean I’ve never heard a baby make that kind of sound before, but I guess it was disturbing for you. Almost as embarrassing as the time that you-” Shining found his wife placing her hoof on his mouth.
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence! If you do, then no fun for you during this vacation!” Cadence hissed in anger. Shining was quite scared of her when she is angry and had no choice but to comply unconditionally.
“Alright fine, I won’t mention that. So, are you almost done or?” Shining said as he walked over to the door.
“Yes I’m done packing, you goof. Now come on let’s go.” Cadence said in a sing-song tone while lightly brushing her tail on Shining’s muzzle seductively.
After arriving at the train station, they were met by Twilight Velvet, Night Light, Sunburst, and their baby Flurry Heart on the platform. They kissed their daughter goodbye, and hugged the ponies that would be caring for their little bundle of joy for the next two weeks.
“Just remember that Flurry has to be in bed by 8 and all of her diaper supplies are in the dresser in her room.” Cadence said in reminder.
“Don’t you worry Cadence, we’ll handle everything while you're gone, just go on and have fun.” Twilight Velvet said as she waved her hoof dismissively.
“Besides, it’s not the first time we’ve had foals, I mean Twilight was a hoofful to look after when she was this age.” Night Light said as he nuzzled his granddaughter. Flurry giggled happily from the contact and yawned.
“Why seems as if somepony’s tired and two others that are going to miss their train if they don’t hurry.” Sunburst said as he pointed at the train.
“You’re right. See you in two weeks!” Shining said as he and Cadence boarded their train and waved to Sunburst, Night Light, Velvet, and Flurry.
(Zebafrica, Scar’s P.O.V)
Slowly lifting my heavy eyelids, I was surprised to know that I was still alive or maybe I was killed and sent to the afterlife. I tried to get up and survey what had happened, but I felt pain surge through my body and causing me to lie down once more. I looked over to see that I had blood and scratches from my encounter with the hyenas.
“I need to find some method to heal my wounds, or I’ll bleed out.” I said as I clutched my chest in pain. I had to get moving or get picked off by scavengers and using what strength I had to rise on my paws.
Being able to stand, I steadily began moving one leg at a time to get myself moving to the nearest source of water to get a drink and clean off my wounds. I stumbled a little at first and nearly fell, but I was able to get myself moving as I looked around my environment which seemed more lush and full of life. I didn’t see Pride Rock anywhere which raised some questions.
“Where am I?” I asked as I looked at my surroundings and saw some zebras roaming the plains. I heard my stomach growl at me as I realized that I haven’t eaten anything for possibly weeks. “Well I know what’s for lunch today.” I said with a predatory grin on my face.
I lowered myself within the grass as I slowly approached my potential meal without making much no ise to frighten them off. I looked for either a young or sick zebra from the herd to make it easier for me.
“Hmm, now that looks like good potential prey, but that zebra seems off to me.” I said with a suspicious tone. “But I must lay those thoughts to rest, I need to eat, or starve.” I said as I shook my head to fend off my doubts.
I crept slowly toward the grazing herd and found a delicious target of near the back of the herd and with her head not facing my direction, It was time to strike. Readying my claws, I attacked at full sprint, ignoring the pain through my wounds as my mind was set on surviving. However, when I lept towards the zebra I felt like I was being held back by something.
“What- what’s going on?!” I asked in confusion. Looking around, I saw that I was being held by some sort of mystical energy. I thrashed about for few seconds only to see that I was still suspended in the air. “What is this?” I asked as I looked around for the caster.
“Just what do you think you are doing, about to harm an innocent life?” A feminine voice spoke from behind.
“I am hungry, and I need to eat, or I’ll die from hunger.” I replied to the voice.
As I grew more impatient and hungry from dealing with this, the voice decided to reveal itself as a creature I’d never seen before. Some kind of pink horse with a horn and wings, followed by a male horse with a horn as well.
“Sorry to hear that, but you can’t just eat unsuspecting ponies, it’s illegal, and cruel.” The male said with a stern look on his face.
“I am a king, I can do as I please!” I replied with a snarl.
“A king of what?” the female horse asked with a stern look on her face.
“I’m the king of the Pride Lands, or at least I was until I was usurped by my nephew.” I said nearly roaring in anger at mentioning my downfall.
“Well hate to break it to you, but this isn’t the place you called the Pride Lands.” the male said as this did make me think where did I end up.
“Well then where am I, weird horse thing?” I asked with an annoyed expression on my face.
“First off, I am Princess Cadence and this is my husband, Shining Armor. Secondly, you’re in Zebafrica.” Cadence replied to correct me.
“Well at least I know where I am now, but agh!” I shouted in pain as my chest stung from the stress I was putting on my body now that my adrenaline rush has ended.
“What happened to you and when I release you, you must swear to not harm the innocent zebra.” Cadence commanded me. I didn’t have much of a choice so I nodded in response.
“I was attacked by a pack of hyenas, and I promise I won’t harm anything when you release me.” I said as I rolled my eyes at the last statement.
Cadence lowered me to the ground as she scanned over my body to see all the wounds and blood that covered my fur as I lied on the ground.
“Oh my goodness! I need to heal you and fast, or your wounds will be infected.” Cadence said as she ignited her horn with a light cerulean aura that began to clean the blood from my fur and the pain was dissipating as my wounds were indeed healing.
I felt my strength returning and stood once more and looked over to see that I was healed, except my scar on my face. I looked at Cadence without a happy expression.
“Thank you for your help, but I shall fare on my own now.” I said as I turned away from the zebra and the two horses.
“Good luck out there uh…” Shining Armor said as he knew that I never told them my name.
“My name is Scar, if that’s what you’re wondering, and I don’t need luck, I have skill.” I said as I walked towards the fields.
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Scar needs a power up or he'll become the ponies bitch boy.
You've got my attention. Keep it up! I eagerly await more!
Scar's got to eat sooner or later, so the ponies best just settle for him not eating equines. Cause, really, asking more than that is just bias against predators.
Still, otherwise liking this.
Don't worry Scar will get what he deserves.
I'm eager to read more of this. *insert Thor gif smashing a mug*
This sounds like an interesting story, if a bit bare on the details. I suppose that's to be expected since it's only the first chapter. For now, I'll track for a few more chapters and see where it goes.
The biggest issue I've noticed so far is that you're having issues with keeping in a consistent tense between your narrative and dialogue. I.E. --> Switching between past and present.
Interesting... I'll follow
7350109 but he is the main character though...why should he be killed? (That's what i think you mean.)