Chapter 26: The Discoveries Never End (Final) (slight- re-edit)
Chapter 26: The Discoveries Never End (Final)
Edited by: Chrome Masquerade
Proofread by: Midnight Gear (Again)
“Well, of course. So close to reaching the answers to all of our questions and a huge split in the earth just had to dash those ideas to pieces.” I muttered to myself as both Shimmer and I stood in front of another collapsed piece of ground, too far to jump across and too deep to even try. which I quickly found out after peering over the edge and shining my built in flashlight into it.
The bottom wasn’t even visible.
“I don’t see what the big deal is. We could just, you know, fly over it.” Shimmer suggested with a bluntly logical-sounding tone while giving her wings a few test buzzes to illustrate her point.
I simply gave her a sideways glance while raising my eyebrow at her. She gave me a look in response before her eyes went wide and her mouth formed an ‘oh’ in realization.
“Yeah… that complicates things.” Shimmer commented as she looked back over the crevasse.
“I honestly doubt that I have the strength to carry you over. I might have been living alone and traveling from place to place, but that really doesn’t mean that I am well built around my wing muscles. I actually spend most of my life walking rather than flying.” Shimmer added before looking back at me.
I simply stood there, looking over to the other side where our goal was before remembering something that I had completely forgotten until now. I quickly removed my hat from my noggin as I examined it. I turned it around in my hooves until the underside of my hat was shown, the unnatural looking void-like darkness that pretty much makes up the inside of my hat still somewhat creepy-looking as I felt my companion next to me inching closer to look into it as well.
I could hear her gasp before I tore my gaze from my head warmer to her.
Her eyes were wide as she stared down into my accessory, causing me to tilt my head a bit before she moved her solid blue eye to me. “How… where did you get this?” She questioned in a shocked tone, which somewhat unnerved me.
“From… from where I am from, to be honest, I bought this a couple years back and “he” has been part of my choice of clothing ever since.” I answered her truthfully, getting a slight flashback of when and where I actually bought this, Baguio City, I believe.
Shimmer just stared, before looking back at the hat and back again. “Well, who… whoever sold you this Hat, then, had absolutely no idea what the HAY they had so stupidly sold to somepony.” She commented.
“I am still lost, here.” I told her, which in turn caused her to just shake her head in slight disbelief before looking back at me.
“Nava, your hat is enchanted with INFINITY MAGIC, one of the rarest and least understood forms of magic in existence.” Shimmer finally informed, which in turn caused me to raise an eyebrow before looking back at my trusty headwear on my hoof.
“Infinity Magic? Never heard of that before. It has either been the traditional type you find in almost all RPG’S like Black Magic, White Magic, Blue and Red Magic, sometimes even Chaos Magic or Time Magic, Geomancy as well, and of course Blood Magic too. But never Infinity Magic.” I thought to myself as I stared down at my supposedly very special hat. The void like field within even moving and swirling a bit, which I never ever noticed before… well, until now, that is.
“Um… ok, it's somewhat swirly now.”
“All I have been able to do with this is pull out personal belongings all the way back from my home and then send them back again.” I muttered, which Shimmer obviously picked up.
“Wait, what? That can’t be right.” Shimmer butted in, which again caused me to look at her.
“What do you mean? I tested it a couple of times before.” I questioned back.
Shimmer looked thoughtful for a moment as she stared down into the barely visible swirling vortex of nothingness within my hat while rubbing her head.
“Well…” She began while looking unsure of herself. ”It’s… really hard to explain, to be honest. I am just a rough changeling, and therefore the last person, pony or individual you should ask about it.” She continued on before looking off towards our goal on the other side of the crevasse. “But Infinity magic in general is exactly what the name pretty much suggests. It's Infinite. It’s not bound to any rules or limitations like any other form or magic (It’s also basically known as Infinitus Vis or Ad Infinitus for the more educated ones) because of its obvious mysterious nature… that’s basically I have heard and read in my travels.” Shimmer finally finished, which again left me to think on my own.
“Infinitus vis, unlimited force? so basically I possess a Hat Ex Machina, then?” I wondered to myself as I slowly started to look at my otherwise simple looking hat in a new light.
It was then when I hit me. “Wait… since it gives me the ability to pull out my own personal belonging from my home, A.K.A my world, to this one and back, should it also mean that I can also send whatever else I have here back to my home as well? Like a letter or something?” I mentally wondered to myself.
At this point was I mentally kicking myself for not having figured something like this out much, much sooner than i had. Instead I was far more focused on the happenings and events around me, more focused on my current reality than giving this obvious ability my hat has some more thought.
I could have possibly wrote and sent a letter back to my world with the help of my hat’s ability explaining my situation to my no doubt worried family.
“Seriously, why haven’t I come up with this before?”
I groaned, continuously mentally beating myself for my stupidity and short sightedness. I eventually turned back to Shimmer next to me with a somewhat deadpan expression thanks to my predicament. I knew that Shimmer already told me that she was, in fact, one of the last persons to ask when it comes to the knowledge of Infinity Magic in general. But I still could ask her more in case she did actually know something, or better yet, know the specific answer that I am looking for regarding the question that is basically hammering my mind at this point.
“Shimmer, can I send things that are not from my home, TO my home, like a LETTER or something?” I question her which again caused her to look somewhat thoughtful for a few moments while looking at me.
“Again… I am not sure what you mean by home. But as far as I can understand your hat technically holds some kind of pocket dimensions where your storage options are basically unlimited.” Shimmer once again explained which immediately caused me to perk up on the specific answer she gave me, especially the way she did it as well.
“Wait… pocket dimension?” I asked again, to which she nodded.
“Well. yes… that’s the main characteristics of Infinity Magic that have been found in items and artifact enchanted with it.” Shimmer answered once more, which in turn made me move some pieces of the puzzle together in my head on what she meant by that.
“So wait… if… if what she explained is actually true, then… perhaps the idea that all of my items are actually not located back in my home but just copies of them existing within this sort of… pocket dimension that exists within my Hat?” I thought to myself as both disappointment and dread slightly creeped inside me at the concept that having a possible link back home was pretty much out the window.
Again, if her accounts are true, that is.
I blinked my eyes rapidly to clear these thoughts out of my mind to stay more focused on the here and now of our situation. As much as I would have loved to explore these concepts a bit further and hopefully disprove them somewhat, I am afraid that they would have to wait for another time, preferably after this adventure of mine is over and where I can test it better in peace back at AJ’s place by doing this letter of mine.
Right then I needed to focus more on how to get across this massive hole in front of us and finally get this stupid event over with.
“Hey, you ok there? You were… kind of spaced out there for a moment.” The voice of Shimmer suddenly sounded off, which also helped me get back into things as I looked back at her.
“Never mind me. I actually came up with an idea on how we can get both of us over this crevasse without me having to know how to fly.” I announced with a small smile added to it.
“Oh really? What is it, then?” She asked with a curious tilt of her head which I honestly found kind of cute on her. Which is surprising.
I nodded as I slowly inserted my hoof into the void and rummaged through it before eventually grabbing exactly what I was looking for. Again, strange since I have hooves.
I pulled out a decent sized coil of rope before presenting it to Shimmer next to me. Yes, I know it is kind of convenient that I was able to pull a rope out of my hat so conveniently in such a time and situation. But hey, I have what is basically a Hat Ex Machina, so I might as well take advantage of it when I can, plus it’s not really my fault that I remember seeing a cluster of ropes back at my home's attic in between all the other clutter that rest in peace up there. Really all I can say to this is that I am luck that I had or that I remembered having it in the first place.
“A rope? What are we supposed to do with a rope?” Shimmer asked me curiously as she examined the basic hemp type rope I held out in front of her.
“Well use it of course.” I began to looking around the area around the crevasse, specifically the left wall, which seemed to be still intact and looking somewhat stable.
“There!” I pointed out which at said wall which caused shimmer to look over here should to follow it. “There seems to be a thin line of flooring still attached and suspended above the hole, wide enough for a pony to stand and move on their hind legs.” I called out while shining my horn at it and confirming my claim to her.
Her eyes seemed to instantly light up as she most likely understood what my thought process was.
“Oh, I see what you are planning now. Yeah… yeah, I think this could work. I can just fly over to the other side and hold on to the other end of the rope so you can hold onto it for balance while you make it across.” She said before looking back to me for confirmation, which I gave to her in the form of a nod.
“Pretty much. it’s risky, but really, what choice do we have here?” I commented as slight nervousness made itself known inside me.
This was indeed a risky move, even more so given my problem of acrophobia, and the idea that I had absolutely no idea if the small outcrop of flooring was even stable enough to hold my weight, which is why the rope was placed into play, which to be honest didn’t really help much to boost my confidence with this idea. But then again, there seemed to be no other way. Another PERFECT example where having the ability to fly would be highly advantageous, acrophobia or not.
I sighed, shaking my head and building doubt away before handing… or, hoofing her one end of the large cluster of rope while I held onto mine. She nodded before taking her end with her mouth and quickly flying off to the other side of the crevasse on the left wall.
Wasting no more time I began to shine my glowing horn all across my surroundings to find a good, suitable spot to tie my end of the rope to.
Finding a still-useable iron handle on one of the smaller vault doors I promptly trotted over to it and set about tying my end of my rope around it, a bit of a difficult task given the fact that I had hooves and no fingers.
I looked over to my left, shined my light past the crevasse and along the left wall and saw that Shimmer managed to find a spot to tie her end of the rope as well as she waved at me with a smile.
“All ready over here.” She announced with an echo and gave a nod.
“Alright, I will now try to… we'll cross it the way I have planned to.” I shouted back as I made my way over to the left most edge.
“Alright… acrophobia… go fuck yourself.” I mentally swore as I ducked and moved myself past the rope towards the left wall before -slightly wobbly- getting on my hind legs and supporting myself with one hoof on the wall and one hoof on the rope.
The idea was that WHEN I would lose balance and fall backwards towards the abyss that would be behind me is that the thick rope hanging along behind me would prevent me from actually falling over and would also give me a chance to hold on when it went that far. Once again… with hooves.
“I really miss being bipedal.” I thought to myself in as I kept my back pressed against the wall while holding onto the rope with my hooves, making sure to NOT look down while sliding myself sideways along the remaining flooring of the… well, floor.
“Come on, just a little bit closer.” Shimmer said, trying to encourage me.
It kind of worked, to my surprise, as I found myself focused more on her voice rather than the predicament I found myself in.
With a last few steps of wall leaning I was finally on the other side. With a final step I made it off from the wall and the narrow floor as I let myself fall back on all fours with a bit of a huff. I only realized now how ‘on edge’ (bad pun) this whole ordeal made me, judging by just how much my heart wanted to rip itself out of my chest and the irregular breathing I was doing.
“Hey, you ok there, Nava?” Shimmer asked with concern as I felt her hoof touching my shoulder.
“Well… I am now, to be honest. Just glad that I finally got that whole ‘crossing a crevasse’ ordeal behind me. Damn my acrophobia.” I responded in between breaths before I forced myself to stand back straight while letting myself calm down a little bit more.
“You’re better now?” Shimmer asked again after a while, which made me nod and even smile at her for her concern.
“Yeah, I am better now, let’s… let’s just keep going now, shall we? Just a few more steps and hopefully this adventure of ours will be finally over. I really just wanna get back to bed.” I suggested openly as I decided to lead the way.
Shimmer quickly followed and we soon found ourselves walking deeper into the unknown as my horn continuously provided us with essential light within this almost unnatural darkness.
Actually, it did seem to be unnatural, now that I think about it. the deeper we went the less and less the large corridor around us got illuminated, despite the fact that the intensity of the light coming out from my horn hadn’t changed one bit ever since I woke up in the bottom of that canyon outside the castle ruins.
“This is FAR from natural, as far as I can tell. I’m slowly getting chills up and down my spine from all of this.” I thought to myself as one of said chills did run down my spine as if the air around us suddenly got colder, causing me to shiver slightly.
Shimmer, on the other hand (or hoof) didn’t seem to be much bothered by this at all, or didn’t even notice in the first place as she continued to look around herself as we went on and on.
“Good for her, I guess. At least one of us seems to sense something.” I thought as I slowly spotted something in front of us, something that was both off-putting and strangely intriguing, too.
The otherwise short distance of my light suddenly extended as the darkness in front of it seemed to be moving out of its way like a curtain. Saying that I was creeped out by this was… pretty accurate, as it caused me to stop dead in my tracks with a ‘what the fuck’ kind of impression on my face.
Shimmer seemed to notice too, as she stopped as well to look at me, her expression morphed in worry as I just stood there staring at the slowly revealing archway, with its metal doors long gone. One of which was even lying flat on the ground in front of it.
“Hey, why do you look so freaked out? Did you… did you see something?” Shimmer queried as her tone also betrayed her own concern.
I shook my head, refocusing back at the now fully exposed archway as the previously thick darkness, including the previous chill where all now completely gone. Even the soft sounds that sounded like whispering voices, now that I was thinking a bit more clearly again.
“Well… yes… kind of, but… n-now it’s all gone… as… as if nothing was there in the first place.” I answered her in between thoughts as I suddenly felt somewhat lightheaded.
“What the? What is suddenly happening to me? This… this is far from normal.” I thought to myself as I was suddenly feeling mentally tired and somewhat dizzy as well.
But just like with the shadows and the voices, it was suddenly all gone, just like that. Again, as if nothing had happened at all to begin with.
I was beyond confused and freaked out at this point, my rational senses telling me that something was seriously wrong here. Even my so-called Alicorn senses -as well as the signal that I have been sensing and following all this time- felt somewhat different as well. Like a card that suddenly got turned over.
“Well anyway, come on. It seems like whatever we have been looking for is just beyond that broken down main vault right in front of us. Let’s boot it, then.” Shimmer suddenly announced in a fit of excitement as she quickly began to lead the charge.
I just shook my head, suddenly feeling dread about all of this despite the long walk and troubles I had to go through just to get this far. With one final sigh I reluctantly followed her despite my instincts crying out to me otherwise.
I soon left the simple and very linear corridor of the vault and into a massive underground space with the ceiling being barely visible in some places, mainly the few cracks high above that filtered moonlight right into the chamber.
“If we would have known of these and somehow found them, wherever they might be within this castle, then our search for whatever would have been much shorter than it has been thanks to the maze-like architecture that this place has been built with. But then again… even if we did, how the heck would we have come down here in the first place? I cannot fly… not yet at least, and my rope isn’t really THAT long to reach so far down.” thought as I observed the opening above us and illuminating some few areas on the rough stone floor.
“Hey Nava, over here! I think I found something.” Shimmer suddenly shouted, which drew my attention -and train of thought- away from above.
I followed her sound, until I found her standing In front of what I could only describe as roughly cut stone seated lazily on top of a small rocky pedestal in the middle of the room.
The size of it was roughly the same as my hoof and looked more like a really raw-looking red gemstone, now that I was closer to it with my horn shining on it.
In fact, my horn immediately began to die down the moment I stood within reaching distance of whatever this weirdly shaped stone actually was, causing me to momentarily panic as everything around us was suddenly turned pitch black.
“What the? At the WORST possible TIME this stupid thing suddenly decides to run out of battery power in the middle of a pitch black underground space. I can’t see anything now.” I complained as i began to vigorously tap the tip of my horn despite the headache it was giving me.
“No problem, I can light up our surroundings as well.” I heard Shimmer suddenly announce as out of nowhere a golden-green hue dissipated the pitch-blackness around us.
I immediately stopped my slight panicking as I turned my head to look at its source, finding out that it was, in fact, Shimmer’s own curved horn illuminating this green light and giving everything this green glow, including the gem, which used to be red.
“How come you haven’t done that before?” I asked curiously, despite probably already knowing the answer to that.
She simply rubbed the back of her head before giving me a sheepish smile. “Well… it’s because us changelings have eyesight naturally suited for dark and gloomy areas. Whatever looks pitch black to you, looks perfectly fine for me.” She answered, which immediately confirmed my idea.
“Doesn’t really surprise me to know that. I mean ,your eyes already glow blue on their own nonstop. Of course you get night vision from that.” I commented before turning my attention back to the pebble sized gem, still tentatively seated on the moldy, old-looking pedestal it was on.
In fact, it really was just sitting on some old ugly piece of stone that looked older than these ruins themselves. No fancy decoration, no magical runes or words or whatever. Just an old looking piece of rock in the shape of a pedestal sticking out from the ground. In the middle of an empty oversized room, add to that.
This was strange. Why so much space for such a small little piece of rock with a red colored, unpolished gem in the middle? I could tell because by the looks of it the pedestal it was resting on seemed to be carved out from the very floor we were standing on itself, perfectly merging with it without any visible breakage, now that I had a closer look at it.
I stepped a little bit closer to have a more detailed look at the unpolished gem lazily sitting on top of it, when it suddenly happened. A sudden chill immediately run down my spine and I abruptly found myself mysteriously captivated by the shiny stone itself.
It was calling me, voices with an undecipherable language where whispering inside my mind when I looked firmly at it. The air around me began to thicken as the world suddenly began to shrink all around me until it was just me, the stone and pedestal it was on.
A small voice inside me was screaming at me to immediately look away and get away from shiny stone in front of me, but before I could even fully notice this small voice speaking in the back of my mind I already found myself reaching out for the stone with my right hoof before it literally hovered just above it, mere centimeters away from actually making contact.
My heart rate increased as sweat began to form on top of my forehead as my head slowly descended lower and lower to it. The shadows and whispering grew bigger and louder as everything seemed to go still for a moment.
It wasn’t me controlling my body at this point, it was something or someone else entirely.
“Nava… Nava, no! Nava, step away from it, do you hear me? Don’t touch it, it’s a…”
It was already too late. The moment my hoof rested upon the gem was the moment when all of my nerves immediately cried out all at once as a wave of unimaginable pain shot through my body with my vision suddenly exploding in a wave of crimson.
The eyes… Red soul piercing eyes, many of them were right in front of me, distorted and raw, glowing and absorbing my very being as I felt something RED leaving my form and into there hungry gazes.
The cries of a thousand echoed through my ears, the very last thing I could sense before it too was quickly drown out by a wave of unimaginable pain.
………………………………………………………………………………………
Shimmer on the other hoof could only watch in absolute horror as her friend was engulfed in a sea of red electricity and his face contorted into a silent scream. Both his eyes and mouth irradiated with light as something was being pulled out of them and into the now viciously crackling glowing gem before him. The vibrant colors of his mane and tail slowly turning dull and gray, his horn sparking magical energy like crazy as cracks started to form on it.
Something bad was happening here and it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. Nava was being drained of something… and it was slowly killing him.
“Why… why can’t I…I do anything?”
………………………………………………………………………………………
“Why the hay did I think finding him in the Everfree at NIGHT would be easy? The Everfree is freaking HUGE, for starters.” I mentally complained to myself as I continued to fly a safe distance away from the forest canopy below me. Not too low to allow… something to grab me but also not too high to make it impossible to even spot anything below it.
The air was cold and my eyes were heavy, but the drive of finding Nava kept me going, including the fear of what might happen if I didn’t. Again, a lot of ponies would think that I am crazy or that I might be completely overreacting to a nightmare I had about him being in serious trouble. They are ‘just dreams’, after all. Dreams that are ‘just fictional fabrication of somepony’s mind, reflection of somepony’s character and feelings and events that happened during the day or even far off in somepony’s life’, is it not? Well it’s true. It’s all true and frankly I fell somewhat crazy myself for even treating it AS anything else but that, but… but it’s just… I know what I saw wasn’t just a normal dream, I know that it was something far more than that in just how vivid and real it looked and felt.
I know I was just going on hunches and feelings here, but… I just knew that I was right, I knew that what I saw and felt was more than most ponies would interpret. I knew that Nava was in serious trouble and that I needed to somehow find him or risk never ever seeing him again.
A thought that only fueled my desire and will to push and follow on my hunch, despite my exhaustion and possible hypothermia with these temperatures out here.
“I really should have added some warm clothes to things to bring, Especially when these parts of Equestria can be really freaking cold when the sun dips down. I just hope that this doesn’t bite me in the flank… or worse, freezes it.” I thought to myself with a small shiver as I continued to fly above the Everfree forest while keeping a keen eye on anything that might give me some clues or answers.
Answers like a suddenly appearing beam of red light coming from deep within the forest in front of me.
I immediately stopped when it appeared out of nowhere, being momentarily stunned at what I saw while hovering in the air.
“What in Celestia’s name is THAT?” I basically asked out loud as I continued to stare at the beam of what seemed to be pure magical energy, completely dumbfounded.
I shook my head. “Whatever this is, I am positive that it is the clue or sign that I have been looking for this entire time. No doubt this has Nava written all over it, since I am pretty confident that such a huge amount of magic can only be achieved by someone or something that is extremely apt with magic in general A.K.A an Alicorn… an alicorn like Nava.”
With that idea and realization out of my system, I immediately gunned it, pushing myself to go as fast as I possibly could under my tired and sleep-deprived state towards the distant burst of raw magic coming from deep within the Everfree forest.
“I don’t know what I might find or encounter there, but I managed to push myself this far for the safety and well being of a friend. I can possibly back down now or even slow down, but I would never forgive myself if there was a chance that I could have made a difference but didn’t because I was too slow or too scared to do anything. I can’t back down now. Never!” Were my last thoughts as I was getting closer and closer to the source.
Spotting a large clearing with a complex set of ruins in the middle of it soon after, the very source of that magical outburst was that location.
Nava was definitely in there I just knew it.
“Cloud’s comin’ for you, Nava! Just hold on!” I shouted, my voice filled with determination.
Once again another chapter behind me. Hope you guys like the direction i am slowly going with this fic.
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Nice work on the pic Dodo.
No comments yet? Might as well take this opportunity to say, FIRST!
And, Nava is a Dodo!
you been to the Philippines? also neat his hat is like Wander's then.
Finally, we are getting to the main plot of the story, I can't wait to see what will happen next.
meh, I'm reading this because I like the style and it is one of the few good alicorn OC fics here but I honestly don't like the plot that much, but hey whatever floats your boat, I'm gonna read it but it isn't a high priority for me, I am very much an ass to please as I like very specific types of stories. Such as
'Rise of the Crystal Emperor' By the same author. meh, its more or less because I don't like the type of bad guy is this story if it was from the bady's perspective possible but it's not so meh. Sorry i tend to ramble but basically i like story's that are more or less like Rise of the Crystal Emperor rather than this one, it's still on my read list but it feels like Nava wasn't given a chance to understand what was happening at all it feels off, But like I said not my story and plenty of other people still like it, I still am keeping my Thumbs up on the Like section as I'm not that much of a dick but it's just on a lower priority than before.
I hope you don't take this criticism to heart as its just my preference.
Nava's magic side actually planned this... Just think, 'accidental' fall because his magic pulled him in; and now something is seen leaving him and entering the gem.
(Speculation)
7811250 I can generally understand what peoples mean when they say that Nava is "one of the good" or "acceptable Alicorn Oc's" out there. Unlike being OP as fuck (he probably is but has no idea what to do or how to use it) he is basically just a dork given demi-god like powers with absolutely no control over them. To top it all off, he is also an introvert, awkward, and somewhat of a coward some of the times.
He is basically or maybe feels much more "down to earth" compared to all the other. At least that is how I see it at this point.
7811303 ya i can see that.
I wonder what will happen when cloud and shimmer meet.
So... Countdown to Defcon 3? Cuz sugar Honey Iced tea will be hitting the fan shortly
Yes, Nava is an idiot. I like the picture tho.
“There!” I pointed out which at said wall which caused shimmer to look over here should to follow it.
*Capital S
7811053
Dude. Check his bio. He lives in the Philippines.
7811250
Aww... But we haven't fully revealed the villain yet. It'll be interesting~. And what we have planned will rock FiMfiction.
And did anyone get my Nava is a Dodo joke?
Well you could say that this chapter was a shocking experience.
I think the proper term is "Galerum est Deus"
7813018
No I diden't.
Look like Ion cannon shot from Epic Battle Fantasy 4...
7821847 Yes...all of it.
7822081 Dude take a break, don't read everything on one sitting.
Your ass will be thankful to you.
But yeah don't spoil the whole fic by trashing through it. There won't be a new chapter coming up this YEAR.
Nava you just had to touch the stone/gemstone
I loved this chapter can't wait for the next one. You're a fantastic writer
Oh and again
, I loved seeing all of your artwork at the end of each chapter, they were are all beautifully drawn, you're a fantastic drawer as well
7822104 What can I say I love reading your story, I simply cannot stop reading it
so umm, whoops
7824895 Well now you done it, you have reached the current end of the Fic and there is no new chapter of this fic this year.
7824900 Again, woops
on the bright side, next year is just around the corner 
I can wait
7824900 so there's a new chapter now
7877087 Ha
7878888 What, I don't know what you want.
No, that would be "hat from the machine". "Deus ex machina" is latin for "God from the machine" and refers to how, when they wrote themselves into a corner, playwrights would have an actor playing a god lowered from "the heavens" via crane ("the machine") to solve the problems.
Receiving a hat from some kind of stage apparatus isn't going to solve your problem... but receiving a god from a hat would... so it's a "Deus ex Hat".
(I looked up the latin for "Hat" on Google Translate, but the meaning wouldn't be at all obvious to an English speaker, so just use "Hat".)
To be honest, not really. I was holding out hope that you weren't hinting at what I thought you were hinting about but now it seems like you're starting up some kind of cliché old "big villain" conflict which will trample all over the less melodramatic "fish out of water" blend of conflicts that you spent the last novel worth of text getting your readers hooked on. (I say "last novel worth" because you've written about 130,000 words and a professional editor won't let first-time authors go over 120,000 per book.)
ADDED: Ruining a good, developing story by adding "a conflict" far too late is the #1 way I see non-professional authors messing up. (People who liked the first 130,000 words will feel that what follows is distracting from what they're used to, while people who might like the rest probably won't bother reading the first 130,000 to get to it.)
ADDED #2: To put it another way, no matter what your foreshadowing implies, the 130,000 words you spent on other things convinced the readers that, if there is any villain-like threat in this story, it's the threat of being discovered by Celestia and Luna. Changing that now just makes the story feel unsatisfying and incompetently written.
ADDED #3: I'm always reminded of this Nostalgia Critic line ("Oh no, the plot! Please, go away. We were having a good time.") when this happens because it's usually a result of the story developing a life of its own and then the author forcing it "back on track" to the detriment of the overall experience.
In case I wind up not coming back to this, I think I'll give it a thumbs down now and thumb it up later if I'm proven wrong.
7879347
I'd be happy to clarify (I honestly do want this story to turn out well) but you'll have to give me a bit more to go on.
What about what I said was unclear to you?
7879513 I added a possible villain because having an alicorn just appear out of nowhere would have been kind of...silly some peoples say. So I had to add a reason why Nava is there and most importantly why as a demi-god too.
The original concept for this story was just about a human turning into an alicorn for unknown reasons and having no idea how to control his powers while being somewhat of a socially awkward individual, and a bit of a pussy, while at the same time trying to make the best of it and face some challenges later on too. Basically a slice of life fic, with comedy and adventure.
But I was once again convinced that this fic (because the main character is technically a demi-god who has no clue whatsoever that it) needed a reason why he is there and how. So some kind of a villain having transported him there to use him and his powers was the suggested idea.
As of now I am really not sure what to do with the villain part myself. I would be forced to go back and do some MAJOR rewrites to get this whole villain thing out of the way, and I am to lazy for that.
So either I find a way to go around it somehow. Make this whole villain thing work or just accept it as it is and try to move on. Or in the worst case scenario I will be forced to cancel it because I would have literally lead myself into a corner, and to far away from the original path I wanted to take. Which would be a shame.
Actually now thinking about it...this fic already has a villain as it is, and it will be EVEN more apparent when you all read the next chapter that is coming up soon.
ITS GLADE. At least you all know who she is and parts of her past.
7879597 Before I address your concern, I'd like to make sure everyone's on the same page here:
1. There's nothing wrong with having a god as the protagonist as long as the kind of power he wields is either useless or counter-productive when it comes to solving the problems facing him. (The key is that it not be too easy for him. That's why stories about Discord making friends work. They're not your friends if you have to mess with their minds to get them to like you.)
(Or, to put it another way, none of Superman's powers can cure clinical depression.)
In this particular case, the driving conflict of the story is "Yanked away from home. Must either get home or make a new home." (This is a common driving conflict for HiE-style stories and works quite well.)
That presents itself in two sub-conflicts in this story:
1. He's stuck in a foreign land and has to either find a way home or make a new life for himself.
Being an untrained alicorn doesn't help him get home and makes it more difficult to settle into a new life because it complicates fitting in, so being a demi-god doesn't help here.
2. He's trying to hide from the authorities.
Without training, being an alicorn just makes that harder. Even if he was trained in the use of his abilities, the best he could hope for is reducing the problem to "I have to make enough friends and find a job"... which is more than enough conflict for various other stories on this site.
More importantly, no matter how powerful you are, it doesn't help when your friends can just get caught in the crossfire. (The aftermath in Cloudsdale perfectly illustrates that.)
That's why a villain is unnecessary for that goal.
Now, back to the point at hand...
Since you said laziness is a big factor, I won't suggest alternative, non-villain ways to get your character into Equestria as an alicorn (at least, not yet), but I honestly didn't feel like that needed to be covered so far.
You're the author. There's a lot you can get away with ignoring or delaying until the end of the story if you just treat it as unimportant with enough confidence.
In fact, I think it already feels like it pulls that off. From the very beginning, the bits of foreshadowing felt out of place and unnecessary. The story didn't dwell on the "why?" of how he wound up an alicorn in Equestria, so why should we?
(You can eventually give an explanation... it's just that making it a villain carries too much extra baggage. My favourite example was probably the one from Eric Flint's novel 1632, where a midwestern American town gets moved to Germany in the year 1632 because they had the bad luck to crash into a piece of multidimensional waste that was left tumbling through time and space by its irresponsible creators. Whether your explanation works is all in how you present it.)
Now, I have mixed feelings about the last few chapters, but I'll see what I can do to salvage them.
The problem is that, as much as I like Shimmer, I have trouble tamping down the Gary Stu warnings that flare in my brain from having something as suspiciously convenient as your character not only becoming a new alicorn in Equestria, but just randomly making friends with a changeling without any warning.
Either one of those things is usually enough for a story on its own and it really feels like the plot took a sharp turn when Nava started off into the Everfree... almost like you repurposed the beginning of a spin-off set in the same universe with only the most minor of edits.
That would be the best solution to make Shimmer feel appropriate. Have the whole story wrap up without an explanation for why Nava is in Equestria as an alicorn, then have him meet Shimmer in a sequel where his presence finally gets explained. I'm still not sure whether Glade would work as a reason, but that's more a case of "it's hard to make a villain interesting because they're such an old and tired concept" combined with "this spent 130,000 words being a slice-of-life story and those don't mix well with villains".
I honestly don't think it'd be very difficult to go back and pull the bits of foreshadowing from previous chapters. I don't remember there being very many and I don't remember them being very big or integral to the plot either. (Plus, you're already on thin ice with your thestral magitechineer. You've presented the thestral society in a way which threatens to steal the spotlight and having an actual character to embody it gives it a foot in the door so it can try to steal the spotlight.
(He's interesting enough that we are curious about how he and Twilight will interact, even though it would hurt the story overall because you're already spreading the spotlight between enough characters. He's the writing version of candy. Enticing... but it's bad for you.)
Anyway, assuming that you do keep these chapters in the story, what you want to do is reduce Glade to a villain of the week, more like Nightmare Moon or Sombra, so she can be a threat big enough to justify being used as a reason for his ascention to alicorn-hood, but she can also be defeated quickly (maybe 10,000 more words) so she doesn't kill off the slice-of-life feel of the story. (Maybe her defeat draws more unwanted attention to Nava. That would help to justify spending time humouring her subplot at the expense of the slice-of-life conflicts already in progress... even then, though, it would feel like things are moving too fast. He's just made friends with Rarity and we haven't had time to let that change settle first.)
It'd still be a good idea to remove the foreshadowing though. You don't foreshadow villains of the week. (Foreshadowing them further in advance than at the end of the previous "episode" makes them feel more important than they turn out to be... and that mismatch is unsatisfying even if you're happy to be rid of them so you can get back to "the good stuff".)
EDIT: Also, drawing attention to "Infinity Magic" is a questionable decision.
Giving him the freebie of being able to pull things out of his hat at the beginning, and then using it sparingly, was a "Just roll with it" sort of thing. It wasn't too big an issue and it made the story flow more nicely.
The more you draw attention to it and build it up as a big deal, the more you risk having it switch from being "a plot device to help the story flow without drawing too much attention" to "a cheap, inadequately justified trick". (In other words, "Silence, you fool! They bought it! Don't make them think about it again!")
7879695 Hmm, your right, the simply concept of him just struggling to get along in a new world, with a new body, new uncontrollable powers and with his own personal weaknesses is a a bit more interesting and fun to fallow. Plus it give the readers to focus on just one thing.
Also I do can see the reason why Nava in some way does feel like a Gary Stu with certain characters but in the same time it also kind of makes sense why ponies seem to like him so quickly.
Take shimmer for example, I did explain that prior to meeting Nava she had nothing but bad experiences dealing with other ponies simply because of her appearance and the unknown aspects of her race to the outside world entirely. The reason why she felt so trusting towards Nava so quickly is because Nava (unlike any other pony she came in contact with in the past.) did not treated her as a monster of a threat right from the start, he was actually quiet friendly to her and even gave her some compassion I.E positive emotions for her to feed on so to heal her injured head. Sure the compassion part was kind of accidental but its the action and thought that count int the end.
As for Nava in comparison he really didn't had much reason to fear her too, mostly because of prior knowledge he had of changelings and also because she talked to him first and didn't just attack him outright. She even showed that she was more afraid of him then he was to her at the end after she realized that she forgot to put her disguise on.
The only character so far that did kind of liked Nava out of the blue was actually Rainbow dash herself, well sure Rarity had the same out of the blue reaction as RD but the difference with RD and Rarity is that for starters rarity is a completely different character and personality to RD she is generous, well raised (I guess) and she was in the beginning more attracting to Nava because he is a handsome looking stallion, and in case you didn't know, there aren't really allot of stallion to go around in Ponyville at the first place. So having one appear out of noway that actually doesn't look to shabby she obviously will take the bait.
Furthermore about Glade, I never really planed to be a serious villain in the first place, in the beginning sure, for obvious reason but later both Nava and Glade will get themselves into a situation where they are alone and need to help one another to survive and get out from a situation and it is also during that event where I had planned to reveal more of Glades back story and show the reason as to why she is the way she is. Including Nava as well of course.
In fact from the very beginning I was planning to create a cast of OC characters around Nava with there own backstories and what not. I already have all of there backstories figures out, including shimmers and also Cloudchaser and Flitters backstory about there foalhood life's and what happened to there parents.
There has been TOO many stories where a human character fallows the main 6 around in the original timeline and I wanted to deviate from that cliche form the very beginning by switching it up with background characters and OC characters to fallow alone the main timeline. To add some history and world building toward other races and kingdoms outside Equestria as well. I am already doing so with two other fics I am currently writing as well.
But again, about the whole "Villain" situation that this fic seems to have I need to ask all the readers of this story as a whole of what they think. If this story needs a villain, or if its just more interesting to them to just fallow Nava around trying to make his best in this new world with his new powers while also sometimes fucking shit up and creating some chaos.
I actually don't mind that aspect of it so much.
Equestria is a friendly place, our hero is a member of the race that probably defines their ideal of beauty (which gives him an advantage there, even if he is underwhelming by alicorn standards), and the attention is unwanted. It's perfectly excusable as long as it either causes him problems or is neutral to his goals, so I don't see that as Sue-ish.
The problem with Shimmer isn't that he gets along with her... it's the concept of interacting with changelings outside canon events... especially in a friendly manner.
Having a single OC encounter two "write a whole story about this" points (new alicorn and befriending a changeling) in a single story is what puts it in danger of feeling Sue-ish or "red-and-black alicorn-ish". (It can be pulled off, but it takes a very skilled author to keep it from feeling like "Oh, look how important my OC is! He not only became the fourth alicorn in the known history of Equestria, the ungrateful bugger wasn't satisfied and also outdid the canon cast in changeling-befriending too!".)
That's then made worse because it violates the "single point of divergence" rule.
(When you write a fanfic, you get to "poke canon with the finger of
godauthor" exactly once, and then everything else must ripple out from that. It just doesn't feel believable that Shimmer was at the castle at that time in canon and there's no obvious reason why dropping your OC into Equestria would have caused her habits to change in a way that's so convenient for the author.)...though it is theoretically possible to have her habits change as a result of his arrival... you've just got to show the connections (preferrably starting early on) so the "single point of divergence" rule is satisfied. (eg. There could have been a scene in the first few chapters where someone was gossiping about having seen something. etc.)
Be very careful about that. Cloudchaser and Flitter work because they're ordinary "believable as background-in-canon" characters and you established them right at the beginning.
Your thestral characters work because they were introduced more or less right after Luna returned and they fit with the "evading the authorities" conflict because they are the authorities.
There are two problems with adding more characters now:
1. It feels like you're near or beyond the natural half-way point in the arc of the story (with the conclusion being "Nava has found a new place to belong". You could probably get away with "Nava is discovered" happening in a sequel) and you generally don't introduce new characters that late in the story.
(Ideally, you want to wind down your story and start a sequel every 120,000 words or so in order to give your readers a natural place to take a break and to ensure your plot arc doesn't start to drag on. That's why professional editors impose that limit on new authors.)
2. Adding too many characters with too much detail put into them will flood out the sense that this is an MLP fic, producing the #2 mistake I see in fanfiction after "I'll add a villain!".
That mistake is writing something where it feels like the author wrote an original story and then clothed it in a thin veneer of MLP (or whatever else) in order to trick people into reading it.
(eg. In the world of Harry Potter fanfiction, the most obvious signs you've made that mistake are adding Lord of the Rings-style elves to a non-crossover or sending Harry to school in America... both examples of the author forcing the story into what they are familiar with, rather than working within the framework it established.)
If you don't make it clear that you're going for an alternative feel from the very beginning (eg. as in Mendacity), then readers will quickly conclude that the setting and feel are canon-compliant and then lock that expectation in.
Stories with a lot of OCs also tend to make "we're going to focus on background characters" at least part of their "one free divergence". Dropping a formerly-human OC into the mix rules out that crutch.
With one of your main conflicts being "hide from the authorities", it's hard to believably inject background characters who aren't either "the authorities" (the thestral guards) or connected to Celestia (The Mane 6). (Because there's an implicit assumption that, if your story involves people that important, then it's not very plausible to also spend precious time focusing on completely unrelated and unimportant characters.)
The "this is Equestria" feel is already shaky because of how you put so much non-canon detail into the thestrals when the "one free divergence" was already spent dropping your OC into Equestria.
While not exactly something I had a problem with, I once saw a great video which pointed out how the stallions actually are there... it's just that Ponyville is a farming town and, in most of the scenes, the camera's in town while they're out in the fields.
7879892 Ahh screw it who cares. But still, I do feel that removing the big villain concept might be better. Just need to remove the foreshadowing and change some lines, and what about the whole. "Him going to the everfree to get his magic sucked out" I already have a solution on how to explain THAT.
Also it might be a good idea to add the alternative universe tag to it. Sense this might be Equestria its still not the same as the one in canon. His very presents has already diverted the original timeline.
7879942
Fair enough. Most of what I was saying boiled down to "You'll need to be careful about how you do that... here's why."
Just removing the big villain would definitely take you most of the way to "ideal" with very little effort.
I wonder what's gonna happen to the Twi and Gear working on blood weapons subplot now. And what is gonna happen to me?
7887876
Do you REALLY want to know?
I think you mean “it.”
I guess it helps that I’m here.
Wait what happened to his jacket since he tooked it off before doing this?
I’m not sure if that’s right or not.
Oh, I can help with that. -_-
In fact I did want to punch Nava for not doing anything with his unusual hat for a while already and ability to put stuff back was intended functionally if I remember it right. May not work, but he could have tested functionality of this hat weeks ago already. So, he really deserves it. -_-
8030033
their
But the highlight you drew depicts the red beam appearing behind Cloud.
camo.fimfiction.net/yfZgGaGQzQsB73miIfxcnfUAkGRPWZRKDDHA8f_9yBk?url=http%3A%2F%2Fpre15.deviantart.net%2F34a8%2Fth%2Fpre%2Ff%2F2016%2F356%2Ff%2F8%2Fsketch202133454_by_navanastra-dasj8np.png
Doesn't read Marvel comics aperently. XD